I think you're being wise. There's no guarantees (and quite a lot of anecdotal evidence to the contrary) that you would be enjoying your relationship any more if you were together all the time. After all, unless neither of you is working, you'd only be together evenings and weekends. If you have any differences on the "right" way to raise children, with both sets of kiddies there ALL the time, this will become a huge sticking point for you as one or the other fumes over what they perceive as the poor behaviour of the other's children or the (perceived or real) favouritism one or the other shows towards his/her own children etc.

As it is, if you live apart, your together time is special time which you can have with or without the kids, and if there are any niggles you can each retreat to your own lair at the end of your time together and then it's no longer an issue as it would be if you were going home together.

I agree, you're being wise. Whenever there are children involved, moving in together is such a huge step for everyone, not just the adults.

I think you are 100% correct and you are being very unselfish. Just read thru this forum for a million nightmare situations! It's better for your kids and his, I think. What are the ages of all involved?

Thank you for your kind responses. I struggled with this decision for a while and realized that a big reason why I was considering the move is my subconscious brain was hoping that living with my boyfriend would make my life easier. Being a single parent can be exhausting and I wanted relief. I also deeply love this man and miss him very much.

I read up on step families (a great book I recommend is Growing and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships by Patricia Papernow - I hope I have that title correct. A very helpful resource!). I'm happy that I decided to keep our families separated. We all come together for fun times like weekend trips, dinners, birthday parties, movie nights and my boyfriend and I schedule alone time as well. I focus on my kids and they are thriving. We are happy together. His children also need his time and he is available to them. Our kids are getting older and soon will start going off to university - the youngests are still only 9 but these childhood days will be gone in a flash. I'm happy to be devoted and not possibly causing more disruption in my kids' lives but it was a small heartbreak for both me and my boyfriend to let go of the dream of living together at this point in time.

For now we do our best to stay connected (easy with phones) and see each other often. We are also thinking and planning for our next chapter in life when we can be married and living together..... eight years at most which for anyone with kids can tell you will fly by way too quickly.