My guess is that you are a perfectionist. I have this same problem and honestly, it's mentally exhausting!

See that's just the thing...I normally am not a perfectionist!! I guess though...since it's my last house and my forever home, I do want things to be perfect. I know I can only afford to do things once so I better get it right at the first attempt. Tearing out and replacing the BS is not an option. Recoating the floors with satin can certainly be done easily though, so that decision is not stressing me too much. I'll admit the BS is stressing me though. Just when I think I found the perfect one, someone else on GW posts their BS and I start wondering if I should have gone that route instead. I'll just be happy to get the BS put up so I cam be happy with it.

No, never. But I totally third-guess and fourth-guess. I only wish I just second-guessed. :D

Cindy,
I can totally relate. And as much as I value this site, spending way too much time on it was making matters worse. The two things that helped me were to take a break from reading everyone's questions and looking at every picture on the FKB and also to take the advice of someone who told me simply to trust my gut. Plus, I realized I was probably boring and annoying too many people with my indecisiveness, not to mention losing my sanity. Good luck!

Oh geez, I'm bad, really really bad.

I am so NOT a perfectionist. But, like you, I know I've only got one chance at most of this. So I do want to LOVE it. But really, at the end of the day, I just have to remind myself that pretty much anybody I know would love to have my problems :o)

Oh boy - just ask my DH! He says I "research everything to death - and beyond".

I try to explain to him I don't want to make the wrong decision. And it is true, I do enjoy the research process (I was like this before the internet so it is a true addiction for me - though there are worse things I could be addicted to..). And he knew that I was like this before he married me.

Though he does have to admit that the kitchen I remodeled in our old place was a major factor is selling it. We are still in the conceptual stage of our renovation/addition and I don't think he realizes how many decisions still have to be made.

Second guessing? I do quadruple guessing, plus ping ponging and confessions time: I was awake last night from 3 - 4 a.m. rethinking paint choices, hardware, you name it and I rethink it...and Im not a perfectionist at all, but like you this is the last time we will do this and I want to do it right.
Im in the "I wish we had" stage but then I get a grip, regain perpective and think I am blessed and the luckiest girl in the world to have this beautiful kitchen.
pix as soon as I learn how to post photos. good luck!

OMG, I second guess EVERY single decision! I'm still driving myself crazy over whether I chose the right cabinets, the right door style, the right layout...even the right faucet (and that's something it's easy to change later). I ordered a set of towel bars for the bathroom, and then regretted it and ordered a different set, and now I'm thinking maybe it should be the first set. I think I've got an issue resolved and then, weeks later, it comes back to me. Every single thing.

Except the bathtub. For some reason, that didn't give me any trouble. :-)

Same here. I have pages and pages of my own drawings, folders filled with pictures and notes, hundreds of pictures in iphoto. I'm on here at GW much too much. I wish I had been as "crazy" about researching things when I did the bathroom -- it came out fine but there are things I wish I had known before we started. So, never too much knowledge. As far as second-guessing materials decisions -- I think generally it is wise to trust the initial attractions but also remember there many excellent decisions and may-be no absolute best one.

I fell so much better reading these posts I know now I'M NOT CRAZY! I am normaly I fairly desisive person but I can not seem to make a desision on this kitchen to save my life! I have gone from a simple remodle to knocking out walls, getting nervous about contracting prices to going back to keeping walls intact. I wanted to lighten up my kitchen so I started with natural maple cabinets and steered away from cherry(my first love) because of the natural darkening. But I feel I am naturally drawn to darker wood tones. So moral of the story go with your heart. I think it is the fact that we have so many options now it is so over welming. I think these days anything goes but it still is a lot of money any way you look at it and noone wants to make a hasty costly mistake.

Yes!

I'm in the scary stage when the room is sheetrocked and the cabinets are about to come in. I made these decisions eons ago and I can't remember where I was going will all of this. I never DID have an inspiration pic so I'm just hobbling things together.

I am not normally a perfectionist - anything but! I'm a fly by the seat of my pants quick decision kind of gal. I figure pretty much anything except cabinets I can change at some point and i don't fuss about it too much. But suddenly I have a pit in my stomach and sore shoulders from being so tense and I have a tendency to get grumpy easily. Whether it is the kitchen, the economy, the election, my dog's health problems (he is peeing in the house), the mouse in my house, the brown recluse spiders, or, let's be realistic, a combination of ALL of those things, I'm a mess!

So if you're a mess, too, you've got company!

Anita

Oh my goodness, how can you NOT second guess yourself?

1. You're spending a lot of money.

2. Each decision affects many others.

3. Many decisions have to be made based on self-education, and we're never quite sure we know enough. (How many of us are expert electricians, plumbers, carpenters, designers, etc.?)

4. Many decisions have to be made quickly, if you've already begun the process.

5. Many products have to be purchased sight-unseen. My favorite are light fixtures; even if you go to the showroom, there's a strong chance they won't have the fixture you're interested in and will offer to show you a stamp-sized photo in a catalog instead. And if you don't care for it when it arrives, there's a sizable restocking fee.

6. We have to base decisions on samples. That single backsplash tile looks great next to my 4" square of granite. How will the two look together when there's a whole lot more of each? And with different lighting? And next to my cabinets, which aren't even up yet?

7. Many decisions are basically permanent. It's one thing to repaint the room if you don't love the color after it's up, but how many of us are going to rewire, switch to another counter surface, put the window in another location, or move plumbing once this is done. There's a lot of pressure to get it right the first time.

It's hard!

Now you have me wondering if I should be sealing my floors with Waterlox instead of polyurethane.

Me too. Actually, I was really doing well until I hit my range hood conundrum, (on another post here at GW). Now that this one thing has sent me into a tailspin, I'm starting to fret over every other decision I've made.

This is our dream house. We admired it and the piece of property it's sits on for years. We were especially lucky to be able to purchase before it hit the open market. DH and I hope to stay here until we're too old and infirm to keep it all up, so we really want to do it right the first and ONLY time.

But, without sounding too pollyannna-ish.... I keep reminding myself that my drama over a range hood is a pretty big nuthin' compared to the home issues some people are facing today - like how to actually keep their houses and put food on the table.

So I say, go ahead and worry a little about what we're choosing for our kitchens BUT be glad that we are lucky enough to do so. Whatever you choose, it'll be great.

Alida

Well, it certainly looks like I am not alone! Thanks for reassuring me. I guess it is normal to be so indecisive about this stuff. I am sure that I will love this kitchen and really need to stop stressing about every little detail. However it comes out, it will be a HUGE MASSIVE improvement to the kitchen I now have in this 1986 single wide trailer!! lol!

i sooo agree with everything that's been said here and esp. appreciate mmme's careful iteration of all the reasons why we wake up at night second- third- and ad nauseum-guessing our decisions! Those are all crucially relevant pieces

What I'm finding interesting is how often I return to my first, "gut" decision - after having changed my mind a gazillion times....which just goes to back up whoever said "trust your gut." That is, of course, after having researched and surfed GW endlessly - gotta do the due diligence too.

I too have stopped checking GW on certain posts, e.g. "I hate my KA range" - just can't bear to change my mind again and will just learn to live with the consequences (and, of course, buy the 5-year ext warranty). Sigh. As has been said here before - anything we do (in my case) will so improve what we currently have.

Thanks all, for sharing ;-)

Absolutely! The last house we built (2001) was our forever house. Here it is, 2008, and we're halfway through our "rest of forever" house in a different state!

The one state that I've remained in, however, is the state of Confusion. We just this morning ordered all the cabinetry . . . and now it feels like it's carved in stone. Oh dear . . . will I like all my choices?

I was SO intimidated doing the first house! My one reassurance is that it turned out great -- We loved it, I had endless compliments on it, and when it went on the market, it sold to the third looker for a nice amount of money. So this time I feel less intimidated because I know I can do it.

But I'm still waking up in the middle of the night wondering if we chose the right ______ (you fill in the blank).

Arlene

I too relate SO SO much to this thread. I THOUGHT it would be easy to make decisions during the actual remodeling phase because I had spent so much time planning, thinking, researching. I thought I was prepared. Ha! Again and again I had to make decisions that I either hadn't thought of, were a result of a change or were simply much more complicated than I had thought. I know many contractors are used to making many decisions for the homeowner (or at least presenting them with simplified alternatives). Sometimes I wished I did NOT know so much so I wouldn't even know to worry about many things. I don't know how many men share this problem of having difficulty deciding what the "best" color, design, fixture, sheen, layout, appliance etc. but I am one. To add insult to injury my wife and our friends are so much quicker and decisive (and be happy with their decision). So I am the one that is always holding up the process. So many of the decisions are so permanent! I didn't want to walk into my kitchen every day and regret doing or not doing 'x'. And of course every decision needs to be made now, now, now or the workers are sitting around twiddling their thumbs (I'm exaggerating, but that's how it feels to me.)

- Jim

I am so worn out with second guessing, panicking, dreaming (nightmaring?), and then to top it off, friends asking "how's the reno going" When this started in earnest (last year), I loved rambling on about everything, now when people ask the inevitable, I just want to escape, I don't even want to sound ungrateful, by answering- awful, I don't want to go into detail about the latest fiasco, I am actually considering buying a lotto ticket, so all these problems will just go away!

But, I now have such severe neck pain and head ache, that the doctor has prescribed massage therapy, and surprisingly (for me), that is helping. Taking the time to chill, to heal and to put the friggin renos on the back burner is helping. We just ordered a new leather sectional - don't want to admit to how many furniture stores we visited ( and many more than once), but I just didn't feel right about the reclining sofa and loveseat we thought we had decided on. So, I think that you have to stay healthy and rested as possible, or these agonizing decisions become impossible. You have to learn to recognize your 'spidey sense' tingling from overthinking.

LoL! Ccoombs! I've got you beat...my single wide is a 1983! ;) We are living on site while we build...and I am about to take things up a notch since I actually have to start ordering things for the kitchen...not only driving myself crazy with second & third & tenth guessing but involving poor innocent bystanders who just happen to work with kitchen stuff and get in the way of a crazy TKO lady! So anyone who works in cabinets, appliances, tile, paint, granite and whatever else within a 50 mile radius should be WARNED!!
Seriously though, when I get too crazy I remind myself that each decision had a reason behind it and that there was a reason the others 'didn't make the cut'. Also, that even if 'it's not perfect and I screw it up' it will be the best, nicest kitchen I've ever had.

yeah....yours might be older, but I have been in this one for FIVE LONG YEARS!!! We moved out of a large house and in to this so we could build our own home (for the 3rd time) and most of my stuff is packed away in an overseas shipping container. this darn kitchen is so small I can't even unload the dishwasher because there is no space for the clean dishes. It is a nightmare!! So that's why I say whatever my kitchen ends up looking like, it will be such a huge improvement over what I currently have, and nicer than any kitchen I have ever owned. I am really happy and feel so blessed. I just wish I wasn't plagued by indecision! lol!

Mmme, thank you for that list! That is *exactly* right!

Light fixtures are definitely a pet peeve. I live in NYC where there are a million lighting stores, and I still had to pick my fixtures off a web site. Cabinets - what *does* my door style look like in my finish - when there are lots of cabinets? What does tile look like when there's lots of it? Heck, how do you judge the scale of a faucet from a photo on efaucets.com???

And these are "permanent" decisions. I order a sofa I end up hating - well, in a few years I can change it, sooner if I sell the old one on craigslist. Paint - easy. *Cabinets*??? *Tile*???

And what if you make the "wrong" decision? There is your wrong decision staring you in the face every day for the rest of your life.

Do you think it's just us on this forum who are so hard on ourselves? Do you think the rest of the world obsesses this much???

One thing my mother keeps reminding me - it doesn't matter if it's perfect. It'll be a million times better than your old kitchen or bathroom!

Same here!! I blame this on the fact that we (Americans esp) have way too many choices now. I am alway afraid that a better choice is just one click away so I can spend hours looking for the perfect specimen.

When I was pregnant with my DS 5 years ago I went to a Babies R Us and I was so overwhelmed with all the baby crap that was available that I was paralyzed by the choices. I was afraid that I would not buy the right stuff or enough of it. Really all you need for the 1st few weeks are diapers, a couple sleepers and some nipple cream and are you are set.

So glad I found this thread. Just said to DH, "see I'm not the only one having trouble making all these deciions!"

Cabinets came in today, I'm really happy with them. Still haven't picked out cabinet pulls because of my lack of decision making. Have looked and everytime I find something I think I like, I change my mind and don't like it anymore.

As somebody mentioned, seeing a sample of one thing and then trying to imagine it multiplied, is really hard for me. I spent about 3 hours picking out backsplash and I don't even have a big area to tile. I hope it looks good with the granite, which was another hard one. Went to the granite yard at least 3 times before coming to a final decision. The list goes on...

In the end, I'm sure everything will turn out just fine.

Can you have buyers remorse if you didn't pay? We finalized the cabinet order tonight it gets faxed out tomorrow and I feel nauseous, it wasn't even my money. I'm all over the place but keeping my mouth shut, I put samples of all the major fixed pieces (floor, cab colour, countertop, backspalsh, paint) together and it might work but I'm not sure. I liked the hunt for those individual elements way more than the process of actually assembling them into the finished room (so far). It will be a painful but, I'm sure, maturing process. I'm jealous of anybody whose still shopping and full of that sense that the perfect whatever is at the next store or the next website. Ahhh those were the days.

robnpa - I agree...way too many choices. There's a book called "The Paradox of Choice" which came out a few years ago and the premise is that the more choices you have, the more indecisive you are. To the point where some people just opt out all together.
Remember when the only thing to decide upon when buying a TV was the size of the screen?

What a great thread! I had my DH read this so that he can finally know I am not the only woman in the world who can't make up her mind! My cabinets are being installed and I'm still trying to decide which countertop! Such a relief to know I'm not alone.

Yes, I'm with all of you! I was thinking "Paradox of Choice", too, as someone a couple posts up mentioned. (Good book, by the way.) I think the hardest part for me is just picturing how all these little samples will look together. I am pretty sure it will be okay, at least that's what I keep telling myself.

I had to laugh when I read this post. My DH always gives me grief when I go clothes shopping because I may try on 30 things and decide to buy maybe 2. Why would I be any more decisive making kitchen decisions that cost thousands of dollars? Anyway, I am like kitchenredo2, I like to research everything to death and beyond. If I feel I have done the research and looked at the samples and really thought about something from several angles, then I feel confident. Even if I feel nerves actually putting in the order, I can talk myself down because I know I only stared at the piece of granite with the cabinet and backsplash for X amount of days trying it under all types of light, looked thru hundreds of photos etc. so not only do I not have the energy to do it again, I know there was a reason I arrived at that decision to begin with. When I have to make a snap house decision without being able to research I am a basketcase. I mean it will be the type of thing where I am thinking about it when I am sleeping. Anyway, know you are not alone. You just have to figure out your coping mechanism.

ccoombs1, as all of the above posters have said, you are not alone! DH and I have been going back and forth for months about wood or tile on the kitchen floor, we've decided wood for the past few months, DH installed the sheets of plywood on the kitchen floor to prep for wood floors...and now, after the cabinets and counters are installed, we've decided to go with tile!

The primary paint color for the interior...well, let's just say I bought 13 different colors and tried them in different areas before I decided on a color! Then I went ahead and faux finished right over the color, so it changed the end color anyway...but I love it so I'm happy. :)

I've gotten better about decision-making as things have progressed, thankfully. Call me crazy, but now I have this little designer voice that speaks to me and she's a big help in my decision-making! When I spotted my granite slabs, she told me in 2 minutes that these were IT. She helped me pick colors for all the other rooms and bathrooms in the house without having to order quart samples first. Hmmm...maybe as minac says, "she" is my coping mechanism? :p

Boy, now I don't feel so bad. I really thought there was something wrong with me. I cannot tell you the hours of sleep I have lost, and I go on this forum all hours of the night.
After this reno, my DH and I have to go on a vacation to re-connect. (if we can afford it, Ha) I am making him so frustrated.
Everything is in except my counter, and that is really a hard decision. I keep asking everyone on this forum what is the name of their granite.
After that, then the kitchen set and hopefully that is it.

Nope. never. Wait a minute ... yes I do. I think. Now I'm not sure. No. Yes - its no.

Hee hee, bradley...

I had to come back and read this thread again. It may be one of the ones I bookmark for therapy as we continue on...

I am the worst at any permanent change in my home takes me months as I keep changing my mind and getting fearful of making a a big mistake. I am a perfectionist which is not good for decorating. This thread is good to remind me that I am not alone.