You have to protect your children. That is your most important job.

Where did you get that from mimipadv? I don't see any of that here?

I think she was confusing this thread with another one, a different poster/similar complaint.

I think I was, I'll revise. Sorry! It just sounded like a horrible situation that was frustrating to try to reply to.

It's hard I know the fact I am still here and haven't run for the hills means I want to be with my partner I try hard to understand I try to see his pain and get why he dislikes me he sees I try soo he feels I'm trying to take mommas place honestly those are all excuses because even without me around he gets in trouble I have researched obsesive defiance disorder has anyone heard about it?

And my babies are my priority I do defend them but I have to say keepIng my inner momma bear calm is the hardest thing I struggle with and the fact that I do keep momma bear in frustrates me more

Let your husband or partner deal with his child. Disengage. You should be focusing on taking better care of your own needs instead of focusing on bonding with or winning the approval of an ever-resistant stepchild.

I just want to point out here that sometimes it is the stepmother's fault, especially if you are being too strict. Children do not respond well when there is some stranger who they don't really love telling them everything they have to do. Sorry, that's just the way it is. You need time, many years, to develop a warm relationship with new children, and in the meantime that relationship isn't going to grow if the child constantly feels resentful against you. Be kind and give them some space, at least for the first 2-3 years. Do not be pushy, and don't try to be their "mother". If the child is already a teenager when you enter into the family, chances are you will never become their "real mother". The father just has a deeper connection with them, and you will just have to accept that. Try to let the father handle the discipline. That does not mean you cannot talk with them to try to get them to change their behavior, or explain to them how their actions are negatively affecting you. Also allow them to have some time with their father so they do not feel like you are always trying to steal him away from them. In some situations it's easier to have time between just you and them so they can bond closer to you without always seeing you hogging up the attention of their father.

Personally, I prefer the term father’s wife to
step-mother. Part of the problem is that
everyone always tries to think you are replacing or going after the mother,
when in reality, most step-mothers are simply trying to be dad’s wife first and
foremost. Also, father’s wife signifies
the relationship more accurately, as in you are connected to the child thru
their father and not thru trying to be a “mom.”
This may also explain some often-repeated myths out there, about how
step-mothers try to hog dad’s time. If
they were referred to and thought more of as dad’s wife, then it becomes more
obvious that they are married to dad and a couple, so of course they are going
to be together like husband and wife.
Also, I find it odd that step-mom would get blamed for hogging dad’s
time? Isn’t dad, hopefully a man and not
a lackey, responsible for his own time,
and certainly responsible for setting up time on his own to be with his own
children?

Parker25mv hiii thank you for your input I have been in this relationship for 7 years I am not the strict person I do not try to be mom and I ecourage dad bonding and spending time with them more than with me dad and me know we have the rest of our lives together they used to visit every weekend now mom is no longer available to them so we have moved to their city to avoid them feeling the impact of this they live with us full time now I notice he gets more agresivo and rebelious when he speaks to mom I understand he is probably feeling like he may betray her if he gets along with me but I just want peace and to be left alone not someone trying to make me upset for kiks I have spoken to him but he just gets happy he is actually getting at me. I'm really just confused I try to understand but I don't think I should be upset every day.

Kim aves did read thank you so much

Just adding a couple things.

I know from experience of raising my two step sons and an adopted son....I learned

Hurting people hurt people....your step son is dealing with some anger issues.

And yes, your main priority are your little ones....and keeping yourself healthy and happy.

Best of luck to you dear.