Well, DH and I recently retired and moved to the town where his oldest son lives. DH's XW lives about a day's drive away in the same town where DH's other two adult children reside. The oldest son's in-laws are somewhat wealthy, with several homes in the US and overseas. In the past, the XW has, on occasion, been invited to spend a holiday here and there with the son's in-laws. Prior to our recent move here, it had been a while since the XW had shared a holiday with them (the son's in-laws). This has changed dramatically in the months since we've moved here. She spent two weeks with them in southern CA at Thanksgiving; she was back in southern CA and here for two weeks at Easter.

Recently, DH's daughter was excited to plan with DH to visit us over July 4th. Turns out, part of the plan is to enjoy the fireworks with her brother, his family and his in-laws at the in-laws' lake house...along with DH's granddaughter who will be here for a couple weeks over the holiday...with her grandmother, DH's XW...mind you, DH had mentioned to his daughter earlier this year about having the granddaughter come spend a week or so with us over the summer...only now to find out the granddaughter will indeed be here, staying at the home of DH's son with DH's XW...

DH's grandson's birthday is next month...DH's son has already let his dad know there will not be one birthday party with both sides of the grandson's family...the in-laws will have one party and DH and I are invited to plan some other celebration for the grandson...

DH and I have been together for 21 years, married 19. This is basically half of his oldest son's life (and more than half the lives of his other son and daughter). DH's grandchildren have only known him and me to be together...even after all this time, it still feels as if DH is a second class citizen...relegated to the leftovers. It is as if there is no end to the slights dealt out by his children. It is just wierd that we move out here and all of the sudden, the XW is spending every holiday with the son and son's in-laws.

I'm glad when we chose to retire here, we made certain that we wanted to be here, regardless of whether or not his son and the son's family was here. If we had moved here solely with the idea we would be closer to the son and grandson, we would be sorely disappointed...even more than we are already.