ZD was one I considered a while back. I have another side of the porch, with no lattice (I like the neighbors on that side, the other side faces the street). I was thinking about training it up the porch column on that side - where the sunlight is substantially better all day. I do know that the light changes over the course of the year. When I moved into this house (only have been here 2-1/2 years), I paid close attention to it the first spring/summer before I was able to get the new garden going (the old one, could not even have been called a garden, it was an overgrown mess of weeds, overgrown weed trees, ivy and such). By the time I was ready to actually plant my roses the following spring, I had a very good sense of which spots would work well for them, and put the ones which needed the most sun in the prime areas of course. I didn't, however, pay much attention to that side of the house since I had a professional landscaper take care of foundation plantings, which consisted of hydrangea, schip laurels, barberry, some new trees (a dogwood and a flowering cherry), cleaning up existing yews and ancient rhododendrons. In other words, a lot of shade loving items. So, not so sure about a rose bush, now that I think about it :(

Lilymouse - as I search for some comforting words to ease your pain, I can only say as others, that my prayers and heartfelt sympathy are with you. A little over thirteen year ago, I lost my only child - my daughter that was only 18 years old. All children are special creatures from God, but my daughter was truly special - she was born on a holiday (1/1/76, and passed from this life on a holiday - 5/31/94). I'm OK now (as much as I can be)and have used that challenge to hopefully better my life. I mention my situation only to say, it doesn't get any better; it just doesn't. But, it does get easier, I promise. As it gets easier, you are able to let go of the pain, the fear, the anger and the confusion. I used to get angry with myself because as things got easier, and the intensity lessened, I thought I was beginning not to care. But that's how it is. If we remembered everything at it's initial intensity, the world would be in a mess. Think of childbirth - we know the pain, but dont' remember how bad it was at the time. My first thought to you was to take care of you, your son, and then your business. However, as a previous poster so wisely mentioned, you do need to take care of the business if this is your only sense of livlihood at this time. That being said, please be sure to use every advantage available to you at this time. If you can get help from family, neighbors, other friends, do that. I can't tell you how much help they can provide, even if you don't want it at the time. As I look back, it was so overwhelming. But I am so thankful now for all of that help as I would not be where I am today without it. Besides, as the days go by, your thoughts will become more organized. This will help you get through your next moves. The other thing I would like to say is, talk, talk talk, until no one wants to hear you anymore; and then keep talking. The same goes for your son, if he is old enough. Listen to him, and if he has questions, answer them as best you can. I know that this is one of the toughest things you will ever go through in life. Don't do it alone. Losing my daughter was devastating, but as I tell everyone, to lose a spouse is truly a loss. You spend your life searching for, and then cultivating a relationship that you expect to last for an lifetime a little longer than yours did. But, I'm sure your hubby is smiling - watching and guiding your every move and thought. Please continue to grow and be strong. Above all, have faith - YOU CANNOT DO THIS WITHOUT IT!! You are carryng so much emotion right now that you need to let some of it go. I don't care if you believe in a rock, you have to have faith - in something. (I also heard this from a Columbine HS father that lost his daugher on that tragic day) If your faith is in God, then you already know that He will provide the strength and courage you will need to continue forward and raise your son. "to everything there is a season", and for you, the next one has arrived. Have peace in your heart and in your walk that this is so; know that you will be OK. I know this is long,and you may not be at the stage I've passed to, to want to hear some of this. But I only want you to know for sure, that you and your son will survive this and be able to use this experience for the good. I do want to tack on a bit more here though. As hurtful as it may be to you now, my thoughts are also with the young lady that caused the accident and her family. My daugher was a passenger in a car accident; the driver was hurt also, but survived. Many times I have thought of the driver and prayed for his wellbeing. Accidents happen - to the best of us. Unfortunately this one was dynamic and traumatic, especially for you. I'm sure that this is not the easiet situation for her either. Twenty year olds are mature only to a point (hence the cellphone while driving). When something like this happens, they don't have the level of maturity to handle the reality of the loss she has caused. I love you in spirit. I can say this because my faith is strong and I know of God's love for us all. However, I'm not a fanatic about it. I just believe that God's love has given me the strenth to hopefully help where I can. I'm here if you ever want to talk. I mean that, honestly. Mary A.

Hi, I just saw your post and I know the carousel for paint storage you are talking about. I just found the carousels for $9.95 each at LTD commodities. My dghtr and I have ordered from LTD catalog for years and I was surprised and shocked to see these carousels there in the recent catalog for that price. This is NOT an ad or spam. I am in no way affiliated with this company. I just love to tole paint and have a ton of the paint bottles stored on a bookshelf where it is hard to find the color you want. I just wanted to let you know that I found the carousel about a month ago and ordered 2 - I love it!! Each holds 108 bottles of paint. You have to put together and at 1st mine seemed rickety but my husband tightened the bottom bolt enough that they are now sturdy. Ltd website is ltdcommodities.com and the item # is 475067-504Z if you are interested. I am excited to be a member of this site now after visiting for awhile. I am an RN and trying to find more time for painting. I look forward to being part of this forum with you all. Thanks, Debi

I wholeheartedly agree with all of the above and I have had a lot of the same issues as you have. My son is also no longer my oldest, has a different last name than the rest of us, is "bounced" between his father and I (my ex and I have him an equal amount of time- am I crazy about it? no, I share the same feelings that you do, that he shouldn't have to be "bounced around" like this, but, he seems to have adjusted very well to it, so, for now, since there are no real issues, I am just letting it ride for now) my hubby and I initially disagreed on the "spanking" issue and now we have a new baby. My stepson calls me by my first name and my son calls my hubby by his first name. We have explained their roles in our family to them very carefully and what is expected out of them as a part of our family (i.e., everyone will be treated with kindness and respect or there are consequences). I don't want my son to call my hubby "Dad" because he has a Dad who loves him very much and takes good care of him. My ex husband and I are responsible for his upbringing, not my hubby. The same goes for my hubby and my stepson. I am not responsible for his upbringing. I play a role in his life, and that is as a caring adult who is concerned about his wellbeing, but I am not the primary decisionmaker in his life and I accept that. I try to save special outings for when all of us are together, which isn't too difficult in our case because we have the boys on the same weekends. The times when I have my son but don't have my stepson are generally weekdays, so we don't really do anything other than dinner and maybe an outing to the park (right across the street) if its nice out. It does sometimes happen that there are holidays when we don't have all three and occasionally there is an event in which one or the other can't go, but, if my son were to rub that in my stepson's face or vice versa, the guilty party would get a lecture on treating his brother with respect. Also, i agree with someone else's suggestion that our kids have to learn that is just the way things work out sometimes- things can't always be exactly equal although we give it our best effort. the spanking issue- tough one. maybe i was wrong in how i handled it, but I made it clear to my new hubby, before we got married almost a year ago, that I would not tolerate violence against any member of our household. my ex-husband and i split up because he decided to take his anger out on me physically one day. once was enough for me, i filed the papers one week later (and only waited that long because my attorney was on vacation). why is it "domestic violence" if a husband strikes his wife out of anger, but not if he strikes a child? i don't see a difference. i believe, one, that a child that is hit only learns to resort to violence to solve problems and two, that there are other ways to correct children (like the ones you mentioned, which are the methods i myself use). i have never laid a finger on my son (he will be five in march) in anger and he is very well behaved and polite. i get complements on his behavior all the time. when he gets out of line (and I agree with someone else's posting that four year olds can be rambunctious, that is just part of being a normal four year old), i first point out that what he is doing that is not acceptable and then tell him what will happen if it continues(time out, loss of privileges, etc). if he does it again, then the promised consequences do happen. it works. Children want approval from adults. By the same token, I try to be generous with positive reinforcement. no offense to your husband, but i don't think your daughter will respect him anymore just because he has "spanking" privileges. you and your ex are the ones to decide the appropriate method of discipling your child, because, like it or not, your daughter already has a father. your husband has to accept that. my hubby had the same issues accepting that at first, but i was very firm with him about the fact that, yes, as a member of our household, my son had to respect him and obey him, but that any consequences of my son not doing so had to come from me as his mother and not him. by the same token, i don't interfere with the way my hubby is raising his own child. luckily, my hubby has agreed not to spank any of the children in our household, out of respect for my feelings on the issue. i really wouldn't know what to do if he didn't and suspect our marriage wouldn't last long if he would not respect my feelings on this issue. as a victim of domestic violence, i feel very strongly (as you can probably tell and i am sorry to use your posting as a soapbox) that the reason we have such a problem with domestic violence in this country is that we teach our sons that hitting people is the way to make them do what you want and we teach our daughters that they should submit to being hit if they step out of line. By now you probably have had your new little one, congratulations! I hope things are going well.