If she isn't doing her due diligence by researching and getting other bids, I wouldn't say a word. It's her money, her home, so if she's happy, she may never know it could have been better and cheaper. Only if she asks for true feedback and not just affirmation would I say anything.

It's in how you lead her to figure this out..tell you YOUR process, results cost..see if she can do the math herself.

If she's not asking your thoughts on the project, I wouldn't offer any.

I would be more concerned about the layout than the cost. First maybe since this designer is popular she can charge more for her service. I am wondering if she is the one who actually did the plan, or maybe passed it on to a less experienced employee of hers? Maybe now this job is too small for her?

Here is what I would do. Take your friend into your home with her plans. Not everyone is good at seeing the nuances of how things will actually look on paper. Cabinets not going to the ceiling is one that is obvious, but maybe not to her.

Then, explain that you are concerned about the price. If yours was done a year or two ago it would be a good comparison, but if it was done five maybe not so much. And you need to take into account the materials as well.

You started by saying, "A very good friend of ours", in your post. You need to say something.

I agree with Eld. I would much prefer that someone who is a 'very good' friend share that sort of information with me. If you can't depend on your friends for real feedback, who can you depend on?

I would start by politely offering one or two suggestions about the layout . "Have you considered considered putting the cabinets all the way to the ceiling to maximize the storage?". Based on her response you will know how to proceed with the rest of your concerns.

At this point, since a contract has been signed, I would ask her if the design is set in stone and maybe see if she would like to look at your built-ins for comparison. I would probably inquire about why the bookcase doesn't go all the way up to the ceiling. I think that would be a gentle enough prodding to get her thinking about the design at least.

I'm facing a similar situation and I've chosen to say nothing. My neighbor is smart and if in the end the outcome is not what she wanted, she can fix it. Besides, people have such different tastes and priorities in home decorating, what I see as wrong might be exactly what she wanted/needed.

What if the friend is showing you knowing that you have gone through the process and if you don't do something you will get blamed down the road for not speaking up?

What if you get one of those...you are my friend, why didn't you say something?

Wouldn't that be blaming me for her mistake/mishap???? Unless she specifically asks for my input....

It's not what you say, it's how you say it. You could always approach it with hmmm, well I like this but if it were me, I think I'd rather do ..... then you are at least planting seeds that may or may not give her pause and food for thought.

I guess I've learned from reading here that I need to give people credit for their choices, IOW, just b/c I don't like their choice doesn't mean they're mindless nitwits.

How many times has a person asked for opinions about their purple (hideous to me) couch and when very well meaning, experienced people suggest alternatives, the thread converts into OP defending their choice? People who suggest can be subtle or can be brash and OP still on the defensive, so how one conveys msg can still fall on deaf ears. I'm learning to give them more credit for their choices and putting faith in their ability to correct or learn to live w/it. Again, if a direct and specific ? to me, then I open the opinion floodgates, ha. If they simply say, look at my project, probably not.

Ida nailed it.

I'm with Ida. If I was overpaying for something, I'd want someone to say something to me. But I like Idas approach in the matter.

I really think it depends on your friend. I know I would be open to that type of feedback and I frequently solicit feedback. But we all know the type of person that does not accept or want feedback (sort of like that old should you or shouldn't you tell a friend her partner is cheating on her...this happened recently in my friends circle, shockingly to me it went very poorly for the teller and the couple are still together, I feel like the first thing I would do for the person who let me know my partner was cheating is buy them a dozen roses). Since the contract is signed it's likely she won't get much more for the price but maybe she can swap out some elements that would make it more functional.

Ekkk, that is a horrible situation Robo. My husband and I were torn on such a dilemma before. We ended up telling the women's best friend. She was so upset but decided to say nothing unless talks of suspicions arose from her best friend. I'm still not sure that was the best way. However, the woman did verbally discuss suspicions and then her friend told her what she had heard. At that point a whole different other woman was involved.

Robo I also thought about friend who tells about cheater and ends w/egg on her face.

if you know your friend your instincts will guide you pro or against

SHE'S happy with the plan for HER house! It's not your house and you're not paying for the work. It is truly none of your business. Unsolicited advice is usually very unwelcome.

If she hasn't asked for your input, I wouldn't give it. When Imsaw the plans, I might have said, oh, this piece doesn't go to the ceiling, why is that? But that's as far as I would go.

Thank you for all your opinions. What olychic said is exactly what my husband thinks.

But it seems like most of you think I should say something.

She's seen our study and admired it. In fact just before she hired this interior designer she asked to see ours again. I showed her everything, even opening every drawer and cabinet so she could get a really good idea of what we did. She didn't ask how much we paid so I didn't bring that up. I really wish I had and if I had remembered the exact amount I would have. :( But since ours was done about 3 years ago, I didn't remember until yesterday when I got my husband to look up how much we paid.

She really is a very good friend. And she's a very sweet, kind and easygoing person. I'm really not worried about her being upset or mad at me for giving constructive criticism. And I don't think she'll be upset I didn't speak up either like justerrilynn said. She's not very design savvy and probably won't see anything wrong with her layout. Her house probably breaks every design rule in the book but it's still where everyone wants to hang out and it's one of the most welcoming houses I've ever been in just because of who she and her husband are - warm, loving, generous and loads of fun! :)

What I am worried about is doing what Ida suggests (which was my first instinct too) and then she isn't able to change the contract (it's been over a week since she signed it and she said they were building it elsewhere and will install it sometime near the end of the month) and then she'll always be unhappy with both her layout and how much she paid. And after spending all that money it would be terrible not to be happy with the results! I think if I don't say anything she won't realize how bad the design is and she will just be happy with all the extra storage.

I think I'll take lukkiirish's advice and just hint about rethinking the built in desk (the designer suggested a Formica top and a peninsula that juts into the room...arghh hate him for taking advantage of my friend!) I think that's going to look worse than the cabinets that don't go up to the ceiling (I did ask about them and she said it was another way they were keeping within budget.) And hopefully she'll talk to the designer again.

I would just about die if I had to deal with a cheating situation like robo & justterrilyn mentioned!! That puts this in perspective!! I dealt with that once in college and never ever want to again!

Thank you all for your thoughtful responses! I really appreciate the time and effort y'all put into helping me!

I understand what some of you are saying about her not asking for my input, but she did show me the plans and contract without me asking. Doesn't that imply she'd like to know my opinion? I'm just confused. :(

Yes, Tara - I think the fact that she showed you the plans, told you the cost, and is a very good friend says that she trusts you and values your thoughts. If you approach her gently, tell her you have some concerns that the designer might not have addressed and ask if she would like your honest thoughts, I don't see how that could possibly be offensive. Advice isn't unsolicited if you ask if she would like it and she accepts. Besides, if good friends can't speak honestly with one another, then with whom can we be open?

Bottom line, though - you know your friend and the relationship you have with your friend, and none of us here do. What's your gut telling you to do?

Thanks Ida. I needed to hear that. You are obviously used to being a good friend. :)

My gut tells me if I'm making a mistake I'd like my close friends to point it out gently, so I should do the same for her.

I think I will just throw out one or two gentle hints. If she picks up on them, I'll say more. If not I'll just let it go and hope for the best.

Thank you!!

Yes, perhaps it was her way of asking for your input and only you know her communication style, none of us do. I guess I am thinking about my successful long term friendships and how we relate. we ask: WHAT DO YOU THINK. little or no room for second guessing or deciphering subtleties. But I realize we are in a varied world and some communication is more to the point than others. No better no worse, just different.

Just think about all the people who post plans on GW and ask for a critique...and then when we give one, they are offended and tell us how much they love it. Being a close friend dies not entail running interference on every situation with which you do not agree. She's an adult and it is not your responsibility to "protect" her.

It's a cabinet maker not a surgeon. Please, let her make her own design decisions. I think you are obsessing too much.

I think Tara is just trying to be a good friend. If she were my friend, I would be touched by her concern. I think it is natural to want to protect your close friends.

It's quite true that we all have different ways of handling uncomfortable situations, so what works for me may not work for Tara. Then again, it might. Only she will know for sure.

I'm dealing now with a woman who has zero conflict resolution skills. She explodes in anger, then a short while later she's back to being her chipper self, sweeping the ugly episode under the rug as though it never happened. That is absolutely not my style, and I find it completely unacceptable. It's really hard to maneuver these situations when our entire approach is different than someone else's. As I said before, only Tara knows for sure if she should speak up, and her gut seems to be telling her to open the door for discussion. That sounds perfectly reasonable to me, and I applaud her sensitivity and concern.

I agree with olychick and anglophilia and tara's husband. Butt out until and if your opinion is requested.

I'm in the same camp as Ida, but you could test the waters by asking if she considered one or two of the things you would have done. She may say yes, but we liked it this way -- or DH said no and wants it like this. Then you go no further.

Just think about all the people who post plans on GW and ask for a critique...and then when we give one, they are offended and tell us how much they love it. Being a close friend dies not entail running interference on every situation with which you do not agree. She's an adult and it is not your responsibility to "protect" her.

I agree with this.

She explodes in anger, then a short while later she's back to being her chipper self, sweeping the ugly episode under the rug as though it never happened

I've encountered this behavior more than once over the years also. And a friend was just complaining about experiencing another example of same yesterday. The time to do anything about it of course would be during the initial outburst.

As with the training of dogs.

I think that sometimes it can be difficult to hear negative feedback especially when you're not ready for it. In all fairness to the posters in the forum, often times the critiques can come across rather harshly and/or the OP doesn't have the benefit of hearing the critique in person to know it's not meant to be mean.

I can only speak for myself but I don't really have someone I can bounce ideas off of or get a second opinion from, (postive or negative) so I'm doubly thankful that the forum folks are available. I think she's lucky to have you as a friend Tara because it's obvious that you have her best interest at heart and that really means something. I hope that whatever you end doing turns out well.

Since I'm more direct with friends I'd ask her now if she had wanted my opinion or ideas when she showed me the plans and contract. She might think your silence was your stamp of approval, and as a result might have quashed any of her own misgivings. Asking that would take the guess work out of it and possibly open dialogue about her possible fears.

Then if she said yes I'd proceed with great care. If she wants your opinion do it carefully and with great emphasis on your interest in her well being, not your being right.

I wouldn't say anything at this point. Seems to me to be a lose-lose prospect. She is likely locked into a contract with this contractor, and your suggestions may come across as criticisms to her. Let it be, if she is happy and excited, then let her be happy and excited. Who knows, you may be pleasantly surprised by the outcome.

I see you've made a decision already, but I just want to add to those who say unsolicited advice is seldom welcome. And, this is not personal, but advice like this presumes you know better than your friend or her decorator. That may not be true, but may just be a perception of your own ability. (Truly, I do not know your skill since I don't know you)

What is your motivation for wanting to bring this to her attention? What are the potential outcomes if you do and if you don't?

I"m not understanding why some here feel she should not say anything. Or to "tread lightly." They are GOOD friends. Not just friends, but GOOD friends. A big difference.

If you can't tell a good friend what you re thinking, who can you tell? Good friends understand that you have only their best interests at heart.

Eld, if they were that good of friends that she felt confident about it, she wouldn't be asking our opinions.

Wow lots of heated opinions! But thanks for sharing them! It's interesting to hear all the different thought processes.

Olychic: Ouch! We are very good friends, I just tend to overthink things! And I'm also just ridiculously curious about how people think so it's sort of fun for me to hear all the different opinions. :)

But I am super glad I just went with my gut.

Anyway I just wanted to update you all. It all worked out much easier than anticipated. I asked her how the project was going and that got her talking about how the ID is now delaying the project by quite a bit and blaming her for bad communication....(smh) Anyway turns out she's already having second thoughts, so I didn't really need to say much. I just mostly agreed with her and threw in a couple of ideas too. She's going to try to somehow renegotiate. Hopefully it goes well!

I'm grateful to everyone who posted. Thank you!

Oh, Tara, oh, dear, not my intent for an OUCH :-( I just know with my close friends I'd not be conflicted about whether to speak up or not. But I hear you about just comparing experiences. I'm glad you feel good about the outcome!

Olychic no worries! I understand what you mean! I'm sorry I misread your tone!

And it turned out the friend's questionable project collapsed or stalled out on its own without too much involvement on your part. Including a chance for her to misread your tone.

Better to Remain Silent and Be Thought a Fool than to Speak and Remove All Doubt

http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/05/17/remain-silent/

Let's have a back and forth of random internet research to back up our opinion. We can do this all day, Here is a random article that agrees with my view :)

Friendships should be based on Honesty

Tara - I didn't offer my opinion as to whether you should say anything or not because you had already received a lot of good advice. And I would have been just as hesitant as you about speaking up.

I just want to add that I'm glad it worked out the way it did and I hope your friend's project turns out the way she wants.

Maire

Tara, is the ID holding her to the original design, or is the ID letting your friend do some changing around? Surely she'd let her do that.

I have an idea that could really help and get you out of a tough spot, and to also help your friend change the design to a better way.

Get online and google pictures of what you have in mind, then send them to your friend in email saying, "Look what I found! This would be gorgeous in your room!" That's a good way of also complimenting her house. :)

Keep us updated, this is an interesting topic!