Depression...another whine

8 years ago

For a long time, you think it's something that happened that you'll get better from, but you don't. When you realize that it probably won't ever truly go away, then you get really down about it.

It makes decisions very difficult.

It makes problems insurmountable. As in "there are too many brands of peanut butter and I don't know which one to buy"

It makes you focus on yourself when you've never, ever, done that before. Then you have no room to focus on your loved ones.

The tears seem to go on forever.

The future is bleak.

The meds poop out. Therapy just doesn't work. True happiness is rare. (About four years ago I was happy...like gleefully, joyfully, outstandingly happy for 30 seconds--true story)

Health stuff happens and you can't get yourself to pick up the phone to make an appointment, let alone go.

You get very very tired of fighting.

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Comments (3)

bleusblue2
8 years ago
Dear Penny -- I wish I had some advice for you. I have not had your kind of depression though I have friends who go through it. At the moment my friend Emilia, after years in and out of depression is in a good place and has been for some time. I think her meds are stable now and she is extremely active, riding her bicycle everywhere (she's over 50) and taking dancing lessons and swimming lessons at the Y and various places. I have had a few moments where I thought, this must be how she feels ALL the time and that is all the insight I have. When Emilia was at her worst, her sister tried to get her to go outside every single day. They slogged through it. Please keep trying. Keep calling the doctor mechanically until you get your meds right. I'm going to pray for you tonight.
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Original Author
8 years ago
last modified: 8 years ago
Bleusblue, thank you so much for your kind words. They actually made me tear up...

I do put one foot in front of the other as much as I can. Sometimes, that just means I get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Sometime that means that I can function near normally.

I think the fact that I remember what I was like (this has only been going on about 8 years) kind of makes it worse...

I do appreciate your words of encouragement.

I thought that writing things out might...I dunno...let the pain out a little.

Hugs...
jerseygirl07603 z6NJ
8 years ago
How to be happy is a common topic with my therapist. Her feeling is that we should hope to achieve a state of contentment and that happy moments happen from time to time with certain events - like we're happy to have a visit from a friend, we're happy on special occasions - weddings, births, etc.

To expect to be gleefully, joyously happy all the time is probably an unreasonable expectation. For me, just keeping on an even keel is a blessing, Getting the meds right is key, for me anyway, I wish you the best.
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