Displaying wedding gifts

jlhug

My DD is getting married in a few weeks. We are hosting in a BBQ the night before the wedding and my MIL wants to know if the wedding gifts will be displayed. Personally, I don't like the idea now and didn't like it when I got married years ago. Some of our family members and the groom's family members aren't in a financial position to give an expensive gift. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable.

So, did you display your wedding gifts? Am I wrong to think it is an outdated practice?


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sushipup1

I think it is VERY outdated. But I'd make sure that the thank you notes are sent out before the event, or people will come expecting to see their gift. I think it's also an invitation to the person who is weak-willed and sticky fingered, even if it is your cousin Alice.


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sushipup1

Besides how does one display a money gift discretely? Answer: there is no way, period.


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jlhug

Thanks, Sushipup. I have no idea how you display a check or gift card. It just sounds tacky to me.


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sushipup1

I think that the practice of displaying gifts is from the era when brides completed sets of china and silverware and there were lots of silver plate serving dishes. It's a dead, by-gone era.


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gellchom

I got married in 1982, and my mother (who is originally from the South) wanted to do this, so we did - I had never heard of it. It worked out okay because we put things on a table in the basement, so only a very few people (a couple of southern aunts) who really were interested went down to see them. We didn't put any any names next to the gifts or any indication of the cash gifts; it was just things out on a pool table with a tablecloth on it and the ribbons from some of the packages around the edge. Come to think of it, it really wasn't all that different from when my daughter got married last year and the gifts piled up in a bedroom upstairs.

So I think if you do it some out of the way place rather than where people can't avoid seeing it and don't put names or money out, go ahead -- who is it hurting?

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nancylouise5me

Yes, we displayed our wedding gifts. We were married in 1981. We set up a couple of large tables in the den of my mother's house. Covered the tables with nice white lace cloths. Made it look very nice. In our family it is tradition to host the after the wedding party at the home of the bride. Guests like seeing the gifts that were given. They ooh and ahh over them. Cash/checks were not displayed. They were tucked away safely in a bedroom. I don't think it is all that bad a thing to do as some here think. It just isn't that big of a deal. Don't make more of it then it is. NancyLouise


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sushipup1

Let's see, the pros are referring to weddings in 1981 and 1982. I still don't think that it's done often in 2015. Maybe it's a regional thing? But I haven't seen it done in many a year.

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gellchom

I don't think it's a big deal if someone wants to do it. Don't put the names next to the gifts and don't do anything about cash gifts at all. That should keep anyone from feeling uncomfortable.

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Josephine Perry

I don't think it is a good idea and, personally, I wouldn't like any of my guests to feel uncomfortable. I remember when this friend of mine got married a couple of years ago . When I asked what she would like to receive as a gift, she told me money. I felt pretty uncomfortable as I couldn't afford to give much myself but I didn't want to go to the wedding and bring her only a small amount of money. At the end I bought her a present anyway, I think I was the only one who did (she comes from a rich family).. I felt pretty awful :/

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xarcady

I haven't seen this done since the early 1980s, and I certainly wouldn't expect it.

As for gifts of money, the 1950 edition of Emily Post had a solution for that. You staggered all the checks (cash wasn't mentioned), so that just the signature would show. Then you covered the amount on the top check with a piece of paper. This way, people could see the names of the givers, but not the amounts.

Then you covered the whole thing with a large piece of glass, and set a couple of heavy wedding presents on the edges of the glass, to prevent people from peeking and seeing how much money each person gave.

Seemed like a lot of effort, but it did allow those who gave money to be recognized. And prevented the busybodies from wondering why rich old Uncle Harold didn't give a gift.

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