If you have always given her pics she will be expecting one. So if I were you I would call and tell her school/sport pic forms went home and that you and dh do not have the money to buy a lot this year. Tell her if she would like pictures you will get her an order form.

I will NEVER order pics for bm since she screwed us royally last year! This year oldest sd is in her first year of a high school sport that I am sure bm woud like pics of. But we are not having anything to do with her order.

As long as Mom receives an order form, she should be able to order her own pictures. You don't have an obligation to provide her with the pictures you pay for, if she has this option. As such, it has been a gift in the past and a nice gesture, but if a conflict results it's better to keep it separate. I would nicely tell her that after the pix were at her house you ended up with fewer than you wanted and you won't make an issue of it this year but that you feel it's more fair to do separate order forms for each household in the future because doing so eliminates confusion/conflict as to which pix belong to who. Fair, honest, polite, to-the-point, problem solved.

I wrote the check this morning for SD's pictures... today is picture day. Last year, I had to contact the teacher and told her not to send home pictures or book orders on Fridays since her mom gets her and I'd be happy to come to the school and pick it up. The teacher was very understanding and called me to pick them up. I didn't 'badmouth' BM, but I did tell the teacher that I wanted to avoid problems so it would be easier if I just get them myself. At Christmas, I bought a couple of nice frames and put a picture of SD in each and wrapped them up. One went to BM, the other to BM's mom. She has no reason or right to 'expect' to get one this year, last year it was given to her as a 'gift'. She didn't acknowledge the gifts that were sent to her and BF's kids' so this year, I'm not feeling so generous. SD usually saves things she makes at school to give to her mom so I will help her wrap those up but as for spending money on gifts for BM, it's not happening out of my pocketbook... especially after the recent child support issues.

As for ordering pictures for BM, she can get her own order form and pay for them separately. I'm probably going to hear about it already for sending SD to school in clothes i bought today, since BM is picking her up. Today is picture day and BM sent her with denim capri pants (that she wore back) but the top BM sent was something she picked up at the thrift shop her friend works at and since I'm buying a portrait package, I picked out a more appropriate shirt. BM said she wasn't buying any pictures, that she'd take SD to Wal Mart or K mart to get a package later. [again had to deal with an argument with SD over 'her mom wants her clothes back' and I again had to tell her that it's not her job to worry about the clothes, we can take them to her mom on Sunday when we pick her up or her mom can stop by and get them when she picks her up after school today. Her backpack was already over stuffed with books, binder & lunchbox.]

Unless the cash is handed over before the order goes in, there's no reason to obligate yourself for someone else and have what happened to mom2emall, happen to you. I wouldn't even get her an order form (well, maybe if she asked real nice... fat chance!). She knows how to get to the school or she can call to ask for one to be sent to her... it's her responsibility, not mine.

BM oddly, gives school photos to FDH's dad, but not to FDH... Probably because Papa puts it up in a frame or on the fridge but FDH's home was always a disaster until I came along?? (Just a guess)
And even now that we have a nice home, I don't care for posed photos and prefer a nice candid that actually shows the people and their personalities... So we put up prints of candids, and won't want school photos.

If I take a nice photo of A__ at our place, I email it to BM, because she thinks A__ "looks stupid" in photos and can't get him to smile nicely. So she's always on the lookout for good shots of him.

Rudely, (IMO) last time BM wanted to get non-school photos done of A__, she informed FDH that he was paying for the sitting and the prints, but didn't give him any of the prints when she got them. How rude is that?!

For the past few years I helped SD wrap up a few nice photos of herself (school/sports etc..) to take along as christmas presents for BM and her parents..The first year she ever went for christmas SD wanted to buy them gifts so I helped her pick them out and helped her wrap them...I have really left it up to SD because I am doing it for her not for them..(that may sound bad but SD is the one that matters to me..)We didnt do anything this year because they didn't take her at all....
As far as buying BM pics, I wouldnt do it I would send a duplicate order form....

I order pics for X and his family. I dont think it is that big a deal

I order extra prints as well. It's not a whole lot more once you buy the a basic package in my district. And it's one more thing to just brush under the rug and rise above.

It's never been that much of a big deal (obviously, since I've done it for seven years) until she helped herself to a package we purchased without so much as a phone call first. Am I out of line to think that inappropriate?

Nope, you are not out of line for thinking it's inappropriate. If she had bought them and you had taken a couple for your family without asking (or telling), you can bet all hell would break loose....

When I buy them at all, I just get the cheap package, which still comes with more wallet size photos than my exH and I have family members put together. There are a limited number of people who really want a wallet sized photo of my child. Sometimes the kids give one of the next size bigger photo to their dad (why would I need two of them?) and I keep the 5x7. The whole package costs $14, and as they get older most of my kids didn't want me to buy school pictures anymore anyway.

This has been kind of a sore subject for me over the years. With my X, we just order separate sports picture packages and generally end up with way too many pictures. I have a drawer FULL of extra pictures, but that's been the best way, for us, to keep the peace. As far as school pictures go, I always let him know when they are and how much they will cost. He has never bought any school pictures. Usually, I don't need all the pictures. I do give him at least one wallet. That way he can scan it and e-mail it to his family. Since XMIL's birthday usually falls when I get pictures back, I'll frame one for her and have DS give it to her as a gift.

Now, FSD's BM, isn't that way at all. Basically she's a Nazi when it comes to pictures. As long as I've known FSD, BM would never inform FDH of when school or sports photos are being taken. We would only know they were done when FSD would spout off something about them or FDH would see them up on the wall when he dropped her off. A few times, BM would pick up sports pictures on the same day FSD had a game. So we'd see them, but BM said we'd have to pay her if we wanted some. So I would take FSD to have pictures made so FDH would have some for his family. Then, after 4-1/2 years of this, FDH comes home from picking FSD up with a box in his hands. FSD says "hey, Ashley, look what mom gave dad for Christmas!" and she was so excited. It was 3 framed pictures of FSD. Then FSD says "Dad was so excited he almost cried". So she can be a total b*tch about pictures for 4 years, but then she does something nice and she's a hero. Then, she was supposed to e-mail me a picture for Father's Day so FSD could pick out a frame and give it to him as a gift. She never did even after FSD reminded her 3 times.

So, JNM, as you can see this is a sore subject for me. I don't think you're inappropriate feeling the way you do. I would, too. I would just not be buying any extra pictures anymore. Only buy the individual sheets you need.

I think it was wrong of bm to take something you paid for without asking permission.

And I am not sure about TOS's rich schools only charging $14 for school pic packages....mine usually start in the mid $20's and don't include much.

Ashley, when you said pictures are a sore subject for you, it reminded me of a case I had a few months ago. I was hired to serve a woman and I usually read the documents to see if there is any indication of violence. Well, this was a case of a man taking his ex wife back to court. Apparently, she was ordered to take all the pictures of their kids (from when they were married) and make copies so he'd have a set, since she kept the originals. I laughed to myself as the guy paid me $115 to serve his ex this lawsuit. It went from funny to very sad when I looked at the dates of the divorce and the ages of the kids. They had been divorced since the 1990's and all of their kids were grown up and both of them were remarried. After all that, here they are still fighting over pictures and I thought to myself... how miserable they must be when they are willing to spend that kind of money to stay engaged in a fight over pictures that if they were still together, most would be in a drawer somewhere. The lawsuit cost $320 to file, plus my fee and whatever other costs are involved. How ridiculous.

mom2emall, I have my SD's order sheet here. The cheapest package is $14 but gives 4 wallets & 4 half wallets.. that's it. The cheapest pack with a 5x7 is $34 and the most expensive package is $66. I went with a $40 package but if I had more than one to buy, I'd probably pass on paying that much for pictures. It's gotten ridiculous.

When my kids were in school, they would offer a discount for more than one package... usually 1/2 off the third package or more packages. There are no breaks here and there's a bunch of things to be added on, like retouching & personalized wallets and a portrait CD that has all the pictures in black & white, color & sepia.

I remember paying eight bucks for my older kids' school pictures. I just looked at this year's, and you get a 3x5, 2 2x3's, and four smaller ones and a class picture for $14. I don't care about her class picture - it is just a homeroom. I'll keep the 3x5, give my exH one of the 2x3's, and stick the smaller ones in a drawer somewhere. Another year, another poorly done picture. I (and my kids) get a lot more enjoyment out of pictures we take ourselves.

I too prefer pictures I took myself over school pictures. We don't usually even buy school pics, just order the class pic. Last year as a courtesy I told bm about school pics and gave her the option of ordering. She is the one who always made a huge deal that we did not order school pics and made a big case about it to my dh. She is the type of person that always got professional pics for each holiday and birthday and always ordered school pics.

But I do enjoy the activity/sports pics where the kids are in uniform with neat backgrounds.

Just got my sd's hs sport pic order form....cheapest package is $18 and includes 8 wallets and one 8 X 10 that is a "combo print" meaning half team pic and half individual pic. Any "extras" (more wallets, another 8 X 10, or 2 5 x 7's) are between $10-$15.

I buy school pictures and I give some to my EX I think he appreciates that and it is one small thing I can do to keep our relationship good.

DH's X and DH purchase their own packages which works out nicely for them.

The BM was absolutely out of line to take your photos from the backpack. Unless she paid for them, they are not hers. If she saw them and really wanted one, she should have given you a call and offered to purchase a couple from you.

I would definitely recommend that you let her know that the photos were purchased by you and that you had plans to distribute them. It's important to set boundaries regarding respect for your possessions. You could tell her to just keep the ones that you had intended for her, but return the ones that you had intended for other people.

We have similar problems with the Ex's on both sides. We have had book orders stolen from backpacks, along with gym clothes, school supplies and other stuff. We also have an arrangement with the teachers to never send any book orders home in the backpack. It's very stressful since we never know when something will end up being put in a backpack at school. I also hate new school years because it means breaking in a whole new set of teachers!

Sooo . . . today was picture day, and I caved. I ordered enough for mom and her family/step dad's family (though I don't know that they will still be a family by Christmas)
BM and SF are having rough times, BM's dad has been in and out of the hospital . . . I just felt like I was being pissy and that if the pictures brought a little happiness into their otherwise bleak day then I did the right thing.

This doesn't mean I'm not still resentful that it's become an expectation rather than acknowledged gift, and I'm still amazed and angered that BM had the balls to take pictures she hadn't paid for, but I figured I'm building my good karma so I might as well toss in another 8x10 and some more 5x7's.

FYI - the package cost me $30 - I prefer pictures I don't need a magnifying glass to see.