Stinky, but buying a very expensive sofa or drapes once in a lifetime, shouldn't immediately infer that one is leading a lavish lifestyle. This was insinuated by the original post and most of the time we have no idea what that person's situation is. Buying an expensive item once in your home owning lifetime isn't an over-focus on acquiring. My point is that the OP judged others by what they paid for an item. We should not be judging people here by what they can or can not buy. If I was new here, this post would most certainly make me weary of posting if I was considering a higher end or pricy item.

Thanks for writing back, Chispa. I completely agree that "buying a very expensive sofa or drapes once in a lifetime..." or even multiple times, does not infer one is living high on the hog. (I also don't object to people living high on the hog...really!) Frankly, I got way far away from the original poster's intent, I believe. I apologize for going off on a tangent.

I think the OP was just curious. Wondering what people spend on things. Does this happen often, or once in a while? It's natural to wonder about how others live. Most people IRL aren't as forthcoming as the woman I spoke of concerning their spending habits (thankfully!). Also, most people wouldn't ask the OP's question IRL, so I think she put that curiosity "out there" by starting a thread here.

Chispa, you offer good reminders to be mindful of varied backgrounds and situations. While I personally didn't hear a judgemental tone in the OP's question or comments, I can appreciate you being concerned about that. It is important that sensitivity and discretion be exercised in a chat room environment, or any "chatty" environment!

I think you would agree that it can be tragic when someone substitutes having money for being a person.

Exactly - that is sad.

What a good thread! Jumping in late....

I think Michelle O put it so beautifully...
success isn't about how much money you make, it's about the difference you make in people's lives.

That being said, spending accounts for about 70 percent of U.S. economic activity so it's true for most of us that 'your spending is my income and my spending is your income'. Shopping within your means (whatever that is!) helps run our economy.

When I work with a customer, (more often than not) price is the last thing we talk about. I don't feel comfortable questioning what their price range is until they are comfortable with me. I wouldn't trust someone who advised me on a purchase if they asked about budget first and foremost. It's a factor of course, and has to be addressed, but it's all relative.

One thing I have noticed is how consumer spending has changed in the last decade. Those with higher incomes have no qualms buying used, at Target etc, or making their own - mixing those purchase with higher end items. The stigma of buying a non-brand has lessened. Which I think is a good thing.

Back to say that I do agree with buying quality - my parents taught me that early on. Also buying local and made in the US. It's not often that I pay full price for something - even if it's something you could pay full price for - why would you if you could get it for less?

I do stand corrected on not telling what I paid for something - as some mentioned - it can be helpful to others here and that would be different. I'm not one to even throw out that I bought "so and so", so it's hard for me to share the price of something! I don't even like someone notice when we've made a big purchase - like a vehicle or something. I know it's weird but it's kind of embarrassing to have it know that you just spent $$$. Well anyway, I guess you can gather I'm not one to keep up with the jones or buy something just to show it off. LOL

Lots of good opinions/points made in this thread.

tina

I really don't remenber reading a post where the OP starts out talking about what was paid for such-and-such except when it was to crow about a true SCORE after waiting, watching and searching searching searching. Then I'm sad I don't have that same tenacity and restraint! OTOH, I think it perfectly acceptable for a poster to ask a variant of "what should I expect to pay for X?" That leaves it up to the community to offer examples IF they care to share.

I also love the posts asking if a less expensive version of the pictured item could be found. Who doesn't love to get their version of eye candy within their budget limitations?

I envy people who can successfully recreate their inspiration pictures (or advise us on ours) by understanding what in the picture must be reproduced in exacting size, shape, color and which elements have more flexibility without compromising the inspiration. These are the ones who truly "develop" rooms with best value. That skill and their willingness to share the sourcing of their triumps are admirable and make the forum interesting and worthwhile.

I don't post often because I have little to add in the way of help, but I do learn from ALL the information shared, including price. Thank you all for that!

This isn't the tone of the original post, and I don't want to beat at dead horse but I have noticed one anti-affluence bias that is clearly just that:

When I post collectible (furniture, mostly) and their auction estimates and results there is consistently a few people who feel the necessity to point out the stupidity of the individual who will pay $20,000 for a chair. Or if they don't point out the stupidity, they point out the selfishness of doing such a thing, because if They had $20,000 they would donate it to charity.

Right. The assumption here it that experts and collector across the world are all delusional and have much more money than sense, and 2) that someone who spends $20,000 on a chair Doesn't give money to charity Because they spent it on something else. In all likelihood they have the funds to do both.

Do these prices ever become artificially inflated? Sure, when Steven Spielberg and Diane Keaton and Barbra Streisand were buying Stickley, the prices rose artificially because they could pay whatever they felt like. When two people battle it out and end up paying $637,000 for four tiles, it jacks up the prices on other similar items. But there are only so many people who Will or Can pay prices like this, so the market eventually self corrects. One thing that people who have money like this are Not stupid about is parting with it.

(This is Not the same as people who say that Can't Understand why someone would pay that...that is a reasonable question.)

It seems like I read recently that one of the ways to be happy ( I am always researching this) was to spend money on your home in such a way that it was inviting for entertaining. Make it your nest and have people over. Gut the backyard, put in the patio and big grill, have cookouts, with friends, a lot.

Stinky,
"There is obviously a place for getting things and enjoying them...I am speaking about an over-focus on acquiring that can leave us exhausted, empty, & feeling like we never have or are enough."

Very well said. I struggle with this issue constantly and envy can be a real problem. It's so funny that I just wrote a post about it on my blog that echoes closely your sentiments.

Here is a link that might be useful: On Greed

Pal you missed a few points. Some people here would spend the money on a collectable piece of furniture (if we had the money) but sometimes I find some of the collectables ugly and it would be hard for me to spend money on ugly. So, I guess I fall into the category of not understanding why someone would spend a lot on ugly (to me) collectable furniture. However, your posts are educational in that I did not realize how large the scope of investment furniture was. I do realize what I say might not make sense though. There are plenty of people investing in Art that they may not love but know it's a good investment. This is the part where most of us are different. I could see me (if I had money) buying collectable art that I might not love but that would be a good investment. I can look at a painting and where I might not love the composition I may greatly appreciate the technique or the colors. I do not have the same deep relationship with furniture. Furniture is a kiss and art is intercourse.

I can honestly say I've never bought furniture as an investment, since I'm of the opinion it's meant to be used, more than admired. I don't want to worry if something is spilled on the upholstery, gets a nick or scratch, or God forbid, the house is broken into, and everything stolen. That's not to say I can't appreciate those who do.

Most of my 'investments' are in the form of plane tickets, vacations, and gifts for my loved ones, kids and grands. You can't put a value on happiness and memory making, and I'm blessed to afford the luxury of doing so. At age 70, I know time is getting shorter, and 'need to make hay while the sun shines', which means my values will be different than many here. Other investments were made early on in my life, and as my financial advisor tells me, "Patty, you have no worries".

To know you have security in your future is probably the greatest investment you'll ever need or have. Materialism? Here today, gone tomorrow.

"To know you have security in your future is probably the greatest investment you'll ever need or have."

I love this. Actually, I love your entire post Patty. It ties in with studies that confirm your wisdom; experiences tend to make people happier than objects do.

So no matter what you spend on that couch or throw, what will end up giving you more joy will be the family and friends who sit on the sofa and the memories you create while you are curled up warm and snug in your cozy throw.

Bumblebeez, I agree completely. In-laws used to go to NYC for the winter and folks went to FL, so we kept an eye on their homes while they were gone. What a stark contrast between the buildings when they were empty and when they were occupied. You can have the most gorgeous building furnished to the hilt, but it's still an empty shell without the warmth, light, fragrances and spirit of the people who occupy it.

jterrilynn, I agree about ugly too...sometimes when I'm watching the antiques roadshow, I say who'd spend a plug nickel on that thing....which turns out to be some exceedingly rare and valuable antique....and something else which I say that's wonderful and find out it's worth only a few bucks....go figure.

Pal, I enjoy your posts also, but when you show us pictures of a $20,000 chair that someone bought, I simply cannot relate and my first reaction is to roll my eye's. At the buyer, not you.

And I'm sure most people here can't relate either. Probably 1% of 1% of America can afford to spend on such luxuries. But not on GW.

If someone here buys furniture THAT pricey, they wouldn't be here asking for decor advice. They'd be paying for it elsewhere.

I might be missing a few points, but I am not missing the implications that people are making that it is somehow wrong, immoral or stupid to have, make or spend "too much" money, (especially when it is not the poster.)

I do not fully grasp being able to spend vast amounts of money on an object, but mostly because a vast amount of money is something that I can't grasp fully anyway. So, I get that.

But deciding why something might have a certain value is just a matter of education. Then at least you may understand the general Why behind it --without being able to fully get Why someone would want to anyway.

The other point is that not all people who want to spend $7000 on a regular sofa are greedy, shallow, acquisitional or have lives that are empty otherwise. I doubt they are eating Ramen noodles and depriving their kids of a college fund for their sofa. I don't think they are cutting back on donating to Sandy victims for their sofa. They may have a full life with vacations, college funds and security AND a collection.

The other aspect of this is that I think some people are looking at this Backwards:

Collectibles: A Nakashima table is not an important decorative object because it is worth $50,000. Some people are willing to Pay $50,000 because it is an important decorative object. (Of course some people who collect have this backwards too.)

Regular: A $6000 sofa is not good because it costs $6000. Somebody is willing to pay $6000 because they want a level of quality they don't think they will get at $1000, and they can afford it.

Investment: Many people who collect think of the potential investment only if they sell it.

The "investment" in good regular furniture is that of longevity and not having to replace it often. The fact that it may still be worth something upon resale only reflects upon its initial quality.

Although I have some furniture that is investment quality, this was incidental, but I don't even thing a House is an investment, I think it's a place to live.

"My point is that the OP judged others by what they paid for an item. We should not be judging people here by what they can or can not buy. If I was new here, this post would most certainly make me weary of posting if I was considering a higher end or pricy item."

Unless you are Dennis Kozlowski I will try not to judge too harshly.
I think this whole kerfluffle is his fault- he and the sheer excess of a $6K shower curtain.

But seriously, humans judge each other all the time.
Judging has gotten a bad rap, lol.

We judge by user name or state of residence, we judge from photos posted and in this medium we even judge by spelling and grammar (i.e. it's "wary" if you are feeling trepidation, "weary" if you are tired, lol). People categorizing each other is innate- we do it both unconsciously and consciously in an attempt to surround ourselves with folks with similar belief systems. Noting differences and similarities helps us understand ourselves and where we fit into the grand scheme.

The problem comes when we get into the realm of the materialistic and it becomes a competition. That seems to trigger the "Whomever dies with the most toys wins" line of thinking where the amount of discretionary income you have determines your worth as a person. The wealthy people feel superior, the poor people are envious, everyone is overly defensive, and our similarities fade to the point of invisibility because of one piece of criteria- income and how one chooses to utilize it.

I think that talking about it helps so in that respect periodic threads like this one help to clear the air.
It's ridiculous that it happens but I think it is human nature. There is always someone with more stuff and someone with less stuff- it's who we surround ourselves with that shows us where we fit in.
Maybe I need to hang out in an Ethiopian decorating forum where I could be the rich American who has more chairs in their home than people.
And maybe the $6k sofa person needs to go to a Brunei decorating forum and feel like no matter what they do their home will never measure up.

Maybe we all care too much what other people think.
For me that is the gist of the matter more than the money- it's the feeling that spending a lot of money on something makes it better and those that do not have it to spend will never accomplish the same level of decorating success. We will never have as lovely a home as those in Architectural Digest. We fail, LOL.

But we don't.
We bring that feeling to the table ourselves, no one else makes us feel that way- it is on us.

It's a pickle, this exchange of ideas via the written word.
Much is lost, a fair bit is erroneously inferred, and our own biases color everything.
I'd bet that fifteen minutes in my home would allow you to understand me and my decorating style far better than 300 posts and photos.
And vice versa.

That's what we need- a home tour!!!
Maybe if I feel this $6k sofa I will understand...

Thanks, Chardie! I really want to read your blog, but I can't click onto your link. What is the name of it? Sounds like your articles would be of great interest to me!

Patty cakes, I never would have guessed you were even near 70 from your posts here. You are a wonderful example of aging well and with enthusiasm! I so often relate to and enjoy the perspectives you share. "... plane tickets, vacations, and gifts for my loved ones" are SO nice, and I know you are very connected to your family. They are lucky that you share what you have, and most importantly share of yourself with them!

I've enjoyed experiences of theater and travel immensely. As I mentioned on a recent thread however, dh & I have never taken a "vacation" per se, but have traveled for dh's work & visited much of the country & Canada that way.

I'm a student of the "Raindrops on Roses and Wiskers on Kittens" school of enjoying life! Indeed, it's fun to get new things, go to new places, & try new things. What's interesting is the fun is not in what we get, where we go, or what we try, but in experiencing something new, & that is always possible, whether we have money or not.

Simple things like drinking a cup of coffee on the patio on a beautiful morning, taking a walk in nature, listening to music, trying a new recipe, talking to a friend, can bring immense enjoyment. It's wonderful to discover how happy we can be with very little. We can be happy with the bare essentials, unless we decide we can't. If we are attached to an image of our lives looking a certain way, we will suffer if life doesn't comply. That can happen at any income level.

When we notice those whiskers, those dew drops, we feel real joy. In fact, the only thing that gets in the way of real joy is not noticing them. Twinkling stars, shifting clouds, the sound of wind gently blowing through the trees, the refreshment of water on our skin. It's impossible to run out of things to love about life.

But at times we only see how the breeze messes up our hair, and the dew makes our feet wet, and those whiskers need to be trimmed! Our mind gets in the way and tells us how terrible everything is. Yes, life is terrible sometimes, but usually not as bad we often tell ourselves it is.

We're most happy when we really see & take in the beautiful gifts of life all around us. We are most happy when our thoughts don't get in the way and we allow ourselves to be with what is true and real.

Then there's the dead-even power rule theory among women....some of that may be at play.

Pat Heim, phd, promotes this idea, saying this behavior is innate, dating back to cave era when women cooperatively helped rear each others children...women all had to be equal and have equal power...no one could be better than anyone else...if someone did move up, the rest of the pack brought her down in order to keep the power among women "dead even".

That leads to the stereotypical behavior of, to her face, "Darling, you look wonderful...never better!" and behind her back, "She's had work done, and not very good at that!"

So if someone buys a $6k couch, the rest of the pack runs the purchase down to keep the playing field level once again.

Well, it's a theory anyway....

I wonder how many of the women getting the vapors over $6k couches or $20k chairs have engagement and wedding rings that cost that much? I bet more than a few....

I would spend $6k on couch that is comfy and suits my room in size, style and vision, but I would never spend that same $6k on a piece of jewelry, but some would and not think a thing of it. It's about priorities, values and lifestyle, a great couch would be used daily in our house, a diamond ring would sit in my jewelry box, I just don't have an interest in precious gems or the lifestyle to wear them.

sandyponder

"Talking about it helps"

Not really, if that includes such gems as
"wealthy people feel superior, the poor people are envious".

Who self-identifies as either?

I don't think any "help"is needed. The consensus of this post and others of the same ilk is

- people are very rarely made to feel bad if they have modest projects, as it should be
- people with high end projects are only occasionally judged, albeit moreso than those on the lower end, but still only occasionally
- none of this should matter for the purposes of this forum, which is about decorating!
- none of this discussion has anything to do with what kind of people we are, how happy we are, whether or not we are materialistic, and whether we are a blight or a boon for society. You are not invited, nor equipped, to make those judgments about strangers posting on a decorating forum.

PS Tone is lost here, but it is not my intention to make an enemy of the prior poster (sorry, cant see your name on this page when I post). I think some of your words are offensive. but i don't mean to offend you personally, fwiw.

The other thing about assumptions is that while they may be true to some extent, because they are based on stereotypes --there are many many exceptions, but there are a lot of negative assumptions about the personalities and personal lives of people based upon assets.

I have direct personal exposure that a lot of people do not have with both ends of the income spectrum.

In one office I treat a number of millionaires and a couple of billionaires. In another practice I treat homeless people or people on severely restricted incomes.

One of the billionaires once spent almost $6000 DELIVERING an item by personal courier, by jet, by rented limo, etc. because he wanted the person to get it. (He didn't tell me this, he told me he had something couriered halfway across the country because he wanted someone to get it, and I went on line and priced it out roughly because I was curious)

I have patients who live on roughly $6000 a year. In an expensive city.

The billionaire was one of the nicest, politest, unassuming people I ever met. I did not know he was a billionaire until I read an article about his family. Of course some of the other wealthy patients are arrogant, demanding self entitled jerks.

A couple of my extremely poor patients are as big of arrogant demanding self-entitled jerks as the wealthy patients. In some senses more: they feel that society owes them everything without complaint. And then, most of the other poor patients are the nicest, politest unassuming people I have ever met.

A wealthy persoh can also enjoy whiskers on kittens.

"A wealthy person can also enjoy whiskers on kittens."

But, of course! The operative word in the sentence is "person."
(Or, sentient being.)

Being present & receptive to what is, unites us in our humanity.

Hey, at least we all have a house to live in and a sofa to sit on. And that's all I got to say about theyat!

"PS Tone is lost here, but it is not my intention to make an enemy of the prior poster (sorry, cant see your name on this page when I post). I think some of your words are offensive. but i don't mean to offend you personally, fwiw."

Tone is definitely lost as my entire diatribe was meant to help, not hurt. I'm not offended, just frustrated that you cannot see my face and hands when I "talk" as I know much is lost without the visuals.

It makes sense in my head.
:)

Cearbhail, I don't find your words or message offensive. I think you are merely addressing issues that have been with us since the dawn of civilization.

Ancient Greek philosphers delved into these matters and the Stoic school of thought was born. If you read the Stoic writers, Seneca, Epictetus and Musonius, you will find kindred spirits. Certainly, your point of view is also echoed in many biblical texts, Metaphysical practioners would also be at home with much of what you wrote (Eckhart Tolle, etc.), & Transcendalists like Emerson and Thoreau would as well. You have lots of good company!

"You are not invited, nor equipped, to make those judgments about strangers posting on a decorating forum." Mtnrdredux, that may be true in many respects. Maybe the subject did go beyond the OP's stated invitation for feedback. Some people invite more far-reaching exploration of things than others.

As far as being "equipped," I personally don't know how one would ascertain such a thing. Being a person equips one to talk about life, imo.

"The problem comes when we get into the realm of the materialistic and it becomes a competition. That seems to trigger the "Whomever dies with the most toys wins" line of thinking where the amount of discretionary income you have determines your worth as a person. The wealthy people feel superior, the poor people are envious, everyone is overly defensive, and our similarities fade to the point of invisibility because of one piece of criteria- income and how one chooses to utilize it."

Perhaps I haven't participated on this forum long enough, but I've never noticed anyone with a competitive attitude about their house and other possessions or about their income.

Cearb -- okay then I agree not to be offended, either. : )

Stinky - Not equipped in the sense that, whether it is "okay" to judge people or not, you aren't equipped to judge somebody from the tiny bit you know about GW posters.

Lynxe, I agree.

Great posts cearbhaill and teacats! I can also relate to patty_cakes' post as I'm the same age so know I see things differently than younger people on this forum, partly because of my age.

Regardless of anyone's wealth, or lack thereof, money can only be spent once so it's wise to make sure that $6K sofa is something you really want/need unless your budget is unlimited. I get more pleasure out of being frugal and enjoy the challenge of the 'hunt'. The only way I'd ever be tempted to buy a $6K sofa is if it were on sale for 50% off and the perfect color/style/everything and I was having a weak moment.

I sometimes think my attitude is influenced by the back-woods location I live in but I doubt my style/attitude would be different if I lived in a large city. I'd just have more opportunities to choose.

I somehow missed that gene that makes brands important and have no desire or need to buy expensive items just because they are a certain brand. I also missed the 'change paint frequently to the perfect color' gene and am glad of that as it must create so much angst. I revel in imperfection altho like things to be cared for. I sometimes struggle with feelings of being an inadequate decorator when I see some of the gorgeous rooms of posters here. Then I reassure myself that I enjoy my feeble efforts and have received a lot of positive comments on my decor IRL from those who are even less knowledgeable than I am. And since I enjoy my home it's all OK.

I think it's good to recognize differences but not take much said online personally or as 'gospel'. We all see things differently.

Thanks for clarifying, Mtnrd!

Luckygal~"I revel in imperfection altho like things to be cared for." How wabi-sabi of you! Cool.

We all know what we want in our lives, and if that involves purchasing whatever your heart desires at whatever price, that *is* all that's important. Priorities will always be different, that's human nature.

However, if I had the means to spend $20K on a sofa, I really don't think I could bring myself to do it, i'm just too dang frugal! I could admire and drool over someone else's $$$ sofa, just not my own. A nice car, yes, dream home(NOT a mcmansion!),yes, custom window treatments, yes, even a 2nd home in another country would be well worth the money. I would enjoy *driving* that car, Having family/friends visit me in my dream home, the beautiful window treatments would also junction as a way of keeping in heat and keeping out cold, and the 2nd home, well that's not just for me, it would be a place to enjoy with family/friends.

I've always been fascinated by the ways people choose to spend their money. My children often make judgements about friends' families (always assuming that these people are much richer than we!) and I have to point out that you never know so making judgements is ridiculous.

I can imagine buying a 6k sofa for my modest house for a number of reasons but impressing others would not be on the list. I ask questions here not because I am a sheep looking for validation from others, but because decorating, while interesting, is not really my passion. If I can get free advice from the talented people here so that I can finalize my plans and get it done - well, why not? But I spend a great deal of time, energy, and money on a garden that is almost completely enclosed and cannot be viewed from outside our yard.

This is a very interesting thread, and everyone makes great points. Some people are shocked by a 20K sofa, some a 6K sofa, and some would be thrilled to get a used sofa free on CL.

Gmp, I'd be shocked at a $20,000 sofa but not $6,000, although I wouldn't spend that much money on a sofa unless I knew it had to last at least 20 years. lol.

Bottom line, I think it's tacky to say how much we spent on something unless asked by another poster because they're interested in the same item.

Very interesting thread! I just posted a picture of my little reading area in the bedroom, on another forum. Thought I'd add it here, to say the most expensive thing in this picture...is the print, above the bookcases.
{{gwi:1879023}}From Home pictures

It's an inexpensive print, but I had it custom framed with non-reflective glass...which was almost a hundred dollars at that time. Everything else is less expensive, due to great clearance deals, creative use of material and knowing how to crochet :)

Personality transcends income. Same with, I don't know, psychopathy, domestic violence, addiction... and the whole range of personality traits and behavioral issues we see in humans.

I see that as a totally different issue than the OP's question, which relates to how much money people do or don't spend on home decor, et al. And people do have judgments and values about that, whether they are on the high, low or middle levels of the socioeconomic brackets. Whether they believe the poster should resist the temptation or whether they think the poster should save up and buy something bigger and better. I do think that, overall, GW does a fairly good job at creating communities in which all are welcome and can get good advice - which is to the credit of the people here.

I really appreciate the point some are making that home decorating is largely a First World problem and that each and everyone here is fortunate when you look at the big picture. I do believe, however, that it is also true that there ARE ethical ramifications of all this, especially when one part of the world is utilizing the resources often obtained at the expense of other places. Not to mention the growing economic disparity found here in the US alone. And, then, of course, there's the whole question of who in the world is really happier and what brings happiness and what deters is. Which is a whole other ball of wax. While important, even vital, questions, they just aren't issues that this website was designed to discuss and address. GW just brushes up against those realities from time to time, whether it be looking at our "need" for square footage, a $7500 couch, a $250 throw or a $50,000 sideboard, a good deal, a great sale, a way to make what we have work, permission to blow our budget in our neighborhood comps - or good company to share the "steal" we just found on CL!

What annoys me most about people on this forum is that those who clearly have a lot more $$$$ for silly things like drapes and throws and sofas are so darn nice and helpful I can't even be resentful. Can't you at least be snooty??

In all seriousness, while budgets and talents seem to vary quite a lot on this forum, just about everyone is nice about it. That doesn't mean we can't be surprised at what things can cost!

I couldn't spend that much on a throw. I could spend almost that much on a sofa because I'll keep it forever and the more expensive ones hold up better.

Very interesting thread, and very thoughtful posts by lots of folks.

I'm on the home stretch of a "budget" bathroom makeover. Nothing really drastic or overly fabulous, but I spent about $220 and think the room just looks a whole lot better. The whole process was a bit of a journey for me, and I learned a lot. Worth every penny.

Two generations ago, I have family that would consider central heat and air and *indoor* plumbing a luxury. I have a family member that thinks that the room was just fine as it was, and the money could have been saved for something else. I have another family member who thinks that if only I weren't so cheap, then it could look even better. And another family member who will gush and coo about how great it looks, and how creative and fabulous I am.

No matter how much I do or don't spend on any of it, there will always be someone -my own flesh and blood, let alone strangers on the internet, who can wag their finger at me, and some who can cheer me on, and they're both partly right.

Meh. At the end of the day, it's all good. If picking out a paint color is my biggest problem of the week, then I consider it a win. Even if it's the cheap paint or the expensive paint, or the wrong color of paint, in the grand scheme of things, it's still just paint.

My only gripe for the day is the term "fortunate." I can only speak for myself, but any financial success that I have or don't have has absolutely nothing at all to do with fortune. Being able to waste good money on something as trivial as making the bathroom pretty is only possible because of hard work and choices, not random luck.

I'm never offended by how much money anyone ever spends on anything, but I am offended by the implication that having disposable income means that you're just somehow luckier than everyone else, and have never had to work hard or make difficult choices to earn what you have.

My ancestors didn't leave me with money or antiques or gems. They left their country to flee tyrany and oppression, with the clothes on their backs and $20. It's what they did with their lives once they landed on free soil that they left me. My inheritance was understanding the importance of free will, hard work, and character.

I appreciate your point, franksmom, but the truth is, hard work is not some magic guarantee. There are a LOT of people a LOT of places who work real hard and don't achieve financial success. And there are a LOT of people who have a LOT of financial resources who didn't do anything to get it.

There's a great book that talks about the importance of all kinds of random things like timing and geography and even what time of year you happened to have been born in having great impact on your odds of "success" in any number of endeavors, from hockey to business to becoming a leader of a social change movement warranting an eventual Noble Peace Prize. It's by the author who wrote "Blink" - and it might even be that book. I think it's actually called "Outlier". My mind is fuzzy on it, but it is fascinating.

That being said, I agree that attributing everything to "luck" is fallious thinking, too. My mom used to pull her hair out when her students and their families were visited with tragedy after tragedy and attributed it to bad luck, or even God's plan. You gotta do your 100% before you can turn it over.

I do find a little gratitude for what I do have can be grounding when I get caught up with the eye candy of some of the inspiration pictures and inspiring projects I see around here, though. And, that's what I meant by good fortune. After all, we live in a world where a lot of people have less access to water over the course of a year than we have in a day.

I stick by "fortunate". I certainly know of people who did the right thing, worked hard, etc, and are less fortunate.

I worked very hard and I made good choices, but I think I would be vain not to also recognize that I also got a few lucky breaks.

Not to suggest at all that life is just a bunch of Tarot cards!

Recall, too, that this was a discussion with my 9yo. At her school there are some scholarship students' families who do not own their own homes or, and I am surmising here, allocate resources to decor. I would not want to leave here with the impression that the only explanation for this is personal failing, kwim?

LL, I wish you could teach me to crochet! That is a lovely spot, thanks for sharing.

Steph2000, the book is called Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell. I agree it is a fascinating read. It certainly does make a convincing case that luck, coincidence and effort/hard work are generally all required to successful. Hard work alone typically won't get that December born slightly smaller than average hockey loving boy into the NHL.

I too made good choices and worked hard at university and in my career. But I won the only lottery that counts when I was born into my first world, stable, safe country.

Lavender lass...lovely corner and great job on the afghan!

I don't fit in here either because I would never ask someone what to do inside my home. I suppose that there must be useful things that decorators do, otherwise they would not exist. I just can't understand putting these type decisions in someone else's hands....
Point is, there are decorator types and DIY types and neither is better, neither is more desirable, and neither is right or wrong.

A good decorator doesn't tell you what to do in your home. The decorator can help you figure out what will work for your situation. We used a decorator twice. In each case, we sat down with them and discussed what we wanted. The decorator came back with some ideas, we told him what we liked and what we didn't about them. That helped tune in his next recommendations which we liked.

The first time was when we were young homeowners. We hated the way the entry hall area looked and thought we would have to replace the tile to fix it. The decorator came up with plans for new paint colors that made the tile work okay. With a young family we were happy to save the expense of replacing the tile.

The next time was when we bought our next house. It was an ugly duckling of a house with terrible wall colors, wall papers and carpets. We thought we would have time before our other house sold to redo it but then it sold right away and we needed a plan quickly to redo the floors and walls before we moved in. The decorator helped with that.

Working with a decorator helped us understand a bit more about what we could do with color. He got us to be a bit more adventurous with color.

Of course, not all decorators are good. We hand an initial meeting with one who was too inflexible so we didn't use that one.

Sochi and Annie- Thanks :)

Outliers is an interesting book. The notion that "luck, coincidence and effort/hard work are generally all required to successful" at least looks at the mix that fate, destiny and the sweat of the brow play in most lives.

But I would go a little further & still broaden the concept of "success" to include so much more than career or financial achievement. I think it is a big mistake (that our culture at large makes all the time) to automatically assume that a well-to-do person, or someone with a lofty title, is "successful" at life. They may be, of course, but they may also be full of anger, selfishness, & greed. They may have struggled & strived the joy out of their lives. They may never be satisfied. That is not success in my view.

I do believe that life has plans for all of us. As I stated in another post, if we are attached to an image of our lives looking a certain way, we will suffer if life doesn't comply. That can happen at any income level. or..."Life is what's happening when we're making other plans," as John Lennon reminded us.

I don't think being wealthy is in the cards for us all, no matter how hard we work. That's not the life every person is meant to lead.
But that's not such sad or bad news either! People who have given energy & attention to what is real & capable of providing true happiness (connections, creativity, learning, growth, service, loving) are the most successful, in my view!

Money may or may not stem from their endeavors. Either way, what could be more wonderful or more a marker of success, than when people truly enjoy what they are doing, find meaning through it, and are loving & at peace?

Lavender Lass, I enjoyed seeing your reading nook too! Very pretty spot you created with a lot of love!

Of course, Stinky, "success" is subjective. But
in this post, given that it was started with quoting numbers, the discussion is about financial success.

But my point is, how much you spend on decor is NOT a definitive indicator of financial success. I grew up with a lot of "credit card millionaires" who lived high on the hog but had nothing but debt to show for it. I've also known very wealthy people who spend very little on furnishings as they either don't care, or that's how they preserve their wealth for the long term...by being cheap. (A fellow I know works for a very wealthy and well-known family name maintaining their estate....the old lady is living on the estate and has dementia. The family doesn't even want him to spend money replacing light bulbs as they're trying to keep all her money for themselves once she croaks!)

The reality is, we each spend more or less than someone else as we each have more or less money, interest, willingness or desire to spend. And what we spend that money on is also different...some will break the bank for a particular piece of art where some will go all out for the kitchen backsplash of their dreams. There are homes that have wonderful gardens and the house is neglected, or the house is wonderful and the gardens are weed beds. There are those who spend lots of money on ugly, and those who spend very little but create beauty. The rarest are those who have the money and willingness to go all out for their dreams AND do it well....they can serve as inspiration for the rest of us....

Everyone has an idea of what is a splurge, what is needed. I think it is hard not to envy someone who can drop 8 grand for a sofa but you know what...I don't look at life in material things. I have been economically wealthy, comfortable and barely surviving....and my happiness did not relate the way you might think. Also I was told as a child that envy will make you so unhappy. I dont envy expensive furniture..I hope for the happiness of those that are more content than I am.

I, too, have been following this thread. I think a lot of good points have been made. I agree with many and disagree with a few.

Annie, excellent choice of quotation.

Cearbhaill, I liked your post and agree with you.

LL, there is little better than a cozy spot for reading!

I would add that even my poorest students (and they are poor if one is speaking in monetary terms) are happy when I visit their homes and the parents seem proud of the little touches they may have added in the same way most of us are.