My DH would never do this and IMO, it's rude to do it at dinner. Of course, my DH doesn't even have a smart phone (he does play iPad games and use the computer). I am much worse than him about my phone... I am on it a lot when he's driving us places, although I really try not to be because I think it is rude of me to be on the phone when he's driving instead of chatting with him.

I would think setting "rules" would not go well though... Perhaps you could schedule a daily activity that you do together where devices inherently aren't involved?. My DH and I take our dogs for a walk together every single day that lasts at least 45 minutes and sometimes much longer. When you're out walking, you can't really use a device (lest you bump into things).

Phones at the table are an irritant to me. I do realize that sometimes they have to go on the table in restaurants because you can't always sit on them but they'd better not be used except to answer kid questions while waiting to be served. Last time it was "what's a swindle sheet"? I did not know! Now I do. Thanks cell phone, for bringing me and my children closer by enabling learning while waiting. :P

No cell phone at the table at home.

Our problem is more kids on computers. But it's easier to make rules for kids than spouses...

We always have had the rule of no phones at the table during meals, so we parents have also followed that rule. When DH and I are out on a date and DD is home alone, I do have my phone somewhere visible so I can see if she texts...but unless it's her, I don't read or answer texts or calls when we're out to dinner. DH hardly ever even brings his phone when we go out -- if one of the kids is going to text one of us, it will be me because they know DH doesn't tend to carry his phone with him.

I have had more of the opposite problem -- can't reach DH because his phone is always off, or away from him. It used to be a real problem, but he's gotten better.

DH and his ipad -- that's another story. Joined at the hip.

Both of us hate being interrupted when we are in the middle of a conversation or an activity so we haven't needed to adopt any rules, thank goodness. I have a very good friend that is the worst about checking her phone while we are having a restaurant meal together. When the behavior first began, I was annoyed that she couldn't put it away for an hour. Her children are adults and she's not an emergency responder, so there's no reason that her phone has to be welded to her hand. Now, I begrudgingly tolerate it, but I stop talking if she looks at her phone. Of course, maybe that's what she wants to happen...;-)

Yes, we have teenagers at home so we are very cognizant of modeling respectful cell phone use. No one brings it to the table. When dh & I are out, like Sueb, I have it on the table in case one of them needs me, but other than that...we don't use them at all during meals. When he gets home & we have drinks, we don't use them, and we don't use them walking the dog together. Pretty much the only time we use them in each other's presence is when we are watching TV, and one doesn't like what the other is watching. But that doesn't bother me. I would just tell him it bothers you...I bet he would voluntarily stop!

Appreciate hearing your opinions. Unfortunately asking for this behavior to stop hasn't worked so far. And also unfortunately going for a walk doesn't preclude the use of the phone. The only thing I've seen prevent the phone from coming out is the Catholic mass. He also doesn't use it much on the golf course. I don't play golf but sometimes I go and drive the cart so there is that.

On the topic of parents and kids and devices. Isn't it amazing that parents now need to always have that phone at the ready so the kids can reach them all the time? How did we all get along when we were kids and there was no such thing as a cell phone let alone a smart phone.

They are a blessing and a curse I think.

Yes, speaking of pay phones. I remember being out past the time I was supposed to be home in high school and trying to call home to let my mother know. Made the call on the pay phone and I could hear her but she couldn't hear me. I'm sure she was a wreck worrying about me back in the day. Now days she could track my every move.

It sounds tough: apart from the device itself there is an issue there of feeling heard and valued in general and that may warrant a tough talk, although I'm sorry your previous efforts to talk about it haven't been successful. It's funny how we can fall into habits that are easy but aren't very nurturing for our relationships, I know I have been guilty of that!

I spend way too much time on my device too but I put it down the second husband wants to talk and we do pretty well with respecting no phones at meals (or collaborative use eg looking stuff up together). I grew up with no tv, books or devices at the supper table and I plan to keep that with my family now. Breakfast was another story in our house and I can get not wanting to talk in the morning!

To DH's credit we had nice, quality, device free time this evening. Just happened without any special request. Don't get me wrong - he is a great guy. He just has a seriously inquiring mind and hand held access to the world is hard for him to resist. Plus he owns his own business and likes to be in contact with that all the time. Sigh....

My children have made a miraculous turnaround where devices are concerned. While devices have never been welcomed at the dinner table (breakfast does see them out though,) my children still spent too much time surfing from interesting thing to interesting thing- everything from cat videos to history lessons to wikis about the news of the day and social media, of course.

In the last few months the boys started to read more and more about the adverse effects of device time on attention span and they have decided to limit themselves as a result- they are not abstaining or anything like that- but much more open to hearing me tell them enough is enough.

I don't, but I should.

We both are self employed so breakfast out is often a fest of texting and looking up stuff for our businesses. It goes with that territory for us. If we have lunch or dinner out the phone is off.

I find trading things like if you turn off the cell I'll make you a dessert kind of thing helpful. As well I often help DH with stuff when he's very busy and he helps me as well. That takes the pressure off as well for the cells to be put away.

When my kids were in high school, we had phone rules: Phones were placed on the kitchen counter at 9:00. It was never an issue.

We've never had phones at the table; we've never discussed it, but positive dinner conversation is something we've always pushed with the kids. I remember one of my daughters had a friend over once -- this might've been 10 years ago -- and she brought a book to the table. I thought that was kind of weird, but I wasn't going to say anything to a guest. We talked and had a good time during the meal, and afterwards the little girl made me feel so bad: She said, "I wish I could eat with y'all all the time. You talk and have fun. At home my parents and I read, and my brother plays with his Nintendo DS." Poor kid.

I remember, too, going up to see my oldest daughter on a day out of school, and we went out to lunch at a little sandwich shop just off campus. One of my daughters noted that we were literally the only people who weren't on our phones.. We were the only people actually giving one another our full attention.

How did we all get along when we were kids and there was no such thing as a cell phone let alone a smart phone.

Personally, I think kids were happier pre-phone (they'd never believe that, of course). When I started teaching, kids talked to each other between classes; now they're glued to their phones, trying to make the most of that 6-minutes before the next class begins. I think kids used to be more attached to their friends, and today it seems that a fairly large number of kids have only surface-level friendships -- but, oh, they've seen every cat video out there. I am certain that some of our most vulnerable kids are using phones to hide: Being glued to your phone is a way of hiding that you don't really have anyone to sit with at lunch, for example. In a world where all too many kids are slipping away from us, phones are an easy mask.

And phones have opened us to the world of cyber-bullying. Not only can our most vulnerable kids be bullied at school, it can go on 24/7 ... and often it's all anonymous, which is uncomfortable on several levels. Teens are already hard-wired for drama, and the cell phone is just another tool. Yes, I am sure kids were happier pre-phone.

We were out to dinner with my oldest and her boyfriend last night. I was happy to see minimal use of the cell phones. The boyfriend works in real estate and he is on call 24/7 so I get him trying to be updated. A quick look r two is all that is needed.

I am opposite with Sueb. DH has his phone clipped to his hip. Mine will be in my bag. If a place is noisy, I will not hear it ring nor hear the text alert. I have a friend who always kept hers on the table because she kept close tabs on her son.

When we are sitting outside on our deck, I will often joke with DH about how he looks like a teenager, always on his phone! But, when we go out to dinner, He is not glued to them. DH does like to be available as he has his own business and things happen and it's best to handle them quickly.

WE are all spoiled now by quick immediate access. I remember waiting on the pickup line only to realize one of my DD"s was obviously stying later. A message was usually left on the house phone, of course too late. She was waiting for the payphone. So, when our two DD's got cell phones, I appreciated being able to know about last minute changes.

I remember years ago how things could get confused when meeting someone, or if you were running late. Nol way to correct the situation.

3Katz, I think your DH's reaction might have to do with how he is wired. If he is a take charge type of guy, he probably doesn't like being "told" what to do.

Is DH looking at work emails, texts etc? If you wait a while you might be able to approach him in a different more generic way. He should understand her dissatisfaction.

While we all dealt with things pre-cell phone, I don't think any of us would want to go back.

They are a blessing and a curse I think.

Uh huh!

No devices at meals, ever. Our kids are aghast and disapproving when they see kids on their phones out to dinner.

On schoolnights, no phones from when they get home until homework is done. And no electronics after 10pm. (HS). No electronics after 11 on weekends.

I am the worst offender, not my DH. I will be watching the news on my ipad, typing on my laptop, and texting on my phone all at once. Even when I try to get off my electronics, all things lead me back. Almost everything I have to do or want to do traces right back to the internet. And it has gotten worse now that I am on Twitter.

I never thought about it being rude to be on my phone while DH is driving, but that is actually a very good point that Beagles makes. I am going to stop that.

On the topic of parents and kids and devices. Isn't it amazing that parents now need to always have that phone at the ready so the kids can reach them all the time? How did we all get along when we were kids and there was no such thing as a cell phone let alone a smart phone.

^^ I totally agree, 3Katz! My friends and I often remark, with a level of jealousy, about how our parents went about their days when we were teens in the late eighties...untethered and blissfully ignorant. I feel this level of dependency on constant contact can't be a good thing developmentally for the teen, and emotionally for the parent. But it is definitely the new norm.

If my parents had been able to contact me via cell as a teen it may have prevented some grey hairs and blood pressure blowouts...

I just had a conversation with my husband about this very issue. I told him that I felt like our devices are dividing us. He started bringing his ipad to the dinner table, I started looking at my laptop. In the evening I am reading and he is glued to the ipad (not sure this is much different than couples divided by television). He often has his phone out at restaurants, but usually that is to discuss sports with our son...so I find myself taking my phone out. We are working on it. I used to make fun of him for his devotion to his very first blackberry (I called it a boysenberry to be obnoxious) and said that I was sure he would interrupt anything (and I mean even the most private moments) if that blasted thing were to alert him. I was a late adopter to smart phones and I love being able to find out anything I want anywhere I want. But I see the problem with screens interfering in relationships. When I had a doctor's appointment recently I feel like I got limited eye contact due to the doc needing to constantly look at the screen. I felt like I wasn't heard. Don't even get me started on young children and screen time!

we don't have them, DH and me. smartphones, iPads..we have flip phones, no internet plan

family and friends are sometimes very annoyed with us..:)

ok..I can't do things just so it'll become more convenient to them. I tried all my life, and now I want to do whatever's better to me. And that smartsphone's not better..of course it has many many pluses and useful apps, but I'm struggling with it..it makes me dizzy..if kids give me their phone because somebody who called them wants to talk to me too-it's like my brain is being drilled.

(regular cellphone btw I also avoid in the evenings when already tired. something with that sound that throws me off.)

as for my DH-he plainly hates the idea of being constanly "wired" to the world. I understand him..I also hate this idea. He works a lot a lot of hours..if he also had an iPhone he wouldn't sleep at all. There's this expectation nowadays, of everybody being constanly available..

Kids, they have their smartphones etc(their Dad is always giving them gadgets..he loves gadgets himself, so he likes to give them too). It s considered very rude to have them out during a meal

Last time we ate with relatives, and DD was very tired and a bit spaced out, so she checked her phone..I gave her The Look..:) they know The Look..:) was promptly hidden away

DS did start having a problem when younger teen with playing games too much. Nothing worked, it was hard for him to establish that self control. until we just became very strict and said " you have two hours two days a week, and three hours on Sunday" or something like this. That worked. Of course if he slips-he looses his other hours this week. So he learned not to.

Of course he's somebody who won't lie..so with him, it worked. He's like me-very compliant. Lying makes him so uncomfortable he tells truth just to escape this huge inner discomfort:)

He saw some relatives' kids recently and they're glued to their phones..they're younger though, approximately his age when it was hard for him to restrict the time with games...he said "so sad, their addiction is stronger than mine in their age"

Of course he still plays, twits, snapschats, whatnot, but he's in control...and he doesn't have much time for games anymore-school and work and sport..very busy.

He still texts me to let know he's safely here or there. I had the same thing with DD when she was younger. Now she just calls, almost every day.

When I was a teen I had this thing I should be at home by 10, or later 11 pm for example and if not there I call and let know where I am.

My late Dad had a very severe heart disease, anxiety could literally kill him..so yes, letting know that one's fine was strongly enforced. Telling bad news was slightly discouraged though..:)

So, they always mostly saw my sunny side up..my family I mean..

My kids share with me more..or so I think..

yes, times change

my Mom would go to swim in a river for several hours with other kids when she was five or so:) (almost drowned couple times btw..Grandma stayed blissfully ignorant

me, Mom already watched like a hawk when I was little and in the water. until I learnt to swim well. but we walked around the city and took buses since very young age and played a lot outside by ourselves..something that you won't see here usually. we were much more independent.

me, I'm a pretty anxious mother. I just try to keep it quiet. with some doubtful success:)

but I think it's important to understand somebody somewhere worries about you ..take a minute of your time and send this short text. If you already have tyour phone and all. Nobody's going to respect you less for that. It will be the other way around. Be considerate to others, and never be apologetic about it.

Now, I'd like others to be considerate to me too, and stop bugging me about how I must communicate with them in a way that will take minimum of their precious time.

I still have a cellphone, normal phone, a laptop with internet, and they're totally able to find me when needed. Winking and waving, I don't really understand. Wanna talk-talk. Not in the mood-don't talk. When I'm interested in talking I write them letters or dial their number..same if I'm worried about them. My Mom, I usually talk to her couple times a week, and if she doesn't pick the phone I write to her..same thing if she can't reach me.

My going off Facebook was very fruitful, since my brother came to visit us here at last. Otherwise everybody has this illusion of participating..ah we see the pictures, ah everybody's fine, ah why should we come then, plane's expensive, blah blah

I'm sorry but the plane expensive to me just the same..and I want to travel to other countries too..)) yet for years I chose my country and family to visit..

Time for them to choose me

So I guess they caught my drill. and having my brother here, even for a few days-that was happiness..We felt close again as we did when we were kids. It was real..

..wow, that was long. Sorry..

We don't allow phone use at meals at all, whether we are at home or out at a restaurant or anywhere else. Dh and I model that behavior. If dh and I are out somewhere, I will check my phone if it buzzes, but I only respond if it's 1) my kids and 2) whatever they are asking/needing needs a response. However, I either do so discreetly or excuse myself from the table or conversation in order to respond.

I've had the conversation many times with my kids that just b/c they know that they can reach me via my phone does NOT mean that they should feel free to call/text me and expect an immediate answer - nothing drives me crazier than when I'm on the way to pick them up from somewhere at say, 5pm and it's 5:02pm and I'm getting a text "Where are you?" I remind them that when I was there age, we'd have to just sit and wait until our parents got there and that more than likely, I'm IN the car on the way which means I'm driving and not going to answer a text.

My kids' phones are plugged in charging before bed, and I'm always the last to bed, so I check to make sure they are all charging. I'd say my kids fall more on the "more polite side" of phone etiquette WRT to the average teen, though that's not to say that I never have to remind them of polite behavior. They know to be engaged with their friends, not nose deep in phones, when hanging out together. They know not to be playing on their phone when someone is trying to have a conversation with them. They are not perfect, but they are generally pretty polite.

This reminds me of a conversation I just had with my college freshman. She is a long way from home, across the country, and living with three other roommates. Two went to h.s. together in the state where D is going to college, and the other is also from the East Coast, far from home. The mother of the other East Coaster told me that her D felt more comfortable with my D than the other two, that her D was a little bit of an introvert, was not a partier at all, etc. My D is also a bit of an introvert , however, she does love to be social, but really as to put herself out there to make friends, which can be hard for her. She actually told me after the second day, she was exhausted from being so "extroverted" since arriving on campus. When dropping her off at school, there was a weekend long parent orientation, which was when we met the other roommate's parents. I told my D what the other girl's mom had said, and told my D to try to include her in social stuff as much as she could. D likes her, but did say that she was a bit quiet and shy. So one night after dh and I had returned home, I was talking to D on the phone and asked how the roommates were all getting along. She told me how she and the one girl had gone out to dinner with some other girls from her dorm. And then said that the roommate was on the phone the entire time with her friends from back home and how rude and annoying it was. She said every once in a while the girl would contribute to the conversation but for the most part, was using her phone (I assume texting, but I don't know) with her sister and h.s. friends. UGH, surely not the way to make new friends! And in the room they share, constantly on FaceTime talking to her sister and friends back home. I'm sure she is a little homesick, but here she had gone out with some girls for dinner and rather than try to build new friendships, she mostly ignored them! This was a planned off campus dinner, not that they all just happened to sit together in the dining hall. I hope the girl realizes soon to put the phone/iPad/laptop away and engage with those around her.

No phones at dinner for us though the other night DH and I went to sit on the porch and he took the tablet out to keep up with a game so I wasn't thrilled about that. DH very much enjoys sports, which is great, but he's in a few fantasy leagues that get on my nerves at times. I can't complain about his phone use because he still uses a flip phone and probably will never switch to anything else unless he has to. He would enjoy a smartphone but says he wants his phone just for talking. Not a bad thing. Since finally getting a smartphone a few years back I use it more than I ever thought I would and have been trying to curb it.

Our kids are small so we don't have to mess with phones yet but I'm not looking forward to it. I do think life was easier without kids having smartphones. I'm so glad they weren't around for me. I'm now sure how active my parents would have been with watching over my usage and explaining all the cause and effect scenarios there could be. My mom's not techy at all. Dad is but I'm not sure how much he monitored us back during the days of ICQ and IM. How many parents today have no idea what their kids are doing on their phones and computers? Really I feel like smartphones just add one more layer of complexity to growing up. Why do we want to do that? I notice a lot of teens with faces in the phones over talking. More recently I found myself having a text conversation with a physical therapist regarding an appointment. That seems strange to me. I finally just picked up the phone and called.

I think we'll end up limiting the amount of time on electronic devices for our kids as well as when it's time to shut them off. I also don't see the need for them in their rooms, especially at night. DS has a tablet now but we purposely selected the Leapfrog Epic because of how detailed the parental control settings are. It's extremely customizable and we limit the usage on it. Go outside and play. Stay inside and play. I just want him to be active and do something. Truthfully I'm not real thrilled DS uses an ipad at school. (Not solely.) I know that's just where the world is at this point but I don't feel as though kids, especially a small child, even needs to know how to work the internet. I actually have the net shut off DS's tablet so there are just games loaded. I also think it's good for a kid to have to be a little 'bored' at times. We don't use electronic devices for entertainment purposes for car rides and waiting rooms. We did break the rule a few times for long vacation rides. DH was for it and I was all,"when we were kids we just had to be bored and wait it out." LOL. I would also be ok with it for a long plane ride.

I have a few friends that have their phones out too much when we're together. Most times I'll stop talking until they're done. I try to be mindful with my phone around others and in public but am certainly not perfect. I end up being that rude person at times, usually towards DH or my mom, when texting with my sister. Sometimes it really is just faster to pick up the phone and call!