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Is this it? should i call it quits?

8 years ago

I have been with my SO for 6 years, he has 2 daughters from a previous marriage. His ex hates me and makes our lives impossible (or so I thought). So I'm really confused as in what to do with my relationship. I love this man but I can't handle his ex and how he lets her disrespect me. He lets her call me names and never defends me. His reason, "he doesn't want to cause any more drama by defending me" he says "you can't argue with a crazy person". I recently found some emails and text that were exchanged between my SO and his ex. In them they start off talking about the girls but then it quickly changed to her telling him that she is so unhappy being alone, he then goes on to tell her that she has the best live because she has the girls the majority of the time. He then tells her that his life sucks and that he is so unhappy with his life and that he doesn't believe in happiness anymore! She tells him but you have you GF and he says "don't get me started on that. One day I will show you who I really love". When I confronted him he got mad at me for "spying" on him. He turned the whole thing on me and didn't even apologize for what he did. I packed my bags to leave him but he cried and begged me to stay claiming that he loves me. I caved in and stayed. He eventually told me that he said those things because she made him angry but it didn't sound like she was making him angry. He always tells me how much he hates her but now i feel like it was all a lie. I thought we were doing fine, that we were happy but I guess I was wrong. Is this my queue to go?

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Comments (4)

cacocobird
8 years ago
It sounds like your BF is letting people disrespect you. You might try counseling to help him understand what he is doing.
sylviatexas1
8 years ago
"letting people" disrespect her?
He's doing it himself!

Orchid, you know the answer, it's right there in your post, but sometimes, especially when we're in a position in which someone else has us questioning our rationality, it's good to have affirmation from someone who's not involved in the fray.

Your problem isn't the ex-wife;

it's her ex-husband.

This guy is playing both of you, making fools of both of you, eating up time that you'll never get back, using up your precious lives, & enjoying every moment of it.

It's very ego-satisfying to him to have 2 women begging for him while he's playing them against each other.

Compare the way he keeps your emotions on a yo-yo to the way he keeps his ex on a yo-yo.

He represents to both of you that "you're the one I love", *& then he badmouths each of you to the other*.

& pushing someone so hard that she packs her bags (or hitting her so hard that she's in the hospital) & then crying & being "remorseful" & begging her for one more chance is classic abuser behavior.

The problem being, of course, that that "one more chance" is just one more chance to continue life as usual;

once the hook is back in your mouth, he's in control again & doesn't have to treat you any differently than he's treating you today.

This isn't about love, it's about manipulation;

people don't mistreat, abuse, or use the one they love.
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blueheron
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He's using you to take care of his kids when it's his turn to have them. I see a lot of that on this forum. Many of the divorced men expect GF's to take on the responsibility of the kids. Don't move in with a man with kids. If he loved you, he'd marry you.
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