Can landscaping changes help my house not feel so dated?
Pam B
7 years ago
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Pam B
7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agoRelated Discussions
Can't change him, so how can I change my attitude about this?
Comments (21)Love - You said "He said fine, he would have to leave work early, didn't want to "inconvenience me" yada yada." and "I asked him what made him say that and he just said "well, I can't leave work early today." WOW. So I guess in his MAN MIND that is his way of acknowleding that I wouldn't do it." The way I see it is this was his way of making you feel guilty for being a SAHM, but unwilling to help him out with his kid. Don't give in!!!! Be strong in that HE needs to do what HE needs to do for HIS kid, and it wouldn't have to be this way if the (in the words of Sweeby) bat-sh*t crazy b*tch hadn't come in your home and punched you. Pseudo said "....I guess my point was if he puts BM before you ... if you had a child with him where would he draw the line ...." This is totally what I have been thinking for a few months now, but could never get the courage up to say anything. Where will he draw the line? Your DD has already been subjected to so much from this woman, and he's not even her father! How much would he put a child of his own through? Example: my friend has a DD with her DH who has 2 DDs with a crazy BM. The DH is a SAHD to the little one (DD with my friend) and would take her with him to pick up the other DDs on his weekend. It became a habit that the BM wouldn't be home at p/u time and wouldn't answer her phone. He would wait around for them to return (afraid that if he left he wouldn't get to see his DDs). One time, the little DD was in the car and carseat for 4 hours while he tried to track them down and waited for them. 4 hours! My friend finally said "You can wait around for 4 hours if you want, but you will not have MY daughter sitting in a carseat for 4 hours while you sit in your car outside their home." Basically, he had no problems putting BM ahead of his new DD. Remember...the squeaky wheel gets the grease. You just have to start squeaking louder than her. Jupiter said "I think that they need to see their ex's as good mothers (even when they clearly are not) maybe to somehow reassure themselves for when they are with her." So, so, so, true. My DH knows BM is a back-stabbing liar. But then he says stuff like "well, BM says it's SD's decision and she asks her all the time if she wants to visit". So why would he believe that one statement when he's caught her in so may lies before? The only thing that makes sense is he NEEDS to believe she's a good mother. Jupiter also said "I too run into arguments where he lets her slide on things that he wouldn't with me..I try to give him the example that if it was anyone else in his life he would have told them to go to h#$% because normally in life you don't do favors for people who don't do for you let alone someone who puts him down as a father..." and Love said "But it just totally goes against DH's overall nature, which is so frustrating." This is the issue. Which personality is the REAL one? I have this same problem with DH and I'm starting to think the way he is with HER is his personality when he's vulnerable and that scares the crap out of me because I guess I rarely ever see him vulnerable. I agree with FD. When I am flexible and accommodating with X, it is usually in the best interest of DS, and I do the work. I rarely (if ever) ask DH to do anything for DS, although he would be willing, because I feel like DS is my sole responsibility since I am the parent....See MoreCan my landscape reflect the interior feel?
Comments (34)Drifts consisting of odd numbers of plants may often look rectilinear, thus interfering with the purpose of planting in drifts. A drift of 3 plants for instance forms a triangle (= rigid) instead of a flowing drift. Beds with flowing shapes need to be planted with flowing drifts of plants instead of rigid groupings (such as triangles or rows) and lots of individual specimens or these two basic elements (bed outlines and drift or planting shapes) are not coordinated. Also there should be no hint of formality - such as pairs of matching plants or plantings - around a house such as yours that does not have a geometrically symmetric facade. It's not really necessary to keep repeating the same kinds of plants throughout beds either to get a cohesive effect. Planting instead in interlocking drifts of some size, each of them consisting of one kind of plant that is not used again elsewhere in the scheme is adequate to prevent a spotty appearance. And assures that interest is maintained as one moves through the garden or views sections of it from some distance....See MoreHow can I bring my home to current style without changing furniture?
Comments (25)Your house is not dated. It looks fresh, and there are only a few tweaks I see, as others have noted. Something more colorful for rugs. The overhead lights could be switched out for more flair. I'd find a single art piece for behind the sofa, something with a bit more drama - I was going to say color, but if you'd prefer, a black and white piece would go there well, if it stood out more. I am NOT one for low artwork behind furniture - but in this case with that window above, I think the art does call for being lower. (Why I am not, generally-speaking, a fan? 1) Navel-height art fails to appeal to me, and 2) people leaning back on couches will likely bang or brush their heads on the art.) I'd switch the two chairs in the living room. Stair railing: I am fine with it as is, or stain it a bit darker (do not paint). As for paint color for the walls - nothing ever looks the same on a monitor as in person, but what you already have appears to work (and you'd be doing a LOT of painting if you do decide to change the color. Get samples, paint a board or spare bit of sheet rock. I like the fish tank - painting that might be worthwhile....See MoreHelp us make this house feel like a home!
Comments (30)Perhaps you were being "tongue in cheek" with your original post about making a home. If your house is the place where you drop your belongings with no concern, sleep peacefully when you get into your bed and turn out the lights, lock the door to the outside world, and enjoy your dinner, then you have a home. No amount of home decor is going to change that. Sometimes when I am on an airplane it occurs to me that I am looking down on so many homes where the people who live there are living in their own little bubble of security and comfort in their homes. When you are in your home, it seems so encompassing and comfortable. But, when you view it from so far above, you see how very small and it is and how it is just a small drop in a sea of others just like it. but, there you are in your own little, tiny space of earth, your own tiny, tiny piece of the planet that you "own". How can such a tiny piece of the earth be filled with so much that concerns us? There are so many floors, pillows, landscaping, plumbing, rugs, kitchen cabinets, bathroom fixtures that demand our attention, yet it is such a tiny and insignificant speck of earth!!!! Sometimes I imagine what my neighborhood would look like if all of the walls and structures disappeared and all that was left was just the people, suspended right there where they are doing what ever they would be doing if the walls were still there. It is hard to imagine just how many people are surrounding you when they are all in their houses. Can you imagine the solid block of humanity that would reveal itself if it were in a large dense city? But, they are all behind walls...homes, offices, etc........ until it all disappears. At this moment I am sitting probably less than 30 feet away from my neighbors who are doing what ever it is that they are doing. They are so close, but we can't see each other., hear each other. We are each in our own little homes, with walls. Home gives us such peace and a somewhat delusional sense of safety. I love my home, no matter the decor. It is full of what gives me comfort and refuge. Losing ones home has got to be traumatizing. I feel deeply for those who have lost their homes out in California recently. My family members lost everything in Katrina. Treasure your home....and add some teal colored pillows, for sure! You are very fortunate to have a nice home to retreat to....enjoy! Maybe I will fly over your home someday....See MoreYardvaark
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoYardvaark
7 years agolast modified: 7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agolast modified: 7 years agoPam B thanked nicholsworth Z6 IndianapolisPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agonicholsworth Z6 Indianapolis
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years agoPam B
7 years ago
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