Some of my favorite mixed garden companions that have not already been discussed (I think): 1. Seseli gummiferum. Much like Campanula, I love umbellifers. But unlike Campanula, I seem to live in climate that most umbellifers despise. I have had very limited success with Angelica gigas, Chaerophyllum hirsutum 'Roseum' and Pimpinella major 'Rosea'. This year, I got maybe 1-2 weeks of bloom from each of them during a milder than normal summer. After bloom, they just faded into the background and looked weedy--far removed from the romantic cottage garden effect I had in mind! Other umbellifers I have tried just died without explanation or were eaten by rabbits. Seseli gummiferum, however, has striking waxy glaucous foliage and stayed in prime bloom for a good 6-7 weeks, followed by seed heads which were almost as attractive as the blooms. It seemed to thrive is my sandy loam soil. I loved it this year and so did the hover flies! 2. Crambe maritima. Another star performer that requires absolutely no care or maintenance other than a good full plant chop after blooming in early summer. Striking, handsome, architectural glaucous leaves and lovely full heads of white flowers with a wafting honey fragrance. 3. Hardy geraniums. Many people have already mentioned them, yes, but I want to mention a few others. 'Rozanne' is exquisite and I have at least 20 of them in various places throughout my tiny garden (!) but many others are just as worthy. Geranium soboliferum 'Butterfly Kisses' is a wonderful fall bloomer that started producing its starry magenta blooms in early September and is still going strong now. 'Blue Sunrise' has gorgeous chartreuse/yellow new growth and was in stunning full bloom from late May to late July this year. 'Tiny Monster' and 'Nimbus' have been blooming off and on from late May until now. 'Derek Cook', a selection of Geranium himalayense, produces huge, striking white blooms with lavender veins from late spring to midsummer. 'Eureka Blue' and 'Orion' are both exquisite and vigorous with huge blooms that are much "bluer" than 'Rozanne' in high temperatures. 'Blue Cloud', much like its name implies, produces clouds of amazing pale blue blooms that stand out in the garden and contrasts nicely with the blue shades of other geraniums. Geranium erianthum bloomed continuously from early June through mid August. Geranium maculatum 'Elizabeth Ann' has striking irridescent bronze foliage and wonderful lilac-pink blooms for a good month in late spring. I am itching to get my hands on 'Lilac Ice', a stunning lilac-white sport of 'Rozanne'. 4. Calamintha nepeta. One of my absolute favorites. About 12-18 inches tall with a spreading growth habit, it starts blooming here in July and soon becomes a never-ending frothy cloud of white blooms (that have a lavender tinged when viewed up close). Mine are still blooming now. Absolutely loved by bees and other pollinators. 5. Pycnanthemum. So far, my favorite is Pycnanthemum muticum with its ornamental silvery-grey flower bracts from July till now. Rumor has it that it can sometimes spread vigorously (it is in the mint family), but so far it has been well behaved for me. In any case, it has shallow roots and is easily pulled up, ripped out, transplanted, etc. I grow several other species and all are nice, with varying heights, blooms seasons, and very different foliage textures. The tiny whitish flowers attract a greater variety and quantity of happy pollinators and beneficial insects than I have ever seen in my life! 6. Agastache. 'Blue Fortune' and 'Golden Jubilee' are lovely and wonderful for bees and other pollinators. I grow both and love them. But I want to put in a good word for the hybrid agastaches from High Country Gardens. 'Blue Blazes' has been a stunning plant in my garden, huge and everblooming with gigantic bracts of blue-lavender blooms that glow when backlit by the sun. Bumblebees adore it and it easily survived last year's harsh winter with no snow cover and countless freeze-thaw cycles. 'Ava' and 'Desert Sunrise' also appear to be excellent, but are not yet mature in my garden. 7. Daylilies. I used to be a snob and say things like "Daylilies are too common and I will never grow them in my garden." Ha! The joke was on me. In my extreme ignorance, I did not realize the vast amount of daylilies available, how much hybridizers have improved them during the past 20 years and how many of them are now truly architectural, showpiece plants. While I still find those with round/frilly/flouncy flowers to be a bit twee and boring (sorry, just an opinion..no offense intended), the spidery/unusual flowered types are gorgeous and many people--gardeners included--don't even recognize them as daylilies. Great strides have been made in selecting for improved foliage habits as well. Check out the websites for Woodhenge Gardens and Heavenly Gardens for a mindblowing education about contemporary hemerocallis. 8. Alliums. They have already been discussed by many people above, so I have nothing to add other than to say I love them and want to encourage other people to plant them. And don't overlook the rhizomatous types that bloom later in summer or fall with foliage that remains glossy and attractive all season. 'Millennium', 'Sugar Melt', A. nutans 'Pam Harper', A. thunbergii 'Ozawa' and A. tuberosum are particular favorites for me in this group (be sure to trim off spent flower heads of A. tuberosum if you do not want it to reseed). A. obliquum and the allium sold as "perennial leeks" by Southern Exposure Seed Exchange are two bulb alliums with stunning ornamental mid-summer blooms that are all but unknown among most gardeners...yet.

Right this minute, for me, RAIN or the lack of it, is about as profane as I can get, honestly. I'm so frustrated with this weather, and today's tiny little 4-second shower just made it worse. I was being truly profane all over the place around here. Shaking my fist at the sky and giving it what-for at the top of my lungs! Of course, the worst part is that in a few weeks, it will probably be raining every afternoon for two months, and there will be mold all over the sidewalk, and I'll be so bloomin' sick of the rain, I'll be shrieking imprecations at the sky once again, begging for a sunny day. We are never satisfied, eh? Marcia

Rusty, I am glad I catch your post here early enough before others answer. I am glad in a way that the posts got pulled. Near the end, there were already personal attacks directed at me. I certainly do not want that kind of ugliness to develop in the CF. ItÂs OK. I will post again. So leave this one alone. The picture of whatÂs going on is very clear to everyone(well, almost); There is no need for me to have the last word. Give me a little time I will post that again. dcarch

"To make a short story long :) my point is this thread has been to identify my personal responsibility in this situation. Have I contributed to the negativity? Was I showing condescension in the email without realizing it? What are my obligations to stay in contact with my sister? Have I been insensitive? Have I been TOO sensitive? In other words, is there any chance that changing myself would make it possible for me to have a harmonious relationship with her?" This implies that you still think her reactions are based substantially on your actions -- which, in a typical relationship, they would be. Normal people interact. So normally, there's reciprocity, a give and take. Kindness is met with kindness, hostility with hostility. Conversations meander down a natural path directed more or less equally by both people. But narcissists don't work that way. They have their own agendas and scripts based on their own needs, and if you don't follow their scripts, you are 'breaking their rules' and will always be punished - get a negative response. Narcissists use other people to meet their own needs, and the number one rule for dealing with a narcissist is this simple: If you aren't useful (as a source for whatever the narcissist needs), you are useless! (with all the scorn that word implies) "I accept that she is that way and try to refrain from making judgments. I simply separate myself from the situation since it serves no good purpose to remain engaged." Perfect! Just remove yourself emotionally from the interaction. Pleasant but superficial responses are generally safe. Some benign flattery every so often. But no soul-searching conversations, no striving for a deeper emotional connection, no revealing of sisterly secrets...