Imma that sounds fabulous!! Enjoy enjoy enjoy!

I'm going to be missing my Dd until Monday. Monday I am getting off wk early to pick her up from school. We are throwing together a little Dd 'thanksgiving feast' with my family. Then on Tuesday after school she goes to dad's for the rest of the week until Sunday night. my in-law's emailed TODAY that they will be driving down Wednesday to Saturday ... They told me Monday they could not make it. So I let my mom know that it would just be us. (small family: mom/dad, grandma, Sis, nephew, me/Dh/DS) but now.... Two more and my mom is in panic mode... So I drove over tonight to spend the night. Going to help clean tomorrow... My grandma lives here and my mom is afraid all of her medical stuff is going to be a big deal. They are not going to care but mom is OCD and needs her house perfect.
I am going to miss Dd but honestly I am going to embrace the time away. She will get to see her grandparents and a few cousins, aunts and uncles that she hasn't seen since the summer. She is excited and she will come home acting weird and correcting me when I do things that obviously Sm doesn't approve of... And I'll have to reprogram her BUT long visits always seem to make her appreciate home a little more.

My favorite part of thanksgiving is napping during the Cowboy game, stuffing, deviled eggs, pumpkin pie and left overs on Friday! No shopping for us on Friday with the in law's in town. We'll be watching 'gasp' FOOTBALL! I am almost done shopping and I can't wait to get my tree up!!

Anyone else shopping on Friday? I do most of my shopping online. ;)

Nine days without someone glaring darts at you? Whatever will you do!

Enjoy your time, Ima. Relaxing in your home without all the stress triggers that normally are present sounds wonderful. You grandson is getting age wise where he'll get a kick out of all the season's fun things...take this time to just enjoy, relax and to pass on to GS the things that bring you happiness and will build memories for him of just the two of you.

Same with you, MyFam. As much as you'll miss having Little MyFam around this next week, take the time to embrace some one on one with your son. Four? I'm picturing mom and son in kitchen with flour flying as you bake some cookies for him to frost. My kids always enjoy/ed handprint sugarcookies they could frost up as colorful turkeys.

My week will be nice and quiet. DD is going to my mother's this morning to do Gma/Gk stuff and I'll pick her up tomorrow evening. Thanksgiving will be at my mother's house and fortunately my sister lives a few blocks from Mom so she gets up and goes over early to help Mom...I just have to show up by noon with a handful of dishes to pass. It will be a bit different this year as my niece won't make it home for the first time ever (she moved south) and I think my youngest son is going to his Gf's family (he has to work at 3am Friday and staying closer to home will be best for him). Everybody else will be coming and Mom always invites a handful of other friends who have no place or family to go to.

My Mom has got to be already exhausted, but she's like the energizer bunny...just keeps going and going. She's been in a flutter over stocking the food pantry her church does and making sure it is open extra hours and plenty of food to bag up and hand out. That is part of what DD and GS are doing with Mom today. Organizing boxes and last minute pick-ups before they then go off to a holiday sing-a-long GS has at a downtown 'open house/kick off the season' thingy. Then it will be popcorn and movies with my Mom tonight and baking and decorating tomorrow.

It is Thanksgiving evening that begins to get hectic. My sister is a 'shop to you drop' lady. Lucky for her (not me) the stores accomadate her shopping with beginning sales at 10pm this year. She's so excited. Me? Not so much, but all I have to do is be chauffeur and sometimes the line stander. I have no desire to shop with crowds of people.

I do my shopping at odd times. While I like bargains as well as the next person, I'd rather pay a bit more and shop while everybody else has gone back to work. Shopping for DD is already done, part of my other shopping is also half done. I'll finish up a bit here and there. The young adults on my list usually prefer gift cards and as boring as that is, if that is what they want, works for me. My biggest problem is always Dh. He wants nothing, he needs nothing. I hate shopping for him.

I remember as a child this time of year was ever so fun out on my grandparents farm. Yep, wood burning stove out in the summer kitchen and chasing Tom down to dress and cook. If I could travel back in time for just one day, I would chose Thanksgiving on the farm.

I did my Thanksgiving dinner shopping last week so I can avoid the crowds & potentially empty shelves at the last minute. I am cooking all the food for our family of 30-40 people. I will start cooking on Tuesday (pies) and prep all the side dishes Wednesday so Thursday I can focus on the Turkey's & Ham. It is going to be a hectic week for me because my business is a Party Rental store & so far, I have about 50 orders being picked up Wednesday for tables, chairs, china & linens for Thanksgiving. My daughter is working for me and my son is babysitting DGS on Friday so I can have the day to go shopping

I haven't done the "stand in line at 4am to get the door buster" sales in about six years... maybe longer. I have quite a few ornaments that were given out to the first 50 people a few years back. The sales don't seem to be as good as they used to be and not worth waking up so early, standing in the cold & fighting the crowds... so I started going when I woke up & if it was meant to be, there would still be something to buy. This year, I am gonna do the same. I already bought SD her gift. I got her a pair of cute fuzzy PJ's and a pink furry pillow. That is from me & DH can do any further shopping for her. She gave him her list last week... she wants a laptop, cell phone & iPod or gift cards from about 30 stores. That was all she put on her list so I have no idea what he'll do. All of that is beyond his budget.

Sounds like very busy weeks!! I have to work mon-wed but fortunately we have the week off from dance activities and with Dd only being home one night, I see my week is being fairly stressfree. It's so much easier with just one kid ... My kids are going through a phase where they miss each other terribly when Dd is gone to dads and during the day at school so when they get home, it's chasing each other with squealing (high pitched no doubt) then the slammed doors, then the wrestling match that goes from one room to the other with someone getting hurt and screaming for mercy and then another slammed door and one crying 'he/she won't play with me'. So I'm looking forward to a week of peace. DS is a bit hyper (always jolly) and Dd being around seems to excite him even more. Today has been so quiet. He has played well and entertained himself. I haven't heard the cries and screaming etc. Dh is working tomorrow so DS and I will veg again and i will get caught up on my shows and laundry.

I love my inlaws. My Dh is an only child and my children are their only children. They tend to spoil Dd a bit more than normal bc they never had a girl and mil loves to shop for her. My only issues is our families are of different political views. My family is mostly republican and his family is mostly dem. Nothing wrong with that. Dh and I 'say' we are opposite but honestly, we agree on almost everything politically. We are on the fence on most topics. I was surprised my dad told me he thinks most of my views are liberal and that my husband is very conservative but claims to be a dem. Anyway- I just HATE when our dad's (presidents of their debate teams in college) get into deep conversations. It just worries me that they will Offend one or the other and then our families will be split. Right now they love each other But... One little thing and you know how that could end.... And dh's dad has been annoying me lately. He is just a 'funny' guy and he thinks his jokes are funny and to me they are annoying ... Lol aww it will be a great week!

Target will be open at midnight on Thursday/Friday. I might go just to see what I can find. Really, my list is very detailed and I don't expect my gifts to be on a sale on Black Friday. But maybe....

This is going to seem like I am heartless B :) but last week SD and dad had a big argument .... hubby told her unless she can behave he will not have her in his home ... if she can't follow the rules she wasn't welcome.

So I can relate to the easy/calm feeling that is in my home right now .... we are laughing and enjoying dinner watching movies together being a family no hostility in the home ... just a relaxed feeling even though I am cooking and cleaning like mad working way too many hours ... its a nice feeling to come home and feel relaxed... and actually want to be home rather than elsewhere.

She is free to come here when she wishes she just does not wish to do so ... so mom is with her 24/7 :) SD must be in heaven!

Enjoy your SD free time I am :)

Pseudo that is not heartless - you deal with a LOT!! Enjoy your peace!!

The past week has been peaceful & loving every minute of SD not being here (despite my holiday disappointment with my siblings). SD called DH on Thanksgiving night and interrogated him about what we did, who was there, what we ate, etc. Then, DH and I went shopping at some black Friday sales. I saw an ad for MP3 players for $24.99 (because SD asked for an iPod but DH said she isn't getting one, maybe an MP3). DH informs me he already got her one for $50 a few of days ago. ~nice of him to tell me he started shopping last week~ Then we went to a midnight sale & he decides he needs to buy a laptop. I ask him why, he doesn't have much money nor a use for one. He says the sale is a really good price and besides, SD can use it to do her homework when she needs to. So, he put it on a credit card. I let it go... even though we agreed in counseling not to make any purchases for a year on "luxury" or unnecessary things. I think it's unnecessary when we already have two computers to use. But, whatever. I see that he is determined to fulfill her ridiculous list... he's already gotten her two of three expensive things. (granted the MP3 isn't the iPod she wants so it's not that expensive) Then tonight, he jokingly suggested buying her a phone... not with service, just a phone because she asked for one but said he didn't have to give her one with service. He laughed, I did not. She currently a D and an F in the only two classes reporting grades for the trimester that started two weeks ago. He bought her a portable TV to use at my office because she had her grades up to mostly C's (1 was 69% but the teacher gave her a C) which lasted about a week. So, I am at the point of "I don't give a sh!t" what he does... just don't bother me with having to listen to it when she's flunking or has an attitude. He's been bugging me to help him shop for other things for her... clothes, etc. NO WAY!!! I want nothing to do with shopping for her. He isn't wrapping up the laptop to give her (at least he says that now) so all he has to wrap up is the MP3. I am refusing to help him shop & he is lost. I told him that I am tired of wasting my time finding clothes I think are cute & appropriate for her, only to have her "lose" them or let them sit in her closet until she outgrows them. I told him he should give her gift cards & HE should take her shopping later.

lol, it's a challenge for him to take her shopping because he hasn't backed down & let her buy the kind of clothes she wants to wear so he ends up with a headache & hardly anything at the checkout when he takes her. They battled it out a couple of weeks ago when he took her to get winter clothes. I took the baby & went to the other end of the mall... I want nothing to do with it. He found me a couple of hours later when he was too frustrated to go anymore. I relented & picked out a few things for her to try on & while he waited for her to try them on, I left to another area. She didn't like any of it.. it didn't fit.. whatever excuse to not buy them. He was frustrated beyond frustrated (had a horrible headache), after several hours they left with one pair of jeans & two tops. As far as I'm concerned, as long as he's going to bend over backwards for her, I am going to have nothing to do with it & he can continue the headache of trying to please the princess. Not my kid, Not my problem. I got myself a couple of cute outfits & DGS a cute holiday sweater & PJ's. and took him for ice cream while we waited for DH to finish shopping with SD.

Wow, I can't believe he is buying those $$$ items for her for Christmas!! Oh, wait, yes I can! You are absolutely right, just walk away and let him deal with it-that way no one can in anyway make you the baddie here. I'm glad you went and enjoyed yourself with DGS, he is so lucky to have you. He sounds adorable.

I do not deal with this stuff anymore either, DH just gives them money and thats all they really want anyway. I do buy for the grands though-and they are fun to buy for and enjoy opning their pressies.

Think your DH is realizing he is going to have to deal with the situation he helped create. Oh well, that's his duty as a father.

I am very glad you enjoyed a peaceful TG holiday! I did as well. It was nice. No black friday sales for me. I stayed in my jammies all day and cleaned the house in between ebay stuff :0)
~Cat

Yes, this year it is becoming more obvious that DH is a huge part of the problem... not just with his daughter. My 22 year old son moved back a few months ago & wanted to stay so he could work & save money to get another place. The place he was in was not in a good area & his roommate got involved with gang activity so he came home. A couple of weeks later, he quit his job because he didn't like the commute. I hired him but he only worked a couple of months for me & started not coming in. Now he simply refuses to work. He makes excuses like the economy is bad but if he'd get up, I have work for him. Nope, he wants to play video games all day or night & sleep. DH spent an hour with our counselor, voicing how upset he is over my son doing nothing & short of calling the cops to have him removed, I have tried everything... I agree with DH on this. BUT then we are shopping last night & DH buys both of my sons gaming chairs for Christmas. I looked at him & said, "are you serious? Why are you getting something that encourages them to do what we don't want them to do?" and he said to me, "they are going to play the games anyway so why not get them something they will use?" Oh really? We spent an hour of our counselor's time discussing this because I had the audacity to bring my son dinner when DH took me out & my son babysat DGS for me. DH was livid that bringing my son the meal from the restaurant was making my son comfortable and if he's comfortable, why would he ever leave?

Leaving aside the issue of how to get my son out of the house... or at least to get him up so he can be productive, I'm astounded by my husband's actions/words and how he contradicts himself. But, I guess it should be no surprise when I look at his parents and the things they do. When MIL thought SD should eat healthy and lose weight, she took her to TCBY to have lunch because yogurt is healthy... even if it has toppings.

Yup, sometimes even thoughit's the hardest thing to do, detaching is the best for all involved. Though it does seem to make dysfunctional behaviors from all sides ramp up a bit for a while (trying to pull you back in). I would just listen calmly when DH would complain to me about the latest dilemma and say "oh, gee that's to bad. What will you do about it?" and Would not take the bait. Even if I felt it was totally wrong or knew he was going to get screwed over. Not my business.

And yea DH was always such a hard ass with my son but his were perfect and never did anything wrong-ever.

It's ok to forgive so you can move on with being happy and doing what you want to do. It's ok to not be involved with your SD in anything but a cordial "hello" at family functions and leave DH to handle the rest. And when he tries to get you back into the fold and trust me he will, it's ok to say I am sorry DH but I will not be commenting on this. I'll listen to you but I will not give an opinion regarding SD. You're her father and it's up to you.

It gets easier and life gets better, STAY THE COURSE.
I read co-dependent no more & over when things got rough. It is mostly about addictive and emotionally abusive marriage issues but can be applied to any relationship in life I swear! Get this book, it will change your life. I was amazed to see how many emotionally abusive tactics were in my life. Not so much anymore, but there's the occasional attempt.

Hugs xoxo
-Cat

Thanks Cat, I just ordered it on Amazon. lol, I also ordered "Motherless Daughters" and will leave it laying out where SD can pick it up if she is curious.... it was practically free because it made my order eligible for free shipping.

It is a daily battle to not get sucked in... SD came home last night, she hasn't uttered two words to me. Well, I take that back. She came in last night after her dad picked her up from her mom's, she walked past me without so much as a look in my direction. She got dressed for bed & brushed her teeth but she did utter goodnight as she went back to her room for bed. Then this morning, she got up & ignored me while getting ready for school, went & got in my truck, sat silently for 10 minutes while I drove her to her bus stop & as she exited, she uttered a bye. That is the extent of relationship that she chooses to have with me. It really makes day to day life unpleasant... I so enjoyed her absence.