You need to check your LOCAL laws for permit requirements. Every municipality is different and you are wasting time asking strangers on the Net. Until you know what your local laws and zoning codes permit, it is again a waste of time to draw up any plans. Investigate modular housing and how your local codes handle these types. Also investigate manufactured (mobile) homes; if your local codes allow, it is the fastest and cheapest housing you can find. Make a ramp to go up to the front door for accessibility, or create room for a chair lift off a front porch. You also need to talk to Social Security or at least start reading their website. When and if your mother becomes disabled, disability might pay her more than SS might. Also, you need to become aware of the Medicaid asset limits and how they would apply to your parents. Most (80%)nursing home residents are there under Medicaid. However, any home health services used prior to failing the 3-ADL definition of disability; e.g., before she becomes disabled from MS, must be paid by the person/family's own funds (Medicare nor Medicaid never pays for home health care except under very limited circumstances). It is a great shame your brother is being so uncooperative. You need to start getting Power of Attorney and a Durable healthcare Power of Attorney on both your mom and dad immediately. Good luck and keep notes! Your brother may very well turn into a problem down the road, and you need to be thoroughly documented on any actions you take on your parents' behalf.

Hi! I'm back for an update. It's been almost a year since I posted this asking for advice and so much has changed. The property that my grandmother owns is now in litigation. One of those 'golden' children is suing because they say it was 'promised' to them. So now grandma even has more of a headache because she has legal fees, depositions and an upcoming trial that she is having to prepare for. Of course her lawyer says that there is no case and that they will not win. However it cannot be sold until litigation is complete. My relationship with my grandmother has gotten much better AND she is actually enjoying spending time with me and my family to give my mom a break. She comes over and sits and watches tv with me and the kids make her feel like a million bucks with all of their coloring and 'gifts' that they make for her. My older daughter enjoys helping to fix grandma's hair and likes to help her open doors and things like that. Smothering my grandma with love has seemed to work in the last few months. Her relationship with my mom has gotten better. She is still pretty mean but she no longer calls the other siblings to complain about my mom. She will snap at my mom but quickly apologizes. She has seen the devotion that my mother has for her and I think that has really changed her. As the weeks and months go on, my grandmother becomes even more confused about things and that is very frustrating for her but she leans on my mom where this time last year she would lash out at my mom. She actually enjoys being around my dad too. Our family dog passed a few months ago and my grandma took it pretty hard. We didn't realize how attached she had become to the dog but she tells us that in the afternoon the dog would go in and sit in her room and watch the kids walking home from school through the window. They bonded which is not something my grandmother is good at. The passing of the dog seemed to bring her closer to my dad which has really surprised us all. She says I love you a lot. She says thank you to my mom. I've caught her calling my mom honey and sweetie which are not names my grandmother ever uses. One sibling has stepped up. Well his wife has stepped up but at least my mom has help now. My parents have been able to travel on three vacations which they had not done in over a year and they were travelers before my grandma moved in. My grandma stays with my uncle and wife for several weeks and actually misses home. That's right she calls it 'home' now. The situation is not perfect but it seems to have gotten better. With her acceptance of how her life his now, she seems to be much happier. She doesn't want to go to a home and so I think with the fear of that happening she has straightened up a bit. She still has those moments but she seems to realize when she has been ugly and shows remorse. She actually sits in the living area with family instea of shutting herself off in to her room. The dr's say she is doing well. She had a scare not that long ago but seems to be much better now. I'm not sure what changed my grandma but she is not the miserable old lady she was last summer. She is a much nicer person who allows her family to love her and help her. Just wanted to give an update.

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Hi everyone, thank you for all of the comments. I do appreciate everything that has been written and all of the suggestions and points brought up. The thing is, my mom and dad have worked hard their whole lives and if this is something they want to do, I am in no position to tell them otherwise and wouldn't dream of doing so. My mom hates the short cabinets (not the cherry) and as this is her dream house otherwise, she is not going to budge on the idea of updating -- especially when she would prefer to stay in this home as long as possible rather than buy new. I guess I don't see it as wasteful if this is something she wants and again, I have to reiterate that when they eventually do go to sell, being a little fresher will not exactly hurt them; on the contrary around here in this particular market. As for the goofy photoshop I posted, none of those things were my suggestions or even set in stone...we were just playing around with ideas and especially wanting to look at the stacked cabinets. So not really trying to be trendy with the marble etc., just grabbed a lighter counter to use for the photo because I know my mom intends to lighten things up on the counters and backsplash. And again, the cabinets in the photos are darker looking than they are in real life so I'm afraid they are not the best representation. I have to admit I am kind of finding it amusing everyone on a decorating/remodeling site is advising against remodeling this kitchen even when the owner wants to, but I do understand your reservations and in many other cases, I would totally agree with you. Real estate wise, I've lived in areas where it didn't matter at all and I've lived in areas where it does and unfortunately (or fortunately if you actually enjoy the process), the latter is the soup of the day around here. I'm in the midst of a master bath remodel right now myself and it's downright addictive so I get why my mom is into the idea, though. Anyway, again, thank you very much! I will answer some comments below: Nosoccermom - "I do like your proposed changes. The only thing that I personally would prefer is a more streamlined (non-wood) hood, but it sounds like your mom likes the one you propose. I'd also put a built-in microwave in that empty fridge spot and perhaps a coffee station rather than the solid wood cabinets/drawers there, maybe even some open shelves for cookbooks." I actually would prefer it if she went with a metal range hood myself and she is actually thinking about going that way. Everything is still very much up in the air...she had just always thought she would like a wood mantle hood but seeing as she wants to mix the traditional with a touch of modern, some more sparkle would be a great idea. As for the microwave, it's actually in a drawer on the island but that spot by the fridge, she's been thinking about tall glass cabinets or open shelves there and some small drawers underneath which are actually not drawers but a flip up area for coffee etc. Hard to describe and my picture wasn't at all what she had in mind. Thank you for your suggestions! Fishymom and Javivwa, the two tone white and cherry is a non-starter not only because of my dad, but my mom is not a fan. I've seen some pretty versions of it though so I know what you're talking about and that's definitely a good option. I do think she was considering a creamy white island possibly but again, just in the talking stage. Thanks again! Sophie, in this particular area, unfortunately this kitchen is considered outdated...especially the short cabinets. Even the new cheap houses here have tall cabs so they're pretty much expected in the price range this home would be at. My mom is not into fads. In fact, she generally goes the opposite direction, so she's not really wanting to remodel to keep up with the latest trend. Again, it's both for her enjoyment while she lives in the home and when she does sell, the updates will not hurt. They never do unless they've gone horribly wrong, generally speaking. :-) Thank you for the suggestion! Kimberly, my mom is about the least wasteful person on the planet and she has done more for people in her lifetime than I will ever be able to do, so if she wants to remodel her kitchen, I don't think she's being wasteful; I think she's finally doing something for herself which I wholeheartedly applaud. She's certainly not doing it to follow a trend, she's doing it because she wants to and I don't see an issue with that. I'm sorry that you do, though. Thank you anyway. Elizard, yes, definitely all new hardware and lights etc. Jewelry is always important to a girl:-) And quartzite has actually been talked about so definitely an option, thank you! Jillius, thank you for the comments! Not sure if you saw up above but the cabinets are not that dark in real life. I understand what you mean about looming though and with the 10 ft ceilings and lighted glass as well as the cabinets that aren't that dark, it won't be quite as dismal as it might appear. I love the idea of mixing up a new material for the hood and I am definitely hoping she trends that way in the end. I really think that would help on a lot of different counts. As for the backsplash, that was just a mock up to use something lighter so definitely not the end choice or anything. I think you bring up a good point with that, however i know my mom is pretty set on keeping it all fairly light so we'll just have to see what kind of counter material she settles on and go from there I suppose. Anyway, thanks again everyone! This is the best place and I really do appreciate the time you've all taken.