Yeah, I know it's traditional and weddings are steeped in tradition. But since I've gotten older and have given it some thought, I don't really like that part of the wedding. Please don't flame me because it won't do any good anyway :) What is the phrase exactly, "who gives this woman in marriage?" And then the father says "her mother and I" or whatever. She's not a piece of property to be given away, is she? Well, I didn't mean to take this thread off topic, but I really think some people should consider taking that part of the ceremony out. It's like the vow "love honor and obey". You don't hear that too much anymore either. Hope ya'll don't think I'm anti-marriage, I'm not. I certainly believe in the holy union of two people if that is what they choose. Just my opinion.

Thank you both for your responses. Amber i do tell my daughter under no cercumstance is she allowed to disrespect him. She has had her privileges taken way on a monthly base. Usually he is the one who picks the punishment and for how long. Sometimes im not exactly sure what all he takes away. The last time he punished er he took everything away from her. She doesnt have tv computer, netflix, going to movies for over six months. I unfortunately did not heard the punishment, because the day he gave the punishment i was recovering from a bronchoscopy. I thought I had heard him say she can not play on anything he bought, but unfortunately i was wrong. She is banned from everything. She can only play with her toys and read books. My husband has always had my oermission to disciplinw our daughter. I've tried very hard not to step on his toe when it came to punishing her. Even though six months of no electrinics is a pretty tough punishment for an eight year old, i've still stood behind him. She had a project last month and my husband refused to help her because of how she treats him. He feels that she wont fail becausebof her age and will give her a grade for effort. I however feel completly different. School work is not something i am going to say no to. No my husband does not have children of his own. Our daughter is his first shot at being a parent. He goes by how he acted as a child and expects the same way, he was a good obedient kid. Myself, on the other hand, gave my parents a challenge. I didn't do bad things against the law but i gave quite a few gray hairs to my mom. I know he cares about her but even i have doubts. I understand how mean she can be, trust me she hurts me the worst when she gets in one of her moods. However no matter how much she mistreats me,im still her mother. I should always be there for her. He is a dad now and he should also be beside me helping her through this. We have tried sitting down with her and explained the things we would be able to do as a family if only she listened to what we asjed her to do. She seems to behave for a few days and goes back to the same way as before. Unfortunately she is half the time with us and half the time with her bio dad so she gets a break from her punishmebt. When she comes back we have to start all over again. I've tried to explain to my husband she is just a child, usually when ahe is not around, but he doesn't follow. To him he just see an evil kid who will not change. He has even said out loud that if she doesnt change that she will one day be flipping burgers at a fast food joint. Anytime i sit with him and talk about her it's always negative. He doesnt even believe her teacher when we were told how smart she is and how polite and respectful she is. I was evwn stopped by the before and after school care staff last week, on how polite and respectful and willingness to help she was.

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder" Not only is this true with kids, but when a parent is totally gone, the child can also fantasize about how wonderful the absent parent is. They can create the perfect parent in their mind if they want. I was 22 when I got together with my BF that had three kids. They were 1, 4 & 6. Their mom was on drugs and left and never came to see them but maybe once a year. I spent my 20's raising his kids without benefit of marriage and when it didn't work out, I was 29 and he wouldn't even let me talk to his kids anymore (unless I would come back to him). I had no legal rights. In a way, I spent my youthful years taking care of his kids while he worked on his career. (he went from a street deputy to detective Sergeant while I was with him, because my being there allowed him to work any shift and not worry about his kids) A house was purchased (in his name only) but I paid on it and helped with improvements but ended up walking away with nothing. (I sometimes think I was lucky to leave with my sanity intact) I get the impression that you think that you and he will have a wonderful little family, especially if the boy is calling you mom. I didn't think of that before gigglemonster said it, but if he is, I can certainly understand why BM would be jumping on you. I'm not saying she's right to, but I could understand that here's her little boy calling you mom and you are trying to make the family she was supposed to have with this 'prize' of a guy and not only that, but he's thinking the kid might forget about her. I'd be fighting mad too. My guess is that the mom is also fairly young, early 20's??? There's a lot of emotions and immaturity too that could be contributing to all the conflict. and I guarantee that she'd tell her little boy to stop calling you mom if he is. He is too young to understand why it's upsetting to anyone, he'd call you both mom if he loves you both... they don't know the difference or think about how the 'real' mom will feel. They are so innocent but that's being ruined by immature people that put him in the middle of all this conflict. I'm really sad for the little boy in this.

Don't waste your time ladies and gent.... She knows her BF is a deadbeat and she supports him. I wanted to say the same thing so badly. Life together, Quirk stated "you get to see how your partner parents. Not how they say they plan to parent, but how they actually do parent." Why are there not enough clues for you? It is all these types of things that happen over time you get to see and scrutinize to determine if this is the kind of person you want to plan a life with. What you are doing is deciding you want a deadbeat dad for your own child(ren); you are deciding that for your own children, you want not only a deadbeat dad but one who is emotionally abusive to them and to you; you are deciding you want a man who is so controlling you stay confused most of your life and there is no way you can possibly do anything right because he finds something wrong with everything (the subject of his daughter is only the tip of the iceberg); you are deciding you want a man who does not consider your time, your feelings, or your existence as a human being who deserves any kind of respect; you are deciding you want a man who use his passive/aggressive tactics to constantly keep you feeling guilty and make you think you are the one always in the wrong; you are deciding you want a man who will bad mouth you to your children, family, and friends. You are not special. You only fool yourself into thinking you are because you are the person with him and you just loooooove 'im. But when the two of you break up (unless you take his abuse for the rest of your life), you will see him do the exact same things he has done to his ex and his daughter. With each of your subsequent posts, you make clearer the things you stated prior. I don't know why we have to pull your teeth because some of the initial posts have lacked information we would need to in order to satisfy what you expect from us. They also made you look like the bad guy. A little of that part I still question but really think those circumstances were created out of your desperation to finally do something that pleases him - a man who cannot be pleased. But this is getting worse by the word. Sylviatexas had him pegged from the beginning. LOL I should have known better than to second guess her. There is nothing to figure. There is nothing to try an remedy. There is nothing to talk to him about to try to straighten out. The only thing for you to do is decide to stay (all the things you are deciding you want) or go. But that was never your question, was it? You already said you don't want to leave. Therefore, I hope you are able to eek out a happy life and smile through the misery.