The only weddings we've been to in the last 5 years have been nieces/nephews. Of the 7 who were married only 1 got married in a church and none of them were in the $40,000 + range. The daughter of a friend of mine was married a few years ago and her wedding was probably in the "plus" range.

I recently read that fewer millenials are members of a church than ever before. So that could be why there are fewer couples marrying in a church.

I can't remember the last time I attended a church wedding-and I know that none of my kids' peers have married in churches.

My DD married almost 2 years ago.

We gave her a budget of $5000 and she came in way under. Venue was probably the most expensive thing on the list. It was sweet, simple, and lovely. We had a cake & punch reception. The only complaint was it was a little warm outside in the sun. But the ceremony didn't take long and every one was able to move into the shade or inside.

It wasn't held in a church as where we attend it wasn't/isn't very "pretty" -- not designed for weddings. (more of a practical facility)

We gave the kids the option of taking the cash for a down payment on a
house or a wedding. They already had housing arrangements, so they opted
for the latter. We aren't "royalty" and there's no sense in shelling out a huge amount of money for a "party" that in a month or so, no one is going to remember.

Frankly I think it's ridiculous to spend such grandiose amounts of money on one event. Of course, that's JMHO.

Our kids are 32 and 33 so there have been a lot of weddings in the past 10 years....kids of friends, too. Almost all of the weddings have been in churches. When I grew up all receptions were in the church. Of course, I had never heard of anyone having booze at a wedding.

My #1son is on the cusp of marriage so the discussion of cost seems to always be eventually brought up. It is our understanding that nearing the 30k range is average for a fairly modest affair. A wedding you THINK was not a lot of money most likely was A LOT more than you can imagine!!! I have not been at a wedding with the reception at the church since I married. Even though inside a Church is not the first choice of many we have experienced most have an ordained minister. Statistics do not bare this out as a norm. DS was best man at a "back yard" wedding this summer. One of the novelty items offered was a craft beer station--which we provided. This was no "on the cheap" affair. The two tents they raised for the reception catapulted the price of the party from the get go. We also have two daughters and I have spent MUCH time pointing out the nasty side of outdoor weddings as we attend them. (anxiety over weather, bugs, temperature, heels sinking into the ground, acoustics,lack of privacy...) Here's hoping this "trend" dissipates QUICKLY!! It is true the traditional Catholic, inside church wedding is not what little girls dream of any more..but then marriage isn't either. At least the couples who do choose that route have undergone months of counseling and have spent at least as much time prepping for MARRIAGE as they are for the party/wedding. The 40k price tag REALLY makes one ill when one remembers the statistics for divorce among all these "destination" affairs.

Another reason why weddings may exclude a church or clergy is the fact that now you can obtain a legal officiant's license over the internet.

In my area an average size formal wedding with all the extras could easily cost 30K, 40K or more.

This may be a church wedding followed by a reception at a reception venue or a wedding where the ceremony and reception are at the same site. The costs add up quickly. DS married a few years ago and his bride had a large family which her parents were happy to invite.

Our family is definitely on the small side - I think we had 20 people who accepted the invitation - family and close friends and we only included those people who knew our son.

There were 125 guests and I know their wedding was in that price range. We also voluntarily contributed and told our DS and DDIL that if they didn't use the money on the wedding they could consider it part of their wedding gift.

I've been to several weddings that were similar. These aren't huge weddings nor were they lavishly extravagant. Yes they were expensive but they were also tasteful and lovely ceremonies and receptions.

Is it necessary to spend that much? Of course not - obviously you can have a beautiful wedding without spending that much.

When a niece of ours got married she had special orchids flown in from Hawaii. Years later, do you think anyone (who wasn't in on the planning) would even remember the center pieces? But, it was something she just had to have!

We're not religious and didn't get married in a church, but did choose to have the ceremony right in the reception hall to avoid additional hassle and expense (we were lucky enough to have THREE 90+ grandparents at our wedding and didn't want to shuffle them all over). We also got photos done before the ceremony again to avoid having everyone standing around.

I would say I tried to have a budget wedding that still included the traditional "stuff" (meal and open bar) and it was shockingly expensive. The venue alone was $1200, then I had to rent tables and chairs, the catering was "cheap" at $25 a head including dishes and silverware (the caterer was amazing and wildly exceeded my expectations!), I had a DJ ($1000), wedding photographer ($2000), open bar was surprisingly not too expensive ($2500 or so IIRC), officiant $500, buying linens was same as renting so I bought off ebay ($500+), DIY centrepieces were probably $15 each, cake pops were $300+. anyway, when you added it all up we were at $20,000+. The big line items I would cross off now are photographer (why I thought this was important I have no idea) and DJ (I didn't want the hassle of dealing with an iPod but we gave him a playlist anyway). table flowers were last minute from costco and ugly as heck - wish I'd found a good florist.

One thing to note is you can save money by asking your friends to do stuff...but sometimes that's a huge imposition on your friends who wish they could just be enjoying themselves at your day. I tried to get a friend to DJ and he was very uninterested - too much pressure.

Yes of course you can do it cheaper, I've had friends do potluck weddings, outdoor weddings, etc. Of course with a big outdoor wedding you still have to rent a tent, silverware, chairs, tables....it's not as cheap as you might think. We even checked out our local Legion (sort of like a community centre with booze) and they were at $15 a head for food that would have been cafeteria-like and $5 a drink.

I think the easiest way to have a cheap wedding is to keep the guest list down. The smaller it is, the more flexible you can be with everything. If I were to do it again, which I won't, I'd have it at a hotel and let their planner take care of everything. I didn't save that much money by DIYing in the end and it was a huge nightmarish headache. We both have huge families who didn't have the courtesy to move away from Nova Scotia so our guest list ended up at 150 and that was with slashing friends to the bone. As well we were a bit older as are our friends and no one wanted to like sit around a picnic in a field - we were pretty invested in comfortable seating and good wine.

I've been to at least two $100K plus and two $300K plus weddings...extravagant yes, but in cultures where the guests typically "cover their plate" and then some with cash gifts and where the parents invite all friends, relatives and business associates from around the world. I enjoyed every minute of them!

Having paid for my own wedding I'm now strictly cash gifts only, especially for younger couples. They need it!

The last church weddings we have attended have been In Catholic Churches. It's interesting that I hadn't thought about that. (The most recent non-Catholic Church wedding was over 3 years ago and it was in an Episcopal Church.) Counting up, we have been guests at 10 weddings within the last 2 years, all held outside with receptions being in shelter.

When a good friend's daughters reached marriage age, my friend put away her entire salary for a year to pay for the weddings. Two daughters, 2 years of salary for the 2 parties within 3 years. Luckily her husband earned enough that it wasn't a hardship to use her money this way. The events were well planned, beautiful and fun.

Here in the south many couples marry in church. I don't think the cost is the driving factor for many, they are churchgoers and that is what they do.

The average wedding amongst my DD's friends (late twenties early thirties) is about $45k. Destination weddings are less expensive, close by resort type weddings much more expensive because everyone comes :/) Fancy local hotel weddings and church/ country club weddings fall somewhere in between. We did a spreadsheet of various costs after DD called several of her closest sorority sisters and asked them for the final tally on their weddings. (The accountant was the most helpful, no surprise.) DH and I decided on a figure and told DD and fiance it was theirs regardless of what kind of wedding they had. They "eloped" on a cruise by themselves and kept the money----and we were very pleased with their choice. They had a lovely ceremony and have wonderful pictures and precious memories of two very private weeks away.

DD was appalled at the cost of dresses so she did a good bit of research and got a previous year's sample dress for $399. I don't remember the original cost of the gown but it was at least five or six times what she paid. Her DH already had a tuxedo and I bought her red slippers and she wore my pearls. Drama free and they are really happy they did not have the big event. Only my mother was annoyed!

In my area, 30 to 50 is the norm. When I got married, we had 350 guests and the total was only nine thousand but that was 57 years ago and times change. The gowns alone are in the thousands. All my relatives got married in a church and had lovely weddings. Yes, you pay a lot up front, but, most of the guest now give cash and the couple ends up with a sizable amount of money. That's how it works where I live.

It really depends on the area. I am a non-denominational minister and a Civil Celebrant (legal in NJ to solemnize marriages), so I perform a lot of weddings for couples who are from different cultures, or don't have a regular church. They have ranged from 10 people in a park overlooking the Atlantic, to 300 people. The one with 10 people was the best wedding I have ever attended or officiated. The most expensive might have been the one that I officiated for a friend. His wife is from Columbia, and there was so much food (the Viennese "table" was in it's own room)! A lot of my couples are older, and they are paying most of the cost of their weddings.

I'm near the ocean and a few rivers, there is a great demand for beach weddings, or locations that overlook water of some, kind during good weather.

If you know ANYONE who is planning an outdoor wedding, PLEASE ask them to have a backup plan!

My sister had an outdoor wedding...at the end of October...on the seaside...in Nova Scotia. Followed by an outdoor cocktail reception.

I was extremely skeptical but fortunately it was fairly balmy and we all only froze a little bit.

Here's a tip, bring your own hair and makeup people down from the city. We used just the local person and it was so, so awful.

I'm only showing you all this photo because I like you and I can laugh about it now. That hair!!!!! What is going on up top?!?! And did you know I usually have eyes that don't look like two peeholes in the snow?

Actually while we're laughing at me that brings to mind this photo, taken at my sister's bachelorette. Oh dear.

Second the recommendation for an indoor backup plan. My brother's first garden wedding ended up in the nearest Episcopal church that was free that day. Everyone at the wedding kept repeating "God wanted them to get married in a church" and my mother kept telling them that was nonsense, it was complete incompetence that led them to the church!

Robo, I like your picture! But I have a question---why do women who have never worn a ruffle in their lives decide that is appropriate attire for their bridesmaids?? I don't know if your sister is the ruffle type but I've heard more bridesmaid complaints about that one particular dress feature than anything else.

If you can believe it, the other bridesmaid and I are both fairly zaftig and we both helped pick out the dresses...I agree they weren't that great in retrospect but the other bridesmaid had very strong fashion opinions and it was hard to find something we both could agree on and would take a bra. I had some narrow "dropped waist" escapes and there was one the other gal liked that had a weird scarf thing across the front like a Ms. Universe banner.

Bridesmaid dress shopping can really make humans very strange. Also I'm sure most bridesmaid dresses are designed not to look that good compared to the bride. In our case that wasn't a problem as my sister made a spectacular bride :)

Your "ugly bridesmaid dress as a foil" theory may be right :-)

I never thought of that but always wondered why they were so awful. Agree about the dropped waist disasters, have seen more than my share of those but thought they were popular in the 80's during the Jessica McClintock wedding dress era, you're too young to even remember that.

The green color is great on you!

My nephew is getting married on Labour Day weekend ON the beach in Cannon Beach in Oregon. I live on the west coast and am planning for at least wind, if not rain. Don't tell me it's going to be gorgeous, I know how much camping gets rained out in the PNW on labour day weekend.

I think DS was one of the few who had an unbelievably gorgeous mid-September day for his outdoor wedding. It was held at a private golf club near Longwood Gardens in Kennet Square, PA which is near Philadelphia for those unfamiliar with the area. Perfectly blue skies, no humidity and a breeze so gentle that those wearing sleeveless dresses were completely comfortable.

The groom and all his best buddies spent the day on the golf course while the female side of the bridal party had a champagne spa day followed by hair and make-up.

I am positive the only reason the weather was so gorgeous is that we HAD a back-up plan. The event coordinator for the club was prepared to set up chairs in one of the smaller ballrooms in the event of rain.

I agree pretty much with what tinam and kswl wrote (Here in the south many couples marry in church. I don't think the cost is the driving factor for many, they are churchgoers and that is what they do). Of course I live in the south too. I've been to a couple of weddings of older couples lately who held the service privately and then had the blowout reception for everyone at a prescribed time after. The latest was truly a spectacular reception with a lot of money spent but the parents could well afford it.

I've only been to one wedding and reception that was at a farm and it was actually very lovely. A Presbyterian minister friend of the couple married them. Good food, homemade cakes, great atmosphere on a nice October evening. The bride is the daughter of good friends. The groom? Not long after the ceremony they moved north so he could attend theological seminary in Pittsburg and he will soon graduate with his doctorate.

So interesting to hear what goes on with others. I went to an outdoor wedding last summer - first outdoor one in a while. It was blazing hot especially while we sat in the sun waiting for the ceremony that started late. Fortunately we were able to escape into an air conditioned barn for beverages before the meal. Then we were unfortunate to be among the minority seated in the blazing hot sun for a hot meal. It was all very uncomfortable.

I've only been invited to one far away destination wedding. We did not attend because it was so expensive to do so and we weren't that close to the groom and had never met the bride.

I imagine a big part of the very expensive weddings is the sit down dinner. I got married in a small town and had the reception in the church basement followed by an outdoor party at someone's home on a lake. That was a more informal event for the partiers. We paid for our own wedding when we were 21 and DH still in college. I had just started my first job after college. My widowed mother had no $ for a wedding. I bought a dress off the rack for about $125. No fancy honeymoon. Back in the day you wouldn't even think of having the groom's parents pay though that seems to be completely acceptable now. Just spoke to one of the $40K parties who were the groom's parents and paid for the entire thing as the bride and family had no $ for a wedding.

Gift registries are also quite interesting. I often wonder if people simply check every box on the list. So many things I think you'd rarely use and where would you even put all of them?

We stayed at a resort and could see a wedding group, that we didn't know, gathering for photos. My first thought was "why doesn't the bride like her friends?" since the dresses were yellow. I have a strong dislike to anything yellow that isn't nature. The dresses were short and there was variety in how the top was designed. That was nice, each girl could get what was most flattering (besides the awful color). I like when the dresses are slightly different and the attendant can pick her most flattering style. The funny/bizarre/unusual thing was most of the bridesmaids did not wear slips and you could see through the dress and follow the outline of their undergarments. Thongs were popular. Didn't they try them on ahead of time? And consult a full length mirror?

Another time I was in a tuxedo rental store. A groom was there with his men. The clerk showed him a big board full of color swatches and asked which color will the females be wearing. He points to one and has he is saying "coffee" the clerk is saying "mocha." The groom looked panic stricken and said "no, it's coffee, she told me to tell you coffee!" The clerk calmly said it doesn't matter what we call it if we agree on the swatch. He looked like he was scared to death to get it wrong and have to face his bride.

I'm already grousing about a wedding we are going to in August......hot, humid, August. I'm told this is a six figure affair with over 300 invited. When I heard the particulars I just shook my head.....what are they thinking?

No parking at the church, so everyone has to walk "a block" to the church. Mapquest has it at almost 1/2 mile. Yes, 300 people all dressed up schlepping in 95 degree heat and humidity. After the ceremony we walk back to the hotel to board buses to the reception.....a private gardens. Once we get off the bus, we have to be transported on golf carts to the reception area. How long is it going to take to transport 300 people three or four at a time? So standing around waiting for a cart in the heat. Cocktails are on the lawn...also in 95 degree heat and humidity......can't go into the supposedly air conditioned tent until dinner. (Am skeptical about the A/C because the heaters at my son's tent reception were awful....some sat in coats all evening while others roasted as the blowers were right on them...I'd never recommend a tent!). Held captive at the reception I guess until they have enough people to go back to the hotel on the bus. Oh.....and port-a-pottys.....in 95 degree heat and humidity.....just yuck! Can't help but wonder if 80 year old grandparents, etc will be walking to the church, hopping on buses and golf carts.

elbeeca - too bad there isn't a "dislike" button. I would note it for the situation that you have described.

I wrote about my rainy wedding woes in the "Most Embarrassing" thread. Yikes!

I forgot, the smallest ceremonies were a civil union and then a wedding three years later for the same couple. Their best friends were the witnesses. 4 people total, in the couple's living room. Very sweet.

$32,000 AVERAGE cost.

http://www.startribune.com/before-you-say-i-do-you-might-want-to-ask-how-much/374774701/

Some of the replies insinuate that a CHURCH wedding costs more? WRONG. The Church, if you are a member is not a factor, price wise. If you are not a member--DON'T get married there! Simple.

hhireno, I worked with a lady whose grandson was married at a destination wedding in the Bahamas. All the guests were asked to wear ... yellow! The young bride's wealthy grandfather was footing the bill, and the marriage lasted 6 months.

Mama goose, The marriage failed because of all the yellow.

Arcy, I won't shout at you about it but they might mean church weddings cost more because they tend to be more traditional and formal. The church itself isn't the expense but the big dress, multiple attendants, more flowers, special cars, etc add up. TBH, I didn't read your link so maybe it's explained in there and they are claiming it is from paying for the church, if so, my apologies for butting in.

elbeeca, it is hard to imagine a positive spin on that wedding. Hopefully, it will be an unseasonably mild day and great fun. The last golf cart driver will be begging you to stop dancing and get in the cart to go home.

We were married 4 years ago (second marriage for both) and wanted a party to celebrate with our family and friends. 150 guests, band and 5 hour reception (cocktail hour, sit down dinner, etc). The cost was roughly $30,000 and that was very budget. It is hard here in the Northeast to do anything less than what amounts to $200 a person when all the expenses are taken into account.

I should add my first wedding was a splashed out affair that even 18 years ago was triple that budget.

DD2 was married in a ballroom that we transformed into a fairy forest. I'm very creative and thrifty-found a local nurseryman who rented me hundreds of trees and shrubs for a very, very cheap price (it was October, so he was going to be storing them for winter). The biggest expense was the DJ-but he was worth every.single.penny. Catered buffet, wine & beer, Mom & bride supplied decor-and bridesmaid who is not a professional cake maker did the cake-it was incredible. (The butterflies were edible!) Total for that day was about $17K, but it was noted by the guests as being the best wedding they'd ever attended, 6 years later still discussed.

WOW! Stunning cake!

Six figures - I guess 30-40K is not a big deal then.

Oh yeah. Back in the day I used to do weddings where it was normal for just the flower bill to run to six figures (especially when Victoria Amazonica roses were the Thing), but it never stopped them from trying to chisel $25 or $50 off my paltry fee.

Six figures? Five figures? Even four figures. Apparently I do not reside on the same planet as do a number of other people.

Meh, I figure whatever people want to pay for a wedding is fine. One person isn't walking away with $30,000, many people are benefiting. Think of all the businesses that are receiving money and stimulating the economy - florists, caterers, photographers, car rentals, and on and on and on.

I have to think of campaign spending the same way - hotels, printing shops, restaurants, etc. all getting paid so that they, in turn, can pay employees, who can now buy clothes and groceries and have huge weddings. (Someone cue the Circle of Life music from the Lion King.)

I should maybe have mentioned that my nephew is getting married in June. His fiancee is Indian and while they don't like it, they decided to go along with the whole wedding thing to placate her parents, who are upset that she's marrying someone with no Indian heritage at all. If you think American weddings are costly, I can tell you that it costs $65K to rent an elephant in Austin, TX.

I agree with you, hhireno. I really don't object to what anyone else spends on a wedding, but I simply can't relate. Then again, there were some here who couldn't relate to me spending over $200 on a toaster, so I guess spending is all relative.

;-)

Writersblock one of my very good friends is a wedding planner and what you say is very true. I think her minimum wedding budgets start at $150K. She recently did a wedding with an $8,000 cake made by the Cake Boss.

I still remember GF's wedding who had no money. Church ceremony then we went over the lawn by the church and had cake and champagne and punch, and a harpist provided the music. Don't know how much it cost, but it was nice, and they're still married, which is what counts...and that was in the Northeast.

Writersblock.....omg!

Yep, kswl2. Evidently it's not the elephant so much as the permits to close the roads to get the elephant where it needs to go. My nephew, who isn't comfortable even with horses, is not thrilled about this.

Ah, weddings. My son is getting married in June and they've planned it as a late afternoon ceremony on the beach next to a lighthouse on the Eastern Shore, followed by a reception in a maritime museum on the same property. It's very appropriate for the couple; she is a Coast Guard academy grad who recently left the military for a job at a major cruise line and he is a federal law enforcement agent at a maritime national park. Her family is local to the MD area although the couple lives here in SoFla. Hopefully the weather will cooperate but if not she's going to move everyone into the assembly space.

Very fond of my future DIL but it's an interesting experience being the grooms' parents; we've not been consulted or informed much about plans other than told if we ask. No wedding attendants, and evidently no desire for any variant of rehearsal dinner--I offered to host extended family for a nice private dinner or even do a cocktail reception the night before the wedding for all the guests but the kids haven't taken me up on it so I"m following the MIL 3-S mantra: show up, sit down and shut up :). I keep telling my (only) daughter that she better let me organize a big fat wedding someday LOL. And ardent feminist that she is, she keeps telling me not to count on it!

Running, you will be the best MIL! It is interesting though the different dynamics.

Running, I know just the place where your ds is getting married. I've been there several times with my kids (I live about 45 mins away on the "western shore"). It's a cute little town. Where are you staying? Aside from the extravagant Inn at Perry Cabin, there's not much else there in terms of accommodations. Are you staying there? Hopefully the weather will be nice. June is typically mild here, though occasionally we get a very hot/humid spell as well as passing thunderstorms.

writersblock- lol! for that amount of $, if i were the bride's parents, i would very much be trying to encourage the groom to give a horse a try- and even provide him with some riding lessons!! (isn't that the 1st preference in a sikh wedding? and elephant is 2nd choice i thought!)

Believe me, busybee, he would be thrilled to compromise on a horse, but her mother has been planning this since she was born, and since mom didn't get to pick the groom, they let her have her way with the rest of it.

I had never been to a wedding outside a church until my own children married, except for DS #1. DD #1 had a beautuful outdoor wedding 20+ years ago in Balboa Park in San Diego~ it was a bit under $14k, including food(not buffet!), and there were 105 guests. Middle DD got married on a yatch out of Laguna Nigel 10 years ago, 75 guests, $25k. Youngest DD had a hotel wedding, 125 guests, $22k, and included a happy hour after the ceremony, which the others did not. IMO, oldest DD had the most beautiful venue, but youngest DD got the most for her money. I thought I was finished with weddings! Oldest DD divorced 10 years ago, and has had a 'beau' for the last 4 years and they're talking marriage, possibly as early as Oct/Nov. I think this one will be coming out of their pockets, but it will be just a small affair.

I know I have said this before and it makes me an **official Old Fogie**, but when we were coming along everyone in our area got married in their church or a garden setting with their own minister or priest and the reception was held either in the church hall, the parents' or grandparents' home, or a club with which the family had a prior affiliation. Girls who "had" to get married in a hotel or some other venue did so only because they had no spiritual or social ties to the community and were generally pitied. The opposite is true today,some people think marriages are held in churches because they couldn't secure a more popular venue!

Not saying any of this is good, bad, more or less desirable....it is just a 180 change in how these things are done and how they are viewed. It has been 100% driven by commerce though, which I do think is a Bad Thing.

In Canada it hasn't been driven by commerce I think so much as a spectacular decline in churchgoing.

Average age of first marriage in Canada is 31 for men, 28 for women. In that age group fewer than 25% attend church even monthly. Although...in 2001 (a long time ago but the latest stat I could google) 76% of weddings were performed by a religious officiant.