I don't think it's right to tell your child what to do at the other parent's place, if it's undermining the other parent - if it's really a concern (and one should choose one's battles) if you can civilly discuss it with the other parent, much the better. Kids are stuck in the middle. You also have to take what your kid says with a grain of salt sometimes ("what?? my child never lies..." hot flash- kids do lie.) - they will say what they think the parent wants to hear, especially if one parent is domineering or they are afraid of them. DD would go home to mum after having an enjoyable stay with me and tell her nothing but bad things, things that didn't even happen....like how dad gives her a hard time about this or that. Mum mentioned it to me, and I had to say, not how it happened. DD thought it was what angry mum wanted to hear. DD also mentioned to her sister (from whom I'm estranged) how she could get anything she wanted from me - not that I consider I was spoiling her by any stretch of the imagination, but....whatever. Mum, in a rare moment of shared co-operative parenthood told me how daughter had mentioned it, so I made sure I was not being hoodwinked. I know two boys whose parents are divorced, dad is a nut job, mom is a basket case but keeps kind of sort of stable, keeps up appearances which at least means kids are fed, go to school etc. Dad is some sort of undiagnosed bipolar, does drugs at home, has way too much money and spoils the boys, has all night poker games etc. The kids can do pretty much anything they want and miss a LOT of school when they are with dad. Boys went to live with mum. Went to school, things were a bit more normal. Mum is a bit uptight and probably wigged out about too many things but things were ok, but.... both boys decided they wanted to stay with dad. Kids don't really 'get' consequences, if they can do anything they like and get away with it, if one of their parents allow it, they'll probably choose the 'fun' parent. So son staying up late with dad probably isn't end of the world, but for your kids to get the best you have to dispassionately communicate with the other parent to do the best for the kids, and choose the battles. Unless other parent really is a (and not just you being petty, for example) danger to the kid, as it were, choose your battle, accept what the other parent does differently within reason, and never EVER undermine the other parent in front of, or to the children. My ex did that, since long before she became the ex, and both kids can be people I don't like very much at times. Mum is suddenly realising this now, too late, and can't do anything about it. On the other hand, newgardenelf, no offense but BE A PARENT - age 14 is young for a cellphone with unrestricted use...I would argue they should be set to receive calls only and only able to call you and emergency numbers....but here's a thought - 9.30 is a reasonable bedtime but that will have to change as dd gets older, HOWEVER - turn her phone off when she goes to bed. DOn't tell her, just turn it off. Not appropriate to relay calls after bedtime.

What breed is she? I would definitely take her to the vet and have her thoroughly checked for any major issues. I think it's important to first rule out if she has a neurological or physical condition causing her to be incontinent since one would usually expect to see improvement after all the training you've done this past year The fact she is submissive and fearful are two issues that can be difficult to deal with so it's important not to push her into situations that make it worse. If she checks out to be healthy, the vet may have a behaviorist he can recommend to help you with her issues, but one suggestion I have is for you to observe her closely and decide if going on the runs with you seem to stress her out. If so, try eliminating the runs/bike ride and instead take her for a walk on leash. She sounds like a dog that needs a lot of quiet and calm in her life. In the meantime, I would definitely use the doggie diapers. There are different brands and styles......so find which works best for you. Here is a link that might be useful: doggie diapers

Lots of good ideas here. Thanks! Joann - thanks for the picture. That is what I was envisioning, but I like having an example. I never considered green as the main wall color, but I like the idea. I'll have to find a subtle green though. I don't want the color to be too loud. I love the image of the stripes provided by dawnp. That is very do-able for me. I will involve my son in the selection, after I've narrowed down the choices. He picked the bedding, but has told me that he wants rainbow walls (not gonna happen!). I think he'll like the stripes in the example from dawnp. Maybe I can find some nice tans and greens for the colors. Les - we originally had the furniture as you suggested, but when you entered the room the edge of the chest made it feel blocked. But I do like the idea of creating a space in the corner for activities. Once we paint I'll play with the furniture arrangement again. Maybe it would be better if I placed the chest against the wall to the left of the table, rather than on an angle. What do you think? I'm on the hunt for a small book shelf. I'll also look at removable decals that would be fun for the next few years, but can be removed as he gets older. I'll look at shagreen once I find my samples. Thanks bestyears. This is why I love this forum! I've been looking at his room for a year now without any direction. Now I have it! Thank you everyone. I'll keep checking back in case anyone else has further ideas or opinions.

Oh, how I wanted my natural bluestone patio...well, it now looks anything but "natural." It's a hot mess! Original landscaper installed and used polymeric sand because that was "best." He recommended not sealing it. Or, as he said, "Let it sit a year and then seal it if you want to." Very shortly after installation, stones started turning orange or had deep orange/rusty spots developing like a rash. The polymeric sand grout started popping up like worms after a rainstorm by year two. Hired a new hardscaping/landscaping company who--at year three of the patio--power washed it, swapped a few stones and tried to remove some stains, installed a new type of polymeric sand (which is supposedly better for the larger gaps the earlier landscaper used), and sealed it. First, the power washing did leave what looked like swirls of gray "graffiti" on some areas, but that seemed to go away with sealing. Until it rained, I wasn't sure they had yet sealed it, but it was evident when water beaded up and remained on the surface. After it dried, white patches appeared all over the stones. Reading how this can also occur with sealing concrete pavers, I'm now wondering if that composite deck idea was better! All I wanted was a beautiful, natural bluestone patio. I've stepped on countless university and college walkways that do not have these issues, and that is the look I was going for. How do they achieve such beautiful patios and walkways without the issues we homeowners face? I know they don't use polymeric sand and their "deep pockets" must be able to afford the best stone and best installers.