SHOP PRODUCTS
Houzz Logo Print
joseph_corlett

Witch Hazel Walks Into A Bar...

Joseph Corlett, LLC
9 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago

Witch Hazel Corian walks into a bar and sees Rabbet, Butt,
and Miter joints sharing a pitcher of beer. She cozies up to them and says,
“Which one of you boys can make my edges look the best?”

Miter says, “Ma’am, I am the method recommended by your manufacturer, DuPont,
in their Veined Esthetics Fabrication Manual.”

Butt knows Miter is right, and although he’s in the manual too, he’s not
recommended. He can be one of the faster of the other two, therefore earning fabricators
more money, but he’ll leave the 12mm depth of Witch Hazel’s sheet edge exposed
like he always does and her sheet edge can deviate noticeably from her deck when
profiled. He’s flawless on consistent particulates, but no good with veining
and therefore stays silent.

“Hold on, little lady,” says Rabbet, “I’m not in the manual,
but there’s been a few of my types that have revolutionized your momma’s fabrication
that weren’t either. You can thank fabricators for inventing thermoforming and
hard seams. No disrespect to Mr. Slocum, your momma’s inventor, but the lab
rats that wrote that manual never had a fussy lady customer to please and
payrolls to meet, hence the fabricator’s creativity and taking license with the
rules.

Miter does make a fine edge, but he’s dangerously sharp and
delicate during fabrication. If he’s not taped and coming off a hundred-thousand
dollar V-Groover and Bubby gives him a whack moving him from the machine to the
bench for glue-up, let’s hope the repair is invisible or he may have set a
sheet of you on fire, metaphorically speaking.

Miter is a handsome joint, but even when he’s perfect, he’s
still always at eye level to humans looking down at him, unlike me. My joint is
always facing out, not up, making it much more difficult to see. He can’t be
easily thermoformed around a corner, but I can.”

Miter interrupts “Hold on son, my joint may always be facing upward, but
because of my perpendicularity to any edge profile, I’m not subject to glue
line elongation, as are you.”

“Sir, I concede your point,” Rabbet replies, “but I think your concerns are
more theoretical than practical. I look good no matter the profile as long as
I’m fitted and clamped tightly and utilize a more opaque adhesive. I have more
adhesive area than you, probably making me stronger.”

Turning back to Witch Hazel, Rabbet continues, “DuPont
recommends Taupe as your adhesive, but the boys at Glue Warehouse recommend
Sheer White. There’s a fabricator in Florida that’s says you seem to respond to
Oxford White, Stealth, and Canvass White equally well. He’s got the joints to prove it although he
usually always follows the manual to the letter. I like girls that, like me,
aren’t too fussy.”

Rabbet grabs a bar napkin and illustrates his points:

“Miss Hazel, I knew your veined mother, Verona White, and
made her look great too. Bless her discontinued soul” says Rabbet.

Her car keys in one hand, Witch Hazel gently clasps Rabbet’s
hand with her other and gently pulls him toward the door. As they walk away,
Rabbet turns and winks at his wingmen and they give him a thumbs-up
simultaneously.

Comments (20)

Sponsored
Kuhns Contracting, Inc.
Average rating: 5 out of 5 stars26 Reviews
Central Ohio's Trusted Home Remodeler Specializing in Kitchens & Baths