I want to scale back on giving to all of our nieces and nephews. At what age do you stop? 3/5 are 18 and over. It's just ridiculous.

It's hard for me bc one of my "love languages" is giving gifts. I get such a rush of happy feelings when I find something perfect AND when I see the recipent's reaction. I have a group of seven friends and we are all very close. We do a fun Christmas dinner w/our husbands & give each other little gifts. It is HARD to find "little" gifts for special friends! So the cost really crept up and just got crazy. So one friend suggested we do charitable donations instead...but for myself & a couple of others that took the joy out of shopping for good friends. (We still do the contributions, though!)

So we decided to draw names and just buy ONE gift. Less stress, less $, but we can enjoy tailoring a special gift for one friend. And it changes every year (usually) who you get to shop for!

We also don't do Christmas gifts for the adults in the family (except for our parents) bc that just turns into a stupid gift card exchange. We enjoy focusing on our kids. None of us need anything.

We scaled back many years ago. Gifts are just not a priority - the meaning of the holiday and sharing time and good food together is. I'm again chairing the community angel tree, which is a reminder of those who really need a bit of help to make a child's Christmas special - and isn't that what it's all about? I'm just thankful to have both siblings/spouses and my dad together at our home on Christmas Day. Not sure yet what my MIL will decide to do (she has a "man-friend").

I agree with you 100%. I do not understand the whole "season of gift giving," other than for kids and even that can get way out of hand. I often wonder if people misinterpret the "joy" that others get from opening another token gift. The best gift I ever gave my DH was the lifelong freedom from ever having to shop for a gift for me.

We also gave up many years ago. I was wasting money on stuff and others were wasting money on stuff for us. Now, honestly, I'd agonize and manage to find gifts that were perfect for the recipient and appreciated. I got junk. Yes, it's the thought that counts, but it's still junk.

Now we barely do any decorating, but that might change a little since we moved close to our son and his family. A wreath for the door is all we've done for years. Maybe a table-top tree this year? Only gifts we give are a check for son and DIL, grandson is 13 on Christmas Eve, I try to get him a real birthday present, maybe a sports jersey. For Christmas, he'd rather have a gift card to Game Stop than anything else. Only present I ask for is a picture of the Kid, and DIL does a good job of finding a great frame.

I just cringe to recall all the junk I have seen in the stores as well as the wasted time and energy, not to mention all the pressure to do it all.

The holidays are all about enjoying the company of family. Enough for me.

Hate the gift thing, since no one in our family needs a darn thing. LOVE decorating, celebrating, cooking, baking and joy!

We stopped exchanging gifts gifts several years ago except maybe a trinket. We send money to my niece and "niece & nephew" who are all out of state.

Then we spend a lot of money and time presenting a homemade Christmas dinner for our family. We pick a different region every year and have done French, Spanish, Italian in the past. We are starting to plan this year's event now.

It's not a money thing for us. We just decided to shift our focus.

We stopped the gift giving that we did with a small circle of friends. Instead, we made it a point to go out to dinner.

Because our family is so small, really no extended family that lives close by, I still like spoiling my two daughters. I have gotten better through the years though. I also try togged them things that they can use, like clothing.

Ida, it is disappointing when you make something as a gift that you think is special and well....the recipient does not.

I have a friend, she has signed moved away:(, who gave homemade baklava for friends. I love, love, love this! Her DH worked at hospital and colleagues would all get a small tray as well.

One year she told me that her husband questioned the baklava as a gift. I told her that that might be for some people, but to not put me in that category! We had a good laugh over this. But, it proves the point that all the work that is put in to making this dessert, might not really be appreciated.

We still give gifts to the 'kids' (relatives who are under 20 or still in school). The presents they receive from us are things or gift cards for things they can use or something pretty that I know will be enjoyed. My shopping is now almost 95% online. The other 5% I try to do in small independent shops.

My girlfriends and I stopped exchanging gifts many years ago.

We also do not exchange with adult relatives. Having said that, if our parents were still alive I'm sure we would have something nice to give them.

I also will have a basket or pretty box of edible treats for the neighbors that we are close to.

"LOVE decorating, celebrating, cooking, baking and joy!"

Me too Mimi!!

I hear you! I hate to get into the rush of buying the odd gift for acquaintances. I do have a couple of dear friends and we make it a point to go to dinner sometime during the holidays. It's gone from a card exchange to a small gift exchange. I'm ok with that as we don't spend much or expect much. Trivial really & something fun we'd get a kick out of, as IdaClaire said.

In our family, we're 14 (3 kids and their spouses/SO's, 6 grandkids). We do not expect much from our kids and we've long gotten away from a lot of gifts to them, even the grandkids. The grands are older now too and much prefer gift cards or cash so they can buy larger items they have on their wish lists. They all are pretty savvy shoppers and know they can buy after the holidays, usually at a better price. We really focus on the kids, having a day to spend together and share a meal.

We always Adopt an Angel at our local tree. I ran across this today because I always look at the Today Show cast and their Halloween costumes. I'm going to focus on giving back more than usual in some way this year.

I'm so glad that others understand where I'm coming from. Yes, it's the thought that counts, but it's still junk. Oh, so very true. Seems like I'm always collecting a box of such junk that I'm going to donate (have a box going in the closet right now, in fact), and it's just so pointless to continue the collect-and-purge process.

I have no doubt that there will be some people who will give me a gift, particularly those who enjoy baking. I'll probably also receive "trinkets" from a couple of people that aren't a part of my established gift exchange group and while I considered them, I didn't feel comfortable including them in my email. I'm determined to thank them warmly and genuinely, but not to reciprocate. It's that whole "well, she got me something so now I have to rush out and find something for her" exercise that really pushes my stress buttons.

Yes a million times to this. I love the holiday season and sharing it with my family as well as the good food and drink. But I dread gift giving ( I am terrible at selecting gifts) as well as the inevitable what to do with all this stuff????

Last year at Thanksgiving, our entire family put names in a hat and selected someone else's name. We also put a cap on the gift for $25, with home made gifts or gifts with utility being preferred. We just felt it had progressed to the point where we were all buying 'stuff' to fulfill an obligation and often it unneeded.

Of course, this has probably all gone to pot since my daughter turned a year old. Babies just receive gifts year round from grandparents, aunts and uncles. Or so I've noticed.

mimi, I stopped giving gifts to my nieces and nephews (brother's kids) when they were 18-ish. It wasn't so much their ages, but the fact that they took the gift, went off somewhere with it and couldn't even muster a fake thank-you. I figured my offerings were offensive and that was my signal to stop.

As for giving, yes, I like to give as well. Stuff like bags of catfood and toy mice for the local shelter.

I am also reminded of how it got to be even years ago in my ex-husband's family. Sometime after Thanksgiving, there would be phone calls exchanged amongst us, his parents, brother, and sister, and each person would relay something they wanted for Christmas, being careful not to duplicate their requests to other people. Then came the process of shopping and fulfilling each person's request. It really started to feel more and more like we were just filling an order, and I actually came to resent it. You need three new sweatshirts? Go buy yourself three new sweatshirts then.

OK, so maybe I really am Scrooge after all.

I don't want any more stuff! We scaled way back last year, and will even more this year. We give our adult kids a few things plus money. We usually give our parents something edible like fruit, but may not do that this year as they have requested that we don't. I just want a GC for my massage place and that's it. DH is hard to buy for, and that causes me stress. Last year I bought concert tickets for him and that was a big hit.

The commercialization of the holidays has almost ruined it for me. I just need to block all that out and focus on what I do enjoy-good food, family, friends, and my faith.

I also want to state unequivocally that giving to someone in need is completely different than what I'm talking about with the giving that had gotten out of hand in my life. It is a joy to give to someone else who truly needs things, and I'm confident in saying that most of us make a special point of doing so during the holiday season (as well as other times throughout the year). :-)

I do think that the expression "It's the thought that counts" is frequently misinterpreted to mean, "As long as I give you something, anything, it counts as being "thoughtful.""

We also limit gifts to close family & my sisters & I don't even exchange gifts, unless they happen to be here for the holiday. Gift cards or cash for most everybody except the granddaughters & even the oldest (9) now prefers a card to go shopping with. I do usually make something nice for my mom, tho: foods, tote bags, aprons, scarves or a robe. Everybody gets my homemade cards.

Another reinforcement for the idea comes from Freakonomics Radio:

http://freakonomics.com/2012/12/13/have-a-very-homo-economicus-christmas-a-new-marketplace-podcast/

I've been pondering this. Every year I say I'm going to scale back and then run myself ragged running around trying to find "stuff" so the "kids" will have a lot of gifts to open like when they were five years old. Then as they open them I'm saying to myself " what was I thinking?"

I think this year I'm doing gift cards/cash and limiting actual gifts to maybe 3 per person...so they have at least a few things to open. I ask for a list of what they want at Thanksgiving. I do like to find things they may not have asked for and might be fun surprises but still useful but have to really stay away from gifts that seem like a good idea at the time but probably end up in a closet.

We've exchanged with siblings off and on over the years but I'm going to email that we stop once and for all. One always sends candy I don't need! The others we usually exchange restaurant gift cards....seems silly.

I tried, I really did try. We're building a house this year (actually an upscale duplex with our DD (an only) and SIL, but DH and I are paying/gifting most of the cost). The 'kids' are good hard workers, but I tend to spoil them with a big Christmas,. (DD is a clothes horse and SIL an outdoor gear head). This summer I laid down the law -- no christmas, in fact nothing unless it's something for the house, especially no clothers/gear because everyone has plenty.

DH is getting a recliner I can live with for the new house because scale is right (not to big but he finds it very comfortable and it swivels (leather tbd):

DD and SIL will prbably get a new dining room table. (Will order it at Christmas) The designer we are working with has a guy that makes beautiful rustic/modern tables and we're working with a size issue that makes custom the way to go.

However, the 'no clothes' mandate got busted. Fast forward four weeks from the time I laid down the law on thatm and DD and SIL, face timed us with an ultrasound picture, so now I'n shopping for maternity and baby clothes too! But trying to keep it reasonable.

Yes to I don't want more stuff! We need to divest of crap in our house.

People know I love to cook, but I have everything I need, and I'm thankful for that. So that ebelskever pan? Oy!

I started scaling back a few years ago. What a relief! Our sons are adults and we give them money and/or gift cards. We have 2 young grandchildren, but we won't buy them very many gifts. Both have numerous other older relatives and will receive more than enough.

Look what I did this morning - I set up my artificial tree in the garage so I can take its picture and post it for sale on facebook. Then I will buy a much smaller one.

The commercialization of this religious holiday has almost destroyed the joy of its meaning for me. :(

My family is very large (75 now that both Mom and Dad have passed) and we, thankfully, agreed a long time ago to stop exchanging gifts. Same with my close girlfriends. Now, DH & I just buy gifts for each other, our son and daughter-in-law, and our daughter. Plus DH's brother and SIL, and his sister. I'm pushing to send off a similar email to his brother, as they live across the country and we hear from them once a year at Christmas (long story). I still give monetary gifts to my hairdresser, manicurist and the (outside) pest control gal who has been with us for the last 22 years out here.

Actually, I'm having the hardest time just thinking of gift ideas to give my family for me! As I mentioned in another post here, I am so not wanting more "stuff" that I just have to find places for. I already have a lot of nice clothes and jewelry. I don't need or want more at this time. Our son would prefer we gift them with gift cards, which DH has a major problem with, unfortunately. DD, at 22 y/o, has always been a breeze to buy for. DD will be home with us for the holidays, but our son and DIL can't make it for Christmas, as they live in Georgia and DS will be working then.

This brings up another gift problem, shipping costs for gifts. While back in Michigan last month for my dad's funeral, I had to take 3 ceramic bird statues, 2 medium-size paintings, a cribbage board game, a one-pound package of baking mix, a lightweight fabric Christmas banner, a small unbreakable statue and 3 pieces of lightweight clothing to a local UPS Pack & Ship to mail home. It cost me $169! I'd already bought DS & DIL a few things for Christmas before we'd left, but I am definitely buying everything else for them via Amazon Prime or any place with reasonable prices and free s&h! I can't believe how costly shipping has gotten, although I do realize that UPS Stores that pack for you charge a whole lot more for their service. I unfortunately didn't have a choice then, and they took advantage of that, I believe.

Thank for the nudge to talk to DH about sending that email to his brother soon.

Mimi, what about the older kids picking name between themselves and exchanging?

It's a shame when/if shopping prevents you from spending time with your loved ones.

On the other hand, for my parents when I was growing up, having gifts under the tree for us was extremely important from an emotional perspective for them. For my mom particularly, I think, having grown up very poor and of a large family.

My father long ago stopped exchanging gifts with his brothers and my mom's family is way too big to get into cross-family gift giving.

Gave all that up years ago - no regrets. We are now much more focused on the spirit and true meaning of Christmas rather than all the emphasis on shopping, material goods, etc.

For me, the new (and only) grand baby, on her second Christmas, is going to gifts she can unwrap and enjoy. There's something about the wonder of Christmas for young children, I want her to remember Grandma, Christmas, etc. when she gets older.

I enjoy spontaneous gift giving, but the fun goes out of it for me when it's a task to be accomplished for date-specific occasions. I agonize over getting it right and the practical minded side of me hates throwing money away on things people don't need or love. That's why I enjoy Thanksgiving more than Christmas.

DH has different thoughts about it, related to feelings attached to his upbringing. How we manage Christmas - both with gift giving and where we celebrate - has required more compromise than anything else in our near 40 yr. marriage.

I love the spiritual aspects, the music, enjoying the tree, time with my family, the special meals, .... but I would love for all the adult gift exchanges to be gone.

I will never forget the year that my niece was 2-1/2 and we wanted her Christmas to be so magical that she was nearly literally covered with presents to unwrap. The family all sat around and watched as she went from one gift to the next, encouraging her to keep going - there's more! Here's another one! Look, over here! You haven't opened this yet! Here! What about this? And this? And this one too?

Pretty early on, she had a crying meltdown. Just stood there up to her armpits in shed paper and bags and boxes, and bawled. Poor little thing was so overwhelmed by it all, and then it hit us: She's just opened a box containing a new, interesting toy or doll, and she's not even able to enjoy it because there's still so many other shiny wrapped packages to process, and all of these adults urging her on and on and on. We scaled back a bit the next year, as clearly our desires for the type of Christmas we wanted her to have were a bit at odds with what she wanted. ;-)

I think she still has a lot of fond holiday memories, but sometimes I remember that scene and am reminded of how we didn't quite get it right that year.

I always stressed about what to get our aunts & uncles. We do like to acknowledge them specially during the Holidays, but like everyone else mentioned - they just don't need anymore "stuff" The last 4 years or so I've been sending them holiday themed flower arrangements. People have lots of opinions on flowers (I LOVE to get flowers.... others see them as 'wasteful'), but it's been remarkably well received - I usually get something low with lots of seasonal greenery that can be used as a table centerpiece for a holiday dinner. And (this sounds awful) - it's easy for me. Takes 1/2 an hour on the computer.

I still love shopping for my husband. I LOVE finding the perfect gift, or even some crazy, quirky, oddball item that will be a hit. Some years I have better luck than others but I love to see his face when I know I hit it out of the park. My problem is I'm a terrible secret keeper, lol.

As I've gotten older I just seem to naturally do what makes me happiest.... I shop for who I want to shop for, buy what I want to, and everyone else gets a gift card if I feel obligated. Also like others have mentioned, we've started doing some 'experience' gifts for our parents, ie: last year my husband took his Dad to his very first NHL hockey game. Those gifts are the best kind, IMO, and I can see us doing it more often.

For my grandmothers, always flowers :) They seemed to really appreciate them. I only have one left, and she will be getting a very nice bouquet this year.

I love shopping for gifts and wrapping them in beautiful papers and ribbons. I joke that I create my whole carbon footprint in December. For the numerous young people (13 - 20) in the family, I put a gift card or cash in a tin of cookies. The children under 13 receive a toy or book. Aunties, no unclies [sic] left, receive something special that I know they wouldn't buy for themselves. Our parents receive useful gadgets, good wine, etc. The girls get a few little things to unwrap plus some cash. We host a dinner party annually in early December for our friends instead of exchanging gifts.

We don't exchange or give gifts to anyone in our workplaces unless there's some workplace-directed, gift-related activity that requires participation.

One of my favorite activities is fulfilling Angel wishes. Most of the requests are for coats, but I always tuck mittens, scarves and candy in the pockets.

Oh, I just re-read the title of this thread. I guess my answer is that I'm not scaling back for Christmas particularly.

Christmas is for kids....and wives! LOL Seriously, when the nieces and nephews are small, we get them something, but for adults, it's usually a big hug and maybe some cookies or a bottle of cider or wine : )

I have alway had a hard time shopping for others. Oh, the desire to find just the perfect gift was always there, but i agonized over whether it was nice enough? , did i spend enough? Etc. i have never been into giving food gifts, for the reasons discussed in a previous thread. And as a single mom working two jobs for many years, ..it was hard to see a gift I had chosen for someone, and struggled to buy, be something they did not want or appreciate.

When my children , and then their children, were young it was easier. But, now, no matter how much we spend. It never seems to be enough. And is usually not even acknowledged. SO...this year, I am thinking about a check for $x.amount....for a 'family fun day' .... two of my daughters and their families live on the opposite coast, and shipping fees have gotten crazy. We recently sent one family a very small box, ups was nearly 50 dollars!

The stepdaughter that lives here in town, well...she turns her nose up at whatever we buy them. she also turns her nose up at my decorating style, but that is another post... :)

Our extended families scaled back a while ago and I thought I'd miss the festive hustle-and-bustle of holiday shopping. Instead, I had more time to decorate, entertain, and just take in and enjoy how special the season is. Our town has many activities during the Christmas season, too, that we have time to enjoy instead of me trying to get a bunch of shopping done.

I think sending the no gifts email was a great idea. As the responses here show, many people do not enjoy that aspect of the holiday season. I bet more than a few of the email recipients thought "thank goodness someone said it!"

I dread the gift exchange with my inlaws but participate to please my husband. It takes over an hour for 5 adults to open the gifts, which are 95% unwanted or unneeded items and gift cards. Almost all of my gifts go right into my thrift store giveaway bag when I get home. The whole thing depresses me but I can't change that family's dynamic.

I'm curious how it will go this year. They spent more than 2 months trying to downsize and get rid of things but they will still be expecting more things on 12/25. It's hard for my husband to think of experience gifts for them because they are so limited in their interests. When you reach the point of giving postage stamps and finding out she hasn't fully use the stamps you bought her last year, you're really hitting the bottom of the idea barrel.

The only gift giving I enjoy is making a food item for 2 close friends.

We stopped giving gifts years ago, and do our best to avoid malls, zap TV commercials, etc. between Thanksgiving and New Year's. We spend time outdoors as much as possible, and share in community-based celebrations. I used to dislike the holidays, but these actions helped bring back the spirit of the season.

I have been very lucky to avoid this entire scenario - and it's not because I did anything to prevent it. Our family is small, the grandparents are gone, we have very few aunts or uncles and even those are geographically remote so we seldom saw them and just never got into the gift-giving rituals.

DH only has 1 sibling and I have 2 and we stopped giving gifts to our siblings when they had their own children. We only have 5 nieces and nephews and our family stops giving gifts to them when they each reach 18.

We only give gifts to our adult kids (no grandkids yet) and even then I try to find something that they need or really want, but we always give them a check too.

I've even managed to convince the kids to stop buying things for us and instead we go out to dinner or brunch instead.

We have a medium sized group in our family, but attempts to get other members to cut back in previous years have thus far been unsuccessful. So they go big with each other and we (as in I) do what I'm comfortable with. More and more I've found myself making gifts that can serve a whole family and/or hold some sentimental value. Last year I made afghans for two families, this year with our Mom's passing I've decided to have a picture of her that's relative to each family framed for their family walls.

We tend to be much more traditional and for us, it's the thought that counts. My husband's favorite gift is the tin of short bread cookies my Son in Law makes for him every year. I don't think my SIL actually understands how much my husband enjoys and appreciates it, but it's truly the highlight of his holiday.

luckiirish, your comment about the shortbread reminds me of something my father looks forward to each year.

Each Christmas for decades my Mom's sister, who lives in N.C., had been sending a pound of her homemade fudge to my parents here in N.H. Two yrs. ago she was battling a health issue so she sent a package of Florida oranges instead. I thought my father was going to cry.

My Dad gets very good homemade meals and baked goods from my sister and me all the time. We tailor foods to his tastes and make all his favorites. But nothing lights him up like receiving that fudge in the mail. He starts talking about it and keeping an eye out for it right about now each year.

The good news is last year my aunt was healthy and the fudge was back! I spoke to her about how much my Dad loved it and asked for her recipe. I don't want to go through another holiday season where Dad doesn't get the fudge ;)

Yep, that's what my husband does too! My husband is an immigrant from Europe and his first Christmas here my SIL made him a little box of goodies. It included of 3-4 packs of kool-aid tied together with a ribbon (because Dh had never had it before) along with the first batch of shortbread cookies and a loaf of my husband's favorite Black Bread made from a recipe my SIL had found on the internet. With it was the recipe hand written on a card. It was obvious that my SIL had put quite a bit of thought and effort into the care package. I just thought it was so special. That was 17 years ago and we still have the recipe card and kool aid packets tucked away.

I have scaled back on gifts over the years as my kids moved out of the toy stage, and I continue to cut back each year. I only buy gifts for my parents, children, best friends, and spouse. My goal for this year is to reduce the cost and avoid gift cards, but to increase my decorating, baking and inviting people over. I feel like those things fell by the wayside when I shifted from SAHM to full-time plus work, and it has reduced my enjoyment of the holiday.

The MIL who calls, crying in apology because she could not afford to buy what she considers a proper gift, buying gifts for wealthy BIL and children, with no thanks, much less reciprocation, while DH feels bad because he cannot afford to go visit everyone.......no thank you. If that is scrooge-like thinking, so be it, but I prefer to think as kittymoonbeam.... Living is the GIFT!!!

I scaled back years ago. It's important that when you make new friends to tell them how you feel about this so they aren't gift gearing up.

One thing that irks me is that donations to some charitable causes results in trinkets arriving. Someone makes a donation to an animal welfare group in my name, and each year I receive a stuffed animal and a large glossy photo of an animal. I don't know what it costs to produce and mail this stuff, but I would rather the organization use the money for the animals.

"I know the stores want us to buy the latest most impressive gifts to show how much we care."

I think the stores want us to buy the MOST stuff we can buy, regardless of the impression it makes. The isles are filled to the rafters with useless junk and doodads.

We're going to watch this soon. I can't believe I've not seen it yet, as I thought I had seen everything that Morgan Spurlock had directed.

What Would Jesus Buy?

We haven't exchanged gifts in a few years now in my family. There are no little ones right now, and we all seem to have all the merchandise we need. We concentrate on the food/music/celebration part and I find I enjoy it so much more. I only wish that Caroling hadn't fallen out of fashion where I live (probably where you live too). Maybe I'll see if I can round up a group this year.

amck2, my dad always looked forward to the coffee can of cookies his sister would send -- a Dutch cookie his mother made. My mom had the recipe and made them but my dad liked the ones like his mother made better, To me, they were all good. When I started making them, my mom declared that yu had to have Dutch blood to make them right. When my dad went into hospice, thse cookies were one of the things we made for him.

After my parents passed, we went to only doing a gift swap. My sister is getting divorced and my cousin is moving away. I'm not sure if we will continue with the swap -- they are more fun with a larger groups. We may just do gifts for the boys and one son's GF and leave any family gathering to board games, puzzles, decorating a gingerbread house or cookies -- time spent together.