Don't second guess yourself! You will love it MORE after you actually move in. We custom built 17(!) years ago and I still love this house every single day! Our plan when our middle schooler goes to college is to downsize and I am actually sad thinking about that day when we move. And we still have at least 6 years left here! That being said I don't think anything is a "forever" house without changing. Since we have lived here we have redone almost everything from painting, to floors, to the kitchen to the baths, basement, etc. We changed the house for our needs over the years, the playroom became a game room, became a study, etc. We too spent 2 years in the design and build process. Honestly, very very few and minor regrets. Enjoy your home!

Oh I intend to enjoy my home but my question was more of are we enjoying the home because we feel the need to with warts and all, or because it truly is a home that works for us?

I guess I thought of the question because I've seen so many poorly designed homes. Some on here and many more when looking at some of the choices my neighbors have made. Things that made me scratch my head.

Just one example is someone I know is building a new custom home and to get to their bedroom, you first have to walk through a hallway with their master closets on either side.

Another person put a huge room between the master and the kids rooms upstairs with no windows in it so they can put in a game simulator. When you look at the house from the rear, it's like a huge 10' wall on the second floor.

Another home put in an elevator as a just in case, but to exit the elevator on the ground floor there is only 42" between the door and the stairway, so someone in a wheelchair would need to do a 3 point turn to get in or out of the elevator.

Another one has an elevator opening onto a wall. Again, unless the person is able bodied, they won't be able to maneuver.

Another person designed a huge house, yet her open kitchen has a U shaped island where the inside of the U isn't even a full 36" wide. That same person has a huge wall up in front of a window with a 36" wide "hallway". They intend to put a huge painting in front of the window.

Another person built a house with all but one window in the main part of the house (living/kitchen/dining) up at the 12' ceiling height. There are 10' wide sliders leading to a lanai area on the east wall. The room faces mostly east and the room gets almost no natural daylight.

So my thought was after the people move in, will they really love it and if so, is it because it works for them or because they spent all this time and money that they feel the need to love it?

Interesting question. I will be interested to read more replies.

My guess is that most people love their homes because they think their homes work for them. Whether or not that's true may be a different story. But the average person presumably builds the best house they can imagine (while taking into account their tastes, knowledge/experience, and budget), and for better or worse, gets the best house they can imagine.

Of course, I like to think most GardenWeb members rank a little higher than normal in the taste/knowledge categories.

I love my home because of the battle scars I went through to get here. In a sense I sometimes I feel like I have to love it. When people come over they ohh and ahh over the newness, the open floor, and the airy outdoor views. I wonder "are they just being nice?" I love it or at least I think I do. It's like a newborn baby, no one is going to tell you it's ugly. Somebody on this board once said something like " I made the best decisions with the choices that were available to me at the time." That's how I look at my house. I do love it. With all its imperfections and struggles. We worked hard to get here. I have to love it!

I need to add, I do love our floor plan, however there some unused spaces. We have a 3 year old and those spaces will come in handy someday! I feel like the house has good bones. After almost 2 months here I feel like it's a great place to call home. Oh, and my dog hasn't stopped smiling since she has tons of land and woods to roam!

Try not to think tooo much about it, it will only ruin your love for your new house

I don't think a lot of people even notice the things you are talking about. If they did, they wouldn't be picking the plans they pick. But I also don't think a lot of people understand floor plans and have no idea what it will really be like until it's built. The people with the poorly planned elevators may notice that it's difficult to get in and out of in a wheelchair once they are in a wheelchair, not before.

Since most people don't actually build their own houses, and are looking at houses that are already built, if something really stands out as a flaw to them, they may not buy the house.

Because you notice a lot of things, you are going to notice that your house isn't perfect. That doesn't mean that it's imperfect enough that you have to dislike it or change anything. My parents said soon after they moved they would have handled the bathrooms differently...but they were original 46 years later when the house was sold.

I can't speak to a custom house, but I can talk about our kitchen remodel. After 4 years, I still have days when I open a drawer or door and think "I love this part of my new kitchen!"

Knowing how much thought and consideration you have put into your home, cpartist, I'm confident that you will feel the same way about your lovely new home in 5 years!

We are in a rental house and in the process of building. We sold our last house in November which we also built. I loved that house. There were a few things I would have changed but for the most part it worked great for that time in our lives. We were there for 14 years until DH got a new job and it required us to move. It also coincided with getting our last off to college. It was way too much house for just the 2 of us. We used only about half the house. That house we contracted ourselves with the help of a friend who was a contractor. This time we are using a builder and I second guess myself about everything on a daily basis. Right now it is barely a shell. Our last house had all the bells and whistles. This next house is the opposite. Much more simple. I hope I love it as much as my last house.

I think most people love the house they build. It may not be the house for everyone but it works for them and thats whats important.

I suspect I will love my new house after the pain of the build process wears off. But it's gonna take a while.

well it's easy to love something..give it your heart and you'll love it..true with people, true with houses

our house, we didn't exactly built it..we re-built it, added, re-designed some parts, but many givens were there already

i'm not sure we did a smart thing at all by the way:)

but we loved it when we bought it, and loved it when we remodeled it, and love it now

there's something calming about it..when remodeling it was so energy draining, I was close to burning it to the ground..until I got there(we were on the site a lot as you can imagine). It's this strange sense of having a connection with the place, even when the place is a shell with studs, and a blue port-a-potty outside. You feel it. It feels you. Who knows why.

It's very far from being all that..the neighborhood is good but nothing posh about it(the previous one was more upscale)..it doesn't have a view..it's a rather modest house-we did our best with it, but were careful not to overbuild

it just felt like ours

i don't need to do anything, actually I'm constantly preparing myself to leave as i don't believe in forever houses. except those that don't exactly look like houses:) so it tells me I really love it. That's how I am when I love somebody.

but it felt like a right place to live. not very logical, it just did. it was wrong on many accounts but the more i saw shortcomings the less i cared. With all the other houses we considered it was the other way around.

ok i'll be honest-it felt like a good place to die too

even though it's not in my plans

but i took it into account

so I agree with Virgil-it depends..and I agree with you-it does feel a bit like a spouse..:)

but the kind you're okay needing to love. you find it easy. the hoops are tiresome but fun when you look back. you hear each other. even when you don't say a word

and the house stays there for you, quietly mischievous, ours is. stays itself.

that's a good thing

that's a sign of creation. you think you participated a lot, and you did-yet it has a mind of its own. a life of its own. whether it's a child, an art, or a house

Most people are not as picky as you and I are. They are just thrilled with what they got and don't know the difference or really care. I was astounded that a very wealthy, sophisticated woman I know was shown 3 styles of faucets for her new bathroom and chose the one she liked best. Me? I spent WEEKS looking both online and in person at every single fixture made in the world! And I got exactly what I wanted. She just didn't care that much.

My parents built two houses - only one did they see to completion and live in as my father was transferred to another city and they sold it unfinished. Did they love that house. NO! It was one huge compromise after another and there were no houses available to buy in the new town (telephone company moved 100 families to a town of about 75,000 -- not that many suitable homes for sale).

I agonized over my new kitchen for months before starting the remodel last year. As they were installing it, there were many things I didn't like. In the end, they fixed them all to my satisfaction and a year later, I never walk into that kitchen without loving it. I would not change a thing even if I'd had a MUCH larger budget.

Anglophilia: I agree with your last statement and catch myself saying it often. Even if I had a larger budget I wouldn't have done much different. I too researched and and tried as best I could to get the best products that suited my style and need. I smile in my kitchen because it's everything I ever wanted/needed. I loved our last house and always said I never needed more space I just needed better space. Our old house was a 100 year old craftsman. It was gorgeous but the layout was not functional and it would have cost a fortune to renovate.

You're going to love your home because it'll emphasize the things you personally value most ... whether it's a huge closet, a gourmet kitchen, space for your big screen TV, or the perfect back yard, you're getting the things that matter most to you.

Finished 2 years ago. I like it! I don't "love" it. We are still doing the landscaping and I have not finished decorating.

So for us it's really about "is it worth it." Building a truly custom home in a hcol area is expensive. It didn't damage our finances, but there are some opportunity costs. And spending such a crazy amount of time and psychic energy - is this the bathroom tile I ended up with? How did that happen?? That kind of thing.

I am not thinking *forever home.* Not that I am a forever home kind of person. But I was expecting to be more attached to my end result. Well, maybe I will be when it is truly done!

Continued!

Forgot to add...

I was, (or maybe we were) blinded by the architecture. We were paying A LOT of money to an architect and, it being our first truly custom home, we were anxious to get something special. Well, it costs a lot to heat. Okay, not the end of the world. But really, to keep it toasty in the winter, it's 3x what our old home was, and that was bigger. It's twice if we keep the temp at 67. So not terrible, but it's kind of annoying. Some of that is the type of heat and climate. But still...

As for Floorplan, ok. Not perfect, and we agonized for weeks.

That's how I look at my house. I do love it. With all its imperfections and struggles. We worked hard to get here. I have to love it!

Winosue, your last sentence is the crux of my question. :)

I don't think a lot of people even notice the things you are talking about. If they did, they wouldn't be picking the plans they pick. But I also don't think a lot of people understand floor plans and have no idea what it will really be like until it's built.

We looked at a townhouse that was just being planned before deciding to build. I looked at the floor plans.

The first floor was a 2 car garage, bath and a bedroom/office. It had an elevator by the staircase

The second floor was the living room/dining room/kitchen.

Third floor was the guest bedroom with a bath and the master suite.

Top floor was outdoor living space. The only problem was to get from the second floor to the roof, if you were using the stairs, you had to walk through the master bedroom.

And if you used the elevator to get from the second floor to the bedroom floor, you had to go through the master bedroom to get from the elevator to the guest bedroom. No joke!

Because you notice a lot of things, you are going to notice that your house isn't perfect. That doesn't mean that it's imperfect enough that you have to dislike it or change anything

Yes there are a few things wrong. Mostly because of mistakes the draftsman did. Oh well. I'm stuck with them now and I will most likely love the house.

Most people are not as picky as you and I are. They are just thrilled with what they got and don't know the difference or really care. I was astounded that a very wealthy, sophisticated woman I know was shown 3 styles of faucets for her new bathroom and chose the one she liked best. Me? I spent WEEKS looking both online and in person at every single fixture made in the world! And I got exactly what I wanted. She just didn't care that much.

You make a good point anglo. My DH couldn't tell you the difference between faucets, or cabinet woods or... Like you, I spend weeks agonizing over every detail.

Good points mrspete, although like with anything there are always some compromises. The warts and all part is what I'm discussing.

As for Floorplan, ok. Not perfect, and we agonized for weeks.

JN, what would you do differently? What would make you love it?

Cpartist, I understand your thoughts and I think there is always some trepidation. I know I have some even though we spent years of planning getting it just right for us and I absolutely love how it is progressing. Of course there were compromises along the way. But Its to the point that I can imagine us living in it. That said, I am sure there will be a few things we might not like as well as hoped, but I hope that's balanced with some things we love even more than expected and we've already had one very pleasant surprise -- the areas leading from the walk-out basement below the cantilevered living room, master and deck will be an unexpected oasis of a creekside patio that I couldn't imagine until I stood out there.

Will it be perfect, probably not, will I still love it? yes! (At least I hope so).

As for Floorplan, ok. Not perfect, and we agonized for weeks.

JN, what would you do differently? What would make you love it?

####

Well, I can't peck a whole treatise out on my phone...

1. Thought we needed a door to the side yard thru the laundry for the dog. It caused a loss of counter area and cabinet space. We have never used the door!

2. The master shower is too big. 36" x 96"? It should be smaller and the space should be a linen closet.

3. The original plans were "pulled in" (2 bump outs eliminated) which caused the master bath difficulties. This also shrunk the stairwell and a guest room, among other things. I don't think this really saved any money in the end.

Tremendously interesting question you pose. Virgil's right; there can be no blanket answer.
Here's what I think
If you apply yourself well to the design and build process, generally, you will love the house, not because you feel you must, but because it will be, in many aspects, the house that you want, the house that suits you. There will be imperfections, the world is full of them, but the decision to love something regardless of imperfections is not necessarily guilty-based (I spent a great deal of time and money on this, so I *have to* love it, is guilt). Rather I think it stems from a recognition of the fact that life is not perfect, and if you prioritise, and ensure the main issues are dealt with, the menial ones will sometimes work out and other times, won't be a great bother
If you don't invest yourself in your build, if you spend thousands on an elevator and don't leave enough space around it, you clearly don't know better, and that's either coupled with not caring enough, not looking for better ways, or with realisation and regret in the end, and a never ending list of could-haves and should-haves. In the first case, with people blinded by ignorance, I would think not all would love their houses greatly, but the house-love of those who do would not be guilt-based. people who don't know any better are seldom quite dissatisfied. In the second, people would either try changing the situation, or accepting it. of these too, some will not love their houses, others will. and only some of these, would I think, feel the need, however consciously, to 'put on a good face' or make themselves love a house

We all try to justify major purchases, to be sure that we did the 'right' thing. When you buy a new car, you focus on the positives, and try to minimize the negatives. A house is so much more of a purchase, and a relatively permanent one at that. Add to it a custom house, designed specifically for you, and the stakes become rather high.

We bought land in another state, I designed our house myself (with a lot of input from GW), built it myself, then we had to find jobs here. Think there's much at stake here? We HAVE to like our new state, neighborhood, and home!

And we do. The house functions exactly as planned, and is even better than we though possible. We truly do love everything about it. If I could change anything, it would be to have a second bedroom as an 'away' space. It just wouldn't have worked with our floor plan (or budget). Help is on the way, as I am working on a finished bedroom and bathroom in the basement as we speak (type?)

We are blessed beyond our wildest dreams. Beautiful, private land, a huge barn for a workshop, a lovely (to us) custom home that is amazingly energy efficient, we have have terrific neighbors! Some people call the glass half empty, some call it half full; I'm just happy to have a glass and some water!

Well, I can't peck a whole treatise out on my phone...

1. Thought we needed a door to the side yard thru the laundry for the dog. It caused a loss of counter area and cabinet space. We have never used the door!

I hear you. We're putting in an opening under the stairs. Hoping our dog uses it. Otherwise it's an expensive hole in the wall.

2. The master shower is too big. 36" x 96"? It should be smaller and the space should be a linen closet.

That is large. Could it be changed now?

3. The original plans were "pulled in" (2 bump outs eliminated) which caused the master bath difficulties. This also shrunk the stairwell and a guest room, among other things. I don't think this really saved any money in the end.

Interesting. I'm wondering how I'll feel about certain things that had to be changed based on the draftsman screwing up. Thank you for your honesty.

There will be imperfections, the world is full of them, but the decision to love something regardless of imperfections is not necessarily guilty-based (I spent a great deal of time and money on this, so I *have to* love it, is guilt). Rather I think it stems from a recognition of the fact that life is not perfect, and if you prioritise, and ensure the main issues are dealt with, the menial ones will sometimes work out and other times, won't be a great bother

Excellent point! After all, I do love DH and while he claims to be perfect...

If you don't invest yourself in your build, if you spend thousands on an elevator and don't leave enough space around it, you clearly don't know better, and that's either coupled with not caring enough, not looking for better ways, or with realisation and regret in the end, and a never ending list of could-haves and should-haves

Unfortunately, I think in this case it was that the persons building don't have the visual eye to realize it might be a problem.

Heck even I missed a few things. One example: I had insisted that all hallways be a minimum of 42" wide. I missed on the plans that the hallway to my master was only 39" wide. If we had shifted the wall, by the 3", my exterior would have lost only 3" but my hallway would have been the size I wanted. (And I do have the visual eye and thought I measured on the plans!)

So will that forever haunt me? Probably not, but I will know forever that it should have been wider.

And then the question becomes are we just accepting the imperfections because we don't have a choice? So for example, the 39" hallway, or the window over my stair landing higher than I wanted because the draftsman messed up? Or the person's elevator only 42" from the staircase?

Some people call the glass half empty, some call it half full; I'm just happy to have a glass and some water!

I like the way you think!

"I hear you. We're putting in an opening under the stairs. Hoping our dog uses it. Otherwise it's an expensive hole in the wall."

We are building a couple tunnels for the cat.

When the bathroom first started to fail there was a hole made through the mortar bed tile floor that couldn't be fully covered. The cat was desperate to get down in there and eventually we let her.

When we buttoned up the holes during the remodel she was beside herself.

So next to the toilet behind the bathtub there is:

A tiled niche.

The back of the niche has a little door that will be faced in a custom piece of Corian shaped like tiles. It will have a little Corian knob sticking up so we can pull it closed from inside the bathroom

There will be an open ended Formica lined tunnel from there into the master closet. It will have to be movable for access to the plumbing. There will have to be a finished opening in cedar in the closet. In the closet she may actually get a recess in the floor. The master closet door will have to have a little door in it for her to get all the way from one room to another.

All accomplished in minimal modernist detail. No casings or extra trim.

"After all, I do love DH and while he claims to be perfect..."
LOL!

"...the persons building don't have the visual eye to realize it might be a problem"
You're right, it's not something they'd notice in the least, and there are many examples of such issues. hopefully they won't ever need a wheelchair, but if it should happen, oh this is why good design pros are invaluable.

And hoorah for wide hallways!!!!

Back to the original question, I feel that many people have sometimes unwarranted affection for very expensive but unreliable, balky or temperamental appliances: Vikings where the hinges freeze shut or overheat their own electronics, Subzeros that need new compressors or fans, French or professional ranges that display bizarre behaviors, DW that you have to do strange maintenance to.

I am guilty of this. I had a Subzero that needed several maintenance calls. On one level I still loved it. On another level I was afraid of offending it so it would keep working. I had a Miele DW that needed salt treatments, I had an Asko condensing dryer that had a condenser cassette that needed to be taken out by unscrewing part of the carcass, and washed to remove all the lint. I had all these appliances for space reasons (27" x24"; 18" wide) or inability to vent (the dryer) not because they were fancy. But still most people would kick appliances like this to the curb. But since we paid a lot for them we keep them

(They were all Great appliances in terms of doing their jobs).

My dad had a Jeep Wagoneer that was extremely unreliable. The electronics would go bad, the ceiling light caught fire, the doors would fill up with water, the radio went on full blast one day and would not turn off. He loved that car and still talks about how great it is. On the other hand we had a Volvo that had many fewer problems and one day he drove it to a dealer in a fit of temper and traded it for an SUV my mom couldn't even get into. He still talks about how bad a car it was when it was much better than the Jeep.

When I had a active interior design business, one of the first things I told my clients to do was go buy a huge pile of shelter magazines and start clipping everything that was appealing to them. I started one 50 years ago -- threw out over 18 yrs worth of clippings during a major "pity party", but started one again in 1981 and still have it (all this pre-Pinterest). I tell them by doing this they will: 1 - help me know what they like with a picture, not words; 2 - make their mistakes clipping not in real life.

When people ask me how I'm always so pleased with the results of my own decorating, I tell them it's because all those mistakes were made in my files, and that by the time I actually did the work, I truly knew exactly what I wanted. I cannot tell you how well this works!

If I can't fall asleep at night, instead of "counting sheep", I go, room-by-room though my house and think about changes I might make. They change over the years, but when I finally have the money to make those changes, I have gotten them right.

Most people are not that obsessive and that's most likely a good thing. I drive my own family crazy....

We are building a couple tunnels for the cat.

That's adorable!

We "built" the house we live in now, tract home in new neighborhood, with some customization. House conversations with friends and neighbors always have regrets in there. Bump-outs, boneheaded designs we should have caught, upgrades that should have been made, upgrades that aren't worth it... the list goes on. Based on our experiences here, I already know there will be design / decor issues that will have D'oh! moments. It's impossible to think about EVERYthing. I think we've hit all the major points, and have enough flexibility to change in the future. Our lives changed quite a bit in the 6 years since building (the once large pantry is now crammed because I now do the majority of grocery shopping at Costco and that not change for at least 15 years for example). I can't see into the future, but we learned from this build, and kept the evolution of our family in mind with our design.

1) The architect/draftsman is only as good as the information provided. They don't know us, or live our lives, ( I wonder if there'd be a benefit to having separate design consultations with the clients, much like relationship counseling, to get a really clear picture, lol), which is why we rely on their education and expertise.

2) The reason copy editors exist: to catch the technical mistakes writers make, and can no longer "see" due to closeness to the project. Same reason med errors occur. I think when we originally like a design, then look at it, dream about it, obsess over it, we can't "see" the flaws or potential problems that others might. Hence all the floor plan critique posts here. I think too, that online and builder plans lull us into a false sense of security- "they design and build houses all the time, they're experts, hundreds of people have bought the design, what could go wrong?!" We found that customizing our builders plan threw them for a loop, and didn't realize it would do so, until after the house was built, and weird things weren't right; towel bar location, depth o linen closet, outlets, etc.

3) We are often playing on tilt. We're all living SOMEwhere, right now, and designing a new place to live, with many features that we love (or would love to have) or without the ones we loathe, those HTOD, that we obsess over in our current or past homes.

Finally, the same way any artist of any medium does, we aren't always satisfied with the end result of a project. Sometimes you just have to be DONE, even if to your artists eye, you could have kept going.

Having said all that, I know there's going to be some regrets, but hopefully -I believe- the joy will outweigh them!

My husband and I sketched, researched and worked with our builder extensively before we built our home. We could have continued that process indefinitely! We LOVED how it turned out and loved the details we added. We drew every shelf and cabinet in the entire home and had a custom cabinet maker make them and it was less expensive than purchasing from the med-high end cabinet store. There are many things that in an ideal world could have been different -- 6 inches here and there, etc. But when I remember our reasons for the decisions, I still stand with the decision. For example: I would prefer the windows on the back of the dining and living area be wall to wall and floor to ceiling. But we live near the gulf coast and it was more important to us to have impact resistant AND not excessive in cost. The house has plenty of light and the decision is fine. We also squeezed out as much square footage as possible while still building a lovely home. We chose to have our guest bathroom also serve as the powder bath. We put in a nice custom shower. I wish 2 of my kitchen cabinets were drawers instead, and I read many directives to do just that, but I was concerned so I left 2 as cabinets and the rest drawers. I wanted the master to be a "retreat" and determined that 15'x 16' was ideal and it is, for me. So what! -- I have a beautiful and very secure home that I enjoy every day! The most important of these decisions is that we made them with our later years in mind - security, cost, location, maintenance needs, energy efficiency, wheelchair accessible, etc. And it has unfortunately been a very important blessing because I lost my husband unexpectedly after we were in the home for 4 years. I consider my home and all of our planning to be a wonderful gift to me in the wake of the greatest loss of my life.

trifecta264, my condolences.

S, I do believe the joy will outweigh the oopses and the should haves.

Trifecta, sorry to hear that. May you have many more years in the house, remembering him