That sounds like an awful feeling to have. Have you tried telling him nicely how you're feeling "sometimes, I get the feeling that you're more willing to do things for your bio kids than my bio kids"? And then give an example.
Maybe he doesn't realize how it looks/feels to you.

Thanks, silversword. Yes, I have in the past brought this up but my husband gets extremely defensive and all heck breaks loose. I realized a long time ago that it is very important to be gentle when approaching these discussions...If you go in with fists flailing you'll never accomplish anything. My husband's view would no doubt be "I can't help that something came up" while my view will no doubt be "But how come issues only come up when my children are in need?" And his response will be "Sorry. I can't control it." And I will be left with the lingering doubt...

Most of the time our marriage is fine...but I must admit it is extremely one sided with me taking care of the kids, their needs and their wants. To be honest, I don't know what he would do without me (or at least someone like me.)

It is a rare occasion that he has the opportunity to do for me and my children a tiny bit of what I do for him and his children. It would seem to me that he would be more than willing to show me how much he appreciates all I do by returning the favor...just a little. I don't ask much.

I think you could scale back on the extras you are doing for DH. Can you choose specific activities to abstain from or carve out a regular time that is for you to spend as you wish without catering to children? I think you are giving too much of yourself.

*HUGS*
It sounds like your dh is being a real jerk when it comes to helping you out with your kids. I would find some way to talk to him about this because it will only get worse if these feelings linger in your mind.

I may be vengeful but I would think about being too busy to do your usual 8 hours on the road EOW next time becuase "something for work" came up! Let him see how difficult it can be.

I agree that there's a serious imbalance with you both working full-time but you also doing 100% of the childcare for 5 kids. Blended or intact family, that's just an imbalance. (And unfortunately part of that crappy double-standard of double expectations for women who work.) I agree that you need to re-negotiate the division of labor, all around, to make it more fair and equitable and eliminate that double-standard at least in your own life. But making some kind of sly indirect point to him in a way that screws over his kids would not be cool or acceptable at all.

Thank you to everyone for your responses. It's important for me to note that I don't mind going to the ends of the earth to keep our home in order. I don't mind driving that 8 hours every other weekend...I don't mind fixing every meal...washing every dish...taking the kids to every activity or lesson...

What I do mind is this: I won't be available every time the children needs me. In all honesty, I usually am...or at least I MAKE myself available (as I, of course, did today)...but sometimes, like today, I will need a little help. And on occasion it will be my biological children that I need that little bit of help with...what bothers me is that it seems my husband is unwilling to come to the rescue when it is one of mine in need. But at the same time, if I have a pressing conference call or work issue and it is HIS children in need, he has never failed me.

Four years ago, I accepted that sometimes things just "came up." Four years later, I'm starting to see that it is a huge coincidence that things only come up when it is one of mine. As someone once said "Something just doesn't smell right..."

Well, husband blew me away tonight. He came home from work while I was cooking dinner and he ended up in the bedroom, declining my famous egg sandwiches and curly fries. After cooking I went into the room and noticed he seemed to have a headache so I kept my mouth shut. I just jumped on to ebay and left it at that. At one point he asked why I wasn't talking to him and I told him "Because I am hurt and concerned and, considering you seem to have a headache, I would rather keep my mouth shut right now than to pretend to be happy."

Twenty minutes later my eldest son (the one with the headache this morning) came in to the room. We have been planning to work on his school project together but with working and driving the stepkids to biomom's we hadn't had the chance these last 5 days. Besides we thought we had until Friday...Eldest son drops the bombshell. "Mom...Look at the paper...it's due TOMORROW." I jumped up, grabbed a flash light and my shoes and my son and I headed out to look for 20 different kinds of leaves. Oh yeah...and 2 different kinds of flowers. In the dark.

Two minutes later my husband comes out and asks to speak with me. He said "I know I wasn't available this morning...but I am available right now...and I would like to take him down to the local nursery...it would make this go much quicker and he'll still be learning something."

Right now husband and BS15 are at the nursery...which closes in 45 minutes...Hopefully he will return home with at least 18 different species of leaves (since son and I found a grand total of 2 in the front yard.)

Now, what to do with BS15 for not working on this on his own PRIOR to the LAST MINUTE? LOL!

Seems your DH got the message, that's great!

As far as the last minute homework, don't know what to tell you. I had my foot up DS's rear end all through high school, he did that a lot-drove me nuts! It's much better now that he's at university as he is a little too afraid to wait and do things last minute and a lot more concerned with his GPA now than when he was in high school. And it's all on him now-there is no one there to help with those last minute I forgot projects.

~Cat