Thank you Rosie! That was such a nice thing to say to all of us. That's a great story to hear right now especially for me. My SS's BM just'gave up' (or as she puts it, wants to "sign him off") her son this weekend and we are taking him on full time starting yesterday. A big challenge for me, but stories like that are so encouraging. This little boy (my SS)had such a hard, abusive 6 years at home with his mom. We've just been waiting for her to mess up big time so we could raise him. Fortunately, it wasn't even that hard! Turns out she doesn't 'want' him anyway! Unbelieveable! I'm no miracle worker...but I just know I can overcome the challenges of being an instant custodial step-mom and enrich his life and give him a happy home. So maybe I can become a miracle worker for this little boy!!

Oh Kelo I'm sure you will be a great mother to your SS! I commend you, not many women are willing to do this.

I have been trying to find a way to get my SD, waiting as you said for her bio mom to scew up so we can take her. She threatens my SD all the time, with sending her to live with us, if she does this or that, like we're some kind of punishment. Says if she does poorly in her first quarter of school that she's signing her off. I wish there were an island for heartless people such as these. Just drop them all off, make them steril, and let them live the life they obviously want.

I totally agree with you about that island...lol. Yes, I consider her to be a criminal -- one of the worst kinds. The way she has messed up SS's life so far... it's unbelievable. Let alone the crap we take from her. We're adults though. We can see through it to who she really is and we can shelter ss completely from the hell she puts us through. SS is six though.... I don't even know what to tell him at this point, except that I love him... I'm not even sure if he knows what it feels like to be loved so much!

P.s. My SIL made me laugh the other day in response to this situation, first of all she says "It's not like your child is a 'car title' that you just sign off on!!" Thta shouldn't be hard for a mom to figure out, you'd think. And in regards to what to tell him about why his mom doesn't 'want' him anymore... "because she's a worthless piece of trash". lol. It was mean, but we needed to vent!!!!!

Congrats Kelo... I know you will do a fabulous job! SS is lucky to have you in his life.

Some people don't deserve to have children. It's too bad it's not something we can "regulate" or "control"...like getting your driver's license or applying for a loan. You should have to PROVE that you are ready and able and in the proper state of mind to have a child. It's just too easy...

Sometimes I wonder if it's better to have the skids full time. Is it easier with the BM out of the picture? All the "de-programming" the first couple of days after my skids are back with us are hard.

Anyway... please keep us updated with how things are going!

Thanks OZ. You have been so supportive to me. It's so nice. I will definitely keep updating the situation here on this forum because I'm going to lose my sanity if I don't. I went to bed last night (we already have him!!) thinking "I can't do this, I can't do this" as I listened to SS arguing with DH about something (he LOVES to argue... only way he knows how to handle things because of BM) and I woke up feeling the same way. THen I told SS to "have a good day kiddo" and patted him on the head as I headed out for work and he said so sweetly with a big smile "You have a good day TOO kiddo!!" with his buzz light year cereal falling out of his mouth.... and I thought... I can do this... I can do this!!

In regards to your question about BM being out of the picture... some things will DEFINITEly be easier. Like the behavioral stuff I think will iron out because we have so much structure and happiness in our home. Still will have to deal with quirky BM episodes such as calling our house and screaming at DH for giving him children's motrin because it "has sugar in it" and "makes him put toads in grandpas truck"... lol.... among other things! I guess we'll be able to laugh it off easier!

I am the custodial stepmom to four kids (3 girls and a boy)whose bio-mom is in and out of their lives. I love them all very much and think of them as my own. There are definate (huge) challenges involved with being a step-parent, but I wouldn't change my life for anything. For myself one of the main things that has helped through the rough patches is the amazing support and love I get from my DH. His kindness and sense of fairness have been such a blessing to our family. If that support was not there I would not be either. The other thing that has helped me is
always remembering that the kids are going to love their mom no matter what she does (as they should), and I hope that they always feel that way about her, for her sake as well as theirs. Sometimes it's hard not to get upset when she does something to hurt our kids, but I have to remind myself that I am a grownup and getting upset is not going to do anything but cause more damage, so I just listen to how the kids are feeling, offer hugs and love and remind them how much their mom really does love them. These kids have brought so much to my life and I am greatful for everyday that I get to spend with them. I am expecting my first biological child in early November, but when people ask me how may kids I have I am proud to tell them that this will be my fifth.

Candycane... That's a wonderful attitude. Im' going to need some role-models like you in my life now!! I think I am already grateful for having SS in my life... but very nervous right now.

I always have to bite my tongue when SS says his 'mommy doesn't love him" and insist that she does dearly. I have for two years now, even though I often have a hard time believing it myself!! But I know what you say is very true. Kids will love mom no matter what. Even if 'mom' doesn't deserve the title based on her repeated abuse. Even children who are physically abused will still defend their moms though, I've read. I would never put SS in a position where he would have to defend his mom though. As much as I hate her.... I'll make sure he never knows! I've always honored their relationship because I think that's important and someday, he'll look back on it and respect me for it. We always pick out a gift on mother's day together for him to give her. And every time he says "I hate my mom" or 'My mom is stupid or...doesn't love me" I talk to him about respect and tell him that his mom loves him very much. DH tells him too. I tell ya though, sometimes it's hard to be so 'grown-up'!! I'm thankful for places like these where I can come and vent.

A question to all... what do you think we should tell SS when he asks us why mommy told him that "he can't live there anymore" ???? Please help!!

p.s. candycane...I almost forgot... congrats on expecting... there are a few of us on this forum, including myself, who are hoping for biological children with our Dh's someday. *sigh* You are so lucky!

Kelo,
Thank you for the kind words, and the congratulations. DH and I got married last December and got a little surprise 6 weeks later (I was on the pill) but we are so happy and excited - and can't wait for the big day. The fact that you are happy and excited to welcome your DSS into your home tells me that you will be a wonderful "mom" to him. I have aquaintences that have told thier spouses that they don't mind the weekends but full time is out of the question. Being a full-time custodial step-parent is not for the faint of heart - LOL. I know what you mean about having to bite your lips when the kids complain about bio-mom - there are times I am so tempted to say you know what she is mean, and thoughtless, and selfish (I could go on and on), but I feel like thay are coming to me so that I can remind them how much she loves them, because it just doesn't feel like she does to them. It breaks my heart and privately brings me to tears. You sound to me like you are prepared (as prepared as you can be anyway) for everything that is about to come your way, and you will do a great job.
BTW DH and I tell our kids that the reason they live with us instead of biomom is that she loves them so much that she wants them to be in a place where she knows that they are safe and happy - and right now she knows that place is with us. When thay ask why that isn't with her, DH kindly asks them if that is what they would prefer, and they seem to understand without having to answer thier dad's question.
Kelo - Good Luck to you and God Bless.