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rgps

Men, the clueless variant

rgps
8 years ago

This is a sexist, over generalized, stereotypical rant. Beware.

My brother and husband, we'll call them Jezbo and Jethro just to set the stage, are so lame. Also just to set the stage their vehicles are a 1984 pickup truck and a 1983 Land Cruiser, repectively. Both are overly educated nincompoops as far as I can see. In their former lives one an attorney, one an engineer.

Here's the latest. I spend weeks, with you guys helping, picking out fabrics to spiff up the ancient but excellent furniture to use in our home that has been remodeled at considerable expense, tho we did a lot of the labor. I tell them the bill for fabric and labor to redo a sofa, 4 dining chairs and 2 swivel rockers. Grand total is a mere $2,500. You'd think they were giving birth judging by the groans and near shrieks those two made.

I mean really, I thought it was a bargain. They all of a sudden think there is nothing wrong with leaving well enough alone, nothing a good vacuuming won't cure. Are they kidding? There is 30+ years of crude on those pieces as well as burn holes ( fireplace escapee embers) and my god the swivels are baby blue. (Another good reason to sue my dearly departed, much loved, mother).

And my husband wonders why I still work some shifts at the hospital when the mood suits me instead of retiring like he did at 55. I must have MY money to override these wacko buckeroos.

Y'all need to give me strength.

Comments (49)

  • dbarron
    8 years ago

    On the flip side, wouldn't that money be better spent simply buying new furniture (I think like a man, you see)?
    I have to defend our sex....after all.
    Maybe it could have been better used as a down payment for 2015 Jeep? (had to throw that in)

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    Ah, this is one of those situations where, yes, the female brain butts up against the male brain but must win. I suspect that, had you told them the bill wold be $995, they'd have groaned just as loudly. It's the NOTION of spending money of girl things, i.e.; fabrics, that men groan at.

    Now, go to Home Depot and come home and tell him that they're having a sale on a really great tool, one he'll use once in his life. He'll be in that rickety vehicle on his way to HD faster than you can say, "duct tape doesn't make good upholstery, dear."

    I say, let the male head reign supreme when emotions are too strong and let the female head trump the males when it comes to picking fabrics. Some things we all must concede, be they deemed sexist of a generalization or not.

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  • anele_gw
    8 years ago

    First of all, you's hilarious.

    Second of all, you got a great deal. They will never accept that, but
    you did. No way could you get quality furniture for that price.

    Third, you're going green. Reuse!!

    Fourth, I need a male friend IRL who likes design. I see them when I'm out at flea markets. Esp. when I see them with a female (not as a couple, just friends), I get very, very, very envious.

  • Annie Deighnaugh
    8 years ago

    anele, then you'd be jealous of me for sure...I have a BGF and I wouldn't trade him for the world. We're convinced we've known each other since the renaissance!

    When DH retired, I kept working and he said we could get rid of the cleaning lady as he'd do the house cleaning. I soon realized that, while he did a great job when he cleaned, his idea of when the house needed cleaning was far different from mine. I'd write "dust me" in the dust of the coffee table to remind him!

  • rgps
    Original Author
    8 years ago

    Duct tape is the mothers milk of these 2 men's existence tibbrix. They wouldn't go for a new tool but watch out if you are talking new climbing equipment or a bicycle doodad.

    Dbarron, thank you for that perspective but they'd rather die than buy anything new, except for the above mentioned toys.

    Anele, I'm sure those men exist somewhere but they are sorely lacking in this buckeroo territory of sw Colorado. Did I mention I'm not in aspen or telluride. But I'll keep my eyes out for one.

  • tomatofreak
    8 years ago

    "This is a sexist, over generalized, stereotypical rant."

    No, it's not! I have no idea how the powers of creation ever thought he's and she's could live together - in harmony. Shoulda made two planets.

  • bestyears
    8 years ago

    Annie -your story reminds me of when my husband retired, a few years ago. (I work parttime.) He too suggested we could save money by letting the housekeeper go. "Okay," I said, "Do you want to do the upstairs or the downstairs?" The look on his face was priceless. Never brought it up again.

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    I'm from the "If duct tape doesn't work and/or someone lands in the hospital, then and only then do you replace/repair"tradition.

    Tool/bike/climbing equipment..you got the point. So, phrase the fabric question so he can relate. Like, "Think of this fabric as a new whiz-bang bike that you just have to have!"

  • Fun2BHere
    8 years ago

    LOL! You clearly have your priorities all messed up. Who in the world would want to spend $2,500 on fabric to make a room that you see every day look good when that money could go for some sort of new gear. (the foregoing said with tongue-firmly-in-cheek)

    Seriously, you got a great bargain. There's no way you can buy anything of reasonable quality for that amount unless you were to get super lucky on CL. My mother learned early in her marriage that she needed a household allowance that did not allow for line item vetos from my father. I suspect the reason my brother and I hate spaghetti to this day is from having it served to us in overabundance while Mom was accumulating savings from the grocery budget to recover the sofa or plant some flowers.

  • selcier
    8 years ago

    I wish I had something earth shattering to say: I loved the post. Sometimes men are boobs.

  • lucillle
    8 years ago

    " I tell them the bill "

    "It is better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission"

  • morz8 - Washington Coast
    8 years ago

    My stock answer when asked what the bill for something has been is:

    'You don't want to know.'

    That somehow satisfies and he doesn't ask again ;)

  • Acadiafun
    8 years ago

    I am sorry but you have been married all these years and you have not done your job as a good wife. Please understand I am not trying to be harsh, but to help. The first order of business was to teach your husband that if mommy is not happy, no-one is happy, so make mommy happy all the time.

    There is still time. Once this firm rule has been established, the husband no longer suffers from confusion or anxiety as he understands and embraces his role as head of the household. You have work to do.....

  • ken_adrian Adrian MI cold Z5
    8 years ago

    Grand total is a mere $2,500. ..... I mean really, I thought it was a bargain.

    ==>>. we live in different worlds ... and apparently.. your men ... are in my world ...

    but hey.. if you are the only one working ... the hell with them .. lol ...

    ken

    ps: will you let these slobs sit on the furniture when they are done????? ... lol

  • dbarron
    8 years ago

    Acadiafun, you must remember, men are from Mars and women are from Venus...and perhaps they should have stayed there. (This from a lifelong bachelor...and you may well say, likely to stay one. That's ok, I know where my money goes) (lol).
    On the flip side, I also posted about buying a very expensive lamp basically because I couldn't find one I liked...and finally settling for one...without knowing the price (sticker shock). So...we're all stereotyping...and it's not REALLY like that.

  • rgps
    Original Author
    8 years ago

    Arcadia, I seem to hold my own when just DH is involved because I have trained him well. It's when brother Jezbo gets involved they feed off each other and I have to pull out the "who actually still has a job". They both can't wait for me to quit or better yet get fired for not meeting my # of shifts commitment per year. They fail to understand the value of a 30+ year employee who knows her stuff blindfolded.

    Ken, these slobs and may others will be sitting down more frequently than I desire. Not to mention scruffy canines. At least the llamas are banned to the barn.

    Lucille and morz, those are well worn phrases in my home. Unfortunately DH has a nasty habit of checking the discover bill every month to root out any crimes I may commit.

  • Holly- Kay
    8 years ago

    I'm with Lucille. Lord, the last home I bought was done before I even mentioned it to DH. I didn't feel the need to ask permission as there is our money, his money, and my money and I knew we wouldn't be moving into it. I will always answer him truthfully if he asks what something costs but he knows I won't buy anything that we or I can't afford. I can't remember the last time he bothered to ask me about what I spend.

  • rgps
    Original Author
    8 years ago

    You'll be pleased to know the pickup truck and llama trailer just got loaded to go to the upholstery guy. I don't think they are just taking it to the car wash in town to use the super vacuum. Still have to decide on final fabric choices ie polyester velvet vs cotton velvet. Any enlightment on that issue would be appreciated ASAP.

  • kitchendetective
    8 years ago

    Velvet thread below.
    Read Circuspeanut's posts on the subject.

    Here is a link that might be useful: Scroll down to Circuspeanut's discourse

  • joaniepoanie
    8 years ago

    All these posts are too funny!

    Men think of stuff like furniture the same as they do their 30 year old underwear---they might be filled with holes, no elastic, and not even close to their original color but "hey,I can still wear them." A dilapidated, stain-filled sofa---"hey, I can still sit on it."

    My DH has never really given me trouble about buying stuff...but if he even comes close to acting annoyed while asking me the price of something I always exaggerate----"the drapes? Oh, they were $150,000.....per panel." That usually ends the discussion.

    In recent years he soured on doing DIY stuff....but he would complain about paying to have stuff done. I finally had to sit him down and explain how things work......"dear, you either have to paint the bedroom or we have to have it done....doing neither is not an option."

  • anele_gw
    8 years ago

    Annie, I am very, very envious!!!

    Ken, even an Ikea sofa can cost around $1K!! IKEA!!!!

    In my house, our budget is zero for decor. Zero. But, if a new computer is needed or an iPad, somehow it is purchased. These things are considered "needs" by someone who shall remain nameless. Said person doesn't go crazy with money, but it's just the mindset that repainting, art (and I mean even super inexpensive), a lamp, etc. will never, ever, ever enter into that person's mind as something needed. Not even furniture. Ever. To that end, I have purchased most items for our whole house (except for the entertainment center and, of course, large TV--and no, he didn't use his personal money) on my personal money budget, which is a whole $100 a month. So, that is why my rooms are never done. I'm always saving, hunting for a bargain, etc.

    Hoping tax money will be used for hardwood in LR as DH is noticing several soft spots under the carpeting. If it's HIS idea. . .

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    Completely, completely agree with JoaniePoanie, re: men and "so long as it holds me, it's perfect."

  • Holly- Kay
    8 years ago

    I have been searching for velvet to recover a chair that was my DM's. Even after reading Circus peanuts post I am getting cold feet.

  • outsideplaying_gw
    8 years ago

    Well, rgps, let's hope the llama trailer doesn't come back home with it's load intact, freshly vac'd. If they do I have a feeling Jezbo and Jethro will be sleeping in the barn with the llamas tonight.

    Good job getting all your items to the upholsterer! Funny posts! My sides hurt!

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    Rgps, you strike me as someone who would be hard to say no to.

  • rgps
    Original Author
    8 years ago

    Jezbo and Jethro (or as my autocorrect always tries to call them Hezbollah and Jet Hero) have returned with an empty trailer. I immediately put them to work of putting the entire contents of this house into the bathroom and small bedroom so the floor sander and finisher can start first thing Monday morning. If they run out of room there is always the zircon down the hill and the llamas are pack animals so they might have to get into the act also. Great time to toss some things I've been hanging on to for too long. Into the trailer and off to the dump. I'd better not find my sofas and chairs were delivered there.

    The boys slacking off:

  • pricklypearcactus
    8 years ago

    Ok, first of all, is the 1984 truck a Toyota? If so, I'm going to have to admit to understanding Jethro and Jezbo. :) I will not go into details, but a 1984 Toyota pickup and 1983 Toyota Land Cruiser are classics in certain regards/circles. Think of them as the equivalent of high quality antique furniture: last forever, easy to rebuild, useful for a wide variety of purposes etc. And that $2500 "bomb" you just dropped on them may have translated into their brains to the equivalent of buying *another* Toyota! In other words, they're thinking "How can some silly fabric cost the same as a vehicle!" Considering your furniture did end up going to the upholsterer, I'm going to guess you were able to sway them. Hopefully they were able to see the wisdom in caring for and re-building, as necessary, high quality older furniture, just as they would their trucks.

  • maddielee
    8 years ago

    Hint for another time:

    "Jez and Jeth!!! Can you believe those swindlers were trying to charge me almost 5 grand for fabric!!! You would be so proud of my bargaining expertise, I got it all for $2500.00!"

    ML

  • edeevee
    8 years ago

    ML, I like the way you think ;)

  • rgps
    Original Author
    8 years ago

    Hey guys, that $2500 was NOT just for fabric but fabric AND the labor for mr upholstery man. A truly smokin deal. These cowboy towns won't stand for any big fancy city prices. $1300 in labor and I'm ordering online my fabric for $1,200. No taxes either. Now you see why I was so incredulous at their hissy fit.

    I know the guy does good work. He's the same dude that put the baby blue upholstery on 30+ years ago.

  • Holly- Kay
    8 years ago

    Wow RGPS, that is a steal. With prices like that I could load some things up in DH's roll back and cart it to CO. I'd even get a vacation out of it and beautifully upholstered furniture to boot.

    BTW, love your llamas. How much work are they?

  • rgps
    Original Author
    8 years ago

    Holly, the llamas are no work at all UNLESS a tree falls on the fence and they escape into the National forest. Then they are a total PIA.We have 160 acres fenced so the possible points of exit are unending. At least once a year we get a call they've been sighted MIA and we have to round up the beasties. Some are very naughty. But come shearing time we get lots of wool. And Jezbo takes them for weeks at a time out on climbing expeditions. They are great packers.

  • selcier
    8 years ago

    Hezbollah ... Hahahahaha! You are killing me today. I had to share with DH.

  • suero
    8 years ago

    AFAIK, men will spend $$$$ on electronic toys but 0 on furniture to hold those toys.

  • blfenton
    8 years ago

    This has been laugh out loud funny.

    My DH no longer asks why things are being bought or how much they are. I quit work a number of years ago to raise the kids and the first time he kicked up a fuss about my buying something happened at a rather fortuitous time. He had just redone his office at work with new furniture and new art work. I just gently told him that our home, as a SAHM, was also my office and I needed it to be nice for me and our family. He never questioned again. I try to always put these things in "his" terms.

  • kitschykitch
    8 years ago

    Touche, BLFenton.

  • nutsaboutplants
    8 years ago

    "If they can put a man on the moon, why can't they put all of them there?" I still ponder this question that my coffee mug from the nineties used to posed me. Hopefully one day we will put them all there and my house and yours and every other woman's will be perfect.

    This post was edited by nutsaboutplants on Fri, Sep 19, 14 at 23:55

  • Elraes Miller
    8 years ago

    My son and 2 of his friends just painted my living room plus trim. They did this as a gift to me. It was greatly appreciated. But all during the painting process I couldn't wait for them to leave. It is going to take me as long to clean up details then it would have had I did this myself.

    My daughter and I always say "we rule"....we can handle any type of power tool and finish jobs with great results. Not to mention not needing a break every moment and know how to clean after ourselves. Try and find a tool after the guys leave.

    Am always fascinated when a guy has to load the back of my car. The just can't visualize the space and want big. More than once what they told me no to, went right in the right way.

    Another is moving furniture. Are they allergic to it? Again, they swear it is not for the faint, weak, or why the heck? Daughter and I have got it down for moving large pieces up and down stairs. We should write a book on girl's tips. But someone would tell us we could hurt ourselves or them.

    I'm complete in knowing if something needs to be done, we can do it. And would rather just do it and then quibble with whys and becoming complicated. Okay, truth added to say I'm a bit afraid of electrical and plumbing needs the right person. Although we both have gone that route more than a few times on small jobs.

    For the record my husband was the ultimate handy guy. It just depended upon the project and which one was more important to what he was up to. He wouldn't leave me stranded either.

  • sprout26
    8 years ago

    Oh well, with just that one word, engineer, that sums it up.
    I had to explain to my engineer hubs that decorating is my hobby, so every time he went out and bought a new RC or whatever, he better be prepared for equal funds to be shelled out on the house. Have to admit to a wee bit of resentment over the years as my projects (new carpet, hardwood floors etc) benefit the whole family...but I'm over it (maybe!!)

  • Olychick
    8 years ago

    Heterosexuality is a miracle.

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    And homosexuality is a Godsend to we design and decor challenged heterosexuals ⦠who also have difficult hair!

    Nutsaboutplants, reminds me of a line from, I think "Cheers": "Women: Can't live with emâ¦"

    Or another, can't recall what it's from: "Women: Can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em."

    This post was edited by Tibbrix on Mon, Sep 22, 14 at 13:23

  • tomatofreak
    8 years ago

    I used to say that the old Mormon belief in men having multiple wives had it all wrong - and entirely backward. I could never stand a gaggle of men in my house, but I thought three should do it: One basic, entirely predictable type B who trudged off to work each day and banked the check; one artistic, adventurous, emotionally-accessible man who'd go along with about any whim; and one totally sexy dude for .... well...

    Now I'm down to two. Forget the sexy dude; the hormones flew out the window some time back. I think I could possibly live with my own "clueless variant" if I had number 2 - who, I realize now, is either gay or metrosexual. I'm putting an application online just in case a man of this description would like to hang out with an old girl with a young heart and red hair.

  • robo (z6a)
    8 years ago

    My husband and I have a temporary chef/food writer roommate: tomatofreak, we are living your dream! Case in point, last night's supper was chicken en papillote with boursin and roasted garlic, rösti and herbed greek salad. Night before was vietnamese curry with shrimp and udon.

    He also does most of the housework as part of our arrangement. Obviously not all gay men are homemakers but having someone who is great at homemaking as a roommate is my idea of heaven and the added bonus of no romantic tension in our house is heaven^2.

    This post was edited by robotropolis on Mon, Sep 22, 14 at 16:00

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    tomatofreak, I need three: the gay best friend; the income generator; and the one with the great sense of humor. 1 and 3 could be the same. Come to think of it, 1 could also be 2 and 3.

    That's it. I"m marrying gay guy.

  • fruitnut Z7 4500ft SW TX
    8 years ago

    This happened just recently in USA, there are now more unmarried adults than married. Lots of reasons I'm sure. But my life improved dramatically when I figured out, after 30 yrs, that I didn't need to live with the opposite sex. No more "headaches" nor money issues. All I have to do is please myself, sweet!!

    My advice to 18 yr olds of both genders would be to consider the do it yourself plan. It's amazing what you can do when you only need to please yourself.

  • tibbrix
    8 years ago

    fruitnut, I too am single and happy to be so. But I figured out a long time ago that, wishing to be in a marital/famly status you're not is pointless. No matter the status, it has its benefits and its downsides. I'd rather be single than in a bad marriage. I'd rather be in a great, happy marriage than single. I'd rather be single w/o children than single with a child or childrenâ¦the combos are endless.

    Turned down two proposals; didn't get the one I wanted, and that was it for me. I moved on to single life, and I have no regrets at all. Some people are in marriages I would love to have for myself; more are in marriages I would not want for myself; some singles know how to be single and content, while others spend their time bemoaning the fact that they're single, based solely on a status our culture puts on being married (i.e.: married = winner; single = loser).

    so, best course is to make the best decisions you can for yourself and others, and let the chips fall where they may; don't force them (i.e.: marry a loser just to be married).

    Carve out the best life one can for oneself, regardless of status.

    My only complaint about being single is that, married people tend to cast single friends off and not consider them peers. That I regret, because I love so many of my married friends.

  • tomatofreak
    8 years ago

    robotropolis, that's just not fair! Ask him if he'd like to spend a warm winter in AZ!!

    fruitnut, I'm about to that point. Thirty years of sheer frustration. It's not that I can't do what I want to do and I never have, never will ask for permission to do whatever I want. The problem is that the homo sapiens sharing the house is truly clueless and I could probably have a more interesting conversation with a chimpanzee. (I don't have a chimp so I talk to the cats and dogs.)

    Tibbrix, marriage doesn't guarantee anything unless you live in a community property state! My daughter lived with her husband for about 7 years, married him, then divorced him just short of the time required to be eligible for his SS benefits. It was a bad marriage from the first date, I think, but she was so determined to stick it out. She did, through years of his spiraling drug addiction, in/out rehab (she's still paying for that) and daily drama that would put a Mexican novela to shame. Finally, she divorced him and lives with her teenage son. A couple of years ago, she met a man on a plane and they began a long distance relationship. She's in AZ and he's in FL. It's the best relationship she's ever had!

  • bradleyd_svh
    8 years ago

    Hello, I would just like to introduce myself as a single, straight man who goes thrift-shop antique hunting and is into Feng Shui.

    Now I know where to go when I want a date. Bwa ha ha ha ha

  • tomatofreak
    8 years ago

    Well, BradleyD, we do share an astrological sign and a common interest in thrift stores!