I'm sorry Cindy. I think I would feel much like you do. Their childhood passes much too quickly especially when you have had to struggle through parts of if with health issues or something else that might make you feel that you didn't do things the way that you would have wanted to.

At times I have felt like they were never going to grow up and now that they are sometimes I can't hardly stand it. It is difficult to find a happy balance.

Perhaps if you can focus on the great things about your son that make you so proud of him as a young man. The things that he has to offer this world. Be thankful that he wants to strike out on his own and isn't a young man that refuses to mature and go out and live his life. God has a plan for him.

Letting go is difficult. I don't look forward to it. My heart is with you.

I am so sorry.... I can certainly relate. it is devastating. My DD 20 attends college in UK and plans to stay there after graduation. I only see her about 3 times a year. She is my only child and yes it is very difficult.

be happy that west coast is not 8 hours flight away. it can always be worse. a friend's of mine son went to teach English to Japan for a year, met a girl, and stayed there. It's been like 6-7 years. he has a family there now. At least our kids aren't in Japan.

Sorry that you're feeling so blue, Cindy. I don't have any kids - just my beloved dog, but I really, really understand your feelings of: "Even though I am happily remarried, I feel like my children are the only real family that I have." It's a terrible way to feel. In spite of my wonderful DH, I sometimes feel like my dog is all I have.

My sister passed in '92 and her kids estranged themselves from my folks and me at that time, my dad passed five years ago tomorrow, and last week hospice had me tell my mom that "it's ok for her to die" because they think she is hanging on to life just for me (-uuuuugh, that was a bad day). My mom is the last of my family of origin and because I never had kids, I feel connected to no one but my big dog.

As much as this would probably hurt DH to know, I don't think I will ever truly feel like I am part of his family because of all of the turmoil between his DD24 and me. He sees us as his one family, but his kids don't see it that way. I know it and I don't think it should be forced. In my opinion he has two separate families. The loneliness is a hard feeling to shake but I usually try to embrace it as an opportunity with endless possibilities.

I still feel sad sometimes, but looking at things with the thought that there is still more around the corner that I have yet to experience really helps. You're son is exploring his life and so should you. Even though you won't be having coffee all of the time, I bet you'll hear from him just as often. It's still alright to feel sad, just don't hang onto it.

gerina my little pity party sounds so pathetic after reading everything you've been through... and I understand what it's like to want the SK's to think of us as family and then have them resent us instead...I have a similar situation. I have three cats and two dogs that I treat as my babies...thank you so much for sharing your story too. It's nice to know I'm not alone.

Cindy-

You're not having a pity party. You just are where you are at the moment. Who knows, maybe you'll visit your son one day and fall in love with the west coast and then you & DH will move here (i'm in san francisco). It's the unexpected things like the above scenario that keep life fun and interesting. G.

"Even though I am happily remarried, I feel like my children are the only real family that I have."

I wonder if mothers in intact families feel this way, or do they feel just plain lonely or unappreciated? I think it's tough being a woman.

Gerina, that's interesting about your dog. I have one child and I feel like getting a dog to "complete" our family since I can't have anymore children.

Hi Cindy,
4 years ago I packed my bags and left Holland to go to Australia. I met my DH the day I arrived and to cut a long story short I'm now a permanent Australian resident, living happily with my DH and Skids. My parents are visiting right now, they have been here for 6 weeks and they are going back to Holland tomorrow.
This is the second time they have visited us in 4 years, I try to go back to Holland once a year if I can. It is very hard to live so far away from my mum and dad (and I'm 33) but you do get better at dealing with it. Of course I miss them and at first I felt pretty guilty for 'putting them through this'. We have always had a great bond and we still do, that hasn't changed. My mum and I write letters to each other, real long ones, and we include recipes, articles from the local paper, pictures, whatever comes up. These letters are a real treat and not just receiving them. There is also a lot of fun in writing them, making little notes on things I want to write about so I don't forget etc. etc. Of course we also talk on the phone and there are good phonecards that you can use for longdistance calls.
I pay like 2cents a minute when I use my card, it's great.
Nothing beats just popping over for a coffee but my parents are very happy that I'm so happy and they'd rather have that than seeing me a bit lost for direction in Holland (as I was before I left).
Tomorrow I will feel really sad again when they leave but we are always looking forward to next time, you have to focus on the positive.
I hope you will feel better about it over time, all the best,

Liesbeth

Cindy, my DS in only 6 so I'm a long way off from this. However, I left home for the East Coast(I'm from LA) twice, once for college for 4 years at age 17, moved back to LA, 2nd move to East Coast for grad school and job opportunities. The 2nd time I was 26 close to your son's age. I did ultimately move back to LA after 5 more years on the East Coast. My parents missed me but they did tell me that they felt that my time on the East Coast helped me to mature. I came home a lot for holidays and occassional weekends.

Your son may move back like I did, the West Coast is not the moon and you may be happy with his growth. Letting him go will probably be hard though.

Thank you all for your stories. There are a some of you who have traveled or have had children travel long distances from home. (not just coast to coast) Your insights help strengthen me and open my mind beyond myself. I so appreciate all of you!! Thank you.

Is he a guy that text's a lot? If so, if you could also learn to text, I imagine you would hear from him more often throughout the day. It seems that so many text instead of talking on the phone.