My DD! She drives the rest of us crazy! Sometimes (in car) I have to tell her to stop talking *at* me, I can't concentrate, I need to drive. Then there are the conversations that go on forever b/c someone's just not getting it. I must have spent 5 minutes at dinner last night trying to describe to my dad where/why I thought they were putting catch basins in on my uncle's street. It started with my dad saying he drove that road around 3pm, noticed surveyor was at lot behind my uncles' (he's on the corner). I said yes, at 4:45 I saw the flags and OBTW they were putting in catch basins on that (short) road. Dad said he saw the patched asphalt. I said well the heavy equipment was there, and I saw the concrete storm drains off to the side of the road. *That* started it - "Where?" "At the end of the road near the land that's for sale" "There's no land for sale, that's the house, they just have the sign on the state hwy so people know it's for sale around the corner." "No, uncle told me last year land was for sale, sign said acreage, but the drains aren't on the hwy, they're on cross street." "Mr. X used to own that house, he sold it, but he owns all the land back behind all the way up to your other uncle, but he sold the house, he doesn't live there anymore, but he always had a problem with water running down the driveway of that house, he dug out so it doesn't run in the road. Maybe the new owner is doing something" ... it turned into a 20-min conversation, both of us getting frustrated, and all I meant was to mention they're working on the road and we shouldn't use it as a shortcut til they're done. Most conversations with my dad end up like the old Abbott and Costello "Who's on First?" routine...

Joanie given your original suggested phrasing: "Im sure it was an oversight, but I was not included in the group gift for Hank and it was embarrassing for me and others who also were not included when the gift was presented in public. In the future, please make sure you include everyone but with the understanding that not everyone is financially capable of contributing every time. In this regard, I also think a card from the whole group is more appropriate than individual signatures so no one is singled out for not contributing." I do think that sending a note with what you wrote above to a higher level employee is courting some very bad reactions. Telling someone who is above you on the org chart to "In the future please make sure....etc" is not only harsh but strikes a tone of directing a subordinate who has done something wrong. I can't honestly think what positive result will come out of that and it does come across like a complainer to me. Especially coming from someone who doesn't always contribute anyway; if the OP had diligently chipped in every time and been excluded, that's one thing. But such is admittedly not the case here. Maybe this is acceptable in your work environment Joanie . But to reprimand a superior after not being a 'team player' (and I'll bet that is what some people, fairly or not, already think of the OP) is just not a good idea in my opinion. I still say let it go. Ann

Concerning more ventilation: Most of the time it's fine. I don't mind cooking smells in the house. I've never cooked fish or something with strong unpleasant odors. The only times I really want more is when I'm sauteeing onions or searing steaks and I get smoke going. I turn it on in those cases but it doesn't even have enough pull to really pull the smoke up to the vent if that makes sense. Also I have greasy build-up on top of my cabinets. I had no idea that a fan was even suppose to be used for greasy things (can you tell my mom never used hers either), so now that I know a fan could help with that it would be nice if I had one that worked better so I didn't have to scrub the top of my cabinets every year. As far as current venting goes; if I had any it would have to be in the existing wall, nothing goes through the cabinet over the stove. Also there is nothing on the roof or side of the house that indicts anything being vented anywhere in this area of the house. Weedmeister, after reading your message I realize I was incorrect in my thinking of where the duct connects to the hood. I was thinking they would connect to the back side of the hood (where it touches the wall) but after reading this I think you are saying the duct will connect above the hood. Is that correct? In that case I'd have 2 turns in either direction (one from the fan to the wall and one from the wall to go up or to the side. I'd definitely want the vent in the wall because I have a huge open space above the cabinets up to the cathedral ceiling and I wouldn't want to see a vent running there. Thanks for helping me clarify this stuff. More and more it sounds like going ductless might still be my best choice. The filters on them were rather expensive and I was starting to think maybe over the long term that just installing the ducting work would be cheaper than replacing all those filters. So if I'm going to install a ductless hood, does the CFM's matter so much. I was considering the Broan Evolutions QP130 or Broan QP230 hoods.

Keep copies of school records showing the son has residency with dad. He can petition the court on his own to modify the support order as well as the custody order. If he did that, would the BM run to scoop up her son & resume being CP? If she is busy & really can't take him back, she is stuck with it. The courts generally want a support order as both parents are obligated to support the child. Or as in CA, it says the child is entitled to be supported by both parents. Either way, BM may end up having to pay something. Dad can't "waive" child support but he can say he makes enough money to provide well for his child and that he does not need the money and putting mom under an order could cause undue hardship on her and that would adversely affect the parent-child relationship between mom & son... and it could affect her ability to afford frequent & continuing visitation, which he doesn't want to upset. He can make a case for not putting mom under an order if he wants to just remove HIS obligation while the child lives with him. At the same time, a court may be inclined to put in the order that dad has custody based on the living arrangements, if dad wants. When BM did the same thing.. moved away & told DH in an email that he can have custody. I, right away, drafted a judicial council form that is used for agreements in family law, stating that DH has custody & BM has visitation... specified the days/times as well as holidays. BM signed it, DH signed it. Legally, it meant nothing until it was submitted to the court & a Judge reviewed it & signed it. That happened a few months later. However it did not address the issue of child support. DH left the child support order alone for 9 long months where I worried that BM would drag him in to collect on 9 months worth of support and make DH look like a deadbeat when he was the one that actually had the child. So, he filed a modification... and poof, BM wanted custody back but after 9 months of SD living with us & the agreement she signed & had been converted to a court order by the Judge, she could not instantly ask for custody back without showing a significant change in circumstance, which is required in CA. Of course by then, it had gotten nasty between DH & BM so they were not in agreement on anything. The court then modified the support order & issued a judgment against BM & made sure it included wording to keep her from claiming any back support for periods when SD lived with us. If the son is going to live with dad, then I would suggest that he first address the issue of getting it in writing for legal purposes. He can say he needs it for medical care or school, which is true. If the school were to find out BM actually has custody... they might feel at risk of some sort of liability & have a problem with it. Once he has something in writing (notarized is good, submitted to the court is better), then he has a better leg to stand on when he asks to modify support... and less worry that mom will come back at him to take custody back. The courts do not want children being used as pawns or meal tickets. IF mom sends child to live with dad for whatever reasons, the court will assume that mom had good reason & felt dad was the appropriate place. If they suddenly want to change it during a support proceeding, it becomes suspect that mom is more concerned about the money than what is best for the child. In my DH's case, BM making accusations that I am abusing SD in her response to being served with support papers was as transparent as can be. The court was not very sympathetic with her at all. It's hard to say who the better parent would be. Raising kids is frustrating at times and yelling at kids or getting frustrated is not a reason to change custody... if it were I could say that I see kids every day that would be going to live with someone else. It is very sad to me that children are shuffled around because the parents want to do their own thing, want some convenience, have their own agendas. When you have children, the child becomes the main priority in life but I see that is not always the case. I would suggest parenting classes for the parents that are frustrated. I've found it helpful for myself. AS for your original concerns... why you feel this way? I think it may be because you really have no control over what is going on. You are on the outside looking in & dad tells you what he doesn't like about mom, then does the same thing. But him having his son is also going to change his schedule, his finances, his whole life which you are a part of and YOU have no control over it... or much say in the decisions, if any. That would be very hard to take for anyone. And they may not be raising their child the way you would if it were YOUR child. That is one thing I know is true in my situation & why I get frustrated when I'm expected to contribute (financially, emotionally, or physically) to the raising of a child that my input is very limited. (or even when I am allowed greater latitude with my input, it is disregarded by the child or her mother)