Does this look intentional or unfinished?
9 years ago
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Maybe more intentional high-jacking would be good
Comments (41)I, rather unfortuantely, didn't have to the time to really read and process everyone's answers since my last post so please forgive this question if you feel may have already answered it. As I was skimming down through this thread two questions kept repeating in my head "What is this forum really for?" and "What do the people who frequent this forum really want to talk about" I came here for help on plant ideas (both species and placement help). I already know what I want to do with the hardscape, but I'm willing to listen to other suggestions on that. I know how I want the various parts of my yard (and landscape) to FEEL to me, I know what I like to look at and maintain and care for. For me, when it comes to shrubs, I'm just not sure how to get that from my mind to the ground. Is this a problem that this forum can help with, or do I need to go somewhere else? Is this something anyone here even wants to talk about. It almost seems like if the only thing someone comes here for is plant help, well no one really wants to help. And if someone comes here asking for "I have a blank slate and don't know what I want" then no one wants to help them. But maybe I'm missing something. The general concenus answer seems to be "talk to a designer", which is a truly valid answer and something I do think would probably benefit the majority. And if that's the case, then what's the point to this forum? I know hiring a designer is certainly one way to get what I want, but I don't want to go that route right now. I'm not at my wits end, I have not exhausted all my resources, I have the time, just not a lot of money (which is part of the reason for not hiring someone, but not the entire reason). I like the sense of accomplishment of doing it myself. I know I can figure it out, I just wanted to see if anything else out there had any other ideas they wanted to throw at me. I also realze that most of the people who participate here won't be able to help with specific plants because you're not all working in my climate/zone. I don't need step by step directions (even if I had gotten the personalized planting plan with step by step instructions I probably wouldn't have followed it anyway), just some general thoughts "Hey what about and evergreen in that corner or a short decidous shrub there with a spreading conifer" etc. Or "That sounds like my problem and here's what I did". And I did get some good suggestions in my thread, mostly about the hardscaping and what to do to my house as we fix it up, which is all very much appreciated but also some thoughts on the overall look which is more along the lines of what I was hoping for....See MoreDealing with a vicious ex-wife w/intent to harm
Comments (31)Ok so I agree it's a bit of an unclear story that is posted by OP. Just some things don't make sense. BM sounds like a piece of work, and I can relate to that because the BM in our situation is of a similar kind. You wonder why BM is so angry with you and if you are in danger. You probably think that she has no reason to be so angry with you, after all you look after these kids much better than she does and BM should be happy that you are a nice person etc etc. But that is not going to happen, EVER. It's how Iamom said it: "BM probably seriously resents the level of your involvement and it may be driving some of her behavior." The more you get involved, the worse it will get I reckon. It doesn't sound like BM is planning to actually physically harm you, even though her behaviour is erratic. As for not getting custody even though BM drinks, neglects kids, takes drugs etc.. I would like to just share something of our own situation. Of course I don't know the whole story by OP, but I do know this: sometimes the whole system just DOES NOT WORK. In our case BM is an alcoholic,not drunk out of her mind every night but on a regular basis let's say. On those nights she either promises the kids ponies and plasma tv's for their rooms, or she has a bad one and gets abusive. Mainly verbally abusive (screaming and carrying on into the early hours) but there have been incidents where she got physical, although that's usually with the partner, not the kids. When BM and FDH had just split up she attacked him in his sleep once. he went to the police the next day and filed a report. The after effects from drinking are that BM stays in bed all day next day and kids don't go to school. They have to look after themselves and in our book that is neglect; not feeding kids breakfast, lunch or tea. SD12 burned her hand two years ago when she was cooking dinner because BM was still in bed. Anyway, drifting... Back to the system; FDH has kept a diary for 3 years There are police reports on BM's outbursts FDH involved CPS, but they assessed kids as being not in danger after they gave BM a phonecall..?? School has been involved (but principal sticks head in the sand) So then FDH contacted the school inspectors, who said to have faith in the school and to leave it to the principal; passing the buck back.. and finally we did try to get shared care in the courts after BM kept breaching the court order (by keeping the kids away from FDH when it was his time to have them) No shared care for us and the stuffing around by BM is only getting worse now. So there we are, back to square one. And yes; it is strange to me too that the courts will not acknowledge BM's alcohol related problems. They just did not want to have a bar of it. Of course we did not have backup from CPS which could've helped the case. You might think that I'm not telling the whole story because it sounds ridiculous, but that is exactly what it is. RIDICULOUS. FDH and myself are in a long term relationship; we own our own home, FDH changed jobs to suit the school hours for the kids so he could look after them (no new girlfriend here pushing the FDH for custody, only a willig and loving dad trying to look after his girls himself) We did not even try to get full custody, we did not want to take drastic actions and take the kids away from their mum. A psychologist advised us to consider shared care, so the kids get the brake from the chaotic lifestyle at BM and have a bit more time with their dad. But noooo, no shared care for FDH, not going to happen!! The only thing we get out of this; is knowing that we have tried to help these girls, as much as we can, so now we focus on the time when they are with us. And that would be my advice to OP; don't take over the mum-role in your household it is not going to work. In a perfect step-world you could be that and it would be an extra for the girls; but in this emotional roller coaster you do better to back off. I mean also when it comes to the parent meetings etc at the school. I wanted to do all those things too when I got together with my FDH, and the girls liked my involvement and even asked for it. For them it was exciting to have a 'mother-figure' interested in their activities, but I tell you I still learned that it is better to back off a bit. Show an interest in the things they do when they are with you, spend time with them etc etc, but the parental responsibilities stay with the parents, not you. It's ahard thing to do, but it is better for your skids. If BM feels that threatened by you she will keep fighting like a lion and that is what hurts the kids. It might feel annoying that you have to back off while you want to do the right thing by the kids; but try it. The kids will see you for who you are anyway, as a loving and caring person who is there for them. They really will. And don't see it as a defeat, you are really taking control here, making this decision and hopefully affecting BM's behaviour in a positive way. The bigger picture!!...See MoreNeed ideas for cabinet to drawer conversion to look intentional
Comments (36)jdesign I understand you don't know my skill level and I'm not sure what questions you are referring to as all I've asked about is design related and how it will look, not how to do it although plenty of people have offered that info. I will build my own using what I mentioned above and don't worry about understanding what I said about sticking out. It just means if I want the front to look like it does currently I need to attach wood behind the doors to extend the thickness of the stile to be able to attach it to the drawer properly and brace them, or I could build the stile into the drawer box, which seems like more of a pain to me. I doubt hardware will be available as all the cabinets are non-standard. Seems fairly easy and straight forward to do myself. Only thing is I hate putting drawer glides in an existing cabinet. So much easier to do when the sides are off before putting the cabinet together. My skill level is nowwhere near yours, but I'm a hobby woodworker and I built a masterbath double vanity cabinet for my old house, drawers, and drawer fronts. Didn't bother with doors. Cheaper to buy then spend my time on them. I have a table saw, compound miter saw, scroll saw, router with table, and a few other things as well as hand tools. I've done other projects too, but think that one is more relevant. ajsmama - I'll look at the price of those, but will most likely make my own drawer boxes. Thanks for the tips on the glides and good prices. Doesn't matter about the screws. It just makes things easier for me and I mentioned it because several mentioned how to remove the stile which I already know how to do. The screws are at an angle up and down and holds the stile in place and I had to score the line along the horizontal stile meeting the vertical stile due to the poly acting as a glue there. No the doors won't stick out. It will look just like it does now from the front, which is what I prefer and why jdesigns idea is great as I don't have to worry about matching anything. I didn't see the part where he/she mentioned it being two and not just one large deep drawer when I scanned this thread orignally and I think that has added to the confusion. I appreciate all the help in getting ideas for making this kitchen more functional....See MoreLooking for unfinished RTA cabinets
Comments (2)We used Scherrs and I really liked their process and products. I seem to recall other people also really liking Conestoga, if memory serves me right....See MoreRelated Professionals
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