what to do about neighbours

18 years ago

I've got a nuisance neighbour on one side of the house.

she whinges undlessly about "things" growing through her side of the fence.

It got so bad that I set up wire runners 100cm from the fence just so that things don't grow through

She has gone to council about "things" growing through - and believe me I do try and do the right thing about those things - hate to have the old biddy "take a fall" just to get at us.

She Who Must Be Obeyed has recently taken on a fad of old fashioned gospel music and negro spirituals and was playing some the other afternoon - 4pm or whenever the old biddies soapies are on. We were contacted by the police. The music wasn't too loud - we're both old enough to know better, its just this problem neighbour.,

Anyway - I got nasty and resorted to the dynamic lifter. More doors slamming and threatend phone calls to council.

Have I gone too far?

what other terror neighbours do ozgardeners have?

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Comments (16)

User
18 years ago
I have lovely neighbours...MM
wattleblossom
18 years ago
I have a neighbour living across the road whose personal grooming isn't everything it could be.
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You are so right, Golddust. And totally boring! But I am not just walking away from being attacked like that and having someone put words or opinions into my mouth. WIP, back at you calling the kettle black. As long as we're being nasty here, I was not talking to you when you jumped on my suggestion that the two guys work it out. I didn't appreciate that commentary, either. IMO, they understand each other as men and so can communicate better to work it out. Further, better to circumvent the battle of the sexes if that’s a problem in getting things resolved, especially since a dog could lose its home. I do believe the OP is perfectly capable of deciding what suggestions are helpful to her and which aren't. I don't see how your rants are even on subject. And again, kettle, black, you do seem to feel entitled to comment as you please on other's posts but don't allow the same freedom to the rest of us, telling me you weren't talking to me. You know, that 'discussion' you were just talking about, to me even. "I have an opinion, which I believe I am entitled to present in a discussion." You take my suggestion out of context initially for your commentary and also went at Oakley about it (which was, afterall, in reference to my very own post I might add). She wasn't talking to you either. Though we can't go near whatever you have to say? *Even* when it's in reference to our own posts? LOL. It works both ways. This is the net and a free world. Freedom for ALL to express their opinions. We're all equals here, and on this earth. You are not the only one who is free to speak their mind. And then again, you were the one going into your peeve about how people should 'raise young girls" and how mothers were raising their boys as well for that matter. Not just your own. I wasn't telling you how to raise your daughter. You were telling us how to raise ours in case you didn't notice. What I actually was saying, and it's hard to articulate, is that bad and abrasive attitudes and behaviors on male-female issues (I will not even attempt to describe those) is not something I would want to instill in *my* daughter. I don't think it helps matters any either. Self confidence and independence, of course. Wasn't really referring to *you* specifically, because I don't know you from Adam, but you were going off about things. For no real reason I might add. Which is a good deal what I’m talking about, how I wouldn’t want my daughter to feel or behave towards others about being female. I don't think anyone would *not* want their daughters to be independent, resourceful and successful women. Dependent on no one, male or otherwise. Sons as well. That doesn't mean not handling every or one particular situation oneself is somehow falling short. I wouldn't want to instill that in my child either. Or that it's somehow not alright to ask for help when you need it. Don't be putting words in my mouth. Speak for yourself. You have no idea what my views on life matters are. That's bizarre. As I said, I was referring to certain interpersonal behaviors and attitudes, not *yours* per se. Though you obviously have one. So much so that it 'sets you on fire.' Well, your pot is burned black. And if you go around acting like this, when there isn't even an issue at hand, you do contribute to giving women a bad rap. I do object to that because it affects me, in a number of ways. Though you certainly have the right. As do I. Yep, this thread does demonstrate why it's best to let the men handle things between themselves, just as Oakley already noted. And like she said, if you don't know what we're talking about with the guys working things out, it just can't be explained. Wouldn't bother me a bit to let someone else handle him. A relief at that (and I am very independent and resourceful). That's what the authorities are going to be doing for her anyway. I hate oppression in all forms. And I do find your posts to be oppressive. You have no right to tell anyone here to sit down and shut up. I don't like it any better when it comes from a man. And I don't think you're at all sorry for hijacking this thread. I'm not wasting any more of my time on this chaotic nonsense and what was a simple suggestion, to be tried or tossed out by the OP, which she did at the get-go. Other than praying for the wellbeing of this dog. I hope the fines work and he doesn't lose his home. He’d likely be euthanized. Especially in this economy where so many have lost their homes and the no-kills are filled.
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trancegemini_wa
18 years ago
I have one neighbour who is the same when it comes to things growing over the fence, and he whines about every twig that dares cross his territory

you know what, instead of getting into a neighbour war, I just put up some fence extensions which sends the soft new growth upward a bit more and blocks him out, and Im just really apologetic and nice to him when I do see him. I cant keep him happy because I cant stop every little twig from growing over the fence, but at least now he makes his statement by pruning the stuff off with a saw and dumping it over to my side of the fence, he used to just snap the branches and killed one of my trees in the past from the constant damage, so I call that progress. :)

Just try to be nice to her is all I can suggest, if you get into a tit a for tat it will only get worse.
User
18 years ago
I know how annoying that sort of thing can be, but you have to hang on to your dignity and be the 'better person'. I'm sure you feel like jumping the fence and strangling the old biddy. I have a feeling she is probably lonely and has no life and is turning to this sort of behaviour out of some sort of frustration. Don't let it beat you!
Good luck,
Dee.
ree_ree
18 years ago
I know it's hard to turn the other cheek, but at least you can walk tall and proud when you see your neighbours.
we have had problems with one of our neighbours for years, sprinklers coming through our windows, a car stereo playing 2m from our window at midnight. we even got told to lock our dogs up when they chased their cat, IN OUR FENCED YARD?!
The latest is that they are selling their house (yippee) but our carport is an "eyesore" (their words) and is affecting the sale price! apparently we are being unreasonable by choosing our new fourwheel drive over their hip pocket, but as I said, I can walk tall knowing that I am not that sort of person
popi_gw
18 years ago
Dee hit the nail on the head...maintain your dignity, thats what is important. People can be very unreasonable, feel sorry for them, they are having a rough time in their life. Blame is a reaction for unhappiness.

I live on acres, so all my neighbours are a long way away. Despite that the neighbour across the valley had those aweful trail bikes, you know the noise ! This reverbirated across the valley...man up one end got up a petition, everyone signed it noise stopped. Peace and quiet now.

I can hear the birds again.

Ree Ree, sprinkler coming through the window, thats aweful .
alisonoz_gw
18 years ago
Well we have very nice neighbours, too. But on one side, they have no interest in plants and hence do not *notice* when their running bamboo takes off each year (after they have each year declared they will get rid of it) and it invades my yard. I just cut it back, poison it, and go over their side when they are out, and do the same. Nor do they notice when other ferals that they inherited when they moved here ("we love the green") start overhanging my yard by metres or their crappy palms drop tons of smelly fruit all over my path and roof. I could say a lot, but I lead by example and when I get out there and rake and tidy, sometimes I get a bit of positive reaction and a few things are cut down and taken away. The nicest thing, and the reason I bite my tongue, is that when their rubbish is taken away, they offer to take all mine, too, including things like a rusted out hot-water tank that I would have had NO WAY of getting rid of. Nice neighbours.
Now the neighbours 2 away are another matter. They have 3 little boys and they like to keep them "interested" to be at home. First it was a drum set now it is a skate-board ramp in the backyard. It goes on for hours, I'm almost thankful the bl**dy traffic noise is so bad this time of day that it drowns them out. Sheesh where do you go, we were thinking of the sunshine coast LOL. Maybe I'd better just buy some more blackberry killer and some better ear-plugs, and stay put.
wattle_girl
18 years ago
Why not pick a bunch of your flowers and take it to her? She might appreciate the kindness and not mind so much about other things.I have felt for a long time that people who complain about small things usually have very 'small' lives (you know, very few interests, few friends etc). So, for them the small issues tend to become big. On the other hand, when I feel really stressed, the little things assume major importance. Flowers always help then, too.
happyjacq_bris
18 years ago
My neighbour has advanced alzheimers, so it really doesn't matter what we do, she can't remember anyhow. Her husband is too busy trying to care for her, so he wouldn't care if we danced naked on his front steps nightly.
The worst they do to us is have her ask me over the fence several times a day what our pretty doggy is called.
Somewhat puts it all in perspective me thinks.
goldhills
18 years ago
Luckily all our neighbours, except for one nosy one across the road, are great. Nosy actually put his house up for sale on Thursday. Here's hoping they sell soon and new neighbours are better. Knowing my luck they will be worse. I do prefer Nosy to other neighbours we lived next to before we moved here (the reason we moved). Besides the trailbike up and down the fence, there was the 3 day non-stop parties - the worst one was the loud music which never stopped from Friday morning, while they were setting up, until late Sunday night. To make it worse they played the macarena about 7 times in a row about midnight. I had a 3mth baby at the time. Friends of ours who lived 2kms away could hear the music!
bakerfw
18 years ago
I took my nosey neighbour to court several times and they sold up.Nothing else legal would work
Fred
calthrop
18 years ago
Paradisi,
I must commend you on your restraint.
I have wonderful neighbors and would be absolutely beside myself if I had a neighbor like yours.
I don't even know if the personal approach would work.Do you keep a diary of her complaints.It might be an idea because if you have to take her to court or if she initiates the action it will be handy.
I wonder if she is starting down the dementia road.My dad got really funny about the strangest things before he was diagnosed.Maybe the old "biddy" lady is just lonely and really just needs intelligent interaction with people.
I would be inclined to call on her (politely of course and perhaps with a witness) just to see if there is some sort of common ground you can exist on.
Best of luck.
sarah
plantsplus
18 years ago
All you can do is try to keep your plants in your yard. If you are being reasonable neighbours she has no grounds for complaint and it is just malicious trouble making. I do think what music you play during the day is your business and I dont think it is reasonable to expect anyone to live by another individuals rules AND KEEP THAT DIARY. It will make all the difference if there is more trouble and if you dont no one will take you seriously. Have you been neighbours for long? Does she need to turn her hearing aid down/off. Has she caused trouble with other neighbours? If she is a serial complainer Im sure the police will soon realise. In Queensland you can get a copy of the environmental laws for noise and Im sure the police dont normally deal with complaints (certainly not in the middle of the day -maybe after 11.30 at night) I wonder how she would feel if a serious crime was committed while the police were dealing with her pifling complaints. I do sympathise with you-I think that the least attention she gets from her complaints the sooner she will lay off. Be nice to her but if she complains just tell her the facts and point out that not everyone choses to live their life like her but that doesnt mean she has the right to interfere in what they do on their own property.
artiew
18 years ago
Hi All,

Aaaah, neighbours - arent they wonderful ? In the majority of cases, its just that we are too damned close to one another (a big thanks to the developers), but the 'trail bikes ruining idyllic acreage living' post reinforces the fact that, for mine, its symptomtic of a much larger problem - we just dont give a stuff about anyone else any more. I moved to a quieter street to escape traffic noise, but now find myself hemmed in by a variety of nuisances, from the screeching children in one yard to the nosy parker in another, but the answer is simple - grow the largest hedges you can. It takes time, but nothing says 'mind your own business' better than 4 metres of thick lillypilly :)

Cheers,

Artie
Sparaxis
18 years ago
I can't BELIEVE that the police would take a serious interest in a complaint about gospel music played a little loud during the afternoon. I would be seriously investing in some heavy metal CD's and a sub woofer if I was you.
bindii
18 years ago
sometimes we need to look in the mirror ,at the person looking back at you ,because we could one day be the neighbour we are complaining about.i have just got a new young couple next door with children ages 4-7 yrs .it's a joy to hear their laughter even though the parents who are lovely can be inconsiderate at times 2am etc; which is when they decide to bring in the garbage bins
but they speak to their children at all times with love understanding and the children reply the same .SO MUCH FOR THE COMPLAINTS of the younger generation , their little daughter heard her mother say that I had been sick so this little 4yr old voice called out" keep well glory" I love my garden but that out weighted any flower I could grow it's called loving your neighbour .I know it's hard I had some beauties too but life is but a blink of an eye let's live it together in peace cheers Glory

what to do about neighbours

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