I showed DH your post here, Kirk & we both think that it is so cool that one of our barnwood birdhouses found a home in Washington state! Wow, it looks great in your Bart vignette! Love the rustic junk (art) that you've added to it! That bear is "perfect!"...& other cool rustic pcs that you put on the bdhse & post. TFS! I'm glad you enjoyed this bdhse inside your home & now the birds can enjoy it, too, outside! Hope it weathers well for you for a long, long time! TFS! Jeanne S.

That's horrible! I have no idea where anyone would turn to in this situation. Maybe the county health department? I hope someone can help.

dear justine grower, I have lurked at your last post and having witnessed the end of my mothers no good marriage, and remembering my position as her young daughter at the time, this is a I need to see through. I spoke to a friend of mine who is a psychologist, he says that your husband is displaying classic sociopathic behavior, he may not a murderer, but he is void of actual feeling, and everything and everyone is simply being kept neatly in their rightful place in his life because this is where they are in his mind. He will never divorce you, but you will never feel loved by him, you are there simply to play your role, as your daughter is. But I am afraid for your daughter, because when she develops into a young woman with wants and needs contrary to daddy's ideas for her, her self esteem will be crushed by him, because she will too, be kept neatly in place and eventually grow in to a woman who will not make a decision without, specifically, his direction. If this is the case for her, what will happen to her when something happens to him. She will never individuate from him, he will be the extension of her that gives direction to her life. May I ask, what happens when you have an idea concernign some decision for your daughter that he opposes? Does your idea stand a chance, or does he go on proving his postition by making you of no effect in the direction of her life, except when it corresponds with his ideas? I am sorry that you are sad, and that you feel the natural loving and maternal need to save him, or help him heal, but you need to realise that his way of thinking and analysing real llife aituations is not going to change, or even get better without some serious therapy, multiplied years of therapy, and he must be submissive at that, now honestly, do you really think this is possible? He feels safe only when things can be controlled, which is why he is great at work, there is no emotion to complicate the work environment, there is simply a formula to follow, the rules are straight laced, he walks the beaten path everyday, and can follow the same rules over and over and over again to make things work for him there without question. But with you, when he follows the same rules over and over and over again, there are questions, complications and unhappiness, which he cannot understand anyway 'I can't connect to his personality, he says one thing today and something else tomorrow, doesn't even remember or says 'well that was yesterday'. Sometimes I wonder who the hell he really is?' You are not loved, you are simply filling a role normal to an adult male in his adult male life. So is your daughter, 'Like he never memorizes things about me, after 10 years he still gets me wrong presents and red instead of white wine. He is not on my side if somebody hurts my feelings' It is obvious that your role as 'wife' in his life had been fashioned in his mind long before you even met him. You are in a position that fits no one but him, in his mind the wife he has isn;t anyone but someone he made up, I guess that you were the closest fit, or a woman who was easy to mold, or make fit into what he envisions. Was he abused as a child, why was his emotional development so stunted, that he plays life? You do realise that he isn't living it right? And I am sorry, but you cannot save him in time to save your daughter. Get out for your daughter's sake, even if you are convinced that you love him and want to see him better, then look on him and support his progress as a friend. Please get your daughter out of there.

Dear all, Thank you for your thoughtful comments. I know I wrote a long post, but mkroopy, I do not expect everyone would understand my position in a short post. Thank you Sylviatexas, Readinglady and Justmetoo. You have been very understanding. In explanation to my position : 1. Before I got married, my parents had warned me that is anything were to happen (Inter-racial marriages in my country had boast issues like this before) I am not to return home crying when my marriage fail. I know my parents loved me and meant well, they only warned me of what would happen and they were absolutely right. but they are now retired, I cannot bear to burden them with my issues. If I am to find money, it will be on my own responsibility. 2. Like I mentioned above, by Muslim law, a wife can only divorce her husband for several reasons. You can refer to this : "Men have the right to divorce. If a man dislikes keeping his marriage for any reason, he divorces his wife and compensates her financially by paying her what is termed mut'a payment. This is in addition to the regular financial sustenance for her living, in case she has the custody of their children. Divorce becomes in effect once the husband utters or writes down any of the legal formulae of divorce such as: �I divorce you� or �you are divorced��etc. The husband can do these either by himself or through a messenger. In case it is the woman's desire to end the marriage, the situation becomes different. Her reasons might be that she has received ill treatment, the husband is unable to sustain her financially or he is sexually impotent. She can prove these defects in front of the judge, then the judge grants her divorce with a full access to all her financial rights. Also, if the husband was good to her but she does not want to keep on for an emotional reason, then she asks for what is termed khul'. This means to be granted divorce but without any access for financial rights, plus paying back the husband the dowry that he already paid on marrying her." I have made it clear to my husband that I don't want anything from him if he divorces me, but it seems like he is smart, he knows I won't be able to find a reason to divorce but for emotional reasons. I'm sure do hope that I'm wrong; I hope he doesn't want my money, after all his late wife did leave some for him. I am just like a pawn, I am only to suffer in a position where there is nothing I can do. 3. To Justmetoo, the solution you proposed was exactly what I did. Like I mentioned above, after my parents told me to ignore her coz eventually she will leave, I did exactly that. I ignored her. I stopped whatever I did before ie.plates to the dishes, pick up your mess, ask for permission first, spend your money wisely, you don't need another concert etc, MY HUSBAND DEEMED ME UNCARING. And again I say, I had established an understanding that I am not going to do anything anymore to make it better with her, unless she starts to do so herself. This are how things are now, she doesn't need my permission for anything, and in fact even if she does ask me, it is because she was told to by her father. And even if she did, it was, "I'm going out now, Ok Annie?" or "I'm going to borrow the bathtub, OK?" or "Can you send me to my friend's house later?" I know because her father asks her to do so, she knows I was the one who made the changes in the first place, so she behaves worst. 4. About her mother's things, you are terribly right. It was definitely my fault for clearing up the things. I just couldn't bear to live in the bedroom, which is the house under he name willed to the daughter (we are moving out sometime in 2013, AT LAST =( ) with no where to put my things. I felt really not at peace living here, everywhere I look it was just her possessions and reminders of her. Like I said, my Husband seemed very ignorant about how I felt. He had in fact mentioned I didn't know her and had no rights to hate her. She cheated on him and I didn't, I still don't understand why I get treated as if I was the one who did him wrong. I hate her terribly, It was because of what she did, that my husband is bitter and refused to clear up the mess. It was his responsibility and he dutifully neglected it and left me with the bitter consequences. I was told that the daughter was not very close to the parents. In fact, with both working adults and one spending too much time with someone else, a lot of things were left to other people to be responsible for. The maid handles a lot of things and she was given all she wanted so she wouldn't whine and cause troubles to her parents. Most definitely, I read her blog and she wrote that "my mum bullies me and don't support me" and "I didn't cry when mummy died." In fact, there wasn't an issue at all, until I came in the house. God knows what did she realize, but I doubt she appreciated her mother much until she realized someone else became the new woman in the house. The only thing I can think of now, is to live like nothing happened. Ignorance is not my forte, my blood boils to see her mess and her unthoughtful attitude about eating her share of food at home. It's makes me terribly sad that my husband says I don't care for either of them. I would have to save up my money wisely, study hard and start building a better life for myself in the future. Meanwhile, I would just have to take everything thrown at me. PS : My husband has mentioned in the past the one thing he wont tolerate is cheating and that consents a divorce. I can't do that, and even if I faked it, the bad would just be reflected on me. My husband is very smart of pretending like everything is beautiful and on cloud 9 in front of people. No one would believe of his character or assume something is wrong with our marriage.