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Have decided to give it one last try

18 years ago

Thanks to the support and insight I have found on this forum, I have decided to give this marriage and stepparenting my 25 year old SS one last try.

Both my husband and I feel that we have alot to lose if we give up now. We also realize, however, that we cannot go on fighting about his son (who I believe may relocate from San Diego to Chicago ...and may stay with us while he searches for an apartment).

I have felt very isolated for the past 6 years. I don't know any other stepmothers, and I believe, that you really need to be a stepparent to understand the complex dynamics involved in blending families. I know some people can assume this role easily, so I have been told, but my guess is that they are very rare indeed.

I really want to be part of the solution to my marital problems relative to this situation, rather than part of the problem. This forum has taught me that there are many good women out there in cyberspace who are attempting the same.

So, please, anyone who is wishing to offer and accept support relative to stepparenting, and other issues women grapple with such as career, health etc. please feel free to e-mail me.

Also, does anyone in the Chicago area know of a GOOD marital therapist?

Thanks,

Susan

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Comment (1)

vistajpdf
18 years ago
Susan,

I'm really glad that you've come to this decision. You do have a lot to lose - each other. I've been there, nearly ended it on one occasion or another (though DH probably thinks nothing was all that wrong, lol, just my drama!)

Anyway, I'd try to get a referral from an MD if no one can truly guide you. DH and I first used someone recommended by an attorney. She was OK - actually mediocre, but neither of us felt a real connection w/ her. The last one was recommended YEARS ago by the boys' pediatrician, who I also view as a friend. He knows a bit about the ongoings w/ my SS, etc. He was the brother of a good professional friend of mine from dental school. Anyway, we thought we'd use the atty's recommendation as she was 'out of the way' and not right here in our backyard. It wasn't a good move and when our latest troubles arose, I asked my lab tech/childhood friend who she saw and it was the same one our Dr. had suggested. She was great.

I'm going to pray for strength for you while SS is under your roof. I'll also pray that old baggage doesn't weigh you down. I sometimes felt as though my anger from my skids past behavior made me edgier about any little thing they did wrong these days. It isn't fair to anyone and because I was too unassertive to bring up the wrongs back then or even discuss the slights today, I harbored resentment. So, I wish you luck there - it's a tough pill to swallow, but it SHOULD be temporary. You might want to discuss a time frame w/ DH now, before the moving van appears.

Have you made any more progress in relocating at all? I guess one thing at a time.

I'm really pulling for to work this out.

Blessings,
Dana
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