I would not take them. I think it's sketchy. I feel sad for the kids--maybe they don't want to call her, but what if they did want to call her back? It's sh*tty of her to not leave a way for them to get in touch with her.

Not to mention the whole safety issue--if the kids were to see her, you and DH absolutely HAVE to have a phone number to be able to get in touch.

Some people use private numbers because they are tired with telamarketer, etc. My sister who is very relable does.

OTOH, I think both parents are entitled to know where child is (within reason, I dont need to know where my X is taking DD to dinner -- as long as it is in immediate vicienty).

I wouldn't answer and if she said anything I would just say that you don't except calls from private numbers. Alot of people don't except calls from private numbers because of bill collectors, tele-marketers, prank callers etc.

I wouldn't ignore incoming phone calls. BioMom has a right to speak to her children, and they have a right to speak to her.

But as far as sending the kids off with BioMom, Dad has the right and responsibility to know where they are going, where BioMom lives and is currently staying, and have a way to get in touch with the kids in the event of an emergency.

Wow ... I am shocked "somebody" didn't say .... she should be calling your hubby's phone not yours.

And no I wouldn't answer them either.... but then again mom doesn't have my number I block my number to the boys phones so she won't get a hold of it .... there is no need for her to call me ... afterall I am just the SM... legally I can't do anything for them so no need for her to call me concerning them she can call hubby when something happens.

Since she left a message that she's going to call back at a specific time, I would answer if she calls back at the specific time and before handing the phone off to the kids, I would let her know that normally, we don't answer 'private' or blocked numbers for whatever reason... I'd say telemarketers. Then let her know she needs to give her number to the kids at least, so they can call her if they want. If she doesn't want to give up her number, then it might be a good idea to set up specific days & times for her calls because as long as it comes up blocked, you are not going to answer unless you KNOW it's her. (for the reason of telemarketers of course)

I agree Sweeby that the kids are entitled to talk, but OP and her DH need to create boundaries, otherwise BM will call whenever & that can be disruptive to their family life.

It seems to me that there must have been a good reason for bm to not have visitation rights per court order. That is what was decided, correct? If that is the case I think I would contact child protective services and let them know what is going on. If you let her see the kids aren't you in violation of a court order?

I think that you and dh have put yourself between a rock and hard place for no reason. I would let the legal system dictate how I would handle this situation. Unless you do that you are always going to make decisions based on emotion instead of what the law says. Let the law be responsible for your choice and let the kids know that. That would take you out of the middle.

Bm should be calling your husband and giving him a number that she can be reached by regardless of whether she is allowed by law to see the kids. She's going to screw you around as long as you let her. Make some phone calls and find out what a case worker would say.

If this woman is on drugs then those kids should not be anywhere near her out side of your supervision. You don't know who might show up while they would be with her alone. Dealers and users carry guns, have needles laying around and so on. Not to mention the way their perseption of reality is altered and their percept of what right and wrong is. As a kid I was around a girlfriend's mom's drunk boyfriend and it wasn't long before he tried to put his hands on me. I think if she continues to contact you without supplying a number then I would call the police.

She did not lose visitation because she had drug problems. She lost any visitation because she thought hanging out with her new boyfriend was more important than going to court or paying her lawyer. So her lawyer dropped her and the judge eventually got tired of her not showing up and gave her no rights because she obviously did not want them if she can't show up to court EVER!

She is not a horrible person when she is around the kids, but she is also not that warm motherly type. She is content sitting them in front of a tv all weekend while she does her own thing. That counts as "seeing them" right? LOL

There have been a few times in the past that her bf did things the kids should not have been exposed to (bad fights and drinking).

Anyways we are not violating any court orders by letting her have contact with the kids. We are just trying to do what is best for the kids. We try to give a little so she does not go back to court and try to get regular visitation because we do not think it is in the kids best interests to "have" to go with her. If it were up to her they would have no afterschool activities or time to hang out with friends. Instead they would be a fixture on her couch so she could say "I see my kids".

But I do think by this we put up with too much!

mom2emall

You guys are in a crummy situation....I really am sorry that there is no easy answer. I like things like this to be just black and white. I don't like having to find a gray area for someone like this.

I know what you mean about wanting the kids as a show piece. My 1st SD33's bm did that a lot. I used to say that she would take her little girl off of the shelf to show her off and then put her away when she was done. How sad.
I don't know what the answer is for you guys. I would just want the BM to go away until she changed her life.

Well no call from bm tonight. Guess she forgot or was too busy for her kids again!

Gee - what a shock, huh?

I would say that, had a call come in at 8:00, you should answer it and simply say' It's a good thing you let me know you'd be calling at 8:00. Your call came in as blocked and I don't answer those, but I knew this time it had to be you." This gives her the knowledge that in the future you won't likely pick up unless she unblocks her number.

But since she couldn't follow through, pressure is off. Did the kids know she said she would call?

I did tell them she had called private and that I had not answered because I did not know it was her. And I told them she had said she would call tonite. I do not ever want to be accused of not letting them know when she called.

Only oldest sd even made a comment about her not calling.

So I guess I will not answer private calls unless I "know" it is bm because she has left a message saying she will call at a particular time.

I just do not see why she needs to be secretive about her phone number!! Does she not want her kids to be able to call her?

Well she missed a school play and a sporting event in the last week because we could not get a hold of her. There is a tournament this weekend that she will miss if she does not call. I am confused as to why she moved back here. She says it was so she could see her kids....but she has yet to do so!

I feel like her parents forced her to move back here and funded it because they thought her maternal instincts would kick in. What a waste of money for them!