i discovered that a friend who keeps her bag on her shoulder is packing heat. next question: how do you request a friend not pack heat at your next party.....

Post a big "GUN FREE ZONE" sign on all your doors?

Certainly a much touchier subject than "can I force guests to remove their shoes or not..."

Oh 1992, how I miss you...

I miss 1970. Was even better:)

My dear mother packed a little mother of pearl pistol. Said it was for shooting snakes.

I will have to imagine... Though I feel I would make an excellent Hippy.

lindsey - come to the beach. you can still be a hippy.

My mom was informally reprimanded for wearing a skirt that was a couple of inches above the knee in length around 1970, I guess the principal was concerned that the next step would be to wear a miniskirt if there wasn’t anything said to prevent that from occurring.

Girls weren't allowed to wear pants to school until my senior year.

Meet your guest at the door and take their coats , purses should stay with them for security especially if medications ,money ,credit cards and ID are in them . Brief cases locked and placed in a room out of sight . invest in something larger if you can for your entrance , keys should be inside pockets of coats, purses or have a basket to catch them on your counter .

My mom had been teaching as of Fall 1968. She wore dresses and skirts to work for a while after pants were okayed in general as the administration of the school she worked at was really conservative.

Our middle school principal used to walk around making sure our shirts and skirts were long enough to come to the ends of our middle fingers with our arms by our sides--in the mid-90s! (I still use this method to determine appropriate length for my daughters' skirts lol!)

suzyq53 I would love to take you up on that offer!

Funny story, the first time my West Coast born and raised Husband ever came to Duluth MN he stopped in the first few stores in complete disbelief. Finally I asked him what was up. His reply: "all the hippies have jobs here..." :-D That's what extreme winters will do I guess.

I would remove all my coats from that closet and find another spot for them and keep that closet just for guests coats , the purses still stay with its owner .

lol - They made us get on our knees and if the skirt didn't touch the ground they sent us home. Your way isn't really fair to girls with long arms.

When I was in private school we had to wear skirts or dresses and they also did the fingertip length check to ensure they were appropriately long. We also had to wear shorts or bloomers to go on the swings or climbing equipment during recess out in the playground.

1969: Whoo hoo!!!dress code change. You could wear pants to school ! Lol ! Nobody OWNED any. Damn. The good ol days

Hilarious

yeah Jan dress code change but my sister couldn't convince my mom to let her wear pants. " Boys wore slacks, girls are ladies and still wear skirts not slacks." I can still hear mom say that. Didn't they call pants slacks back then? I had this conversation with a friend the other day as we were trying to figure out when slacks became known as pants... I have big world problems-lol...

Jan, I was having to wear skirts and dresses still when I went to private school in the late 80s and early 90s.

Does this mean I was oppressed by the dress code and should file a lawsuit? ;)

Jenn - all kids here in Australia wear school uniforms, no matter whether they go to public or private schools. The guys get to wear pants or shorts, but the girls all wear either really badly fitting dresses, or skirts with blazers. I think there's room for a gender discrimination case put up to the Human Rights Commission (mind you, in protest at having to wear long pants during the heat of summer, a group of boys showed up at their school in school uniform skirts, so maybe it goes both ways).

If the boys had continued to be told they must wear pants and not allowed to wear shorts they might have grounds for a lawsuit! Girls should at least get the option of pants in winter - well they should if they are somewhere that gets cold in winter.

In our area they are debating whether skirts or dresses should be allowed at public schools now, because some boys were wearing them to school which made some other people uncomfortable and they are not allowed to discriminate on gender. They are also debating referring to students as he or she or girls or boys.

I think I've been wearing the same three pair of Theory leggings despite another half dozen in my closet for ............months?.........................I call it the WHO CARES boredom of winter. Can't even remember which went to the dry cleaners when. Same with the cashmere. If it doesn't soon end I will FORGET the color of my skin. At this point it is black and gray. Talk about uniforms?????

i remember no jeans til high school! no pants til jr. high.then only pant suits. I remember us winning a big thing about wearing minis in the 70s. they did the same fight again when minis came back, where did the old rule go?

i am not trying to be mean, but i do not get that bathroom thing? do guys want to go in girls bath rooms? i understand that it is ok for a true transgender, but how are we supposed to know they are? and if future boys go in boys room, what will keep them safe? I think the whole world is going a little gray?

Havingfun, it’s not that guys who identify as male would be going into the ladies bathroom, it’s that trans women and trans men want to be able to use the facilities for their gender identity (trans men in men’s room, trans women in the women’s room). And the concern about kids being safe is relevant regardless, bad things can and have happened even with the traditional gender arrangement for bathrooms - if everyone is going in to use the facilities it’s not like anyone checked to see what parts they have under their clothing before, and don’t need to do so now either.

I agree Danger. This is what my 14 year old daughter brought up when they talked about this in class: "if someone is able to do something so horrible to another human being, a little picture on the door is not going to stop them."

Personally I'm totally fine with gender neutral bathrooms. I've used one where the stall walls and doors come to the floor, six stalls opening out of a central wash space that has a trough sink with three taps. It was perfect and even the teen boys and girls I was travelling with had no worries about it (despite some of the being in the other side of that classroom debate). Once you see it you realize how perfect the solution is.

I don't really think that the shape of a person's genitals is any of my business unless I'm their sexual partner, their parent, or their doctor.

Exactly - I don’t think that random people should feel it’s acceptable to dictate or presume to know what it’s like to be a trans person. They are the ones living with their body, they should be able to live their gender identity without others getting all worked up about matters like which bathroom they go in when they need to pee. If people are so worried about children being sexually abused in the world, why not channel it into efforts that actually can do something positive? Volunteer to be a court appointed special advocate, donate to programs that help child abuse victims, etc...heck, there are all kinds of ways to do something for the kids, and none involve policing others’ genitals!

when i was in germany a couple years ago i was startled to find a male attendant in the ladies room. but as you say, the stalls were floor to ceiling with solid doors, so it didnt matter who was handing out towels and hoping for a tip.

europeans must be very weirded out, entering a US bathroom with wide cracks on either side of the doors on the stalls.

And the weird paper seat covers that don’t appear to have a purpose given that often, there is pee on the seat from wobbly hoverers.

you don't seem to understand, so i will not ask further. I want honor everyone's rights, but never at the risk of our children. noone is explaining how this will be accomplished.

nini, did you never see my thread on the german art piece installment at the top of a parking garage. a giant marble slab on end used as a urinal! lol

@havingfun - how is there a risk of “our children”???? I think I know what you are getting at, and it is a little disturbing and makes a lot of assumptions, in many, many different ways. Interesting that for example you mention, for example “future boys” (? - you seem to mix their sexual organs with gender, for them they aren’t “future” boys, as gender is not about sexual organs or what surgeries you have or had not have) going in boys rooms, but not those who identify as female going into the ladies room.

Anyway, I do not get this worry at all. I have been in many gender neutral bathrooms and think they are great, and it is great to see more of them. They are designed with far more privacy than typical gendered bathrooms.

I don’t even see how children would care - as a child I remember going into bathrooms in public with my opposite sex parent because that is what was available and thought nothing of it. Seems pretty normal to this date, I still see parents do this with small children, whatever bathroom they are using because most parents don’t send their small children, whatever bathroom they are using, to public bathrooms alone.

Also many of those children also identify as transgender, so what about honoring their rights?

see it? its etched on my retinas forever.....

"I want honor everyone's rights, but never at the risk of our children. noone is explaining how this will be accomplished."

Havingfun I am convinced that you are a respectful and loving person. Based simply on your conduct here on Houzz I would never doubt that for even one second.

My perspective is that "allowing" people to use the washroom of their choice doesn't put children at higher risk than what they are at now. So no further steps need to be taken for their protection.

Bad people will do bad things in spite of every law on the books.

Good people don't need laws in order to act morally.

Your perspective that 'allowing' people to use the washroom of their choice, not putting children in more danger than they are now, has been proved false by arrests since 2015's transgender bathroom bill. A quick google on news of trans/ supposedly trans people engaging in criminal activity in a 'chosen' bathroom shows the results. Not all of them were trans, since only .03% of the population is trans, but enough were pretending to be so they could use an alternate restroom and prey upon the innocent. THAT is where the problem lies...when criminals can abuse bathroom choice, and they abused it right away. Which is why no one is pushing for universal public restrooms anymore. It proved kids at risk from the onset.

Nothing was stopping those people from entering the wrong washroom before that law changed. Or from harming a same-gendered child in the "correct" washroom. One could argue that the law caused law enforcement to be more diligent in investigating crimes and pursuing convictions.

And when you do further research with a neutral search parameter "assaults in bathrooms" you will get a different story. Unless of course you're looking for a single point of view. Then you'll see whatever you want to believe.

First i would like to say that this is the only place i speak. many here know I have air and memory problems and they are kind an understanding about both. perhaps, i have become too comfortable asking stupid questions, so i will try one last time, for no other reason than to hope you will understand where i am coming from. I have never asked how others feel about me too movement, but from first hand experience, I believe everyone of them. as i said, i am not against anyone having their rights, but having been on the other side as a child accosted by a full grown man in the wrong place, that is my only question? I also remember in jr high, 3 boys going in the girls room and raping another friend. no one has ever explained how this will work? will all stalls go to the ceiling? it will be great if someone is responsible for this, but they keep saying they are spread too thin already. as i said, i am not trying to cause all out war, so I apologize to all those who are insulted. please bear in mind that often i misphrase things. i do not think that you are getting i do not understand, reason for questions. thank you, i will no longer speak on this subject. i apologize.

havingfun I am sad that you experienced that violence. It's courageous for you to write about it here. And I'm sad for your friend too.

I don't feel offended or insulted by your questions. I sense that you're coming from a place of concern, not hate. We all have the right to question everything!

If you find yourself wanting to talk more about it, I allow anyone to message me on Houzz so please feel free. I am not an expert and I want to make it very clear that I don't have personal experience with assault or being LGBTQ+. But I'm willing to answer what I can and I won't judge you for asking.

thanks lindsey. and i think i figured this out, though i am unable to think of a better way to phrase it. i do not think lgbtq+ is the problem, i welcome them to their rights and using bathrooms wherever they like. My problem is how do we tell the difference between them and straight males who think they can do what they like? Likewise, the second a woman enters a mens bathroom, I see her risking her life. I remember a gay workmate who was put in the hospital for 3 weeks after some men got hold of him. I do not see anyone giving new lessons or rules to help. on a lesser note, in 6th grade i rarely admitted i had to go to the bathroom, telling me a boy might know, smell or worse yet hear me in the bathroom. I am not against it, just see major problems not being addressed.

I hope this has cleared it all up. I hate upsetting people, the questions are totally innocent and carry no agenda.

If anyone is interested, there is a lot of history regarding public bathrooms and potty law that has evolved over time in response to our changing society. This is an interesting read.

Public Restrooms: Flipping the Default Rules - Moritz College of Law

Sounds like the problem is that straight men are permitted to use public bathrooms without any concern for everyone else’s safety. If they cannot control their violent ways they shouldn’t be allowed around others.

Transwomen at the very least will be dressed as females - their gender identity. When they have the option to take hormones that aid in the transitioning process (development of breasts etc) they do that to ‘make their outward appearance more like their gender identity’.

Ideally if bathrooms were one person at a time and not specified as being for one gender or the other, it would solve many things while still being sensitive to the needs of the trans population.

oh thank you, i finally did it right. i think that is a great idea, but the cost is going to be prohibitive they will say, no?

It will be nice if transwomen are dressed as females easy to tell then. i just find so many questions left unanswered.

Thanks Suzyq. the amount of pervision of the rules by the public will happen too. if you ever deal with disability you will know what i mean. it terrifies me how much ernie spends outside the little room by himself, while the disabled room is being used by someone going #2. also it is so far away, sometimes i cannot make it there. in addition, many are built incorrectly. ok, off my soapbox.

I don't always even like leaving my jacket in a bedroom when visiting others' homes. I've had an expensive ski jacket "accidentally" taken and the taker left a crappy same-colored one. I suppose I could wear a cheaper coat when I go out, but what if it's snowing or raining and I need the better jacket? Also, I would never leave my purse unattended. Bah humbug!

"but the cost is going to be prohibitive they will say, no?"

So let's make the "cost" of not providing safe washrooms for everyone, higher. Law suits, fines, boycotts, all have a high cost associated with them. At the same time we can be vocal in our support of businesses who are doing this well. As soon as the benefits outweigh the cost businesses will be tumbling over themselves to be accessible.

Btw I was in a washroom at a museum in Quebec city. I checked the handicap accessible stall because I recently attended a session on accessibility at a trade conference so now I'm more aware. Sure enough, the accessible sink was in the stall and the distance between the edge of the sink and the front of the toilet was mere inches. I'm a fit, youngish woman and I could barely sit down.

I usually lock my purse and phone in the car when I go and visit someone, and ask where they would like me to put my coat. If it's cold enough for me to wear a coat, it's usually snowing or raining, and I want to make sure I don't drip all over people.

Guests are probably in the habit of leaving their valuables within eyesight.

You might invest in an actual coat rack -- basic wood one likely available via any office supply store catalogue.

You might also try removing the hooks now on the wall over the bench and replace them with modern box shelves on the wall -- and keep one of your own empty purses in one of the boxes to convey the hint.

http://www.gideonwoodworks.com/portfolio-item/handmade-walnut-maple-closed-back-floating-wall-box-shelf/

If you add dividers to make smaller squares with a long rectangle box shelf, you might get more cooperation if one person can put one purse in one square. If all else fails, create a "sign" -- "purse nooks".

I feel, your coat should be taken and hung up ,but.... by NO means should a host expect you to leave your purse. I don’t think so!!!

Because of many reasons...but the main one being...MEDICATION!!!

A friend of mine, only two weeks ago, experienced a near death , regarding a child getting into an un -watched purse.

The child took the medication, which looked like candy to her and mixed it in with her cereal, she was eating.

Thank God it was caught in time and she was rushed to emergency.

I was at a party once when the hostess took your coat and bag, I was highly offended, and it made me very uncomfortable, later I found out that her husband was going through the bags and getting social security numbers from their drivers license and searching for other personal things and these were people in a very affluent area in North Canton, Ohio...Bob O Link area, I never trusted this hostess again, later she and her husband divorced and she continued to take bags at her parties, it was just weird, I refused all invites after that.