Nora, Thanks so much for your response...I feel so fortunate to have so many people respond over the past 24 hours. Your idea of a styrofoam ball with yarn is fantastic. My mom knitted and crochet her entire life...learned while in school in 7th grade and actually did it for a living while raising me and my sisters. Now, I have bags full of yarn and I've tried to encourage her, but she won't (I realize now it's probably that she can't). But, if I get the styrofoam balls, maybe, just maybe I can get her interested in winding the yarn around them. I cannot tell you how much this forum has helped me already...For 4 1/2 months, I've been so frustrated with my mom constantly refusing everything I've tried to get her to do. At times, she seems completely fine, so clear headed that I lose sight of the fact that she's losing her mind and at times have actually argued with her!!! How ridiculous! I'm beginning to realize that it's not that she doesn't WANT to do anything, it's that she CAN"T, or is AFRAID that she can't. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like for them...what are they thinking, what are they feeling? How frightening it must be for them. These are thoughts that I torture myself with. I so want to cure her and take care of her; all I can do is be there for her and let her know that I love her and will always be here for her. Every day, when I leave the house (I go to my main office for a few hours 3 days a week) she asks me "where are you going?" and every day, I say "I'm going to the office" and she says "be careful and make sure you come home" and I walk up to her, every day, give her a big hug and a kiss and I say "I will always come home, and I will always love you." I guess that is all I can do..let her know she is loved and truly cared for and that I won't let anything awful happen to her. Now that I've rambled on so....I do have a question, if anyone is even still reading this...How do you manage caring for your mom knowing that she doesn't have a clue who you are? It must just tear you apart.One more thing Nora...nine years is a long time...how was she through the majority of those years? Was she aggitated? Did she get along with her caregivers? Did she put up a fight about bathing?...I'm done for now....thanks again...you've been more help than you can ever imagine...my heart goes out to all of you for taking the time to respond to me and caring enough to do so....

We are dealing with my father who has had signs of vascular dementia for a few years as in being forgetful. He has some health issues which has landed him the hospital with an infection in his leg which traveled through his blood stream. He has been so weak, he can no longer walk and get to the toilet without assistance. Up to a day ago, he had a pick line with antibiotics still. He was sent to a rehab hospital where he refused medication, refused rehab and pulled out his pickline. He wants to go home, but my mom can not care for him at home. He was discharged to a skilled nursing center with an excellent rehab facility on Friday night and we have hired Home Instead to have people sit with him at night. He is extremely angry, uncooperative, threatening to take us all to court because he wants home care at home. He is cussing out the Home Instead people at night and calling us at all hours of the night asking why he is there and is unable to hear any logic due to paranoia(we are all out to get him) and/or stubbornness, but until he starts cooperating, it's hard to get him home. Such a catch22. Just looking for advice. I live out of town and for the last few weeks, I have been going up to support them, but it is wearying. Not sure if this is dementia or he is just being self absorbed.

A very big Thank You for the tips on record keeping. I will try to start one tonight. 'Till now I've just noted Dr appts. on calendar. I wish she did eat just $20-25 a week. She eats everything in sight. I have to make DH's next day lunch before we eat dinner or there's nothing left. I've really gone through my freezer just trying to make it to the end of the month for my retirement check to get deposited so I can buy more groceries!! Once we catch up on all of the behind bills and pay off S-son's cell phone,sattelite, etc., (He put everything in her name) we will have a little extra to spend on her from her check. She was so spastic about the warrant for the heating oil bill that we took $$ out of our savings and paid it before court day. That will be the first thing to come out of her retirement check. S-son called yesterday to say he had finally gotten a job. I'm doing the happy dance now! Hope it lasts. This has really taken the wind out of his sails because his Dad made it plain that there was NO MONEY. He's had to figure out how to come up with his own party $$s. She is talking about selling her house to get out from under the payments. 2 possible issues with that. 1) With the economy I'm not sure we can get enough to pay off the loans. 2) That house was built by her Daddy and NOTHING has EVER been thrown away! I'm dreading trying to clean out the house and multiple sheds/buildings. All and all, things are settling down a little. Stress level has dropped a notch. All of you have been my life raft. Can't thank you enough. Oh yeah, DH's Mom (Aunt's sister) has called and gone by the house repeatedly to try and get anything she can sell out of it. She knew everything that was going on and has already been there and carted off everything of value she could fit into her car before we found out how bad off Aunt was. (Such a sleeze bag.) In case you are wondering where we have been- DH was in a horrific accident on the job early last year and almost died. We spent many days in intensive care, had a long hospital stay as well as return trips for emergencies that kept popping up, and a very long recovery at home where he was practically bed ridden wnth me giving him daily very strong antibiotic IVs thru Pic line straight to his heart. When we finally got him on his feet and able to go check on Aunt- all of the family vultures had done an awful lot of damage financially as well as helping themselves to antique quilts, dishes, etc. S-son doing the most damage in the $$ dept. Let's just say I'm so grateful to God that I had the upbringing that I had. Poor DH is a Saint to have turned out as well as he did to have come from that family. Thanks for letting me vent here. It soooo helps my stress level to get it out. Betty

She likes to get out and go places- not senior centers, though. My own Mother took her around to several and they were "full of old people!". She would love nothing more than to go shopping every day, but won't use her wheelchair- insists on walking with her walker. Which would be fine if she could go better than 0.001 inches per minute. So from the front door to Wal-mart and back takes something like two hours for a bottle of shampoo I could have picked up in 15 minutes by myself. I am most decidedly not a shopper as I hate leaving home. I am also restoring a older home by myself and do have other duties around the house so have limited time for this sort of thing as well. I take her where she needs to go but recreational outings are between her and her son (my husband) on weekends. That was the deal when I took this on- I do the caretaking necessary but I am not a paid companion, nor am I the entertainment committee. Her mind is plenty sharp and I do expect her to take some responsibility for finding things to stay interested in. I'm harsh, I know. I watched my Mother throw away her own life in order to take care of other people and I will not do that. There's a limit and this is it. Wow. I got really aggravated there. That alone tells me I need to think about it! Great resource, this venting thing!