Read your post on the other thread a couple days ago. Had the same reaction as Tina ... Wow!

I'm sure your daughter will eventually settle into the idea. Hopefully sooner than later.

when people try to move on after they break off a relationship, too often they're given advice to do everything connected to moving on.

What works much better though quite often is a seemingly paradoxical advice. Linger on. Don't burn pics, don't tear photos. If you want to write a letter-write, every day if you wish so..just don't hit "send". If you want to cry-cry.

Eventually you'll walk away. On your own time, without doing silly things, and with a lightened heart.

I think the same way this can be taken maybe with your DD..much like Marina and eld said. She need to process..and time to process. And it's fine. Give her plenty of opportunity to talk about it. If she wishes. Maybe encourage her to take pics of the house, to draw the house if she likes to draw...to write about the house..or just don't pressure her and she'll figure that on her own. Maybe much sooner than you think..because she had her time and opportunity to cry.

Houses are very powerful..not by themselves but we make them so..and some of us, more than others, for various reasons.

Your house signifies a lot for her. She needs to make sure she still has this meaning, whether she stays in that very house or not.

Houses can be taken from us any moment. If you think about it. Meaning takes longer. It's also harder to get than the house itself, sometimes:) So it's okay if it takes time.

Thanks for your feedback. And just as quickly, we changed our minds. Too much to go into but there were a couple of aspects about the house that weren't sitting right for us, and after talking about them more, we decided that to move at this time, everything would have to be just right (we are good with the kitchen Reno, but there were a couple other silly things that couldn't be changed that would bug us, I think, over time).

I wouldn't worry about it too much. She'll have time to get familiar and hopefully even like the new home by the time the remodel is done and it's time to move.

When my in-laws at 70 decided to move it threw everyone. They decided to live in a town with a grocery/hospital etc. instead of the very small hamlet where they raised their children. Selling that childhood home was a death for all four very grown offspring. Because of the sale their draw back to mom and dad was lessened. When they died 30 days apart they only had two losses when it went to selling the new house. It was never their home. I TOTALLY understand your perspective, but don't underestimate the impact such a move could have.

Sueb - you know the right place will come along, perhaps when you least expect it.

It's funny how kids react. Mine are all in their 30's and all own their own homes but this is the house they grew up in. When we moved here the boys were 4 and 2 and DD was born a month after we moved in so this is the home they've known for 34 years. They would all prefer we stay because this is the gathering place for family events - birthdays and holidays, afternoon swim parties, evenings in the hot tub with pizza and beer. I have been fortunate because they have always managed to be here on Christmas morning for our big breakfast followed by a leisurely opening of gifts. Only one is married and DDIL's family celebrate in the afternoon so it has always worked out.

But son #2 has surprised me with his reaction to the move. We've asked all of them what they would like from the house and there is plenty to get rid of. We're going from 3500 sq ft with 5 bedrooms to 2300 sq ft, 3 Bedrooms, a loft, and a large living/dining room and a family room open to the kitchen. We'll still have plenty of room for gatherings and it's only 8 more miles. But my son has been fairly quiet when I ask if there's anything he'd like - he usually says that he'd like us to just stay put and that he doesn't like change. And the few things that he has taken seem to be sentimental favorites - the toy box my Dad made for me when I was a kid, a framed photo of a fishing trip when the guys caught 60 dolphin fish (Mahi-mahi) off the coast of N. Carolina, a small needlepoint that I made before he was even born. It has hit him doubly hard because my other son only lived a block away from him in the city and now he too is moving to the suburbs to start a family.

When you do find that perfect place it might even be a little easier for your DD to accept since the idea of moving was a strong possibility this time.

And SueB, maybe it's good that you got the "shock" of moving out of the way.

Yes, last night DH and I talked about how this was an interesting trial run in that we know we can do this when it does feel right, and even DD said "next time just give me more notice" ... I said ok, this was your notice -- this is going to happen whether it's 6 months from now or 3 years from now. I moved a few times as a kid so I don't know what it's like to have spent my whole 16 or 20 years in one home.

I kinda think it would be worse if we found a house when she's a freshman in college -- then she comes home for spring break to a strange house! But, all of us will have to adjust when it does happen.

Marina, the adoption angle is one I wondered about to. We are visiting her birth country soon so she may have all kinds of feelings going on!

I'm a little bit in mourning today. I loved that house, but the couple things I didn't love would bug me every day, I think.

I would remind the family that the house doesn't make the 'home' they do. Wherever you and they are is 'home' as long as you're together. Tell them all that to you the heart is the home and they're your heart. Also remind them the new house is their home always as well. In your words of course. :)

Don't forget to have a goodbye party and take pictures of everyone in every room and the yard.

My point is make the children, yourself and your partner the important thing that you leave with, and a few good memories of course.

JTLYK I did resent how quickly our parents sold the childhood home when everyone was grown and gone. I got over it. My younger sister never has.

Children are quite emotional until they have some life experience separate from their parents.

Parents sometimes might forget that it isn't just their home too and the memories aren't enough when you're living in it. For most time and distance puts things in perspective.

Thanks, and that is exactly what we told DD after her big cry -- this is home because of who lives here, not because of the building. I think we learned that they need a little more warning and also I think it would have helped DD in particular if she could have seen the house, so next time we'll take her along.

Oh darn, I was getting a sort of contact high from your new project. House-us interruptus.

TBH it didn't surprise me at all you put an offer in. I am the same way. I am unable to just look. I tell people never start "just looking" unless you are ready to buy. DH wanted to take a trip to FL to look around, but I know it is too dangerous. Maybe next yr...

I agree, including DD in the process will help a lot.

All of us who are house lovers can relate. I dream of 'the next house' even though we are not ready to take that plunge yet from country to city. But does that stop me from searching the MLS listings in any desired neighborhoods? Of course not.

I hope your DD will settle down, and also agree including her in the eventual process will help. You are right - she may be experiencing a lot of feelings right now about visiting her birth country and this just put her over the edge.

Mtn, I was already thinking how much fun "we" (GW-ers) would have decorating...wish I could post pics so you could all see what the fuss was about, but I don't think that's appropriate.

BTW we also have a hard time "just looking" with pets, which is why we had 3 dogs at one time (just 2 now)!

I once had a hair stylist who was divorced. She was able to stay in the family home with the kids until the youngest reached 18. Then, the agreement was to sell and split the profit with her ex.

She raised her children to not be attached to the house! That it was the area they lived in that should have the emotional connection. With this, I think her children had a different outlook.

I thought this was a different approach which is why I remember it many years later.

Start taking lots of pictures of your house, especially of DD's room.

This brings back memories of when my parents built a new house and we moved away from the house where I had lived since age three. The new house was only about a mile and a half away but it meant that I had to change schools. I was devastated. I did not care so much about the old house and neighborhood, but I would be leaving schoolmates who I had been with since kindergarten. I was literally ill the first few days in the new school. I begged my parents to pay for me to go to my old school (it was the same school district). I was a wreck. Then, it did not take too long to make new friends. I met my new BFF at the bus stop and we are still friends to this day. After two years, some of my original friends went to the same high school as me, but by that time I was attached to my new friends and stuck with them. All this is to say that kids adjust. Sorry the new house didn't work out, but I bet your daughter would have been fine within a few weeks.

DH will retire within a year. I retired two years ago. For awhile now we have told the kids we plan to move to a less congested and lower cost of living area. Our two boys are here, DD is in another state. It's funny, the boys have expressed concern about us moving farther than a few hours away where they couldn't visit on a weekend or would have to fly. None of them have expressed sorrow at selling the house they grew up in, but maybe it won't hit them until they see a " for sale " sign.

Sue....your move might be easier on your DD once she's left for college....she will have moved on and made the break and will be focused on new things.

It's great you know where you want to be....we don't have a clue and will be spending a lot of time checking out different places.

In my experience kids want to come home to the home they grew up in while in college. They want to show their friends their "home", which for many of them is the only home they have ever known. I have friends who still regret their parents relocating when they were in college! Never underestimate the emotional attachments our children have to their home. Heck, even with grown and settled kids in their 20's-30's we do not feel we can sell the homestead just yet. They groan when we even mention it! Sue, maybe this is a blessing in disguise that you have had second thoughts.

Bonnie, are you saying that for those of us who are ready to downsize shouldn't because the kids will be disappointed?

I have a bit different story-we bought a bigger home since my MIL was joining us. DD finished high school, the affordable schools of her choice didn't accept her, the non-affordable schools did..in short we decided she goes to local community college, meaning: staying with us for longer.

Meanwhile, the remodel takes too long; MIL staying with us we obviously put her in the DD's bedroom, put kids together..their schedules are crazy; everybody in the family has different hours when they actually function; DH and MIL are night owls to the highest degree; I'm a lark..so I can't do anything in the morning because I'm afraid to wake my MIL; by the time she's up I'm fried; she poor thing can't do stuff at night since she's afraid to wake me up..DH as per his custom comes home 2-3 am if lucky..she sits there all upset he doesn't sleep..instead of just going to sleep they start talking about how each one of them should go to sleep..that and other stuff until 4-5 am..by that time I sigh and get up..I have a charming family but that was a cuckoo's nest. And I'm the cuckoo:) But I'm a good cuckoo right? seeing that everybody's psychological needs are met etcetera..at the same time pouring all the time money effort into this remodel that sometimes just stands doesn't move

Long story short-we get MIL a rental at some point, after a year or so. The house-still not ready. DD does great in her college so gets transferred to a school we actually didn't dream of at this point-and it's in LA so she moves out

So now we have this house, with a room for everybody-which is great, since that's what we did it for-and my daughter actually didn't have an opportunity to really live here like she would otherwise have things gone by the plan.

Oh she loves the house and she comes when she can, but she did tell me once she's upset the house took so long and all. Let me tell you-I think I'm much more upset than her about it. This endeavor seems so ..I don't know..pointless at times.

We love it, it's walking distance that we needed like air..everybody has their room and if they're not here-plenty of space to accommodate guests.

But that's not how I planned it to happen.

And it left me at zero energy, zero. I'm half of what I was, and I wasn't that much before that remodel.

So. Doing things for the family. You think you're doing things for the family. And you are. And then it is what it is.

Every result is just a part of the process. Bigger house or smaller house-you'll face changes, at some point.

In our case before the house is even finished:)

But hey. if she loves to come to visit, if she says "oh it's so nice to be home", if she says "can I bring my friends? they'll love it here"-I guess I should put my sadness in one pocket, and get my happiness out of the other.

I though now-actually, this new house of ours is what, seventh or eighth for my kids? I guess this thing prepares you too, to some degree

I had a totally different childhood-huge family, holidays together..

Now everybody's so far away

Yes we lived many people in smaller apartments..we were six, my cousin family beat us-at some point, they were nine in what you'd call two bedroom?

but we were close. and that made us happy. well it made me happy-so many memories

and I have for years now when they ask you to fill documents in school "the closest relative to call other than the immediate family"-to put my family's in Boston phone number

now kids are older so it's not that crucial

but it used to make me very sad. It's like reality peeks at you and says "hello! that's me right here"

April, sometimes decisions are made for us. When this happens to me, I give myself permission to let it go.

Your heart was in the right place but things didn't go as planned, not due to YOU for lack of trying.

April, yes, what eld6161 said. Someday down the road, you all hopefully will laugh about how hard it all was to go through the remodel and the craziness. Oh my, I don't think I could have done it without going cuckoo myself! Just hug each other and be glad you survived!

When we moved our kids started 2nd, 3rd and 5th grade. I thought they were too young to miss our first house much, but they did. What helped was we went from a very formal house to a country house (avec chien) that could practically be summer camp with its amenities.

As to the poster who suggests one should keep the family home for nostalgic reasons ... ie kids bringing home their friends and such ... that is a tad indulgent for my tastes. Like most modern parents, most of our energies and resources are devoted to their well being. I think launching them all off to college fully paid is quite enough and it is then time to pivot toward our needs and wants.

We have a very large home and extensive grounds, and the total expenditures on landscaping, housecleaning, utilities and property taxes would be downright sinful for two people, and pretty silly.

If you grow up as the child of expats, who got moved from one continent to another, you quickly learn that home is where the family is, and not the structure you live in.

The harder issue to deal with is that my parents came from 2 different countries and then finally settled in a third country (here), so we have never lived close to other relatives. Kind of sad to have extended family, but only be able to visit once in a while. Sadly, due to DH's work, my kids are also growing up the same way, far away from extended family.

Chispa, try to encourage your kids to connect through social media. MY DD's were never close with their cousins, always living too far, yet they now are "friends" because of the social media connection and when they do see each other they pick up where they left off.

eld6161, not at all. Each situation is different. I was answering Sue's post.

Skipped down to say, 'give them time'. Young people are notoriously passionate in their feelings, but like all of us, they will get used to a new reality eventually. Being respectful of their feelings is mostly what they need to help them adjust.

Apologies if I'm repeating somebody else's advice, but I've been away & just saw this - I'll go back & read replies now.

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OK - I see the issue has evaporated!

The premise of the original post confuses me. These teens are not changing schools not really changing neighborhoods..why are they upset?

I agree with arcy and MtnRd. Your job is to raise your children, not to indulge their every desire. Get them some Big Girl Panties.

Just to be clear, we'd never change our plans due to one cry-fest by DD, or even if she was miserable for a few days or weeks (doubt it would have come to that). I was simply curious if others had experience in this. We did not make an offer, but not because of DD. And she knows this.

She was upset because she is very happy and comfortable in our current house. And I think also because she felt like it was coming out of thin air -- we had talked vaguely and sort of jokingly about moving, but I don't think she expected it to really happen.

PS The owners of that house accepted an offer that was $200K+ over asking price.

I think that's a bit heartless, littlebug. Maybe you have to experience losing your home to understand why she's so upset. The home I grew up in (purchased in 1954--I was born five months later) was sold by my mother in 1988 when she moved to Cape Cod after my father died. Even at age 35, I was sad to lose what I still considered my home. Because I moved away from home in 1981 and live on the west coast without family and familiarity, I've had a yearning for "home" my entire adult life. I have had houses to replace it but they aren't home. Even the house I'm in now, where I've lived 12 years, doesn't quite feel like home. Sometimes I wake up in the morning and wonder how I ended up here in this house. I often have dreams about houses too, which I think represents my search for "home".

Here's my perspective: I attended 13 different schools before I graduated from high school. Each of those different schools represented a physical move that my family made. Twice during that period we were homeless and lived with relatives for a short time.

So I guess I'm less than sympathetic with a broken-hearted teenager (nearly an adult) who is asked to move to a different house but still will be able to maintain her circle of friends and her school.

Yes, I am aware that very few readers here lived thru a childhood such as mine, but that's my reality and the standard from which I judge.

Hmmm. I know the point is now moot, but I think MarinaGal's response was so thoughtful and kind. Would that we all could have the ability to consider a situation from someone else's point of view. I stink at it all too often myself, but her response makes me want to try harder.

That's my point, littlebug. If you never had a childhood home to lose, you're in no position to "judge" and essentially call Sue's daughter a diaper-wearing baby. I guess I was a baby still at age 35 since I was sad to lose my childhood home.

I am just now remembering when my grandmother went into a nursing home and my mother went to her home to clean it out. She had moved to that home when she was 8 and she was about 50 at the time. I went over later to help and found my mother sitting on the floor surrounded by things she was packing and looking very melancholy. She said something about her losing her childhood--I can't remember exactly since it's been 45 years. But she knew she'd never be back there again. I never even knew she had an attachment to that house. Being only 15, I had never really thought of her growing up there. It was always "Grandma's house", not my mother's house.

I can understand your point, but hopefully you can see a bit of mine too. I guess we'll have to agree to disagree, mayflowers. (I love your name.)

(By the way, around here, "pull up your Big Girl Panties" is a colloquialism that means "Grow Up" and in no way infers that the wearer should have diapers.)

I've never been homeless but I attended many schools in different communities. I was always excited (at least when a bit older) to move and leave my old life behind but my sister was always very sad and well rooted in her old life. So it's personality as well as life circumstances. Some people welcome change more than others. Change happens regardless but it can still feel like a loss.

I was helping out with my godchildren during a move when they were almost 3 and almost 5. The older one was extremely upset to be leaving her first house and I went through the usual platitudes, about how she can remember all the happy times she had in the house and how having sad feelings is OK. Finally she turned to me and burst out with, "but my body wasn't MADE to hold these feelings!!!!!!"

The only family house I ever really liked was my grandfather's. He was a gruff man and not particularly warm toward children, but his house was always clean, smelled beautiful like the pies and cookies he baked and his woodshop, and had lovely objects that he had handcrafted or collected. Our family homes were fine emotionally but were always cluttered, ugly, zero decor (sheets tacked over windows) and smelled like chain-smoking. My parents eventually moved into my grandfather's house and neglected it into an undesirable state but I was still a little sad to see it sold.

It's entirely understandable to be attached to a home, even if a move does not entail a new school or town. That's is why they are homes, not houses. I responded that I was surprised to find that our kids did mind the move they had (much younger).

But I also said ... As to the poster who suggests one should keep the family home for nostalgic reasons ... ie kids bringing home their friends and such ... that is a tad indulgent for my tastes.

IIRC the poster was talking about keeping the family home for when they visit with college friends! I'm thinking by that time its ok to be a bit more selfish finally; and choose the best home for you and your spouse.

We all have to draw from our personal experiences and that does not mean one is more acceptable than another's. Dh used to be in the military but he got out before we ever had to move as a family. However, we have friends who remained in the military so understand what it means to constantly be moving. Some kids never really adjust and as adults looked back on that upheaval every few years in a negative light while others adapted easily and didn't mind it. My parents still live in the house they purchased over 50 years ago before I was born. I never loved the house itself (60s rancher), it has always been "home" and though I haven't lived there now in more than half my life, I know that I will feel a tremendous loss when it's time for them to sell it. Many memories were made in that house. I went off to college and for the next ten years of my life I moved frequently and loved the constant change and adventure. I then got married, moved into a new house right away and 20 years later, I'm still here tho we never intended to be here longer than three years. Perhaps it's hard to understand the feeling of loss for those who moved multiple times either throughout their childhood or throughout their own marriage and never got attached to one particular place. While I would never stay in a house simply because I didn't want to upset my kids by moving, I certainly would want to do what I could to help them deal with any sadness they felt at the thought of leaving a home that is full of comfort and memories.

Why would anyone presume to judge others solely through one's own personal experience? What about 'walk a mile in my shoes'...?

Carol, I think it not so much judging but just not having patience to understand. Littlebug comes from a whole different perspective and I can understand where she is coming from. It's not easy to step into someone else's shoes when it is so far removed from where you are.

4kids, I knew a woman who also had to move due to her dad being in the military. For her, it was a positive experience. She felt that because of it, she felt that she could handle any situation. She could change jobs, change locations, walk into a room filled with strangers and immediately deal with the situation.

We moved a few times while growing up. I always envied those who have had childhood lifetime friends. I have only one from middle school. I wanted my DD's to have one neighborhood from kindergarten to high school and that is what we did.

We are in an unusual situation in that we will not sell this home, but rent it. The kids will inherit it and then do what they please with it.

I think my story covers all these angles. When I got divorced, by my choice, I downsized from a 5000 square-foot house to one of 2400 ft. with my middle school age son. (The other kids were at colleges and boarding school. ) Before I even made the offer on this house, I brought my son with me to see it. He fell in love with it, especially the third floor finished attic, and told me to "buy it today." I did, and it worked out well. Fast forward five years and my plan is to put my house on the market in June 2018 after my son graduates high school and I will move to Philly where my fiancée lives. My son is not happy with my choice because he says he will never see his friends. I wish he could have it both ways, but he can't and I've chosen to stay here with him through High School because it was the best situation for him. Realistically, I could have made the move to Philly several years ago, but I chose not to. I thought that would've been selfish on my part. I still do.

Jo

Jojo, you did the right thing, all around. Social media is a great way for kids to stay in touch. Your son will find a way to see his most important friends.

He will make so many new friends in college and those will become his new social circle.

I can identify with all sides as well. I lived my whole childhood in one home. When I was 15, my dad wanted to move the family an hour away to be closer to his job. I cried and begged to stay. I couldn't bear leaving my friends and what was familiar. We stayed. I always felt so guilty about that, making my dad drive an hour each way to work for years. He backed off the idea because he loved us, but actually I was a kid. I didn't know what was best for me. I missed out on lots of other friendships and experiences that I would have had going from a country home to a city home. My parents passed away about 13 years ago, 7 months apart, and we had to sell the family home. I miss it terribly and can't bear to see it owned by new owners with the changes they have made, so I haven't even driven by it (all my siblings have). However, my husbands job has moved us 4 times to different states and cities in our 26 year marriage, so my kids haven't had a childhood home with lifelong friends. They have had to adapt. In some ways I wish they had a childhood like mine, of the familiarity of "home". But then again, I maintain one friendship from my childhood. I kind of outgrew my friends that never went anywhere or had any other experiences or my kind of adversity. Once you make a big move, you learn you can do it. It empowers you and gives you courage to try new things, experience new people and cultures, and basically figure out where things are. For that, I'm glad my kids have had those experiences. But I do still feel like an orphan even though I lost my parents at age 40 and my sense of home. Now when we visit that city, we are in a motel and it all feels so wrong. If mom and dad were here I would be with them. I have told my kids they will always have a space at home, no matter how many kids they have and where they may have to sleep. When we are together I want them with me! I still catch myself feeling like I don't know where "home" is. And I don't know where I'll end up when I'm old and that scares me because I'm a planner and like to know what's next. But I'm not in control of that so I have to let it go. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. For now, we have the same special mementos in each home, our routines are the same, I cook the same foods, we relate to each other the same, so no matter what house we live in it is home.

Jojo, it most likely will only matter to your son for those college years when he would normally get to head "home" during breaks and get to see his childhood friends. I went to college four hours from home (from MD, college in NY). All of my college friends lived in NY, CT and MA - I made several trips in the summer to see them. When I graduated, I stayed in NY for three years so rarely even saw my h.s. friends at that point. I eventually moved back to MD, but met dh within months and moved to HI with him a year later. I now live back in MD and keep in touch via text and social media with my h.s./childhood friends who all live within 45 mins of me, but we rarely see each other. Once a year if we are lucky! I say all of this b/c I think it will really only be an issue for your son the first few times he'd normally go back to his childhood home during college breaks. People start to move on - friends' parents move, childhood friends may spend summers interning in some other city, or move to where their jobs are after college, etc. Like eld said, your son will find a way to see those friends that are most impt to him. I was driving 5-6 hrs up to CT to see my college friends in the summers and didn't see my h.s. friends all that much even when I was home in the summer.

Yes, kids certainly get attached to houses. When dd was 11, we bought a 1922 beach cottage, actually across the street from Lake Michigan. We had open clear views of the sand, water and sky and of the mega million dollar homes across the 2 lane little street. Ours was a modest, 4 tiny bedroom spit and rubber band house which was total fun and beloved by all except dh. Dd goes to college in a small western town and has chosen to live there. When she comes home to visit, she grabs a car and goes to visit the cottage, first. I understand. When we first bought the cottage in 2002, and it was habitable during renovation, we plopped 3 twin mattresses on the still carpeted floor and enjoyed the present and the future in our minds.

When it was prom time, the 14 close friends voted to have post prom weekend at our cottage. It's a custom to rent a waterside house. And many of them had second homes. I was proud inside. 3 moms chaperoned.

So dd has been in western state for 7 years now. Engaged to be married to a guy who will never leave that western state. Sob. We decided to sell the money pit and become snowbirds in Arizona. Dd cried and cried. My adult, 50's son, dil,and gs were saddened and now visit the area on some weekends. Cousins were sad. It finally sold in 2016 iirc. We are busy with the wedding and a job relocation for dd and fiancée so the house/missing has moved from its front and center location. Through all this, everyone understood the whys. We were ready to be snowbirds since dh retired in 2013.

Oh, btw, for dd26, we are her elderly now parents, having gotten her when I was 50 and dh was 43. We adopted our birth grandchild, actually kind of common in the nineties due to drugs. The absolute best thing in our lives. Mother's Day, every day. It was so much fun. I did forget the 11 to 18 demons. I remember the book title, I hate your f,,king guts, now take me to the mall! We are finally acting our ages.

We have a beach house that we intend to keep forever and hand down to our kids, so that place will remain a constant even when we relocate locally. And, I suspect when the kids get older and (sniff...maybe...) move away, the beach house will be a more frequent place for the big family gatherings.

My oldest son, who no longer even lives with us, was the most shocked when we mentioned moving. He said, "I figured you guys would do a Grey Gardens thing in our house." Ha!

I was taught like that: "even when you're on a train for a day try to make feel it like home"

That was a very valuable advice I must say, and one I try to follow

And yes, I'm from one place, my DH from another..not easy(I'm referring to chispa's post)

I want to return home and he'd follow me-but it's my home, not his..it's a huge change for him. Am I willing to put him through this, at this point? And MIL-can we just drag her around wherever we go? I felt bad dragging the kids back and forth for several times, let alone elderly person.

Kids-their father here(big influence on my decision to stay here otherwise would see him once a year)..they spent most of their lives here..we'll see what happens..frankly I don't know whether it will be easy for me to live in a different country from where they are. My Mom at least has my brother close.

All these travels and relocations are hard but eye opening and fascinating and all, and I know I've got a lot of experience because of moving so much..country to country, coast to coast..you name it..and my kids definitely learned a lot too, because of that..but sometimes I really envy folks that just stay put, you know?

And yes, with each move-eventually you stop communicating with two thirds of people you knew. At very best. You get used to it, 20 years-and not that painful anymore. You cherish whoever stayed.

But it does do a number on you.

Put me in the column of 'moved around at least yearly and learned not to get too attached to homes'.

But my son lived in the same home until he left home at 20, after finishing community junior college. When I moved, he was 23 and he sat in the living room floor sorting through a bin of transformers and poke balls and cried. All 6'6" and 280 lbs of him. He thought I would live there forever.

Aww, Cattyles, that is a bittersweet story. Now I feel bad.

I suppose it is like anything else. Moving involves resolving a confluence of needs and desires for the entire family. Clearly in some situations one has no choice. And even when one has a choice, parents should not always be second class citizens to their children's preferences (as much as that seems to be in vogue today). But none of us want to ignore our kids' feelings of course. Sounds like it all worked out for the better, and now that DD has some time to think about it, it will probably be a lot easier if an opportunity arises again.

Oh, it's all good Mtn. He had his sentimental, nostalgic moment and moved on. He boomeranged back home 2 years ago and we are both happy to have more space. I made the move because this house has a small house for my dad. My son is super patient with him and helps in ways that I never would have predicted. It's just life! :-) I should have mentioned how fast he rebounded in the post above.

sueb, I bet your daughter would be resilient, too, if and when you make a move.