Update - How's it going?

15 years ago

Ceph's speech post reminded me of several other issues that have been brought up over the months (years?) , and I'm wondering what has happened. So how's about an update?

Pseudo - What's up with drama queen SD and BM? Did I read BM's being monitored?

Ima - How's your DS doing? And is BM behaving? Any more 'stripper pole' type episodes?

Doodle - What's up with the twins and their kindergarten teacher? Still in the same school?

What other stories am I missing?

As for my DS's "park at Dad's" situation, we had a long talk and I told DS he needed to work it out with his Dad. I don't know whether the talk happened or not, but now DS parks here overnight when he's out late the night before or leaving early in the morning, then moves the car at a more convenient time. Not an ideal situation, but a workable compromise.

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Comments (3)

imamommy
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
My DS or SD?

My DS21 is in basic training. He joined the Army & left three weeks ago. My other DS19 is doing well, going to school. He's actually getting along with DH & following the rules. My DD is working. She got a tattoo which I wasn't happy about but she has wanted it for over a year. She's 18 & paid for it herself. At least it was a Panda bear & not a guys name.

My SD is not doing as well. She has been lying quite a bit. Since DH & BM sat down to discuss her lying, BM said she would keep in communication with DH but instead, she hasn't. She called CPS a few weeks ago... SD had complained about her arm hurting but wouldn't tell DH how it got hurt. She said she didn't know. He thought she slept on it wrong. Next thing we know, CPS is calling him to say she needs to see a doctor, just to make sure. I took her in & she's fine. She told the doctor she fell on the trampoline at BM's house. BM said SD told her someone grabbed her elbow. Not sure who's lying.... CPS came to talk to us this morning to close the case. Apparently, the report was that SD's arm was dislocated but even the CPS worker didn't buy that when she interviewed SD at the school. When I told her about this weeks 'injury', SD pulled her fingers back at school & I took her to get x-rays. Nothing broken. Then she tells her mom her finger is broken, even though the x rays say it's not. BM promises to take her to another doctor over there because our x rays might be wrong. So, if SD is lying to BM about injuries and BM isn't going to discuss it with DH to make sure, she's going to believe a 9 year old over medical proof... oh well. CPS said the allegation is unfounded and suggested SD get back into counseling because she seems to be hurting herself and lying for attention. (She wants her mom's attention).

Coincidentally, the allegations came shortly after DCSS called her to say they are going to suspend her license if she doesn't pay SOMETHING on her child support. Then, BM sent DH a text this week to say DCSS drained her bank account by a Levy. We have no idea how much she had in there & so far, haven't gotten any information. But, she did text him to say she probably won't be able to come get SD because of it. When he didn't respond, she arranged for her mom to pick up SD... well, her mom has been picking up SD all year anyways so I was a little baffled that she was saying she couldn't come get her. I kinda think she wanted DH to feel bad for them levying her account. I'm sure she's told SD about it. SD told me that she is supposed to go get her Halloween costume this week... and of course the shoes BM promised her for cross country. (which ended last week)

BM is not calling up yelling, sending nasty emails or texts, so I am happy for that. However, I can't say she's behaving when she's calling CPS, encouraging SD's lying by believing her without calling DH or the doctor, and if she's discussing court issues again. We watched the Dr. Phil show on brainwashing and the five things Dr. Phil listed as the biggest mistakes parents make... BM does 4 out of 5. She doesn't say terrible things about DH (that we know of), but she does about me.. so it's not really parental alienation. But the result is similar in that it does affect her relationship with DH when she jumps on her mom's bandwagon to hate me. The good news is that SD and I have been getting along pretty well for the last three weeks. It's not perfect & she bounces back into **angry** mode with me but I am pretending not to notice and she forgets she's angry with me or that she's supposed to hate me. I'm know how hard it must be for her. I've backed away from telling her anything when she breaks rules and let dad deal with it. The only exception to that is when he was at work and she was throwing rocks at the kitten & hit the kitten three times. I did yell at her to stop and scolded her. She immediately called her mom and cried that I was being mean to her and just trying to get her in trouble. Her mom told her to call her dad but she said she didn't want to. The reason, I guess, is she knew she was throwing rocks at the kitten and dad has already told her in the past to stay away from the animals. Ever since she picked up the mama cat and was swinging her around during summer. She didn't tell her mom about that.

So, the bottom line is: Until mom and dad start communicating, it's going to be a mess. DH tries to talk to her but she lies and denies and he gets frustrated so he says "why bother talking to her? She's just going to deny it or make up an excuse/lie." I'll be looking for a new counselor this week and see if BM will agree for SD to get back into counseling. I am not holding my breath because if she's trying to build a custody case, she knows the last counselor was against SD moving with BM. BM isn't going to want another counselor with the same opinion.. and she's too far away to try to manipulate.
sweeby
Original Author
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Sorry Ima - I meant SD... But I'll keep your son in my thoughts and hope he stays safe and sound.

Sorry to hear about BM, but I guess that's no surprise. It's so easy for kids to manipulate both parents when he/she knows they don't communicate. My own DS was pretty good at that for a while until Ex and I got our acts together -- or maybe it was StepMom and me... In any case, if you and/or DH could email BM with 'your version' before SD gets to her, and ask (in writing) for her to do the same, it might help. Probably not, since it sounds like BM has her own agenda, but there's a chance, and it will look good to the courts if you're trying...
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pseudo_mom
15 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Yes Sweeby DSS is sending in a "parenting aide" to mom's house. Because thats where SD is from the times they are available to monitor SD's behaviors.

She will have a parent aide in her home every day for 6 weeks...5-8PM and on weekends from noon to 4pm.
Sidenote: Mom wants SD to come here 3 days a week between 5 and 8PM and on weekends noon to 5(coincidence??)

SD is still making up lies and when called on it recants her statements... mom calls DSS to report SD's allegations every monday morning but neglects to tell them she lied when she finds out on say tues or wed.
Last sunday night SD said I threw stuff all over the house all night long hubby told her that was a lie ... mom says why would SD lie ...hubby said I don't know ask her ... but mom had already called DSS and SD's counselor to report me. On tuesday mom called hubby back and said I was throwing stuff I was just slamming doors hubby told her again that was a lie .. On wed mom called again to say I was not slamming doors either and SD lied. Hubby said did you call DSS and counselor?? No why would I do that ...

SD is not coming tonight Hubby told mom he wanted her Mon. and Wed. instead for 3 hours each day with no overnights until SD stops "lying" about what goes on here. He wants the parenting aide to see SD in both homes. So they can make an informed decision.

DSS is not going away anytime soon.... but it is a good thing for SD ... sucks they are in my life ... I am going to lose my job over this but worth it if they can help SD.

The boys start counseling this week ... mom is trying to say SS10 is suffering from anxiety too ... wants him medicated too. (remember SD was medicated after a 15 minute appt.) Mom wanted to take SS10 to same DR. hubby told her no! he will find his own.

Update - How's it going?

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imamommy

sweeby
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Update - How's it going?

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imamommy

sweebyOriginal Author

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pseudo_mom

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sweeby
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