My mom broke her ankle tonight. :(
10 years ago
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10 years ago
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i broke my grandmother's punch bowl - please help!!
Comments (7)If the breaks are clean, you may be able to find someone to fix it. We have a fellow here in Alexandria who is a wizard at repairing old glass pieces. Ask around at antique stores that carry a lot of glass and china pieces. Of course, it won't be usable, but at least it is still your grandmother's bowl. I probably wouldn't replace it with another because it is the sentiment that made it special-unless, of course, she used it frequently. Your mother is a wise woman and your son is lucky to have her as his grandmother!...See MoreGetting Mom to Accept Help from her Aide when Showering
Comments (16)I'm very fortunate that Mum will accept help from people, but she suffered a stroke and couldn't "work" her left side, so help was REQUIRED. And she was aware enough to know it. She has a tub in her bathroom. When she came home after close to 10 weeks in the hospital and two rehabs. we'd changed out the shower head for a shower massage, gotten a shower seat, installed handrails, put the arms on the toilet. I hired a woman to come thrice weekly to assist her with bathing. She went from the strict supervision of the NH to a private aid and there was NO FUSS. In fact, she LOVES the attention. Try the bath again and tell her it's a luxury to have someone help you bathe... all the great queens throughout history have had bath maidens... ;) The woman who comes to help Mum is very nice... chitty-chatty, efficient, and very patient. Whenever there is a Monday holiday I offer it to her. If she takes it, I pay her for it. She's earned that. We got off to a bit of a rocky start, but once I reminded her of what I expected, she did it. Reliability is worth a lot....See MoreHow can I help my mom with all of her photos?
Comments (22)I think even if you share a household, you need to learn some boundaries. To protect yourself, mostly. But also because it's right. True, your mom is too "lazy" to make those albums. But maybe that's just a pipe dream; maybe she thinks she "ought" to put photos in albums, and just can't admit that she doesn't really WANT to. That's often behind people's laziness--the fact that the benefits of that thing are just not apparent. If people don't do something, I believe it's because they don't genuinely WANT to. No matter what their mouth says. (and frankly, there is NO empirical benefit to putting photos in albums w/ fancy paper and stickers. The fancy paper and stickers are make-work, and should be done only by those people who get some sort of artistic satisfaction out of doing it. Your mom obviously doesn't get enough satisfaction to bother with it. She's ALLOWED not to want to actually follow through on her albums. Of course it would be nice if she could be honest with herself and say, "I'm content w/ these photos in boxes, and I'm going to stop kidding myself that I'll really make albums," and then toss the excess scrapbooking stuff. But having only recently been through that process, I can tell you that it's not an easy one. It involves creating an entirely new self-image.) I think you need to stop taking responsibility for "fixing" your mom--whether she's morally deficient ("irresponsible and immature") or ill ("psychological disorder"). You *can't* fix her. She's a grownup, and if she's going to change, it will be only because she wants to. You can't even make her go to a psychiatrist to see if medications would help her (say, if she has OCD), because she is NOT your legal dependent. I think you need to just NOT focus on her, and her stuff. No more going "room to room" and making lists of all the ways she is deficient. I know you live there, but it's not your space. Focus your energy on getting out, and on making your life be what you want. Try to maintain calm and order in the places where it affects you, and then, regarding all else, close your eyes, stick your fingers in your ears, and say "la, la, la!" Try to have your own life settled so that if you *need* to "be there" for your little sisters, you can, but don't take on that responsibility too rapidly. A 17-year-old can watch over a 12-year-old, and your dad is part of the family too. Few people have actually died because the corners of the living room are stacked full of out-of-date textbooks, etc. Also, you need to spend some energy, not on fixing things in your parents' marriage, but on getting OUT from "in between." Stop taking ANYBODY's side in any of their disputes or problem. LEAVE THE ROOM! I'm not trying to be snippy. I'm just trying to make you see that you are reaching beyond where you ought to. And your basic assumption--that *you* need to "fix" all these problems in your parents' lives--is wrong. You need to "declutter" that assumption--toss it in the garbage. That assumption is YOUR equivalent of old issues of magazines, etc. You can't fix those problems. So stop trying to. You'll find it amazingly freeing....See More'making' a mom support her kid is hard sometimes! ~very long~
Comments (4)Well, I have to give credit when due.... BM did pay me for the dentist tonight. DH thinks she's afraid of me. I'll feign innocence because I don't think I'm intimidating at all. She towers over me and I guess because I don't back down from her and she's told my DH that to do the job I do, you have to be tough, she figures I am not someone she wants to mess with? She's walked all over DH for years, so she knows he's taken it and she continues to walk on him. He's stood up to her mostly since we've been together so she blames me for it, but it's really him. I am supportive and back him but he is tired of her crap.. more than I am, he's put up with it for so long. Whatever it is, she walked SD out to the car tonight and I told her I need the money for the dentist bill. She paused and said, 'do you have change for a hundred?' and of course, I don't carry cash. I told her no, but I'll be happy to go down the road, break it & bring her the change. She went back in the house & came out with $46 in bills (mostly $1's) & $2 in quarters. I don't care, it's cash. She was a dollar short but I was shocked she didn't whine about not having any money. (of course I was thinking... hmmm, she has $48 to give me but what about the $100 she wanted me to break? She promised DH $100 last week) He didn't want to ask her in front of SD I guess. I didn't want to push the issue in front of SD and since DH didn't say anything, I let it go too. Now that I think about it, maybe I should have been dealing with her directly every time I pay for her doctor and I could collect from BM instead of having DH send her the bills/receipts and relying on her to pay him to get my money back. She knows I am the one paying for it... but this is the first time I've asked her to pay her half directly to me. I don't care why she paid, just glad she did and no complaints......See More- 10 years ago
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