And you know what else it isn't about? The OP's relationship with his wife. Reading Chase's post about there being a tradition of the groom's mother and bride's father walking out together made me see this differently, even though I agree that no rule in the world is going to make a difference in this situation, and even though I still would give the OP the same advice. What made me think about this is the brief detour into discussing Jewish weddings, where all the parents escort and stand with the couple. Obviously, where there are remarriages and stepparents, this could get complicated. But people manage just fine, and the reason, I realized, is that they are participating as their children's parents, not as their current spouses' escorts. If both parents are alive, they participate as usual; if one is dead, the surviving parent does, sometimes with a stepparent, especially if that stepparent helped raise the child. Most people handle it graciously even where there are hard feelings between ex-spouses, because they both still are parents to their child, and new spouses understand that this isn't about them, it's about the parent-child relationship. It's the same thing here: the OP will be participating in the wedding as the bride's father, not as his wife's husband. We have no way of knowing if the bride would not have asked for exactly the same thing were the OP still happily married to her mom, whom she adored (and maybe she does indeed love her stepmother). Especially now that I know that in some weddings, this is even seen as traditional, I would not take it as symbolic of anything about the OP's marriage, much less a slap to anyone. After all, he is planning on walking down the aisle with his daughter, not his wife, for the processional -- and that doesn't seem to bother anyone (except maybe me, but that's a whole different story!) -- I mean, no one sees that as "ditching" his wife. His walking out with the groom's mother wouldn't be, either. I still think that this bride is kind of juvenile in her choices. But as I suggested earlier, the OP is being pretty self-centered himself if he thinks anyone is going to be focusing on him or his marriage. It's just not about him. If there really is a problem in this family about the OP's remarriage, the daughter's wedding is not the time, after 12 years, to be working it out.

When my husband of 25 years and I married we had a small family wedding at our church. At the end of the ceremony my 9 yr old daughter came and stood with us while the minister did the closing prayer. My daughter walked out of the church with us and our family began. My husband, unbeknown to me, had bought my daughter a gold band with a very small diamond. When we got in the hallway he stopped me and said he had something special for her. He ask her if she would wear this ring and told her he would love her as much as he loved me and would always be there for her. She has always loved him and respected him and is now the mother of our first grandchild. When she married 6 years ago she had a afternoon garden wedding with a very nice outdoor reception. She did not want any entertainment since it was an afternoon wedding so we had a harpist to "set the mood". That night the guest were invited to join us on the veranda of the hotel for an evening of "ghost stories". We were in an old historic hotel in Alabama which was situated on the Alabama River. There had been an early evening thunderstorm and there was mist rising on the river. I had put votive candles out and had light refreshments prepared. The story teller was a known author of ghost books, has written over 60 books. I can remember her from when I was in middle school and she would come and tell stories. I have also seen her at many arts festivals preforming. My daughter also knew her growing up as a story teller. My only request of her was to keep the stories about happy or good ghost, due to the children that would be present. Anyway, she told ghost stories for about 1 1/2 and everyone was totally amused by her. She presented the bride and groom with a buckeye to keep in their pocket. Guests are still talking about the wedding where a story teller was there. She must be in her 90's now and still going strong.

Passing by and I wanted to make a comment... I had a complicated wedding process with many many people, ten years ago. If I had it to do over again, I would have simplified it greatly. I would have turned over more tasks to people who were dying to help. And I would have streamlined it as much as possible so that I could have had more fun. As to the ceremony...include the items that make your heart sing. Don't add anything that doesn't have personal meaning to you. Have it exactly how it's supposed to be,if ykwim. And that will be absolutely enough for your guests. Btw, at mine, I had some great music. I had no candle. I had no singing. But I had a minister that gave a beautiful sermon, and a place just before our vows where she asked our family and friends to stand and take a vow to support us to be successful in our marriage. Then we took our own vows and it was over. I had more than one person approach me and tell me that it was the most beautiful wedding that they had been to in many years. The point of it all is that although a big fancy wedding can be beautiful, it's the words that touch our hearts. Set this up so that you can really be a part of it. That your family and friends will be touched by the love that you and your soon to be husband have for each other. That they're given a lovely window into the deep relationship that you have which is why you're getting married in the first place. Allow others to help,even if the help isn't perfect, because everyone wants to be a part of the dream... And keep it straightforward enough to minimize complications so that you can fully take in and enjoy the meaning of this wonderful day. Blessings...

Lovely.. and yes, romantic! Love the setting sun in the background, I am sure it was even more magical under the stars!