I'd tell him to respect your views and why. He sounds like a real a$$hole.

Assuming you want honest responses here, I'd learn to pick my battles wisely; a lesson learned over a period of decades of life experience.

None of us are perfect, therefore, our best 'defense' is often found by ignoring others faults as much as we can, particularly when it's simply something spoken that really can't/doesn't intrude on your actual life.

I try to live by the adage of, "Chances are, I'm pretty sure I don't always do and say the right thing either and end up unintentionally pissing off others as they do me."

Do we REALLY need to take others to task on every single thing that doesn't please us? I think not. Practicing forgiveness and growing a thicker skin brings me much greater inner peace.

Your husband, his son, could help here by having a talk with his Dad.
While I agree with PhillyFog about picking battles, this might be the one to fight .
It is fine for the two of you to have differing opinions, but for your father in law to be deliberately abrasive about the subject is unwelcome and seems to be opening a rift in what could be a good relationship.
Have your husband talk to Dad and put a stop to this.

He's ruffling your feathers and he's trying to get you to see that you really do need guns (in his mind you do, not mine). He sounds exactly like my brother in law. He tries to push is love for guns and killing stuff on us and also his fanatical political views. He's always sending up Republican fanatical junk from the internet via emails when my husband (his brother) has told him time and time again that we do not agree with his ideas when it comes to politics. Most likely, your husband could talk until the cows come home and he will still continue to say the same stupid stuff, in his mind he is right and you are wrong.

Might seem juvenile but maybe having a go to response might help. Something like "when the bear has a gun and can make it a fair fight". I agree he is not going to stop making these remarks but I think maybe by repeating the same response he'll realize he isn't going to get to you and that you think what he is saying is not worth getting upset about. It isn't going to stop him but it might help you from internalizing until you explode! Satine

I find that some people have conversation triggers. You begin talking about a subject or even say a certain word, and it starts them on a topic, which in your FIL's case is hunting and killing animals.

So, figure out what the trigger words are and then force the conversation away from them. "Nope, haven't seen any bears and could you please reach up there and get that bowl off the shelf for me?"

I don't know why, but some old men seem to delight in making women feel uncomfortable. If it persists after your husband has spoken with him, you could make an effort to avoid being around him.

We live in the country, and there is a lot of wildlife here. DH's brother is always saying that he would like to shoot this critter or that critter. My response is always, "We only shoot our critters with cameras. They are our 'pets' and we wouldn't dream of shooting your dog, so why would you want to shoot our critters. Besides, there is no 'sport' in shooting an unarmed critter who comes up to visit us." That has worked for 20 years....

Tune it out. You're not going to change him and he's not going to change you.

Sometimes we have to hold our tongues when there are large differences of opinion within *family*. Our DIL's large extended family is ultra-Catholic. They go on and on about things I find ridiculous -- statements at which I would roll my eyes with a non-family member -- but I listen politely without reaction, then bring up something secular to discuss.

Don't get drawn in. Your FIL should eventually stop trying to get a reaction from you -- if you consistently offer no reaction. You can't control him, but you can control your reaction.. (It may take a long time. Stay the course!)

I like Wanda's and Satine's responses. Repeated every single time that lovely man opens his mouth about shooting. He's a bully who is most likely used to wearing people down. I'm glad you're not letting him wear you down.

I would walk away~~he is trying to bait you and he wants to turn it into a debate. My SIL does this with politics, I just give a glazed over look and walk away. They will not take hints, and they really will not debate they want to dictate, I will not engage in that.

I understand, as I get tired of biting my tongue and not responding to the many disagreeable to me views held by my relatives. However, I find that when I try to respond however lightly, the resulting argument is really not worth it. I usually just try to tune it out or as YogaLady said, give them the glazed over look and wander off to do some task or go to the W.C.

It's probably not legal to arbitrarily shoot a bear, but better not tell him that, as it's likely to send him into a rant about laws and lawmakers.

Instead, hard as it is, I would follow a piece of advice that was given above and do your best to avoid reacting. Your reaction is a payoff for him. Change the subject. It might help to have a few topics ready and waiting for you to bring one up.

I've found it best with this type thing to just ignore the person. He will eventually get tired of seeing no reaction from you and stop doing it. Either change the subject or just walk away. DH's brother does this too. He and his wife have different political opinions on most things than the rest of the family. He tries to bait people, hoping that someone will get frustrated and say something. It helps if we just move on to a different topic. Hopefully your FIL will get the message and just stop.

I would just buy a cheap camera and keep it handy on a shelf or counter. The next time he mentions wanting to shoot something, point to it and say "Well there's a camera, help yourself." Then every subsequent time he mentions shooting, just say "camera's still there" and nothing else, regardless of what he might add. Soon enough he'll realize that's all you're going to say and that he isn't getting a rise out of you.

My SIL is such a 'ass' you can not do anything to deflect the convo into another direction~~he will then start in on how you will not debate it with him and that you are a big baby because you will not debate with him~~Walk Away! Your FIL may take hints, my SIL will not, even being told straight up to his face you do not want to talk about something~~I did this when he was ranting about politics, I told him to PLEASE stop it~~he was insulting my whole family~~(his mom and dad were there and my DD) none of my family was there just me. He went on and on for 45 minutes, trying to debate with me,. Even his parents chimed in~~my DD read a magazine :( I asked him what part of 'shut up did he not understand?' He still went on~~and I just left. He is a verbal bully and you can never win with one. I limit every minute I can with him~~amazes me how my DD can be with such an Ass~~~

I always walk away~~~it shuts him down ASAP~he knows I will leave if he keeps going~~that would make him look like a real ass if I keep walking out~~he really watches what he says in front of me now.

Ditto everything Philly Fog said!
Life is too short, use your ignore button.

A lot might also depend on how often he is at your home. 2 times a week is one thing, 4 times a year is another.

I'm a male type person - and guys will be guys. I gotta say that you must let your hubbie know about how anxious this makes you. Let him in on the problem. If he doesn't know, should it ever really be an issue, then...

Jim

It sucks when family members can not look beyond the end of their nose. He sounds like an arrogant man, trying to get a rise out of you, what or how that benefits him really is beyond me. To make another person feel bad or uncomfortable so they can feel big? It is the act of a bully like has been mentioned above. There is nothing in the world that is going to change them. No logical argument no explosive response, no begging or pleading by others. So understand that he is what he is, you said it in your posts he knows that you don't care for guns or shooting and yet he continues say things that he knows will offend or bother you. So change yourself and your expectation of him. As mentioned do your best to avoid conversations that may trigger him. When this doesn't work just turn away and say nothing until he shuts up. Silence can be magic, but know in your heart no matter how much he may bluster you are ok they are just words from a man with little consideration for others that they mean nothing. Put his opinions where they belong and look forward to what you enjoy, and love.

Thanks for all the good advice. I wrote because not reacting has, unfortunately, not discouraged him. I think I will next try just making myself busy elsewhere in the house.

If being 'demure' doesn't work, & it never does with bullies, make *him* uncomfortable.

Look him in the eye & say,
"interesting.
I've heard that men with little ducks overcompensate by getting big guns.
What else would you like to reveal about your inadequacies?"

I think I would have those words put on a plaque or something like that, and hang it in my 'gathering' room. What a conversation stopper ....or starter! LOL

(blushing a bit)

Oh, I like Silvia's idea. LOL that's funny and would more than likely stop him in his tracks. Much better than my idea, which I wasn't sure I should write. I was thinking more along the line of saying to your fil, "so what you are you saying is it's okay to shoot something that's annoying?"
Jim, is right in that you should talk this over with your hubby. Guys think differently about these things and he may not realize just how annoying your fil is to you.

This post was edited by justgotabme on Wed, Jul 16, 14 at 11:03

Wow, Sylvia, you hit the nail on the head! I like it! If that doesn't leave him speechless, nothing will.

Next time it happens give him a neutral statement, such as:

That's interesting. Thank you for sharing your idea.

Then move the conversation to something else. These type of people are just looking for acknowledgement of their presence.

Another possibility is to imagine he has Tourette's Syndrome -- a mental disorder which can cause the person to "spontaneously utter socially objectionable or taboo words or phrases", and just completely ignore his outbursts as being the product of a mental illness.

Which is not too far from the truth, although in this case it is "Gun-Nut Jerkwad Syndrome" which is characterized by a need to possess and caress firearms, feelings of inadequacy and unwarranted paranoia about dangers all around that can only be assuaged by carrying a firearm and in extreme cases a need to fetishistically display the firearm as some kind of totem to ward off the imagined dangers.

Unfortunately unlike most mental illnesses this one seems to be contagious.

Sounds to me as if this man is simply pushing your buttons, I would simply ignore him. I have a lifelong friend that keeps trying to convince me that her liberal stance is what is right for America. Sad to say, it has caused a division in our families. I breaks my heart but she simply refuses to see the obvious. Perhaps in a few years, we might be able to get our friendship back to where it should be. I just ignore anything she has to say that even hints at the liberal agenda, and when brought up in a general conversation, I change the subject. PERIOD !! Better than risking the loss of a long standing friendship.

KK