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newstepmom

The Right Question

18 years ago

Greetings

I am so lucky to have found this web site. I have gained such invaluable advice and perspectives. Thanks to all.

My problem is that my teenage SKIDs are rude and disrespectful to me and their parents. It is a particularly bitter pill to swallow since they come to my home, which I worked very hard to be able to afford, and behave in an abusive fashion. Thanks to the people on this web site, I now realize that informing the SKIDs that this is my home, for which I pay 100% of the expenses, would only breed contempt and more bad behavior.

My DH and I saw a counselor who told us to develop house rules, which we have. They are basically to follow the golden rule and a few other rules of basic common courtesy.

Not surprisingly, one of the SKIDs says he doesnÂt want to come to the house because he doesnÂt want to follow the rules and "canÂt be himself" (This is the 16 year old kid who got kicked out of prep school for smoking pot and told his mother "The only thing you care about is getting your p*ssy f*cked.) He regularly has meltdowns and screams at his Dad or anyone else within earshot.

In addition to the home I have in the country, I maintain a very beautiful apartment in the city. Prior to my marriage, my DH and I agreed that the family home would be the one in the country. The city place is too small, and I treasure my privacy there. The building is exclusive and very strict, and if the SS ever got caught smoking dope, there is no question that the building would ask me to leave. I told my husband that his kids were welcome in the country, but not the city.

Given their history, doesnÂt my request seem reasonable? I acknowledge that they have a right to have a home with their father (even if I am paying for it) but they donÂt have a right to dictate to me where they will visit.

Why should I put my city residence at risk? The SKIDs are not from the city, but from the country. They want to go to the city to party, not to be with their father.

My SS is in counseling and the therapist wants to meet with me and the DH because the SS is depressed. I suspect that this issue will come up, and want to get feedback.

Thanks to all

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