Wills? Stepmom of grown kids, no kids of own

19 years ago

I have been a stepmom for 10 years now, in their lives for almost 14. My stepchildren (SD now 25, SS now 21) and I are not the best of friends. Matter of fact recently my SD and I have been at odds over another stupid situation that should have never come up.

My husband and I are at odds over our wills and this last situation between me and my stepdaughter has left me thinking I don't want her to have a dime of 'my' money. He wants to leave his kids money. I don't have kids to leave any money to but I DO have nephews/nieces. Any of you in this situation and how have you handled it?

If I die my 'half' of the estate can be divided amongst my nephews/nieces and if he dies his 'half' can be divided amongst his 2 children. But he shouldn't have to sell the house, etc. I'm looking for suggestions that will make us both happy with our decision and leave his kids/my nephews/niece some money as well as each other. I know an attorney can help us but I'm looking for suggestions before I go and things get heated between us. At this point we're avoiding it and I know that's not a good idea. I'm OK with some money going to his kids but I need some to run the household/pay off house, etc. Thanks in advance.

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Comments (4)

sweeby
19 years ago
If you can set aside your anger for the moment, and think about what you would like to see happen, that might help. Leaving your money to your nieces and nephews will be a 'slap in the face' to your stepkids. It's totally within your rights to do it, if you're sure it's what you really want.

You can also set things up so that your assets go into a trust that 'pays out' to the stepkids only if they get their acts together, however you define it. (For my stepkids, that could mean paying for college if they enroll and make decent grades, or paying for good daycare for their children if they go out and get real jobs. Or matching earnings from gainful employment, or savings in a savings account.) Or leave your assets to a trust that bypasses the stepkids and goes directly to the grandchildren when they become old enough.
organic_maureen
19 years ago
Hi,

Here are my thoughts: Since you don't have children, but have nieces/nephews, I don't think your stepchildren would be hurt if you wanted to leave something to your family. It really cant' be expected that ALL your money would be left to his children. I'm a step and I wouldnt' be hurt, in fact, if my dad and sm left me 50% I'd be thrilled, but unfortunately all my sm's assets have been kept seperate for her daughter...and my fathers were thrown into the pot of which my stepsister will inherit most of... It's not fair considering each has just one daughter...so 50% to me sounds very very fair....
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brass_tacks
19 years ago
What are we talking about? This can be real touchy.

Are we talking about what we think of your husband making his children heirs and eliminating your relatives--and vice versa? In my view, it should have something to do with when and how the assets came about. If you want to do a bunch of math, you can make a mathematical kind of decision--each person to have a percent of the total estate depending on how and where the assets came from.

Sometimes a person will have received particular kind of favors that could be considered part of an inheritance.

Someone I knew left one of their kids a greater inheritance than given to the rest of the siblings because he had a large family. Another person received more because he didn't have the help of a wife (that worked), like the rest of his siblings. When it comes to giving our assets away--I think whatever we do, it should reflect the way we think things should be. People's feelings get hurt over this kind of stuff. Sometimes a son or daughter could be real sorrow, yet there is a nephew that is always there to lend some joy to our heart--what's right?

Do you and your husband have assets that were acquired before the marriage? If your husband had assets before he married and those assets diminished because he got married, or if those assets increased because he got married, I believe these are things that deserve consideration.

Sometimes a mate will think that because they worked and saved all the money they made, that their savings should be left to whomever they please. This is touchy if this person didn't equally contribute to all the money spent as a couple.

What about monies that were acquired because of being an heir to something that could be considered an asset, or because of an insurance policy, or some settlement kind of money. To me, receiving these kind of monies is personal and this too should be taken into consideration if part of a person's estate.

I like the idea of getting rid of my assets, etc. while I am still alive and the rest put into a joint-survivorship arrangement. Of course, if you are fairly young--this might not be a good idea. Well, it might not be a good idea for many reasons.

I knew someone that had their Will come up missing (stolen) after they died, and the estate had to be administered by the rules of the county probate court. The person's desires were never able to be carried out.
eandhl
19 years ago
I agree with Sweeby, set aside your anger. Really think about what you are doing. You have been a stepmom since the children were little, 7 & 11. You must have played a very big part in their upbringing. Presently you are angry with one "thinking I don't want her to have a dime of 'my' money". Don't rush into a decision about disinheriting your stepchildren yet.

Wills? Stepmom of grown kids, no kids of own

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sweeby

organic_maureen

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