Things just went very bad...

19 years ago

Last night, to put it plainly all h*** broke loose.

I posted before that all of a sudden after the kids being with us and the ex barely even taking them for the weekends and what not wanted the kids to be with her for the school year. We have not been very happy about this because her responsibility level is low to non when it comes to the kids. However, there is not much that we could do about it. Also, the boys started football this year and the park is around the corner from our house (she lives almost 30 minutes away) and practice is every day from 6-8 sometimes 8 30.

Anyways, last night Dh called ex to find out if she was going to be at the park and if she was going to pick up the kids... (she didnt pick them up the night before and didnt even show up for practice) She said she was going to be there and was going to pick them up. Well, we realized that the pads for football were going to be at her house and since we are the ones that pick them up from school DH called her back to say that we would need to stop by our house to let them change real quick before going to her house. She called back in full attitude talking about they didnt have time to do that ... they needed to eat and get to bed because it was going to be so late. (This is what we have been telling her since she brought up having the kids during the school year)

One thing led to another during this call, apparently she told him he needed to be more consistant... To which he replied he has been the only consistant person their entire lives... name calling began and things ended up with her saying you want to see consitant .. dont pick them up from school... they wont be coming over anymore. Ofcourse, DH is beyond hot and now upset.

I am so angry and upset that this happened. It could not be more ridiculous. All of this because of trying to arrange to have the football pads before practice. I am so mad that DH didnt keep his cool and started getting into it with her... he let her egg him on and now to be perfectly honest I dont know what is going to happen. I am so mad at the both of them that once again they can not get past their own pettiness to work out things for the kids. I am inbetween wanting to cry and wanting to knock both of their heads together. I feel so helpless. I cant stand sitting here watching those two screw up everything that has been done for the kids and make things more complicated for them.... It is making me literally ill just thinking about it. I was standing in front of DH last night waving my hands and saying stop! dont do that! he ignored me and the thought crossed my mind to unplug the phone in the middle of the call. Maybe I should have. But, good lord... they are not children... they are grown adults and if you want to be specific they are both almost 10 years my senior . You would think a certain level of maturity would have set in by now...

I really just want to tell both of them to get over their crap and just do whats best for the kids. Ofcourse, the oldest was aware that his parents were arguing even though DH took the phone outside... it was fairly obvious what was going on ... so he got upset about it too.

This is so hard for me ... I have never been the type that can just sit back and watch something wrong happening and not step in and try to help or fix it. I just... The fact is I dont know.

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Comments (3)

vistajpdf
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Oh, I'm so, so sorry for this! I'm afraid, Mom of 4, that when it comes to these heated emotional battles, maturity and good sense go out the window. I'm also sorry the oldest had to witness this in part.

Just lend an ear to DH, offer support, but reiterate how this type of behavior is damaging to the kids. I'm sure it was largely her fault - esp. in his eyes, but what's 'right and wrong' really doesn't matter when the kids see such turmoil.

Again, sorry she's being so unreasonable. Is she remarried? I think when the ex's aren't, it often creates the feeling that they're put upon or put out in their opinions - maybe some jealousy to not be part of a partnership, etc.

Good luck,
Dana
mom_of_4
Original Author
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
she hasnt remarried... she has been with her boyfriend for almost a year and is living with him although when we have said she lives with her boyfriend in the past she flatly states she is not living there (her clothes are there, the kids clothes are there, she is there every single night)
I really dont know what that is all about. He is in the middle of a custody battle trying to make sure his ex girlfriend doesnt take his daughter out of state. I think some of her attitude and showmanship that has recently come is from him asking why she doesnt have the kids why she doesnt get child support and her version of being the victim and trying to make herself look good and apply her situation to his...
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cawfecup
19 years ago
last modified: 11 years ago
Mom of 4... this is my advice take it or not ... but DO NOT get in the way ...or try to appease either parent by running around getting the "stuff" they forgot or left at moms or dads that the children need. Let the parents do it they are going to battle over this its a pi$$ point on both sides. Its a way of marking their territory showing who has more control. I wish someone had told me not to be available to the them to do their running around .... If mom can't stop at the house for 15 minutes while they change then oh well she is responsible for dropping off the stuff at the house the next day before they need it. MY SC have a duffle bag they bring back and forth with stuff they need ... and they keep it in the nurses office at school until the end of the day.
We chased teddy bears blankets coats I will never chase anything again ... If they need it and she has it she is responsible for dropping it off where they need it. If they need it and we have it we are responsible for dropping it off where they need it.

I ran myself ragged getting their stuff ... So please do not chase their stuff let the parents take responsiblility for their stuff ... its going to take cooperation from both parents to work this out. But stay out of it ... do not offer to get any of it. I know you are thinking I am around I can do it whats the big deal ... but believe me it won't stop at football pads.

School year visitation is the most difficult for the kids because of "stuff" ... they forget their homework books whatever and if the parents can't cooperate its tough on the kids. But the kids will learn not to forget stuff ... eventually. Do not play hero and gather up their stuff ... let the parents do twice as much running around getting the stuff.

Things just went very bad...

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vistajpdf

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Things just went very bad...

Comments (3)

vistajpdf

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cawfecup

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mom_of_4
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