More About Adult Coloring!
Marilyn_Sue
7 years ago
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what to advice adult children about relationships
Comments (8)There's a difference between you giving her unsolicited advice and her specifically asking you for it. My kids ask me for advice on lots of things (they're around the same age as your daughter) and I think carefully and then tell them what I think they should do. What I THINK they should do. Ultimately the decision is up to them and if they didn't do what I said, I'd be ok with that. But in fact, they pretty much always follow my advice. So I think they really WANT to know what to do. They're counting on my help. In fact once my son asked me advice on a fairly touchy subject which I didn't really want to get involved with. I hemmed & hawed but he pushed and pushed till I finally said what I thought. So he said, see? you did have an opinion, you just didn't want to say it. Of course he was right. But I did say it and he did do what I said and it did turn out for the best. I was like you, I felt that he needed to do what was right for him. The problem was that he simply didn't know what was right for him. I mean, he couldn't think of all the implications of either choice, and he was very scared of the possible results of either choice. I think there's a lot to be said for life experience which I have but which my kids have not yet acquired. Sometimes they just need to get that perspective. You didn't ask about what advice you should give your daughter, but I'm going to say what I think anyway. My advice (if she were my daughter) would be to end the relationship and move out asap. I firmly believe that staying in a dead relationship for the sake of convenience is a mistake. The longer she stays with someone that she has no future with, the more she will miss opportunities to meet the RIGHT mate. why fix somehting what isn't broken But in fact, it IS broken. Once either or both come to the conclusion that they will not stay together forever, it's broken....See MoreWhat to do about wife and adult step-son
Comments (6)Robert, My husband has a similar situation with his adult son, SS29 soon to be 30 and his ex-wife. Cutting money off to your wife might be pretty hard with big fall-out for you. But, cutting your stepson off is another matter. Although you work out of the country you can say something like "when I come home I don't want SS there." I have a relative who did that with his brother-in-law and it worked. That puts them both on notice that the situation is unacceptable to you. You are out of the country so there is really not a lot you can do other than watch how much money you send. After 13 years, she should know how you feel. My adult SS29 sounds a lot like your SS. I am lucky that mine has always fallen back on his mother instead of on his father that I am married to. Still JUST SAY NO! It works....See MoreNeurotic question about adults sitting on counter
Comments (80)Sjhockey Last I looked everyone was wearing clothes. LOL Clothes may or may not be clean depending on how they were cleaned and where they were before your kitchen. I avoid putting purses(I seldom carry one as they are notoriously full of germs) and other grungy things on the counters. A few years ago, we had a bad case of campylobacter food poisoning. It was most likely due to cross contamination from someone cleaning or prepping salad greens in a contaminated environment. We were at a pot luck and never identified the culprit but at least 7 became ill. Two very icky pieces of clothing- lab coats and ties. My former boss wanted to implement lab coats. I produced the research study and also tried to explain that kids are fearful of lab coats. Fortunately, the idea was dropped. So keep DH from dropping his tie on the counter. Here is an interesting fact- people who constantly wipe their counters tend to have a higher bacteria count on their countertops. Turns out you just keep spreading germs around. I had a neighbor who wore out her Formica from constantly wiping her counters In health care, you are taught to spray the contaminated spot, allow the solution to sit for the required time and then place a towel over to absorb the contaminated area vs wiping it off. I must not be too obnoxious as my friends always vote to come to our place for events....See MoreHow to get your kid (young, or young adult, or adult) to declutter
Comments (14)Good ideas, Talley_Sue. I'd like for her to be able to make these choices and feel positive about it. Elbow room is one of those things I'm just learning to appreciate in a whole new way, and hopefully she will acquire that if I can pare down more and more and set that good example. She has been good about putting some things away- outgrown books, we've packed away. We had some toys that we boxed for storage overhead, and that seemed like a big step, but at the last minute she changed her mind and wanted them back in her room. For now, she fits fairly well in her room, providing things are in their place, but her closet is a feat in organization. This morning as we were heading out the door, I commented to her that I had gotten another couple of boxes of my stuff together and needed to arrange for another thrift store pick-up. She said, "Great! More room for me!" Um, no.... I think that is one of my biggest fears- that as I minimize my belongings, DH and DD's stuff will just filter into the elbow-room spaces and it will be as though the house only belongs to them :( So far, I've done well keeping open spaces open, but who knows what will happen in the future- stuff has a way of taking over if it's not wrangled....See More
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