Hi. Interesting name. You can just call me Wendy. Stepness sure can be strange. I wonder if I'll ever get used to it?

Wendy,
What kind of step are you.
Maybe I could help you if you have anything on your mind that you would like to share and get feedback on.
Have you read my reply I put in "Just Another Stepkid?"
My mom, Don_na_na, helped me come up with my name. We are from ARkansas.
AR_Dramaqueen

I became a stepmom when the two children were in their late teens. I have not had a baby, and never can, now. My DH has had two kids and does not have a driving need to adopt. I am now probably too old to adopt now, anyway.

That said, it's been important for me to bond with my stepson. I just discovered though, that although he likes me, he does not feel the need to spend time with me much more than a couple times a year. I thought we were going camping, but I just found out that he is going to visit my mother instead (without me), in a place that's nice to visit in the summer. I am very sad about it. I have told my mother how very important it is for me to spend time with him and his wife. She already has two children and three other grandchildren. I don't want to sound like a whiner, but I don't think many people truly know what it's like for me.

My step daughter has so many self-inflicted problems, and is often difficult to deal with. I mostly feel like I cannot deal with her.

Childlessness often feels like emptiness, when I am not absorbed, being too busy to think about it. I was feeling better before.

My mother became a stepmother to my step brother and sister 13 years ago. My brother was the age I am now, 18, and my sister had just had my nephew. She already had a 2 year old niece for me. I'm not sure exactly how old she was.
Mama had some problems with my brother at first,and we hardly ever saw my sister, she lived to far away to see very often. After a few years and a little getting used to eachother, they now both call my mother "mom."
As I said though, they did have some problems. My stepdad and I had a little bit of a rough start,too, due to the fact that I jumped on his back and pulled his hair when I saw him kiss my mom for the first time. I was 5.
I think it will all be ok for you though, with the steps. I understand how you feel about the baby, the steps are your kids but you didn't get to be there when they were growing up. You didn't get to have them run to you when they were scared or when they had their first loose tooth. If you want to adopt, talk to your husband. Explain things to him. He will probably understand. Maybe you can adopt afterall or foster parent. There are so many kids that need help if you can't have your own and are willing to love them.
hope I helped you feel better.
AR_Dramaqueen

Why not volunteer someplace with children who need you - Big Brothers/Big Sisters, a school, a library, a hospital? You can make a difference in a child's life without actually giving birth... what about foster parenting - is that something you could handle? I only ask if you could handle it because it may be quite difficult to let those children go once they are in your house. I am way too emotional - I couldn't do it!! I'd thought at one time about being a foster parent, but I'd become way too emotionally attached and then would just be a wreck when my time was up or when something went wrong. I'm not a good candidate for that and admire foster parents SO MUCH!!!!! I'd love to be able to make a difference like that.

Anyhow, just some rabling thoughts I guess...

Better yet - I have 5 kids, why don't I just ship a few to you for a while. I have an almost 5 year old you're welcome to anytime!! :-0 You'll change your mind in a hurry!! :-) Just kidding, I have great kids!

~P