Helping my dad share his stories...X-posted on Kitchens/Smaller homes
Lavender Lass
7 years ago
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My husband just lost his dad
Comments (4)I have been trying to help my husband. He hasn't shown any grief since the day he had to see his father's body at the funeral home. At the funeral he was the only dry-eyed person. I have been doing everything around the house, and anything I can think of to make things easier on him. But I am about ready to snap. NOt at him but at the insensitivity of other people. It is crazy. First, the my FIL's sister (in her 50's) posted an invite to his funeral on facebook. It was supposed to be a private family graveside service because my husband's mother is in a very fragile state right now. It was such a shock and she is not doing well. So two days before the funeral it is found out that his family now has to get together enough food to feed about 50 ppl because my FIL's sister invited all these people to the service and get together afterward. They did NOT need the extra stress of having to do this!! And a simple thing- my parents decided to send flowers my MIL's house even though they really don't know her. My mother asked ME to send them (because I could pick out something she'd like I guess) so I called a local florist and asked that the flowers be delivered to the house on the day of the funeral. The florist calls me back the day of the funeral to say they couldn't get the flowers I wanted in that day so they would be delivered the next day. I didn't want to argue so I said ok. There are more important things. But then I get another call that evening saying the flowers wouldnt' be delivered until TWO days after the funeral. I spoke with the owner who was VERY rude. When I said the flowers were for a funeral he corrected me and said "No they are not for a funeral, they are being delivered to a home address." Yes, dumbass but they have a sympathy card with them. He then asked what the address was even though I'd already given it to the person who took the order previously. He went on to say it wasn't his fault (I wasn't even upset at this point) that his supplier was late and all he could do was have me select another arrangement and he "Might" be able to deliver it by the next day. I found another florist and called him back and asked him to cancel the order. He said he'd already made arrangements to get the flowers I needed (still two days late) and I told him I just wanted to cancel the order please and he said whatever and hung up on me!! Stupid, but I just broke down crying. And at the service, the strangest thing was that my MIL did not want to watch her husband's urn be buried in the dirt (her kids and grandkids wanted to watch) and I definately don't blame her. She is still thinking of him as a person who is alive or has characteristics of being alive and to see that would just kill me. She started bawling and told everyone she had to get out of there and NOT one of her kids escorted her away. MY FIL's sister who posted the thing on facebook took her away. It also seems that my MIL does not want to hear any good things about her husband from anyone. SHe is very angry toward him (probably for leaving her alone) and if anything nice is said she gets mad. So I say nothing. I just don't know what to do....See MoreI lost my best friend my dad
Comments (4)Viola Sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my dad 10 months ago. He was 68 and I was 34. I think the same way that you are. It will be hard to go through life for the next 30-40 years without dad. My dad helped me out with watching my kids while I worked. He was such a great dad. I miss him horribly. Everything you are feeling is normal. It doesnt seem fair and at times the sorrow cuts like a knife deep inside my heart. Then I get so mad that he died. I guess all these feelings are normal. Your life will never be the same again, something just changes when you lose someone you love. When I lost my dad I felt so alone and realized wow its really time to grow up now because when mom and dad are still here, a part of you stays there little girl. There is no easy answer. Just try to keep yourself busy and cry when you need to. Talking to other people who are going through similiar thing helps me. I dont like going around people who still have there parents. I guess I am jealous, not sure,. In the end we will be reunited again. My prayers are coming your way. Keep posting...See MoreHow to help my recently-widowed dad
Comments (15)"Seems like the best bet is to throw a lot of gift cards at him for logical stores that he goes to." Gift cards tend to get shoved in drawers or the side zipper on a wallet, and forgotten about or lost. If there are a bunch of them they are hard to remember to keep track of and using one up to the exact dollar amount usually requires spending MORE money to make a purchase or the last few dollars get wasted by never being used. I can't tell you how many gift cards to Best Buy or Victoria Secret I have that have just a few dollars left on them and I'll have to blow another $20 or so to get those last remaining dollars out of them. I would just give him ONE gift card. Make it for something he uses all the time, like gas for the auto. You can purchase a gasoline gift card and give it to him and some of them can be recharged. You can keep adding money as it gets low. Where I live there is a program that involves a wand that hangs from the keychain that you wave at the pump and it records the sale. The bill can be sent to your home. He may think this new gadget is 'cool' and use it just because it is interesting. Possibly it won't seem like charity to him. Since he is still active, and gets out of the house frequently for his job and hobbies, this will get used a lot. You can also buy an American Express gift card that can be used in ANY store that takes AMEX. This gives him more options to get things he really needs that you may not have thought of. I think this is a better option than a bunch of different cards to different stores. He can even use it at restaurants. I don't know if you can change the billing address on utilities but where I live you CAN gift someone extra landline phone services for their line and have it billed to your account. I did this for my parents. I bought them a caller ID box that shows the numbers calling, in big numerals. I gave it to them wrapped for xmas. On the sly, I had had the phone company activate the service starting the day before. They plugged it in and it "worked". They had no idea I was paying the $6.50/mo for the service. They thought the box worked all by itself. Now they don't have to struggle to get to the phone and have it stop ringing before they get to it and then wonder 'who was calling'. And yes, I did try buying them a cordless phone but neither of them can get out of the mindset that a phone must be 'hung up' and not "left laying around". I would call the utility company to see about changing the billing address. I know that bills can be sent to another address. How easy this would be to do would depend on who you talk to at the phone company. They may put you through hoops, or they may just rubber stamp the request....See MoreMy smaller home plan...
Comments (10)Hi, Ogrose :) Having the handicap bars are very nice...I don't really need them, but I do feel safer having them. They're just so handy, too...much easier to clean the shower, when you have something to grab on to, especially on that back wall! I'm glad you like the kitchen. I've always liked the idea of a table in the kitchen, but this way, it does seem to feel more like a dining room, less like a nook. So, still a nice place for the holidays or a bit more formal dinner. Not that we're ever THAT formal on the farm! LOL Marti- The sunroom and the garage/master bedroom would all be added on. The bathroom and front entry are there, but need to be rebuilt (old additions) and the sunroom will need some roof work. However, the living room, guest bedroom, kitchen/dining area are all in pretty good shape, considering. I wanted to find a plan we could actually do over time...without winning the lottery! :)...See MoreLavender Lass
7 years agolast modified: 7 years agoLavender Lass
7 years agoLavender Lass
7 years ago
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