I'm a church goer, and friends from church have loaned me several books they were sure I would like. I have enjoyed a very few of them but many are too simplistic a la Hallmark TV movies. Doesn't keep me from crying over them, but then, as one of my nieces once said, I cry over a good McDonald's commercial. Pretty funny, actually, because I seldom shed tears for myself. I'm just easily touched by other people's emotions.

I love my book time too much to waste it on books that I don't really enjoy.

So , I guess I'm not inclined to be " nice" about offered books.

I simply will not slog through a book just because someone has suggested that I read it !

The last book that I weakened and read against my better judgement was Bellman & Black. After I'd read it with disgust, the person who had given it to me admitted that she didn't actually care for it either.

Fool me once, shame on you.....fool me twice, shame on me.

Whenever I have been given or recommended a book that I know I won't want to read, I just say politely that I only read cosy mysteries. I wouldn't want to read a book that wasn't in my genre and I wouldn't offer one to anyone either.

My mother kept bugging me to watch a movie she enjoyed but I didn't fancy so I said I would if she watched one I liked but she thought wouldn't suit her..

We decided to pass!

Her movie choice was "Witness" and mine was "Oh, What a Lovely War".

I only read Where'd You Go, Bernadette because my friend from Seattle thought I should read some contemporary fiction, her favorite genre, so we would have a book to discuss together. We both love to read, but what we read seldom overlaps. I agreed on the condition that she read something nonfiction. I even let her choose which nonfiction book, which hardly seemed fair, but I was trying to be easy and agreeable. Her choice: Wild by Cheryl "Strayed" which I had not read.

I found the Bernadette book readable but not particularly entertaining, mostly because -- as my friend well knew, apparently -- it probably works best for those readers who know, or are especially interested in, Seattle and Seattle things and "types" of people. I will just say that Bernadette didn't make me want to rush out to find more contemporary fiction.

As for Wild, my friend and I had plenty to discuss, or rather rant about, because we both hated it. It's one of those misery memoirs that Oprah's followers apparently find philosophically profound and therapeutic. My friend almost gloated when she said to me, "See why I prefer not to read nonfiction!" I protested that Ms. Strayed's self-absorbed whine was hardly representative of even a narrow segment of nonfiction. At any rate, we decided that it probably wouldn't do much good to suggest or recommend books to each other. We are still excellent friends. :-)

Unlikely as it may seem I have very few 'friends' in this area with whom to discuss books/reading. It has taken us since 1980 to be accepted into the community and I have found that reading comes way-down on the list of the interests of local folks.

An occasional visitor brings her old paperbacks and I swop mine with her. Another old friend lends me the odd 'worthy' and heavy tome but, other than that, I'm on my own. Probably a good thing as my taste in reading is far from the 'popular' and latest block-busters.

I refuse to read any books promoted by Oprah for the same reasons which Friedag has stated.

Most seem to be emotional, dreary slogs.

Annpan - I know nothing about "Witness" - but I do approve of your choice of "Oh, What a Lovely War!" :)

I've read a few books I didn't fancy due to the discussions we had here. I felt if people were willing to join in when I ran a discussion, the least I could do was join in when someone else ran one! I would never have read Lonesome Dove by Larry McMurtry, but I'm glad I have - though I'm not inclined to read it again. I also would not have read The Chosen by Chaim Potok - but I thought that was exceptional.

I've unfortunately had a few Christmas and birthday present books which did not appeal...and then they say a few months later "What did you think?" and you've either got to lie or admit that you haven't opened it...

Frieda, I'm amazed that you hated "Wild." Often our taste in books seems to overlap. I am not an Oprah fan at all. I discovered "Wild" because a Calif. friend who loves hiking in the wilderness and trekking in the Western snows sent it to me. I not only found it fascinating, but I shared it with a friend who is a nature lover and it inspired her to get back to her creative writing efforts and she came forth with her own stories of hiking in the wilderness of the West and mountain climbing adventures. I've never heard anyone say they disliked this book until now.I found Strayed to be honest and upfront re her losses. It would be normal to feel some emotion, which I found appropriate.

It just shows that there is no accounting for taste, as the saying goes.

Woodnymph, that's right about "no accounting for taste."

In another thread where we discussed Wild here at RP, I think it was Sheri who commented that reading it was like watching a train wreck or a car crash in slow motion -- you don't want to see what's happening, but you can't look away. Sometimes situations like that -- including those in Strayed's memoir -- can fascinate me although I actually hate what I'm seeing or reading.

I was appalled at Strayed's naivete about the hiking trip and what seems to be her attention-seeking book (that, btw, paid off for her big time). I realize that everyone experiences grief differently, but this woman's reaction was extremely self-indulgent, in my opinion. I was put off by her histrionics. I was also disappointed that she didn't write as much about what she got from nature on the trail, and instead she seemed more interested in the towns and resorts she traipsed through. Then there were all her 'sexcapades' with smelly strangers that I didn't find especially enlightening. Oh well, a reader likes what she likes and dislikes, or is meh! about, the rest.

I have since discussed Wild with experienced hikers of the PCT, including my DH, and brother and sister-in-law who have lived in and hiked California for over forty years, as well as other adventurers, and I don't recall a single one of them with much good to say about Strayed's book. They usually said something about her foolishness and irresponsibility; but some were rather blunter, calling her selfish, a fool, and an idiot. Readers inexperienced with such journeys, however, are the ones who are most fascinated with Strayed's story of 'finding herself'. And the romantically inclined might be inspired to do something similar and equally foolish -- but without a favorable outcome. There was a rash of such idealistic adventure seekers after Jon Krakauer's book Into the Wild came out and was made into a movie, about the young man who eventually starved to death in Alaska.

Well, I'm in a book club which is in its 14th year or something like that, so I regularly read books which don't really appeal just "to be nice." I know first hand how annoying it is when very few (or no one!) shows up at our meeting who have actually read the book, so I try to keep up. Sometimes I am so glad I read it (David Beniov's City of Thieves, The Last American Man by Elizabeth Gilbert whom I don't usually like, Watership Down which I intially rejected, thinking it was about the Navy) and but sometimes, I just give up.

and ugh to Bellman and Black, even though I'd picked it myself.

I had never heard of Wild or Cheryl Strayed and must say books that include much navel gazing, self-centred emotional turmoil, poor-little-me, are of no interest and tend to make me hate the writer. ;-(

So I got a surprise when, just after reading the comments by Frieda and Mary this morning I heard, on BBC's Woman's Hour an interview with Ms Strayed discussing her early life, book etc. It might be of interest to anyone who has read her work, although it hasn't made me rush to the library to order it.

Cheryl Strayed

Frieda, we will have to agree to disagree about this one. I wanted to make the point that it is precisely those friends of mine who have had long experience hiking in the wild and trekking in heavy snow who loved this book and identified with the author.

Again, I would not label her emotions as "histrionic". She had suffered a lot of loss and was still in recovery. Thus, perhaps her naivete and lack of preparedness. I figure she just learned from her experiences and carried on. I refuse to critique her harshly.

• Frieda, we will have to agree to disagree about this one.

Mary, it goes without saying. No two people (or groups of people) agree on everything -- different walks in life and all that. I would suspect they were "just being nice" if they did. :-)

Vee, my device won't play the BBC interview with Strayed. Was there anything that particularly stood out to you in it? I would like to know, although I can't react to the interview itself.

I think I'm reading a "just to be nice" book now. My daughter brought it over and said to read it and see what I thought. It is The Elegant Solution by Paul Robertson, set in Basel at some so far undetermined time but they are still using horses and carriages. The hero is an 18-year-old student and very intelligent. It's supposed to be a mystery, but I'm on page 73 and it isn't mysterious yet. We will see.

There has been no mention of the movie of "Wild". Has no one seen it?

Sometimes I will read a book after I have seen a movie and want to go deeper into some aspects that were just touched on. This happened with "My Sister's Keeper" by Jodi Picoult. Then found the book was different anyway!

Frieda re the Strayed interview. It is part of a 'chain' of talks . .. one speaker recommends the next. Strayed was put forward by Shirley Manson (and sorry I don't know who she is either)

I learnt that she was/is an 'Agony Aunt' and writes literary columns where she 'grapples with human nature'. She had an abusive childhood, married much too young and when her Mother, her 'hero' died she decided to wreck her own life with lots of drugs and endless sex with anyone who asked.

She wasn't questioned too much about her walk but did say she lost six toe-nails and was in great pain most of the time.

When asked as why/how her book became such a success she said it got rave revues and was taken up by Oprah (but didn't answer the why question)

She now realises it is "OK to be me"

Had I not picked up on the name while the radio was on I don't think I would have taken in much of what she said so had to listen to it again just now and, sorry to say, I didn't find it very interesting.

The next person in the 'chain' recommended by CS will be Maggie Doyne . . . again someone of whom I have never heard.

I read Wild for my book group, and it was, indeed, like watching a train wreck - but I couldn't look away. It was certainly compelling, but I couldn't muster much sympathy for Strayed overall. I also read her Dear Sugar "agony aunt" book, Tiny Beautiful Things after finishing Wild, and learned far more than I wanted to about her dysfunctional childhood as Vee described above.

What bothered me about both books was that I could not understand her choices and therefore didn't feel any connection to her journey. I remember wondering repeatedly how, even in the depths of desperate grief, someone would consistently choose to make their life not just a little worse, but tremendously worse instead of better? I wanted to like her, but as I kept reading my opinion of her just kept falling. And with the Dear Sugar columns, I felt that even when she was responding to and commiserating with the troubled people who wrote in for help, her answers always seemed to circle back to some version of, "Oh, poor you! I understand, I feel your pain, I support you, you are worthy! ..... But let me tell you about where/when/how I had it worse than you." And I felt like that was her answer every single time. Perhaps she was sincerely trying to relate to her readers, but I really felt there was an element of one-upmanship going on. I guess I'm not a fan ;)

As for books read to be nice ... some book group books absolutely fall into that category (we had a run of dysfunctional family books that made me miserable). But there were many I read and was surprised by how much I liked them. A few book group examples: The Goldfinch -- I didn't like the end, but the writing was amazing; All the Light We Cannot See -- I expected it to be blah and over-hyped, it was magnificent; ROOM -- I wish I could scrub some passages out of my brain, it was amazing writing, but the story was completely horrific and I hated it.

I used to always at least try to read what people recommended or handed me, but I've now stopped reading anything to be "nice" -- it's good to be over 50! I will dutifully read all book group books, but in other cases if it's something I know I won't read, I'll say so as nicely as possible, blaming it all on the huge TBR pile that I already have. Lucky for me, I've rarely had anyone really push for me to read something.

After reading these discussions on WILD.......I have to say, if I'm ever in a really blue funk I'll make a note not to crack open that one !!

"lost six toe nails".....hate when that happens !

( remember that SNL skit with Billy Crystal ? )

ahh, don't I wish brain scrub were real! I'd scrub out all of Lunar Park (Brett Easton Ellis,) Room, and Where Tigers Are at Home (Jean-Marie Blas de Robles,) as well as parts of Jo Nesbo's books. Room I did read just "to be nice" as part of my book club, but the others I inflicted on myself.

A few days ago I mentioned to a friend who has been my guest that I intended to read All the Light We Cannot See. "Oh, oh," she said, "you have to read The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah." She brought up Amazon on her device and let me read the synopsis and reviews. It gets five stars from 85% of the over 20,000 reviewers. All the Light also has over 20,000 reviewers with 72% giving it five stars. I listened to my friend rave about Hannah's book for several minutes, so I told her I might give it a try. It was a polite brush-off because, frankly, I was skeptical.

Imagine my chagrin when my friend presented me with a brand new copy of The Nightingale as a thank you gift. I appreciated her thoughtfulness, really I did. She departed and I put the book on a shelf, giving it no further thought, I'm afraid, until my friend emailed me to ask if I had started it yet. She is anxious to know what I think. Well, I girded my loins and began. Oh dear, I was right to be wary.

This book and other novels similar to it with the WWII French Resistance as a backdrop and excuse for a plot are doing to this time period and worthy subject what a few years back novelists were doing to the Tudor time period -- overusing the heck out of it. Blah! The Nightingale is essentially a romance novel, but it's not a particularly good one in spite of what the ravers say -- my opinion, of course. If the reader is young, I could probably forgive her for naïve enthusiasm. The Resistance probably does seem wildly romantic to a novice. Are the Amazon reviewers mostly youthful? I suspect so. But my friend is my age and I'm scratching my head and don't know how to respond to her. Perhaps the only thing to do is what Martin said above: maybe sometimes a polite lie will suffice. ;-(

Frieda - I was surprised when you mentioned the Amazon stats, because I read both of those books within a few months of each other (both at friends' urging) and to my way of thinking, All The Light We Cannot See wins hands-down, no contest. My feelings about The Nightingale are similar to yours, though perhaps not as strong.

If "brain scrub" were real, I would delete "Fall on Your Knees." It was almost the worst book I've ever read. Cannot even recall author's name.

I would like to mentally delete mystery books with huge plot holes! They remain in my mind while I re-write them...

I have had mixed results with books that were handed or recommended to me as
„must read“ and which I read because I didn‘t want to offend or upset the giver
or person doing the recommending. They generally range from good to dreadful,
with one exception:

A classmate at university recommended to me a fantasy author
I had never heard of, because I said I liked Anne McCaffrey. I found and
read one of his books "just to be nice" because I had a little bit of a girl crush on my classmate and wanted her to like me.

The author was Terry
Pratchett and the book was The Colour of Magic (McCaffrey‘s Dragonrider series
is parodied in one part of it) and thus began a love affair that lasted a long,
long time. The book led me to reading Fritz Leiber (another author Pratchett parodies
in it), whom I like and who in an oblique way led me to reading Lord
Dunsany, another favourite. I have long lost touch with my former classmate,
but I feel I owe her a lot for having introduced me to Pratchett.

--

When I was growing up, well-meaning relatives kept
giving me Barbara Cartland romances and young adult problem books heavy on teen
pregnancies and troublesome relationships, because "it‘s what teenage girls
like to read". I promptly took them back to the bookshop to exchange for historical
novels, mysteries and adventure books. For example, I think it was a Cartland I exchanged
for Perfume by Patrick Süskind, one of my favourite books. Fortunately
I never got asked if I liked the books, my relatives being of the opinion that once
it was given it was mine to do with what I pleased.

Watership Down I read in high school, because my grandmother recommended it. She said it's NOT a book about bunnies...which some of the professors she worked with kept saying. Well, it is a book about bunnies, or rather rabbits, but you soon discover they are more like a group of WWII soldiers trying to survive in enemy countryside.

Still one of my top 10 favorite books of all time! In fact, I just mentioned the opening line "The primroses were over." on another thread.

I've always thought I was pretty good at selecting books to loan my friends, and I've gotten good feedback from them. I do love sharing those books I have enjoyed. I just finished reading A Little Life, and didn't remember that Martin had mentioned that it was on the Booker short list, and his review of it. I just picked it up at the bookstore because it looked interesting, and the checkout man raved about it. My dilemma is that I loved the book but doubt that I can loan it to friends without a disclaimer. Although pretty dark, I loved the writing. I know it's not for everyone, so I'll just let it rest on my bookshelf until the right person comes along.

i belong to a book group at my local library -- been going for a couple of years. i have liked some of the books and disliked others. There was one i didn't finish. i enjoy broadening my horizons, and reading books that i never heard of certainly does that. The discussions are interesting too.