this pic is what it looked like before the dreaded backsplash went in

And this is what the new backsplash looks like. I think part of my problem is that I don't like how the counter quartz is also up as a backsplash so I am thinking of tearing that down as well....another reason my husband wants to kill me. Please Help!!

It is pretty hard to see your BS in the pic you have posted. But, I see what you mean that you have the "standard" 4" BS of your countertop material and then installed your BS above that. I have to admit I'm not a big fan of that look - I prefer either the 4" countertop BS, or another BS, but not both. Can you post a better pic of the BS?

Yes, we need a better picture of the BS. First, I agree with beeps about the 4" BS. My feeling is to do one or the other, but not both.
Your issue is something that I faced with my kitchen. My Dove White cabinets were too white for the browns in my Giallo. I first had a white tile installed, but then removed it. Too white for the browns. My current tile is Grazia Rixi in crema. It works as a transition color between the white in the cabinets and the browns in the counter.
Your BS picks up on more of the browns and it slso looks a bit busy with your counter.
I would find a lighter toned beige or cream tile without the color variation. I would remove the 4" BS and replace with tile.

I'm not sure the gold tones work with the bright white. The cabinets look blaringly white to me with the other colors.
The white cabs and chrome hardware have the OTK look, but then it veers off into a different look in the counters, backsplash, and appliances.

You might consider more substantial hardware in black or ORB to pick up the colors in the counters. I would also tone down the paint because it accentuates the contrast of the white and gold tones. Maybe this is an occasion where a brown glaze on the cabs would help tie everything together.

Here is a better pic of the backsplash. You have all helped me confirm my fears that I failed miserably at my first attempt at a kitchen redo. I made the mistake of painting cabinets first, then counters, then backsplash....each a few months apart b/c I couldn't afford to do all at once. I should have just waited. I am going to repaint the cabinets since I agree they are too white....I was going to go with White Dove (ellendi....you found this to be the best too?)
I can certainly swap out hardware.....which I originally bought and then returned b/c I realized cabinets were just too white.
Oh can't I just start over completely...

How about this idea...or still too busy? Could always paint the cabinets darker instead of another white....or convince my husband for new cabinets ;)