YOu should relay the conversation to the dad. I would suggest he make an appt and go in and discuss with teacher/counselor. My DDs school does phone meetings too.

Goodie I finally did something right!!!!!!!

1 point for stepmom!

I couldn't have resisted mentioning that Mom's evenings are Thursdays and Sundays, and does he have similar homework or behavior problems on any of the days after he is at your house? I probably also couldn't have resisted mentioning that the 'Thursday detention' issue was probably a ruse to avoid punishment at your house. Teachers know that punishment is most effective if delivered immediately -- so they'll be glad not to wait until Thursday.

Definitely relay the message to Dad, but it sounds like it's time for a parent-teacher conference, and IMO, you (as chief homework enforcer) have a right to be there and participate if Dad wants you there.

Well I didn't bash mom I was polite ... child was standing right there ... so I couldn't/wouldn't say well it must be mom's nights he is not doing it ... I told her I ask them on friday if they have any so he must be waiting till sunday night at mom's to do it... and looked at him and said.... why aren't you doing your homework on thursdays? So I think she got the message but handed her mom's number to ask her about it anyway. I also think the teacher got the message that he can stay for detention any day she feels he needs it. He said but I don't want to be punished in front of the teacher ... I said well them when you have homework do it and you won't have to worry about being punished.

Oh yes ... and punishment is only at our home... so if dads says 3 days 7 days 30 days its here not back and forth. Punishment days do not count at mom's. :-)

He gets detention for not doing his homework? I didn't realize that any schools did that.

Hi cawfe! I hate being placed in that situation at school. I teach in the same school that DH's son attends so I'm a walking target that they all want to take aim at when Precious doesn't complete his work or acts up. I can't believe after two years they aren't sick of me saying, "Call his father!" Which they N-E-V-E-R do. It makes me crazier than I already am.

This is what I do when I find myself in these situations. I get Precious and dad in the same room together and say, "Please tell your father what Ms. Teacher told me about your incomplete HW or poor behavior today." I place the responsibility on Precious's shoulders, fill in any gaps he conveniently forgets, tell DH he needs to call/set up a conference with Ms. Teacher and tell him to explain to Ms. Teacher that I'm not to be involved in child's problems and to call daddy instead. Mind you, DH is too much of a sissy and in so much denial that he never does. He's too embarrassed to even return their phone calls.

In your SS's case, I'd say it's pretty clear BM is a major part of the kid's problem and she isn't going to do anything to improve the situation so no sense in making yourself mad over trying to get her involved because she doesn't care anyhow. If she did, she would make sure she was in contact with the teachers/school to see how child is progressing, what the school's policies are for HW and punishment for NOT completing it. I guess the school I teach in and the school your SK attends must be from Mars since we give detention for such an offense.

Another possibility that I've tried when approached about Precious: As soon as a teacher starts, find the nearest pen and post-it note, write down DH's cell number, hand it to teacher, and politely say you need to contact SK's father regarding this matter. Then drop it. Pretend like it didn't happen (which can be very painful to do especially when it seems like SK is going to get away with it). Sooner or later, the kid's report card is going to come home and he'll have some major explaining to do with failing grades!

You have enough on your plate with teflon mom and the SKs. Just keep hoping, wishing, and praying that What comes around will go around, eventually.

"DH is too much of a sissy"

Why exactly are you still married to him, since he seem to have nothing good to say about him?

In my kids' schools, if you don't hand in homework on time it affects your grade, but detention is only used for behavioral offenses - I am not sure which ones, exactly, since none of my kids has ever received detention.

Let me see I guess since it was off topic I forgot to mention that my DH & I love one another immensely, he works endlessly to provide for us, he's a kind, compassionate person with a myriad of friends, he's good to my daughter, he has terrific moral values, a humorous personality, he helps with the housework. I guess it doesn't matter that I forgot to mention he's really hot, at least that's what my friends and coworkers tell me.

Well, TOS, if I can find only one flaw in my DH and it's being a sissy to teachers, then I'd say I did a pretty good job of finding a keeper.

Why exactly did your husband leave you? Did he find another woman because your mouth would never shut up and you find it hard to MYOB? I'd bet it also had to do something with the mightier than thou attitude you exhibit on these boards. It's not attractive.

I got a somewhat different impression of your husband based on your previous posts:

"I guess more serious crap has to occur for DH to get his head out of his butt.

I wish DH would pacify me for a change but he's too busy pacifying everyone else BUT me.

I could go on and on for hours about DH's less than desirable work ethic, irresponsible spending habits, the irrational ex, his bullying parents, his lack of parenting skills and hypocrisy when it comes to his son and my daughter, etc.

Then, there's DH who takes me for granted.

Although I'm heckled by my husband for staying home during the summer months."

My husband and I were together for a quarter of a century. During that time I never criticized him to my friends or on a message board (not that there were any message boards for most of that time).

Although neither my H nor I were perfect, and am sure we could have each criticized the other about numerous things, he has never mentioned any of the things you criticized in your post.

We have stressed over and over to him schoolwork is "his job" and if he ever wants to get anywhere in life school is the base which he starts from ....

When he(or the others) complain about going to school or homework he gets to go outside and do yardwork I don't care what time of year it is .... without an education this is what you will be doing the rest of your life... bullwork... for no pay. We do this. I know its mean and horrible. Father didn't go to college and works very hard for his money. So does everyone else who doesn't have an education... meanial work for meanial pay.

I was caught off guard by the teacher.... and yes they give detention for a number of things... anything that is against their rules is worth a detention apparently the school department takes homework seriously...

I didn't want to walk away from the teacher because I have stressed so many times that school is important. I thought if I walked away from her with out hearing what she had to say it would tell him see cawfe doesn't care about school. But I did give mom's number and relayed the message to father. He had one assignment had over a week to do it ... didn't bother it counted as a quiz. Took the zero, So hubby told him until he completed the assignment he was grounded battle ensued ... I already got a zero ... Zero or not you are still going to do it ... your fault you got the zero.

Hubby doesn't want to deal with the school department either. Hates to be told his kids might be wrong... he knows their flaws doesn't need another somebody to tell him. Just so much he can do on his own. My SC have a way of blaming everyone else for their troubles... no idea where they get it from.

Like when the 12 yo shot a paper clip across the room with an elastic and it hit another child in the head... it was the other kids fault for getting in the way and making such a big deal out of it not like he hit him in the eye or anything. That was a suspension... we didn't find out till a week later suspended on a friday ... he and mom kept it quiet so he didn't get punished for the weekend.

I had to smile reading this post. Every one of my children, and now my stepkids, tried this when they were 12. It must be something about the age

What worked for us was a homework planner, that the teacher recorded the assignments for the day in each day. The child had to bring it home each night and get it signed by the parent in charge that night. If the child "forgot" the planner, they got privileges taken away for that evening, and then the teacher got a call in the morning. It took a few months but it worked for all of them , to establish a better pattern of fessing up to homework.

My son's(13) school and my sd's (12) school now have homework assignments posted on the internet. You can check to see if that is also at your son's school.

To help the situation with your husband and the boy's mom, they both need to take the boy in together to see the teacher. I find kids straighten up pretty fast when they know that mom, dad, and the teacher are all on the same page, and all being kept in the loop.