"It would be nice if some men would respond. Linda put her side of the problem on the forum (Posted 11-8-09), only women responded." Wrong. I am male and here is what I wrote to her then: "Posted by asolo (My Page) on Tue, Nov 10, 09 at 15:17 You had separate finances before. You have separate finances now. Nothing unusual about that. But there must be mutual understandings. I assume your presence and activities within Dan's house amount to something. Cleaning, housekeeping, errands, cooking perhaps? In that sense, what makes you a "tenant" -- one who pays rent -- as opposed to a "housekeeper" or "personal secretary"-- one who is entitled to a wage? I would encourage you not to open that pandora's box. However, if he does, I wouldn't hesitate to turn it around instantly. Spouses often share expenses but they do NOT pay "rent". Suggest you share all expenses (excluding taxes and insurance on Dan's home which remains his asset) but not "rent". I think "rent" within a marriage is an obnoxious term. As time goes on and you may buy furniture, etc,. you must be careful to record what's his, yours, and "ours". Your union can work just fine with separate accounts. Both of you should gain. Neither of you should have your assets depleted. "Rent" would be a net depletion for you because if you still lived in your own house, you wouldn't be paying it. I would resist that. If you contribute to repairs and/or upgrades to Dan's house over time, that becomes your equitable interest in the property, too, which you'll want to record. Overall, I think Dan's being kind of a jerk about this. He's creating more problems than he's solving. You may have married a pedant. If he persists, you may want to consider a "post-nuptial" agreement and put this nonsense to bed permanently. How's the marriage going otherwise?" Your questions from this post: "1.) I am asking Linda to share the living cost of the home we live in. 1/2 of the cost is $240.00 per month (includes taxes, insurance, utilities etc.). Is this right?" Yes and no. Your idea of "living expenses" is flawed. She should share in "expenses" such as utilities and food and cleaning products, other things you both consume. She should also be willing to contribute to occasional appliance repairs and other wear-and-tear items that both of you use and that will require repair or replacement in time. That part would be fair in my opinion. How much and whether or not that will represent equitable interest thereafter will be a can of worms for both of you, of course. She shouldn't contribute to any capital item. You remodel the place or replace the roof, you pay for all of it. She should not pay taxes or insurance or anything else related to the capital value of your separate asset. "2.) I am also asking Linda to share $160.00 per month of the profits she makes from her 10 rental units. Is this right?" No. Hers is hers. Yours is yours. You've already agreed to that. Your justification is nuts. She could say the same thing if you wanted to turn it around. She's agreed to dance to your tune and you want her to pay the piper, too. "3) I feel the request I am making for her to share is fair and honest. Am I right or wrong?" I don't doubt your honesty. Making requests is "fair" but I don't think an experienced disinterested outsider would back you up about the logic or "fairness" of your proposal. I suggest two things -- and both of you should share the cost: 1) Seek out an experienced family-practice lawyer, lay this on the table before them and ask their opinion/advice. Nail down the financial logic -- which may give both of you new perspectives. 2) Assuming you reach an agreement, I would then lock it down in a post-nuptial agreement. What the hell....the way you two are thinking, you're going to be talking to lawyers soon enough anyway if you can't clear this off the table. You could allow Linda to purchase 1/2 of your house. Maybe she could do her own financing or maybe you could carry the note. That wouldn't disrupt anything else for either of you and would remove the root cause of all this financial pedantry. If, in your opinion, those options can't be considered -- you will have told me more about yourself than you may have intended.

LOL at you all! "Architecture is taught by the "critical method" meaning building designs are presented to a jury of professionals who criticize them without mercy..." This explains SO MUCH of the advice professional architects offer on this forum! I have a legal degree, so I totally understand how a few years of professional school can train your brain into a certain communication style. (I'm now an at-home mom and my 4-year-old mimics me "Objection! Asked and answered!") Anyway...my delicate ego didn't enjoy the critique on this group BUT I truly appreciate the direction we went. I now have a house plan I'm psyched about, and the architect and I are now coffee buddies -- our kids happen to be similar ages and our new build happens to be in her neighborhood! Now that so many of the gardenweb's brilliant minds are involved in this thread I'm especially excited to see the OP's draft!

The Cook's Kitchen: I just re-read your comment. Yes, we would put our kiddos upstairs and convert their rooms into an apartment with a separate entrance. There is already a bathroom that just needs to be converted. We definitely want to make this long-term friendly for him, expecting a wheel chair down the road. We will look into the selling both homes idea... I see that as being more complicated, honestly, since buying a larger home would be contingent on the sale of 2 homes.... There are currently only 6 homes (that meet price and size) for sale in our desired area...

Is your fridge or your freezer the problem? If it's the fridge, then get a large all-fridge for the kitchen and move overflow fridge and freezer to the garage. If the freezer is the problem, put an all-freezer into the garage. All-fridge and all-freezer is more expensive, but ends up using space much more efficiently. One way to mitigate the cost is to buy a commercial model. They tend to give you a lot better bang for the buck. Unfortunately, they also tend to be more noisy. So, that's probably only an option for the garage. We have a "True" fridge in the garage and really like it. If you need more than 4 burners (30" range or rangetop) or 6 burners (36" model), you should review your cooking style. Even restaurants often make do with that. The trick is to use your oven(s) much more extensively. They are a great tool whenever you need to cook things for a long amount of time. In other words, I wouldn't double up the stove or the fridge, but I certainly would get additional ovens if that fits the budget and available space.