In my experience, boys are less likely to get sucked into social media which is a good thing. Frankly most social media posts by young teens are self involved (selfies), sharing of internet trash or teen drama. Your child may feel uncomfortable with it. So many parents are dismayed by their child's social media use that I would not encourage your son to get more involved.

My kids are older so I will let others contribute about what you should monitor.

My daughter (21 now) never got into social media. She only has a FB account, but rarely uses it. All of her friends have Insta, Twitter, etc .... I've asked my daughter why she doesn't, she said it just seems dumb, and doesn't interest her. She's always been one to stay away from drama.

I admit, I'm thrilled she feels this way, and never noticed that it affected her social life (being one of the few kids not into social media). She's always made great grades, lots of friends, involved in activities, and is well-liked. Her friends in HS kept her up-to-date with what they saw on social media, and she was fine with that.

I remember when she was a teen, and we took her and her best friend out to dinner--the other girl never once put her phone down, even when the food came. My daughter later told me her friend was addicted to Twitter, and followed celebrities on it.

I think your ideas for monitoring usage are good ones. It sounds like you have nothing to worry about, but it's still good to be aware. And of course it's good to know other parents and teachers, I always learned the most from them.

I don't know what Kik or Snapchat is. It's hard to keep up with it all! I'm really glad this stuff didn't exist in my youth, and that my daughter's generation wasn't introduced to it early on.

I certainly wouldn't worry. Some kids are huge users/abuser, but a lot are not.

My kids don't have facebook. One of them has a Twitter account. the girls have instagram, and they all have Snapchat. Snapchat is currently popular in their circles because it is a quick communication that automatically disappears and is difficult to take a screenshot. It takes away the drama and risk of communicating and having it out there for-ever.

We limit "screentime" so our kids don't use a lot of this stuff as they simply don't have the time (an hour a day Sun-Thurs). They also know to have "no expectation of privacy" until they are adults, as a rule that comes with the privilege of these devices... and a rule their schools also suggest, btw. It was interesting that both of their (private) schools said at back to school night that you should monitor your kids' online communications, and let them know that you do. Interesting that they suggest that as a policy.

Anyway, it only takes one bored friend to make a kids' phone buzz like crazy. Or they might be on some group chat list and people keep chiming in. When I do a random check of messages, I cannot get over how boring and utterly banal the messages are.

Typical scintillating group chat: I'm bored. Me too. Hey. Hey. What's up. Nothin. I'm booooored. Me too. Hey.

Sixth grade has not changed.

I would get down on my knees and thank whatever god you acknowledge, or your lucky stars if you don't, that your son is not interested.

Monitor, social media, yes, and cell phones off at midnight, you csn set that as an administrator.

Parenting is equal parts teaching, friending, policing, comiserating and worrying!

My two older kids are "adults" == age 23 and 20 -- though I use that term loosely. My youngest is 14, and my only girl. I watch her social media use much more closely than I did the boys, mainly because I am more aware but also because she's a girl (double standards, whatever, I am more protective of her) actually not only because of her gender but because she is socially more naive. I learned the hard way with oldest DS that I need to monitor closely. I am like mtn in that DD has an iPhone but she knows that I have her password and can check it any time I want (of course she deletes her texts periodically). She is on Intagram, but so am I, and I can check her account any time -- she isn't very active in terms of posting photos, but I do get a glimpse into her peers' lives by perusing her account from time to time. (Apparently every teenage girl has to post a pic of herself in a bikini at least once a week all summer?) She hasn't asked for Facebook. Frankly, she doesn't have time. She is very busy.

I let her get Snapchat maybe 1-2 years ago. My oldest DS pulled me aside and explained the dangers of Snapchat -- whether it's all true or not, who knows, but I disallowed it after that and she hasn't asked to get it again.

So far my DD is exercising a lot of common sense with all this stuff, thankfully!

BTW, There is a site called "ConnectSafely" that has good info. for parents about various apps. etc.

ETA - Snapchat is known by some as the "sexting app" because disappearing content is particularly good in that instance.

Be glad your son isn't interested in social media! It is so tiresome. No young teens around here are on Facebook. My almost 16 yo ds is on Twitter and Instagram. Just turned 13 yo dd is mostly on IG. She is also on a lot of group messages for her cheerleading team, and oh my Lord...those girls NEVER stop texting each other. We monitor accounts, I follow them on IG. Ds isn't as into it as dd. If IG is any indication...tween/teen girls are exceedingly self-centered. I imagine I was too, at that age, but it wasn't broadcast for all to see, lol. I keep phones down here at night, or I swear dd would be on it all night.

Interesting that a friend just posted an article on her facebook page today about teens and social media. If I had a teen, I would discourage them to use that kind of thing, same as most popular culture--very self centered, gossipy, materialistic, obsessed with appearance. I wouldn't want my kids to be all wrapped up in that. Some is just gonna happen, that's the teenage years, but too much and it could take over more healthy pursuits. Perils of Being 13 on Social Media

Thanks for all of this information. So helpful and I appreciate your input.

Around here it seems like both boys and girls are heavy into social media. Maybe girls have an edge in the lead but the boys are certainly part of it too.

Pinkmountain this CNN series is what prompted me to look into this more because it's presented as so infiltrating in our youth culture. I think in my children's case they may be hesitant to use it because we do monitor their phones... my husband especially makes it clear he can (and does) go through their phones at a moments notice. I wondered about invasion of their privacy without due cause but he's one of those "if I pay for it I'll look at it" types.

I have "creeped" on the public Twitter accounts of kids I know and I'm shocked at what they feel comfortable revealing. Its like an online diary of their daily feelings... do they realize the world can see when they're upset with their boyfriend/girlfriends or that they hate their science teacher? I understand when a teen drops the F-bomb but isn't there a parent on top of them explaining how inappropriate that is to write publicly? It's really an eye-opener for me.

They also attended a summer sports camp at a university and the coach warned them about social media. He basically said if we (coaches) can see that you have 10,000 favorites or tweets (or whatever the terms are) then they question how you spend your time. I thought it was a very real way of encouraging teens to think about how their social media use is being interpreted.

So yes I'm grateful my children aren't into it but I still feel naive about what goes on out there. Thanks again for all the input and I will check out the resources shared too.

Check out Whats App as well.

Lol, mtn.....exactly! The sheer reach of social media is the game changer. People used to have to be elected before they had such a wide audience!

Kids need to be taught how to guard their privacy nowdays. What is and is not appropriate to share in large groups. It's not to be secretive, it is for self-protection. Some things should just be thought, not said. The whole "If you can't say something nice, say nothing." Social media is just one place where this rule applies. The norm on social media is to ignore that rule. That's why it can be a bad influence on a young teen. They need a lot more guidance than they let on, early in the game, say 12-15. They need social guidance for a whole lot of things, not just use of media. I teach college and we have to do it a LOT with young adults. Somehow we took teens' snarky attitudes way too much to heart and have backed off on this just when they need it most. It can be done in a positive way too, make it fun rather than just lecturing. Keep them engaged with multiple age groups of people--seniors, parents, peers and younger kids. Don't let them create a little "teens only" world for their entire day. I'm not saying don't give them time to be with peers only, I'm just saying help them find balance. I dunno, when I was a teen, I LIKED to go visit my grandmother and so did my friends. Maybe we were weird. But anyway, spending time with her helped me develop patience and social wisdom. She was WAY beyond superficial appearance stuff! Too much time on social media is no different then too much time watching TV or video, in some respects. It just creates isolation, which is not good for young people. Lord knows we'd LIKE to be isolated from them sometimes, but this is when they need us most, lol! Learn to be "around" but not intrusive. Easier said than done!!!!!

I agree Pink. And most of that engaging beyond the peer group comes naturally when the phone goes away. I was surprised in one of the links above when kids talked about looking at phones in school. At our kids' schools, phones are in lockers all day. Parents are told they will need to contact the school to contact their kid (some parents do not like that, but I agree with the school).

I've probably mentioned this before but here it comes again.

A few years ago, I was on a vacation with some parents of high schoolers. Each day, during the school day, the mothers would get multiple texts from their kids (inconsequential stuff, not 911 calls). Not being a parent I didn't know, so I asked "are they allowed to use their phones during the school day?" The answer was "no, they're not suppose to but it's okay if she texts me. She doesn't use it for anything else."

Really?! You believe that's all she does with her phone? Do you check it when she gets home to make sure there weren't any calls, texts, games played, web surfing, whatever else can be done on the phone taking place during the hours the school rules state 'No phone usage'?

What other school rule is she allowed to disregard? Have you reviewed all the rules and told her it's okay with me to ignore X but I agree the school can enforce Y. Or are you setting her up for failure when she gets in trouble for breaking a rule she finds unnecessary, inconvenient, simply does not make her happy?

I know, really, HH. From what I understand, a lot of parents say stuff like "since 9/11 I want to be in contact with my kid at all times". Public schools esp don't seem to know how to defuse that, and it actually gets into some interesting legal issues. The private schools get around it by making parents and kids sign a contract about their use of technology, both at school and outside of school (hooray, imho).

Regarding checking kids cell phones and privacy, my views changed when I began seeing what kids were posting on social media for the world to see. I'm also assuming that my children's friends' parents all check their phones too and may read why my kids send. I no longer view this so much as a privacy issue but a way of saving them from themselves and their own poor judgement that's so rampant at this age.

One of my sons has a "girlfriend" (I use that term loosely because they've only met up twice outside of school). One day I reminded him that Dad and I can pick up his phone and read all his texts to "Emily" at any time. He said "Ya I know." And then I said, "And Emily's parents can pick up her phone and read any of your texts to her..." I don't think he had thought about this side of the communication.

Did y'all see the Anderson Cooper thing on CNN last night, "Being 13?" It was fascinating and scary and frankly, sad. It made me sad how social media seems to be really causing anxiety for a large percentage of young teens. Their social status is online for the world to see, and a rude comment on a picture could actually send them into a panic. I have a 13 yo and while I haven't seen anything emotionally damaging on her account (I check it each night)...I can imagine easily how that can happen. I actually felt a bit better after the show, mostly in that other parents all over the country are dealing with this as well and I am not alone! :)

Yes, Nini, I was following the promotion of this feature. It's what has lit my fire to figure out social media for myself so that I can better talk with my children about it.

Good for you for checking each night. My husband and I are implementing this on their phones on a daily basis, too. We had a frank discussion with them over dinner tonight. Fortunately, they still respond to fear tactics. (Or we think they do.)

I have found that comparing notes with other parents helps too. I've struck up many conversations about this with parents in my community and each time I walk away with some tidbit of information that helps. And as you note it helps to know that many parents feel rather lost about this at times. Social media is just such a different beast than what we had at their age.

Can't kids/teens just delete text messages they don't want you to see? Is there a way for the parent to follow up with that? Do carries keep copies of messages? I'm sure a google search will answer this for me. I'm not looking forward to the teens years. I wasn't a bad kid, but could be creative if I wanted to. I definitely don't think parents should be passive about this, but I'm wondering how much a they really can monitor.

You can view sent, received and deleted texts. You can basically recreate anything they have done or looked at on their phone. It's another reason to keep them off the phone more than a few minutes a day .... you'd need a staff to go through it all.

Funny, if they just spoke to one another, like we used to, we can't monitor that (or not easily). Wouldn't you have been mortified if your parents insisted you and your BF may not talk, you had to type messages to each other, which could be viewed by all the parents? Yet kids love to text.

My kids are younger, the oldest is only 8 years old but we are very careful with technology in our house.

It is somewhat ironic, since my husband works in IT and our livelihood is dependent on everyone else being so dependent on modern technology and communication.

Neither of us has Facebook, twitter, Instagram or any other social media accounts. No matter how hard you try to lock down your private information, it is surprisingly easy for someone like my husband or myself to discover.

I can't count the number of times I have read a comment on a site (including this one) and with just a few minutes of digging through your profile and well worded Google searches I know who you are, where you live, what you do for a living, your close family members, etc.

I don't want my kids revealing that kind of information because it is dangerous.

They are not allowed to have social media accounts (believe it or not, the school is already encouraging them to have one) they do not have smartphones or tablets and all internet access is strictly regulated and monitored.

When we feel they are old enough to have access to the world wide web, it will only be through a computer with a key logger installed.

We will know every single thing they type; web addresses, "secret" accounts, passwords etc.

I'm sure this seems harsh to many people but, as I said, it is my husbands job to protect businesses and individuals from liabilities and security risks. We are equally careful with our own identities and we are teaching our children to be the same.

Mtn - Good to know and you make a good point!!

Texas - Not harsh at all.

I am glad my kids are young adults now!! they never were really into fb(or other social media), like some of their friends were... only really had to advise once or twice when I happened to see something that I thought they should think twice about posting...

I have mixed feelings about monitoring them so much... I definitely wanted to know what they were up to- at least to some extent, but at the same time would have hated, HATED being monitored so much by my parents!!

so much monitoring forces kids who do have things to hide to get more and more creative in figuring out how to have their privacy... or at least learn from others (friends or on line) how to get around their parents... many kids don't have a heck of a lot to hide, but some do...

There will be kids who have problems and kids who make problems and kids who sail through it and who kids who just barely make it through. That's adolescence, with or without social media.

All monitoring does it says we think it's important and we are concerned. If kids want to hide their conversations they always can ... just go retro and pick up the phone. They are the ones creating transcripts for the secret police by texting it all, lol!

Mtn, how does one find/read deleted texts? (on an iPhone specifically)

My DD does not have Facebook but in our high school (she just started) a lot of kids have to because sports teams communicate via FB and some clubs and other activities also use it. She does an outside sport that doesn't use FB to communicate, so she may never be on FB for all I know. I have a feeling FB is a bit passe now, anyway, for newer teens? My older kids (20. 23) are on it but I don't know how much they use it anymore.

I have only one kid who has caused me enough concern to want to monitor his activity closely. Unfortunately I didn't monitor his online activity enough when he was younger, and now he's 23 so that ship has sailed. Cautionary tale for kids who go to small private schools -- he did, and when he was a junior he joined in with some other boys on a really stupid, inappropriate FB page. He posted ONE comment. The school found out about it, and he was suspended for 4 days. And yes, we had to include this on his college applications. This is minor compared to some of the other trouble kids can get into online, but it woke me up in a hurry! And he sure learned a lesson.

I don't know any teens on FB except for FB pages created by teams, clubs, schools, etc as you suggest, SueB. I believe it is considered "old people's media" by kids. Of course we are not on FB so I guess I should say none of my kids or their friends talk about it.

There are a number of ways to get see all sent, received and deleted messages, depending on your carrier and the device. They can be software or hardware. Probably the easiest way is to call the carrier and see what they offer. It will probably be on their website.

kids create codes, etc too for what they mean in text... so what's being said sounds really quite innocuous.

even in college, a friend told me that at a large state university kids had different terms meaning PARTY here tonite .... pan pizza or cc cookies (as a simple example) so that they could escape obvious detection on fb, in the school paper, etc...

Texas-Gem said:

"I can't count the number of times I have read a comment on a site (including this one) and with just a few minutes of digging through your profile and well worded Google searches I know who you are, where you live, what you do for a living, your close family members, etc."

I think this should be a reminder for every one who posts sensitive things on these boards. I am technologically challenged but even I can find out this information if I wanted to.

I agree with MtnRd that a lot depends on the kid. My older child would never get involved in online drama and if she saw something questionable while browsing she would be mortified. The younger one ... she's forever trying to find the line so she can stick her toe over to see if we are watching. A gross picture came up on my search? Cool, let's click and see what other stuff is there! Our life would have been much easier if we never allowed her near a cell or computer, lol.

I'll never forget the first computer assignment I did with my child which was about 14 years ago when she was in second grade. We put the word "bears" in the search box. I don't think safe search had even been invented yet and little did I know that the word "bear" is a nickname for hairy gay men. Lol, I never closed the computer so fast in my life.

LOL Deee. Well now I learned something today, too.

Wish I had the link. There is an enlightening expose out there on young teens and social media. It is absolutely and area parents need to be VIGILANT in monitoring. Social Media is an area that got away from society. It has grown exponentially and we have done a lousy job of teaching our young people how to use it positively and effectively. It really needs guidelines to keep it from becoming a negative, if not dangerous experience. If I were you I would be rejoicing at the maturity your son is showing. Because "all teens" do it--so does not mean it is something you want your son to do!!!!

I analyze Google queries for work and someone at work shared this video today. It is humorous and pretty representative of the stupidity that we look at all day. Warning coarse language and R rated content.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YuOBzWF0Aws

Oh my gosh deee- thanks for that!! It was hilarious.

I was a teen in the earlier days of the Internet. Glad my parents had little to no clue what I was up to or they would've set the computer on fire and thrown it in the dumpster although I know they gritted their teeth when I kept on meeting up with strangers. :D I just hope if I ever have kids they're not prone to trawling through the very dark underbelly too much. At that time it seemed to be more for social outcasts and felt like a more welcoming place in some ways. Of course the predator detection mechanisms weren't too sophisticated back then.

Deee, that video made me laugh out loud (for real)!

Lol, Dee, in 1999 my DD typed in the words "White House" for a 9th grade school project and she screamed after clicking on the first entry. The family computer was in a home office off our bedroom and I ran in to see what was the matter.,,...she was hardly coherent and shut the computer down herself. It was pornography and she was traumatized!

I work with adolescents so I am forced to keep up with this stuff :-) My DS is 10, and I dread the day he gets involved with it all.

Some things I have learned, FYI-- Icky, but good to know--

There are now several apps available that "capture" Snapchats. So the sender believes the message will disappear, but the recipient can save it and distribute it. This is frequently used for the sexy/naked images or supposedly private comments dumb kids send each other.

There are apps specifically designed to deceive parents looking through their kids' phones. The icon on the phone will look like something innocent, like a calendar or whatever, but when you click on it, it takes you to a password protected messaging or "dating" service. Many of these apps are used by sexual predators; kids get suckered in by the "privacy" aspect.

Sending/receiving nude pics of someone under 18 (even when a kid is sending images they have taken of themself) can result in charges of distributing child pornography. Seriously.

I'm so glad my kids are in their twenties now and I don't have to worry anymore about that stuff. Can't you screenshot a snapchat photo if you are quick enough? I was listening to a radio program a while ago about a high school in VA where girls were sending nude photos to their boyfriends, thinking they would keep them private, but the boys were sending them to all of their friends and maybe even had a facebook page with the photos? The thing is, the police were called in to investigate and they asked some of the girls if they knew any other girls who did this, sending nude photos to their boyfriends -- they soon found out that many, many kids were doing this. What were they going to do? Prosecute all of these kids? It was really a sad situation.